‘You’re the annoying public defender that keeps making up incredibly implausible defenses for your criminals and I don’t know how you can make me laugh in court while I’m working against you, especially since you come up with the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard, how come everyone keeps buying it? Being funny shouldn’t be a move in court, but it somehow works for you. Well, you just wait until we have another trial together, I’ve been reading up on mastering puns and I will slay you’ au
fic I’m reading: *the otp, on an unwilling adventure together, arrive at an inn*
me: please let there only be one room available please let there only be one room available
fic: “I’m afraid there’s only one room available”
me: please let it have only one bed please let it have only one bed
fic: there is only one bed
me:
update: there is actual bedsharing and I am on fire, why am I like this, why do I want to die every time I read the same fucking trope over and over and over and over
Imagine person A is hardcore crushing on B, and fantasizes about their relationship so much they often refer to the both of them as a couple and say “I love you” at the end of their phone calls accidentally
Travis the clumsy mail-carrier put Person A’s porn mag in Person B’s mail compartment and they have to deliver it by hand because Person A’s mail compartment is locked
Character A is a firm non-believer in anything relating to religion, the supernatural, or anything that cannot be proven by hard science. Character B is a ghost that’s been haunting Character A for what feels like ages, and they are so fed up with Character A’s “too cool for ghouls” attitude.
When Character A advertises that they’re in need of a roommate to split the rent with, Character C (a self-proclaimed medium) takes up the offer. Upon meeting Characters A and B, and feeling all of the bad energy between them, Character C deticates themself to doing a sort of “couples therapy” for them, and helping Character A realize that yes, ghosts really do exist.
MY SISTER JUST GOT HIT ON BY THE CHEF AT THE RESTAURANT WE’RE AT VIA THE WAITRESS I’M DYING
THE WAITRESS GOT MY SISTER’S NUMBER FOR THE CHEF AND THEN PROCEEDED TO GUSH ABOUT HIM TO MY SISTER AND THEN A SECOND WAITRESS DID THE SAME AND THEN THE FIRST ONE TOLD US MY SISTER WASN’T ALLOWED TO ORDER DESSERT BECAUSE IT WAS TAKEN CARE OF AND THEN HE MADE HER A TASTING PLATE OF EVERY DESSERT ON THE MENU AND THEN HE CAME OUT AND HE WAS SO NERVOUS AND IT WAS REALLY SUPER SWEET.
More men should present dessert plates when trying to hit on a woman.
I’m desperate for a Snape time travel fic of him as a 21 year old, just after Lily’s death. He has none of the moral development he had in canon, so he’s still the Snape who doesn’t give a single shit about anyone but himself and Lily, and still shares their beliefs regarding blood purity. However, he now knows that the DE are a Bad Idea, and that they and Lily cannot coexist. Normally such a realization would lead him to join the group that opposes them (i.e. Dumbledore), but Dumbledore would have already shown that he can’t keep Lily safe. So what the fuck would he even do? It’s a concept with a lot of potential imo.
Listen here, slowburn idea coming up! (Might’ve been done before) Hitman Peter Parker was hired to kill the king, Tony Stark. He tries and even gets very close to it, but for some reason he just can’t do it. Tony doesn’t seem to be scared of dying, he even jokes around with Peter maybe. Peter can’t do it and has to come back another time to try again. But each time, he spends more time talking to Tony than actually trying to kill Tony. They eventually fall in love and end up being lovers.
Idk this is probably lame but this just popped into my head and I had to post it before I forgot
A character whose power is generally labelled ‘seeing the future’ by other characters, but is actually just fourth wall breaking and a very good knowledge of tropes and storytelling.
***
“Okay, so we have to get in there to save the hostages, but there are armed guards everywhere and the building will blow up in three minutes. Any ideas?”
“Send in Stormgirl.”
“… Er… Jessica? Stormgirl is the weakest and least experienced one on the team. I’m pretty sure her secret identity is literally a high school student. She got her powers last week.”
“Exactly! They’re not gonna kill her off now, are they?”
***
“Hey! Red Shadow, how are things between you and The Black Cat?”
“Same old same old.”
“Are you ever going to get round to asking her out?”
