The wind stings and the rubbish swirls around their legs, nearly tripping them on multiple occasions. They’re soaked to the bone and the rain is blinding as thunder rolls overhead…
…they don’t see or hear the car skidding around the corner.
“Why are you afraid, O men of little faith?” These words of Our Lord are spoken to each one of us. Consider the things that frighten us. Many have been frightened of sickness, or they have feared those moments of illness which leave us isolated and alone in our suffering. Many people fear death, or the loss of financial stability, or the loss of worldly securities. Or perhaps we have been frightened that the church would be forced to close, and so we will be bereft of the Sacraments and sacramentals. The fear, though, is not so much a fear of the loss of these things but rather what they signify, which is salvation and life, closeness with God. And so, like the apostles, we might have thought that “we are perishing”, and the Lord appears to be asleep.
It is true that our voyage on the Barque of Peter right now seems stormy, and it might appear that the boat is “being swamped by the waves”. The Master, it seems, is asleep. There have probably been other moments when we have felt frightened and close to perishing: the unexpected trials and storms of life arise and threaten us, causing the frail flame of faith to gutter and flicker perilously; and we can be sure that still more will come our way. As the Lord says: “In the world you have tribulation.” (Jn 16:33)
But then the Lord goes on to say, reassuringly, “But be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Why, then, are we afraid? Why do we have so little faith. For the issue isn’t that we have no faith at all, but rather that we have too much fear, fear of the unknown, fear of what is to come, fear that we do not see as far ahead into the darkness as we would like. For the light of faith, therefore, seems too dim to penetrate the gloom that lies ahead. But recall the words of St John Henry Newman. Although beset throughout his life by uncertainties and oppositions and fears and difficulties, he also learnt that faith is often the gift of having just enough light, a little but persistently light, by which to take things just one step at a time. So he wrote: “Lead, Kindly Light, amidst th'encircling gloom, Lead Thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home, Lead Thou me on! Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see The distant scene; one step enough for me.”
I am reminded, then, of a game I used to play in school which was meant to teach us to trust in others. I’d be blindfolded, and somebody would have to lead me through a room to the door, going round various obstacles. I had to trust him, listen to him carefully, and trust that he would guide me out without allowing (too much) injury to befall me! It was always tempting to lift the blindfold, to just try and see which way we were going. But the goal of the game was to learn to trust in another. It was hard to trust a stranger or mere classmate, but easier if the person guiding me was a friend. So, too, with God and trust in Providence. If God remains a Stranger to us, and we are not familiar with his goodness, nor have we perceived his loving kindness to us, then it’s no wonder that we find it hard to trust him. But if we have befriended Christ, and we have become familiar with God’s Word and God’s ways, then it will be easier to let him guide us around the obstacles in life.
So, years ago, when I was discerning my vocation, a certain image came to mind and stayed with me: I was in a maze in a darkened room. And in one hand I had a torch light that I could put on at any time so that I could see where I was going. But with my other hand, I was being led by Christ who is the Light of the world, and who is the Way. Faith in God, and entrusting my future, my vocation, my life to him, then, was about letting him guide me through the maze of life. But every now and again, I would feel tempted to switch on the torch: I just had to know, so that I could see for myself what route to take, or how the future looked like. Only then would I trust in God and choose this vocation: when I knew for myself what it would look like and when I had the guarantees I needed. But whenever I was scared and tempted to turn the torch light on, I heard the Lord say: “Turn off the torch and let me be your light.” "Why are you afraid, O men of little faith?” says the Lord. “Am I not enough for you? Can you not see by my kindly light?”
For the issue then is not that we don’t have faith at all, but rather that we often prefer to guarantee things for ourselves, to have security, and we put our faith in our own plans, our own ingenuity and resources and our own works. Salvation, too, can become a matter of something that I frantically secure through my works, my plans, my desires. But faith, such as Jesus speaks of in the Gospel, is learning to calmly trust in the One who will not and has not abandoned us, even if he seems to be asleep. Faith is trusting that God knows the way forward, that his Providence governs all things at all time, most especially his own Bride, the Church. So, God sees the distant scene and he knows the route to the safe haven. Faith, then, is allowing Christ to lead us, to guide us one step at a time, and we must learn to trust in his Providence, his timing, his way forward, even if this takes us through a hurricane and whirlpools.
