It feels surreal. It feels right in a way that makes her heart hurt. Her cousin keeps close to her and Hinata can now talk without inhibition, without worrying. She talks about whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Neji doesn’t usually smile, has never been one to even smirk. But his tone is soft and he searches for her, probes her with questions.
They have started talking about their time back in the Hyuga clan and although it is obvious they are still apprehensive about it; although their eyes wander when the topic is reached; although the silences are longer and the words get lost more often. They talk.
Hinata guesses it is her fault she lets her guard down. The days are calm, her baby is healthy, she manages to catch Neji smirking once and Naruto is supposed to reach the Two-Tails territory within the week. Which means he’ll be back soon now. Sooner than when he left. Sooner than yesterday.
Hinata is walking through the hallways lost in thought. Trying to keep herself from worrying about her husband and focusing on her health and her baby. The maid that rushes to her looks agitated and she opens and closes her mouth for a while before saying anything.
“We have sent word to Lord Shikamaru,” she starts, her hands in front of her, her fingers pinching at each other. “Lady Mito, Lord Minato and Lord Jiraiya are outside the compound on business, and,” she looks at Hinata as if asking for forgiveness and Hinata only grows more apprehensive by the second, “we have sent for Lord Neji, too, he should be arriving any second now-”
“Wait,” Hinata interrupts and the maid catches her breath, her lips closing together in a thin line, “what- what happened?”
The maid is reluctant, she looks at Hinata with her brows furrowed and her gaze fixes on her lady’s white eyes.
Hinata rushes to the guest room, then slows. The maid at her side follows her every movement and matches them accordingly. It only makes Hinata more nervous.
She ought to go and meet her father.
She could also let Neji handle everything and hide in her room-
-wait in her room.
She stands there a second too long, the maid stands close to her, then closer. Her voice is tinged with worry. “Maybe we should wait for Lord Neji, my lady.”
And in any other tone of voice maybe Hinata would have powered through. At any other point in her life, maybe she would have felt a surge of rebellion and walked alone. But this is another time, and the maid at her side doesn’t look away when Hinata turns to her.
There is no irk in her eyes, no contempt.
Hinata nods and tries her hardest to keep her thoughts from going haywire. It doesn’t work. Neji comes find her with his hair disheveled and his breath labored.
“Lady Hinata,” he breathes, and they share a look so heavy she wishes Neji could tell her they don’t need to- that they don’t have to-
“You don’t have to do this,” he finishes.
Hinata’s stomach turns. And leave him again to face this on his own?
“I can meet Lord Hiashi on my own-”
“B-but…”
“It is different with me.”
He frowns and as he gets closer he reaches for her arms. Hinata knows he’s right.
“You know it.”
She does. And she wishes she could accept this without having so much trouble. She wishes she could keep her father away from her. She wishes it didn’t hurt her to deny him.
But it does. Somehow, for some reason, the moment she heard he was here her first instinct was to go to him. Somehow, without her being able to understand why, thinking of disappointing him is out of the question.
“I… I want to g-go.”
She averts her eyes, because she can’t face her cousin now. Neji squeezes her arm and his next words are low, a whisper.
Her father is sitting in the room with an air around him that shows no emotion. Hinata’s steps falter at the sight, but his gaze doesn’t follow. His eyes are fixed in front of him, and Hinata is only able to look him in the eyes when she’s sitting and Neji is next to her, a little behind. A guard. An assistant.
She waits for a signal. Loses herself in the white eyes of her father and realizes that she is the one who has to start talking when the silence drags on far too long for comfort.
Her father remains silent and Hinata wonders if he would keep on being silent even if she decided to keep quiet.
She doesn’t. The role of being a good host ingrained in her body.
“Father,” she says. Her breathing controlled, her body perfectly positioned. “It is good to s-see you again.” She winces as she stutters, fears a berating coming.
“It is good to see you again, too.”