“No. Jessica says that if we ever progress beyond 'will they won’t they’ unresolved sexual tension, one of us will be killed.”
“Fuck. Bad luck mate.”
***
“Why is Jessica crying over Torpedoman?”
“He had an unexplained coughing fit like five minutes ago, and now she says he’s gonna die within the week.”
“Shit. Poor guy.”
“Yeah, we just got his merchandise set up as well.”
***
“Okay, Sharkageddon, that all seems to be in order. We’ll be glad to have you on our team— although you are going to have to change your costume.”
“What? Why? Is it too similar to another hero’s or something?”
“No, no, it's… it’s our clairvoyant, Jessica. She gets very upset if any of us wear red shirts out in the field. Best not to ask why.”
#jessica is her superhero name btw #her real name is something really symbolic and protagonisty like #sybil portent #or cassandra voyant #and her choice of hero name was absolutely an act of revenge
I’ve been binging video essays on the Metal Gear franchise recently because literary analysis is a pit as deep as the depression my mind finds itself mired in, and I came up with an idea for a new Metal Gear game.
Set almost two hundred years in the future, mankind has finally begun to colonize the stars. Governments still exist, but they are all but shells. All the power is now concentrated in the hands of a few megacorporations, keeping the masses happy with an endless stream focus tested of entertainment slurry as they divide up the stars for themselves.
But then, the worst case scenario happens. An alien invasion strikes, and humanity is thrust back into war. One corporation goes back to the drawing board and uses their advanced technology to resurrect Les Infant Terribles. Using the last remaining bit of Big Boss’s DNA they create a final clone: Echo Snake.
Thrust into a sci-fi cyberpunk hellscape, Echo Snake is tasked with turning the tide against the alien threat. But he is no secret like his predecessors. His exploits are televised. he is a celebrity. The megacorporations sell his merch. He becomes a commodity to be bought and sold.
Throughout the first half of the story, Echo Snake will make friends and allies. Cyborgs and genetically mutated warriors, all with express purpose of fighting this infinite cosmic threat, and making the Megacorporations money.
But, midway through the game, the terrible truth is revealed: There are no aliens. There is no invasion. Only a series of proxy battles and sham fights crafted for the express purpose of manufacturing conflict for the megacorporations to make money off of. And you, Echo Snake? You’re just another product, created to cash in on the legend of Snake and Big Boss. Nostalgia sells, after all.
Cast aside and left for dead, Echo Snake is rescued by a band of colonists on the moons of Jupiter who nurse him back to health. These colonists are not a part of any listed colony. They are, in fact, rebels, trying to make a life free of the megacorporations.
With renewed purpose, our hero casts off the name Echo Snake, and takes up the name Ghost Snake, the Phantom of History.
The second half of the game is dedicated to fighting the megacorporations, and exposing their dirty laundry. Those allies you made in the first half become your enemies, unable to break free of the corporate shackles around their necks. You are forced to put them down.
in the end, you strike a devastating blow against the megacorporations, exposing the truth of the aliens and assassinating a good portion of their leadership. But the fight has only just begun, after all: The More War Changes, the More it Stays the Same.
The idea that has had an absolute vice grip on me lately is a skk fic where they can’t actually kill each other. Call it soulmates or just something inherently inexplicable, but if they kill each other, whoever was killed will just regenerate at their side immediately. Of course, once this is discovered, it’s a fantastic tool in Port Mafia’s favor and Mori is absolutely insistent that they keep working together.
Which would be fine if it didn’t mean having to repeatedly kill the person they’re secretly in love with.
It makes sense, of course. It’s a ruthless strategy, but it works. If either of them is ever captured, the other simply has to sneak in, kill them, and get the hell out. It’s much easier to sneak out one healthy person than to try to free someone who is likely injured from torture and drag their half dead ass out. Just kill him and go, he’ll be back at their side before they even make it out the front door. They gain a reputation, of course. They’re tricksters with a strategy that nobody understands because no matter how many times the enemy has seen them kill each other, they’re both always alive.