Yet, we need not fear so long as Christ is with us, as he promises to be. So he says at the end of St Matthew’s Gospel: “Lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age”, (Mt 28:20) and indeed, at the end of the Bible, Christ declares: “Do not fear what you are about to suffer… Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” (Rev 2:10) Be faithful, that is, full of faith, trusting in God’s Providence, God’s kindly light of faith. St John Henry Newman, therefore, had to learn to trust that Christ would lead him forward with the kindly, gentle, but maybe small light of faith. He writes: “I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou Shouldst lead me on; I loved to choose and see my path; but now Lead Thou me on!”
In this we see a surrender from the desire for knowledge of the future, the craving for surety and certitude, and effectively, control of one’s course, and this gives way to the only necessary certainty, which is that God holds all in his loving Providence, and that he is leading us on by his grace. For has the Lord not told us: “Even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows”? (Mt 10:30-31) So, “why are you afraid, O men of little faith?”
Therefore, let us pray, as Newman does, for an increase in faith; pray that we will allow God to lead us on, confident that he knows what he is about even when we don’t. For as the 14th-century English mystic Julian of Norwich said: “I saw that truly nothing happens by accident or luck, but everything by God’s wise providence. If it seems to be accident or luck from our point of view, our blindness and lack of foreknowledge is the cause”. So, let us open our eyes to see with the eyes of faith, as today’s Gospel shows, that God is with us; that he hasn’t abandoned us; that he is not passively nor uncaring asleep, but rather he calls us to keep our gaze upon him, to pray with confidence, and so to trust in his power to save.
Hence St John Henry Newman says: “Such is God’s rule in Scripture, to dispense His blessings, silently and secretly; so that we do not discern them at the time, except by faith, afterwards only… Now consider how parallel this is to what takes place in the providences of daily life. Events happen to us pleasant or painful; we do not know at the time the meaning of them, we do not see God’s hand in them… Wonderful providence indeed which is so silent, yet so efficacious, so constant, so unerring! This is what baffles the power of Satan. He cannot discern the Hand of God in what goes on… Crafty and penetrating as he is, yet his thousand eyes and his many instruments avail him nothing against the majestic serene silence, the holy imperturbable calm which reigns through the providences of God.”
Yes, unlike the Devil, he who loves God, the true child of God, has a calm and imperturbable confidence in God’s mercy, God’s providential power, God’s saving grace. So the psalmist says that, with hope in the Lord, his soul is calm and quiet “like a child at its mother’s breast” (Ps 131:2) Consequently, Julian of Norwich, knowing that nothing escapes the wise Providence of God, was able to declare in her Revelations of Divine Love that ultimately “all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” So let us not be afraid, O we of little faith. Rather, say: “Lord, increase our faith, and lead Thou me on!”
!TW! storms, yelling, cursing, mentions of injury !TW!
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Y/n’s POV
It was rather stormy when I awoke, huh still night, I think looking at the clock which says 4:00. It has been about three weeks since Dream and I had first met. Despite, what I thought, was a pleasant first meeting he still seemed closed off to the idea of meeting other people. We had only one other conversation, besides ‘hello’ and 'how are you?’, Amara had escaped again and gotten into his backyard again.
CRACK! I jump at the sound of thunder striking. “I know right, it’s very scary,” I whisper to Ama, who is less bothered by the thunder than I am. Ama jumps off of the bed and spins in a circle, staring at me expectantly. “All right I will let you out,” I say with a sigh. “But not for long, it sounds bad out there,” I mumble standing up. I grab my blanket and wrap it around me before waddling to the backdoor, Ama trotting next to me. “Please hurry,” I shout at Ama over the wind, as she rushes outside. I go into the kitchen to grab something to drink, after realizing how parched I am. Grabbing the glass of water and quickly gulping it down. Setting the glass onto the count with a clink, thunder strikes. I jump slightly, walking back over to the back door realizing that Ama should be done by now. The door pushes back at me, the wind making it hard to keep open. “Ama! Come on girl!” I shout looking for her in the dark.