It’s weird. Seeing her father waiting for her to speak first. Being in a position where she controls the situation.
It’s weird. Because she thought that even in here, even now, her father would impose himself. Would act like he did back home.
He doesn’t.
She is lost in thought and Hiashi can’t help but stare at her stomach. Big and obvious beneath her clothes.
“How far along are you?”
Hinata brings her hands to her belly immediately after, as if to keep her baby away from this conversation.
“Twenty- twenty-eight weeks n-now.”
Hiashi nods, then forces the words out of his mouth, “Congratulations.”
His daughter looks up with disbelief at his words and says nothing. He had thought he knew her so well. Had thought he could read her like an open book. But now she remains silent and looks at him with questions she does not share.
And if she doesn’t ask her questions he can’t answer.
Silence fills the room again and Hiashi steals a look at Neji, who looks straight at the floor in front of him with the blankest of faces. Just like Hiashi had taught him.
He hadn’t entertained the idea of being welcomed. But he certainly hadn’t entertained the idea either of being… received like this.
His daughter looks like he’s supposed to lash out at any moment and Neji sits tense like an arrow about to be released at any moment.
“Wha- what… What do I owe the h-honor of your visit, f-father?”
“You didn’t write to me.”
The moment the words leave his mouth Hiashi wishes he didn’t say anything. What a childish reason. What a lame excuse.
“I… I d-did,” his daughter lies and Hiashi realizes now more than ever that maybe… this whole situation didn’t bother her as much as him.
Hiashi’s eyes travel to his nephew, his stance so formal he can only feel proud for him. There is a voice at the back of his head telling him to let this go. To understand that this was a choice and not an obstacle, not a problem he had to solve.
It’s frustration what makes him speak. “I know Neji is the one who wrote all the letters you sent.”
Hinata and Neji startle with the slightest of movements, and Hinata’s eyes look at her father with a growing feeling of shame. How could he-?
“Do not forget I was the one who taught you penmanship, Hinata.” Aside from his words, there isn’t even the barest of signs to show there will be a conversation ensuing. Hiashi breathes in deep, lets out a shaky breath, “you too, Neji. I taught you both, I know how to recognize your writing,” Hiashi begins to stand, making sure his clothes don’t wrinkle on the way up, “or the way you fake Hinata’s writing, for that matter.”
His daughter looks up to him, and as always, her eyes fill with questions she doesn’t express.
But Hiashi now can guess what is it she expects of him, “Don’t worry, I’m leaving now.”
He stands with his back to the children and starts putting on his haori with conscious and deliberately slow movements.
“Did you come here now because Lord Naruto is not present?” Neji asks.
“No,” Hiashi answers, “it just happened to be when I had free time, I had no idea.”
Hiashi finishes putting on his haori and takes his long hair out to his back. There are no further attempts to ask anything to him as he makes his way to the door. He steals one last glance at his daughter. At her pregnant belly.
“I wish for you to have a smooth delivery and a healthy baby.” He bows as he offers the words. Stops a few more seconds just looking at her from the door.
“Why… wh-why didn’t you c-come to my wedding c-ceremony?”
A second. “The timing didn’t match, I was busy with the clan.”
Hinata wants to ask what was going on that he couldn’t come, but her father bows one last time before he starts closing the sliding door.
“Take care, Hinata.”
Hiashi stands behind the door casting a shadow for a moment too long and then he hurries away.
He lost his opportunity to ask for permission to see his grandchild after they’re born.
Neji stares at the sliding door, as if expecting for Lord Hiashi to come back any moment now.
“I don’t… I don’t really understand why Lord Hiashi came here.”
Hinata doesn’t know nor understand either, but she knows one thing for sure.
“Can you h-help me go back to my r-room?”
“Of course,” Neji stands in a flash, offering his hand as support and pressing the other to her back. “Are you feeling… all right?”
“Yes, just a little…” she doesn’t finish and Neji doesn’t keep on probing.