But the thing is, nobody understands why they can do this and nobody knows if there’s a limit to how many times they can kill each other before the timer runs out and that final death becomes permanent. The toll of repeatedly killing the person you love without knowing if their blood is going to permanently stain your hands really starts to wear on them both. (Especially since the whole “person you love” thing is a secret because the stakes are too high for either of them to confess). So Dazai does what he does best: he pushes Chuuya away with the good intentions of protecting Chuuya’s heart.
But it doesn’t work because Chuuya loves him fiercely and loyally and whatever it is that ties them together isn’t at all broken by their distance. If anything, when the other one is in trouble, they’re filled with this unspeakable dread and a sense of where they absolutely must go, no matter what. The only thing that makes them feel worse is trying to ignore that feeling when it hits. So they meet up every few weeks or months when one of them gets in too deep and the other has to come to their aid. And it certainly doesn’t hurt less to see each other every time— it hurts more.
But they don’t know how to navigate this— how to protect and love each other without being a burden to each other (or becoming even bigger pawns for Mori or someone else to exploit). But no matter what happens, they’re drawn together, racing against the clock and both wishing for a happy ending that neither one thinks they deserve.
It’s going to be angsty, of course. And unbearably painful in the only way that repeatedly losing your lover can be, even if they always come back. It will have a happy ending because everything has to have a happy ending.
But yeah, I’m gonna write this. It already has a title, too. So be on the lookout for “The last thing I want to do is hurt you (but it’s still on the list)”.
Ray Vecchio could wake up in a giraffe exhibit, with a suitcase full of diamonds and teddy bears, wearing a kilt and a princess crown with no memory of the day before and would be sure, positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that this somehow involved Benny. This was somehow all Benny’s fault.
And Benny would have (in his mind) a perfectly reasonable explanation and “really, Ray, there’s no need to get so worked up. This was all in the name of justice, after all, and as an officer of the law-”
“STOP TALKING, BENNY!”
“I’m cold, I’m damp, there’s a draft up my skirt-”
“It’s a kilt, Ray.”
“I have a draft up my kilt, and I just stepped in giraffe poo.” Ray moans. “I just want to go home.”
How do i call my family assholes and shitbags in a family-friendly manner so I can share it to my very conservative teacher?
my guardians have their issues, and while their parenting style lacks, they’re okay.
in that case,
I have know idea even though I also have a chosen family IM SORRY
eyyyy, chosen family gang!
ITS NOT THAT MY FAMILY SUCKS
its just sometimes you cant choose who you were born as, but you can choose who your going to be.
Yeah, I understand that it’s not that you’re entire family are bad. I have a lot of good family, but I still created a chosen family because I didn’t live in the same country as any of my bio fam.
a chosen family are the people that chose to be with and love you, and everyone deserves to have that even if they have a great blood family.
Ok off topic, i know what you mean by blood family, but my mind couldn’t help but go to like a horror-esque family of people covered in blood leaking out of numerous wounds.
Actually, yes, this is exactly how a chosen family is like. Instead of getting together for christmas or birthdays annually like biological families, we gather once every blood moon to sacrifice our blood and one of our shitty family members to the greek god of family and requited love, Anteros.
where ao3 link?
ooga booga need that story now
my brain is already ticking on the characters
i get the vibe of vampires from this story, but i feel like that would be too much like “what we do in the shadows” and i would want to rip off the wonderful waititi. I think i’m going to go with just a normal group of people based losely on the personalities of the addams family except it’s found family, queer, and all of them are canonically autistic.
i am open to requests in plot and/or characters
Make them all hemophiliac but have insane blood production metabolisms. So like whenever they get even a papercut or a little scruff, it bleeds like hell but somehow they never bleed out, they just keep bleeding more blood then should reasonably be inside a human body. Otherwise normal family, except for all the gore jokes they crack all the time.
Once a year the Ton hosts an event. It was called All Soul Mates Day. It was a day where all the blessed fountains in all the chapels would turn a greenish blue color and one just has to drop a smooth stone into the water and when picked back up - it will have the name of the person who is deemed to be your soulmate. So when Colin convinced himself that it would be Marina’s name - he and Marina go to the fountains to prove his family wrong; however, things go awry when it was Penelope’s name that is carved onto his stone.
