The superhero genre became spectacularly worse and stupider when it went from comics to cinematic universes, and boythat’s saying something.
I gave up Marvel circa Civil War, a choice that proved a resounding success. (I gave up DC earlier, the lesser-known ones a bit later. Honestly the question would be why I ever bothered in the first place, and the answer is “because I love comics SO MUCH as a medium, and superheroes are a small but important part of it.) I flipped the table and I don’t even want to HEAR about this genre any more a few years ago, when… some superhero [apologies for the brainfart, I forget everything at the best of times and this is something I actively tried to repress] was for once shown to tackle systemic violence – specifically, police brutality – and went around breaking fingers of racist cops, and then he came round and stopped doing that because, you’re not gonna believe this, VIOLENCE BEGETS VIOLENCE. That was the moral of the story. And that was the context in which they chose to insert that particular moral, the one time somebody went after cops instead of criminals. In a genre whose fundamental convention is “person gets superpowers and becomes extra good at beating people, and promptly puts on a mask and a spandex AND BEATS PEOPLE”.
See why I tried to repress it? I am fuming as we speak. I am unspeakably angry. Fuck this shit.
All the kids in school are talking, and they’re talking about him, Sheldon la Poer. There’s much buzz, much gossip, there are rumors and there are secrets… but what’s the truth?
Discover this, and much more, in the new chapter of “Bloodhound, the man without silence”. Don’t miss it ;)
You are a supervillain who has just captured your rival’s child. Rather than being afraid, they’re begging you to let them stay.
Frankly, you’d known those idiots had had a kid for years now. You’d pretended not to, because while you’d committed a lot of atrocities in your life, you weren’t willing to face the moral quandary of whether you would knowingly kill a child just to spite its parents.
They probably thought they were being clever though, what with the blaming you for an injury you knew damn well you’d never given keeping one of them out of commission for a few months, then references to what they would ‘leave behind’ or ‘could not follow’ when in the latest death trap. One of them had accidentally pulled a pacifier out of their utility belt once, and tried to pass it off as being prepared for any young children they came across while rescuing.
Idiots.
Still, you had standards. Standards that fell somewhere past war crimes and before common decency, but they were standards.
I snap my fingers. You now can’t move but feel me take your arms and start to pose you, folding your hands into fists. Fists on your hips. I lift your chin, your gaze held high, in a classic superhero pose. SNAP. Your thoughts are now gone as I admire my new action figure toy!
Daredevil Battles Hitler might be my favorite comic cover of the 1940s, and is in my upper echelon for comic covers in general. I mean - just look at that thing! Art by Charles Biro and Bob Wood, says here, though I suppose you could argue AloisandKlara contributed, too. I’d never actually seen the back cover until I put this post together, so was unaware of all the other Lev Gleason Publications heroes shilled there.
To my surprise and relief, this summary says Real American Number One was an actual Native American hero/attorney, not just some white guy who decided to dress up for vigilantism. Can’t vouch for the stories myself, of course, but they’re there to download. No need to feel guilty about getting ‘em, either, as everything Lev Gleason published is now in the public domain.
Pictures ganked from a completed auction on the Heritage Auctions website, cropped/Photoshopped to dispense with the plastic clam-shell the issue now resides in.
A character whose power is generally labelled ‘seeing the future’ by other characters, but is actually just fourth wall breaking and a very good knowledge of tropes and storytelling.
***
“Okay, so we have to get in there to save the hostages, but there are armed guards everywhere and the building will blow up in three minutes. Any ideas?”
“Send in Stormgirl.”
“… Er… Jessica? Stormgirl is the weakest and least experienced one on the team. I’m pretty sure her secret identity is literally a high school student. She got her powers last week.”
“Exactly! They’re not gonna kill her off now, are they?”
***
“Hey! Red Shadow, how are things between you and The Black Cat?”
“Same old same old.”
“Are you ever going to get round to asking her out?”
“No. Jessica says that if we ever progress beyond 'will they won’t they’ unresolved sexual tension, one of us will be killed.”
“Fuck. Bad luck mate.”
***
“Why is Jessica crying over Torpedoman?”
“He had an unexplained coughing fit like five minutes ago, and now she says he’s gonna die within the week.”
“Shit. Poor guy.”
“Yeah, we just got his merchandise set up as well.”
***
“Okay, Sharkageddon, that all seems to be in order. We’ll be glad to have you on our team— although you are going to have to change your costume.”
“What? Why? Is it too similar to another hero’s or something?”
“No, no, it's… it’s our clairvoyant, Jessica. She gets very upset if any of us wear red shirts out in the field. Best not to ask why.”