BANG! thunder strikes again, still not seeing Ama I start to get worried. “AMA! WHERE ARE YOU!” not caring, I drop the blanket and rush outside, not bothering with anything but a flashlight. I scan the yard not seeing her, but… there is a hole in the fence. My breathing is speeding up realizing she could get hurt in the storm right now. I run at the fence and jump over it, my leg getting cut by the broken wood. Adrenaline running through me I rushed to follow her footsteps that had been left in the mud. I start sprinting my legs moving faster than I could have ever thought. Ama had always been with me even when I was a kid. She is old and fragile. Before she was a service dog for me as a child. Hell, she cared for me before my parents did. I rush through the mud, my feet being scraped by loose rocks. I am bleeding somewhere and my leg is throbbing with warmth, most likely the blood. I see that her footprints are covered by a fallen tree. “AMA! WHERE ARE YOU GIRL! PLEASE!” I shout my voice gravelly and cracking. I hear a faint bark, whipping my head in the direction of running over there. I see Ama there her leg is caught under the tree. “AMA!” I say kneeling, “what happened girl-” CRASH! Another tree falls near us. The tornado siren starts sounding off. “Come on!” I yell shoving my hands under the tree trying to move it off of her. It gives slightly and Ama starts whining, “it’s ok you will be fine soon, just hang in there girl,” I finally get the tree off. Hoisting her over my shoulder I start in the direction of my house, SNAP! The tree in front of us falls it gets my leg, “FUCK!” I scream the pain shooting through me.
“HELLO IS ANYONE THERE!” I hear someone shout. It sounds familiar though it’s hard to hear. My hair is whipping into my face now wet from the rain.
“OVER HERE… please” I whisper the last part, trying to tug my leg from the tree. I see someone approach me. It looks like Dream, oh it is him. I’m tired but Ama needs help.
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Dream’s POV
“Oh Gods,” I say to myself, seeing heron the ground, blood covering her leg and arm. I move quickly over to the tree and throw it off of her. She lets out a pained cry. Her leg doesn’t look broken, fortunately. Picking her up, cradling her head near my shoulder I make sure her dog is following us. I scramble back to my home. I open the door, Ama I think it was, limps in, and lays down on the floor. I bring her into the bathroom and lay her in the bathtub getting the water started. I delicately spray her leg and arms. Getting off all of the blood.
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Y/n’s POV
I am barely conscious but the stinging on my leg wakes me up, I jolt a little.
“Hey, are you awake?” Looking at the voice I see Dream he is soaked as well. So he was the one to save me.
“Is Ama ok,” I mumble.
“Yes, she is just in the other room. Do you think you can take a shower and change so I can check out your injuries without intruding?” He says, I nod my head. “Ok there are spare clothes in the closet, just take some, I will be just outside the door if you need me.” He says standing up and grabbing some bandages I could only assume we’re for Ama while I was in here.
Once he leaves I hoist myself onto my feet and limp up to the showerhead fixing it back onto the stand. It sprays over me and I close the curtain. I grab some soap and clean all the cuts I find. Hissing once I clean my leg, it feels like it’s on fire. I smell the soap, it smells like him, no I have only met him a couple of times don’t be weird Y/n. I think slapping my cheeks which are heating up. I set the soap down and turn the shower off. As I step out I limp over to the closet he mentioned earlier. I grab a white shirt and black sweatpants. Carefully changing into them, after drying off. Proceeding out into the rest of his house low and behold there he is waiting for me on his couch, it looks like Ama is sleeping on the carpet and bandaged. Dream is in a change of clothes despite his hair still being wet.
“Are you feeling better,” he questions me.
“Yes, thank you Dream,”
“Of course, though I don’t mind if you call me Clay if I get to know your name. I don’t believe I got it before,” he says, grabbing the first aid kit.
“The name is Y/n, Clay,” I say, chuckling to myself realizing I hadnever given him my name.
“As much as I know you don’t want to, I need to bandage your leg. It was looking pretty banged up due to the tree.” I looked down, at the now covered leg, which was starting to hurt more as the adrenaline was wearing off.
“Yes yes, here,” I say, trying to suck it up, setting my leg on the table. He gently rolls up the too-large pant leg. I feel him start to put a cream or something on it, clenching my fist at the pain. My heart is beating out of my chest when he starts to wrap it with gauze. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“Are you all right?” Clay asks me. I stiffly nod, trying not to focus on the pain. My eyes close tightly.
“Do you think I could stay here until the storm subsides,” I question, sleep creeping into my voice.
“Of course! Would you like to sleep in the spare room?”
“Yes! That would be lovely. Thank you again,” I say, feeling my eyes starting to droop.
“This way,” Clay says, standing and helping me up. We walk down the hallway still holding hands. His hands are warm, dry but warm. “Here we are,” he opens the door and I throw myself onto the bed. I instantly fall asleep.
—–
Thank you for reading and thank you for waiting! Hope you enjoy it! (:
there’s a storm on the horizon, too broad to fathom. the wind has picked up, sent raindrops running across the windows. (come home, love, ride out the storm with me.)
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