Pairings:Stede/Ed, Ed/Izzy, Stede & Izzy learning not to completely hate each other
Tags: poly negotiations, no one in this show is okay, Ed just straight up failing to notice he’s been functionally married to Izzy for the past 30 years and should have checked first before getting a new boyfriend, Stede has no idea what polyamory is but he’s going to make these idiots talk about their feelings if it kills him, Ed Stede and Izzy are Lucius’s own personal soap opera, there’s hardcore BDSM going on just out of shot but this is mostly just people drinking tea and talking about their feelings
~*~
“You’re a fucking lunatic,” Ed says, and it sounds exactly as much like a compliment as it always should, coming from him. “God, I love you.”
“The feeling is entirely mutual, darling. Now for God’s sake, talk to your… your Izzy, before he shoots one of us.”
Pairings: Ed/Stede, Ed/Izzy, Stede & Lucius bromance, Stede & Izzy learning not to immediately murder one another on sight
Chapter: 3/5
Tags: poly negotiations, no one in this show is okay, Ed just straight up failing to notice he’s been functionally married to Izzy for the past 30 years and should have checked first before getting a new boyfriend, Stede has no idea what polyamory is but he’s going to make these idiots talk about their feelings if it kills him, Ed Stede and Izzy are Lucius’s own personal soap opera, there’s hardcore BDSM going on just out of shot but this is mostly just people drinking tea and talking about their feelings
~*~
Izzy rolls his eyes. “Tell Ed, next time he’s thinking about calling me a whore he can do it to my fucking face.”
Today I have decided that Edward took Izzy’s virginity in a very casual, one-off, “Yo, bro, let’s have sex” way, and poor Izzy’s been pining ever since.
I love everyone who’s into Steddy Hands but ALSO so many people are saying Stede/Izzys dynamic should be tolerating each other for Eds sake and doing threesomes but having no real love for each other and NO. NO my fics can’t end like that. You don’t understand.
They have one of the most interesting dynamics in the show. I’d put it right up there with Ed/Izzys, Ed/Stedes dynamic (hence this ship appealing to me so much) because like. Okay so first you’ve got their canon interactions:
“This isn’t over Mr Bonnet.” “Good. Because I kind of enjoyed it”
“He has terrible taste in lackies”
“His names Blackbeard DOG”
“Trouble in paradise”
“I stood up for you you little shit”
*homoerotically touches curtains* “plum the depths”
“DONT YOU EVER SHUT UP”
Okay and yes obvs it’s funny imagining them having to put up with each other for Ed BUT this dynamic??? It’s ripe for some enemies to lovers. I mean. They’re like. Weirdly obsessed with one another and HATE one another IMMEDIATELY - Blackbeards not in the picture yet and Izzy is CUTTING UP STEDES TOP TO MAKE HIS BOOBIES LOOK ALL SLUTTY. Hes lying to Ed about him for…what reason? Ed doesn’t care about stede at this point. It’s literally just bizzare random immediate grudge.
And it’s so much funner and compelling to me to watch them go from THIS to bickering but dealing with one another for Eds sake to OH MY fucking god I think I’m in love with that TWAT. Like. I just want them to get to that point. That’s what I want.
I want someone to insult Stede and Izzy to punch them out and he’s like…fuck. FUCK. shit. I actually cared that he was being shat on. Fuck.
I want Stede to be making tea and he realises he knows exactly how Izzy takes it and he has a lil breakdown because oh my god I know what that bastard likes to drink holy shit that’s basically a love language.
I want Stede to be like ‘this is Edward the love of my life and… *sigh* this is Izzy…also the love of my life ’
I want Izzy to be like 'yes Captain’ to Stede and then realise shit does he RESPECT this guy now what the fuck?
I want Stede to kiss eds cheek one evening in front of the crew and then kiss Izzys and Izzy decides not to stab him because…fine. maybe that was…Nice.
I want Izzy to be like…fuck this guy STILL can’t hold a sword properly. Get the FUCK over here Bonnet I’m teaching you how to sword fight.
I want Edward to walk in one day from being on deck to find Stede and Izzy cuddling and they just look up and GLARE and dare him to say anything and ACTUALLY I’m only laid here because it’s COMFORTABLE and I’m hoping Izzys arm goes to sleep and he SUFFERS– wait shit darling did your arm actually go to sleep here let me move over for you–
I want someone to be like 'hey Izzy - you still looking for someone to kill Bonnet?’ And izzy has to go 'unfortunately…no. I am in love with him. if u hurt him I will have to kill you I’m afraid. He’s a fucking idiot tho’
I want Izzy to realise that Stede actually IS good at fuckery and oh shit he loves TWO dramatic theatre kids he has a TYPE
I just. I don’t want the end game of steddy hands to be 'stede and Izzy put up with one another for Eds sake’ I want it to be 'they love one another actually and it fucking sucks but also its the best thing that ever happened to either of them’
“This is my boyfriend Ed and my other boyfriend Izzy”
[ID: OFMD fanart of Ed strangling Izzy. Ed is on top, lit in red tones and wearing the red silk robe. Only one bright eye is visible as his shadowed face stares down at Izzy. One of his hands clenches around Izzy’s arm, and his hair flows out below him, with two tendrils curling like tentacles. A glowing white circle backs his head.
On the opposite side is Izzy, who is toned in cyan. Ed’s other hand has a snake tattoo that looks like it’s biting Izzy as it strangles him. Izzy’s eyes are bright red, as is the blood on his teeth, and he grins with a pleasured look as many dark tentacles surround him. Izzy is backed by a glowing white ouroboros. The two are visually divided by a cyan wave. End ID]