#jessica is her superhero name btw #her real name is something really symbolic and protagonisty like #sybil portent #or cassandra voyant #and her choice of hero name was absolutely an act of revenge
Blue Thunder had fought many criminals ever since he had touched down on this planet and learned his abilities weren’t like anybody else’s. While he saved Celestia City weekly from giant robots and insane megalomaniacs, he also rounded out the lowlifes, the carjackers, and those types of criminals. The police force usually thanked him for his help, the force only consisting of a few people. Blue Thunder was more than happy to help, until the police called him and explained why they needed his help today.
“It’s this hypnotherapist, Dr. Clay Bournemouth. We’ve received a number of reports that Dr. Bournemouth does stuff to his patients while they are under, sexual stuff. Thankfully, all of them are over 18, but what Dr. Bournemouth is doing is despicable. We have enough evidence to arrest him, but we’re afraid of what might happen if the force ourselves tries to do it.”
“I understand, Commissioner. He’ll be in a jail cell in under two hours, you have my word.” After getting the address of the hypnotherapist’s office, Blue Thunder flew away and went to confront the man. As he flew across Celestia City, he was actually a bit worried. Even though he had fought a number of different enemies before, they never involved hypnosis, mind control, or anything similar. He knew that some other superheroes had weaknesses to that, and he hoped he wasn’t one of them.
Blue Thunder flew straight into the office, breaking the window. This Dr. Bournemouth didn’t deserve an entry through the front door. “Ah, I’ve been expecting you, Blue Thunder. I thought it might have been the stupid police, but I see they sent you first!”
“You’re under arrest, Dr. Clay Bournemouth!” Blue Thunder supersped towards the hypnotherapist, but before he could grab Clay, he was stopped in his tracks by the man just putting up a finger. “What the fuck is going on here?”
“Oh, I’ve been emitting a weak signal from the antenna on top of the building for months. It’s specially tuned to your alien DNA. It allows me to weakly control your muscle movement with my fingers. I know a big strong man like you will probably resist after some time, so that is why I also need to conventionally hypnotize you. Here, have a seat, Blue Thunder.”
“You’ll never fuckin’ get away with you, you bastard!”
“I believe I already have!” Blue Thunder was literally powerless to resist as Clay pointed to the couch and finger walked with his other hand, the superhero forced to do what the hypnotherapist commanded. “Keep your eyes open, Blue Thunder, and listen closely to what I’m about to tell you. You will find yourself falling slowly under my control. Every second, every word I say, you will find yourself falling deeper and deeper under my control. You want to keep listening to my voice as it brings you deeper and deeper under my control.
“You love listening to my voice. You love obeying my voice. In fact, obeying my voice makes you feel good, turns you on. You will get hard when you obey my voice, Blue Thunder. We all know you have a cock down there. Your cock will get hard when you obey my voice, Blue Thunder. You are now a gay cock slut. You love cock, both in your mouth and in your hole. You want to service other men’s cocks, you want to taste their sweet cum.
“Having sex with men is better than fighting crime. You will feel more of a rush with cum in your mouth than punching a criminal to the ground. You will do all of this because it means you are obeying my voice. Whenever you are obeying my voice, it makes you feel good inside, Blue Thunder. Don’t you want to feel good inside? Don’t you want to have sex with men and let all that pent-up sexual energy out?”
“Yes, doctor. I am just a gay cock slut.”
“Excellent. I think a gay cock slut like you should start sucking on my cock, right?”
“Yes, doctor.” Clay had an evil grin on his face as he stood up and unzipped his pants, snaking his cock out. It was absolutely massive, and getting more and more erect by the second. The fact that Blue Thunder had dropped to his knees and opened his mouth wide certainly wasn’t helping. Once Clay was fully erect, Blue Thunder started sucking off the hypnotherapist. He picked up on the nuances of a blowjob quickly, and even sucked faster than a normal human ever could, causing some immense pleasure for Clay.
The blowjob itself lasted a few minutes. Clay would have came in less than a minute, but he used that time to teach the newly slutty superhero what he and other men would want in a blowjob. Blue Thunder was introduced to ball squeezing, perineum touching, and how fast was too fast to suck a regular human’s cock off. Eventually, Clay came in the superhero’s mouth. He had came a number of times today already, in other male patients’ mouths. However, none of them looked as hot as Blue Thunder, Clay’s cum leaking from his mouth and onto his superhero suit.
Clay snapped a picture and sent it to the police. He chuckled as Blue Thunder gave him his private number, the number he could call at any time and Blue Thunder would come and rescue him. It didn’t seem as though this superhero had a secret identity, but Clay didn’t need to worry about that. He had a literal fucking superhero at his beck and call, and a slutty gay cock slut at that!