Neji takes her to her bedroom, makes sure she’s comfortable and leaves her alone. She doesn’t say anything and doesn’t ask him to stay. So he leaves. He’s sure… Lord Hiashi coming here rattled her nerves.
Hinata stays alone and eats alone. The night comes in a second and Shikamaru comes see her when he can. She’s all right. Nothing happened. He has nothing to worry about. He leaves with the same face Neji had given her in the afternoon.
Hinata wishes… she had said more. Wishes she had had the courage and strength to talk. On her terms, on her home.
And she didn’t.
She couldn’t.
She’s going to be a mother and she’s incapable of talking like an adult to her own father.
The faces Neji and Shikamaru gave her only serve to make her feel… worse.
She feels bad.
From the moment her heart started thumping inside her chest knowing her father was here.
From the moment she understood fear was the smallest of the feelings inside of her.
Her father had come to see her and she had felt excited at the idea he had come for her.
She hated it. The moment she understood it. She hated it. Hated it as she laid eyes on him, hated it as she felt guilt over his accusations, hated it as she accepted his reasons for not attending her wedding with a readiness that scared her.
Hated it as she wished for him to stay longer.
She wants to hate him so bad. Has wished to be able to be spiteful all her life. But she can’t. She can’t, she can’t. She can only remember his kindness, can only justify his wrongdoings.
She loathes the fact that all of her resolve crumbled down the moment he came back into her life.
She can live without him. Wants to live without him.
But only one word from him and she would accept him back into her life.
As the tears fall and she tries to clear her thoughts, she grabs one of Naruto’s clothes to their bed. With his scent around her, making as if he’s right beside her, she sniffles once more and falls asleep.
Naruto leaves early in the morning. Between his increasing training and the still ongoing tension regarding the attacks, he doesn’t have much time to spare. People seek him and Naruto is barely enough to appease their worries.
Hinata usually stirs as soon as he begins to leave the bed -taking his warmth with him-, but Naruto kisses her face until she falls asleep again. Or at least until she pretends to, the few times she tried to wake with him, Naruto had been adamant into letting her sleep till late.
“Listen,” he had been serious, his hand on her arms, “even if you weren’t pregnant I wouldn’t want you to wake at the crack of dawn. I mean, there’s nothing to do at this ungodly hour,” he had cackled, but Hinata knew and so he approached her by targeting her feelings, “I want you to take care of yourself, all right?” his hand to her stomach, “for our baby, please?”
How could she deny him?
“Also, even if you weren’t pregnant this are dumb hours to be awake.”
“You are a-awake.”
“Doesn’t make it any less dumb, darling.”
So she sleeps. And when Naruto prepares to leave their room she stirs to get a kiss from him and stops moving to let him leave with peace of mind. She struggled to fall asleep at first, but now it’s easier. She’s more tired, too.
And although she hears and sees things around her, she keeps them at bay. Naruto shares with her all the information he has, so she knows everything that is happening. But at long last, something she has learned from being her father’s daughter comes in handy.
She listens, learns, and then keeps on with her life. Of course, now there are no comments regarding her inability to help, nor mean-spirited remarks regarding her lack of power, so it is easier to keep herself focused. Infinitely easier.
Naruto is almost back to normal, strength-wise, and he’s beginning to practice fighting enemies without looking at their eyes. An Uchiha countermeasure. He says it’s fun and Hinata can see the tinkle in his eyes that corroborate his words, but… she wishes he didn’t have to.
The freed Tailed Beasts are sealed already too, not in a human vessel, but at least hidden and away for any greedy hand that could want them.
Or for an Uchiha to find.
Naruto had been worried at first, about any attack that could happen brought by this unsteady situation with the Beast Tamers, and although Shikamaru had checked and revised time and time again the clan’s defenses, Hinata could sometimes feel his fear in the way his arms would lock around her.
The return of his strength has done wonders to keep him calm.
That and the good news regarding her pregnancy.
Hinata has safely entered her second trimester and although she is more confined than before, she is happy. Kiba likes to joke around and mocks Naruto’s need to keep her under surveillance, but Hinata understands it’s his way to make her feel more at ease with this situation. He knows. She knows. Everyone does. Shikamaru -when he is the one to accompany her on her walks- makes sure to share with her their measures against intruders, the patrols they have put in place, the guards he and Naruto have placed around her.
She can tell people worry she may be anxious about her situation, as she is pregnant with the clan leader’s child. And she is worried about the situation, but she can’t help but worry more about another topic that seems to never be able to leave her alone, that comes back at all times, that leaves her staring at nothing in the night. That leaves her gasping for air, now more than ever, now that she wishes for a happy life with Naruto like never before.
She can’t help but think about her husband. About her husband and his lifespan, about her husband and his training, about her husband and the expectations placed upon him, about her husband and the way he seems too eager to push himself to his limits.
About all these trials that seem to come one after the other without rest.
He is more nervous, too. He hides it well, but he comes see her more frequently, and although he tries to seem nonchalant, the way his shoulders relax when he lays eyes on her, the way he sighs when he hugs her… Hinata understands. Naruto is inside the clan at all times now, she can see him every day, lay with him just as much, and she can’t seem to escape the want of staying right next to him as much as possible.
She has to busy herself with little chores throughout the day to keep her thoughts at bay. The worst thing she can do is keep herself alone and holed up, so she talks, seeks people, walks, and annoys Sakura with questions regarding her body.
So she oftentimes walks. Always with a guard, usually with Sai, Kiba or Shino. Sometimes Sakura or Ino if their work allows.
This time, she can’t find anyone, so she looks around. Sometimes Shikamaru comes finds her. Lord Minato and Lady Mito are as busy as Naruto, but they make time too. And yet, this day, she sees no one.
She walks absent-mindedly, thinks about how she’s been spending more time than ever before with her cousin, and yet can’t remember having a proper conversation with him. Naruto is always there and Neji does his work with professionalism before leaving as fast as he arrives.
As if he was avoiding them.
Her.
Hinata doesn’t really know what comes over her, but her legs move without thinking and she finds herself right outside of Neji’s room. He has his sliding door wide open and he’s writing a letter. He hasn’t noticed her, or if he has he has decided to ignore her.
The familiarity of this situation makes her doubt, but then she takes a step forward and Neji turns around.
“Lady Hinata.” He looks taken aback, so Hinata surmises that he did not, in fact, notice her before. But now he looks expectant and Hinata should say something.
“I- I-,” Neji triggers her stutter and her embarrassment grows as the words struggle to come out. “I c-can’t find S-Sai,” or anybody else for that matter, but if she were to list everyone’s names, Neji could finish three letters before she finished her sentence, “and I w-wish to take a s-stroll.”
Neji stands immediately, “Of course,” he says and walks to her. Not a second look to whatever he was doing.
“Y-your letter-”
“I will finish when we come back, Lady Hinata. Let us go."
Consideration or anger? Hinata can’t tell. She has never been able to tell.
Neji walks a step behind her, and remains silent. Just like when he would accompany her at the Hyuga compound.
Hinata convinces herself this is nothing more than her want to talk with someone -as she has grown used to it with her usual guards-, and not the desperate need to have some sort of connection with her cousin, who seemed ready to throw her away without a second thought so long ago.
Hinata still doesn’t know what to make of it. Consideration or disgust?
Consideration or revenge? For being such a poor fit to remain as heiress to the clan?
Her mouth is dry and she wonders whether Neji will listen, whether he will turn and leave her here when she annoys him too much. She knows he won’t, Naruto would have made sure of that.
So maybe he is forced to stay with her and listen and protect her and so she can talk -or try- and make him listen and stay and protect her. She doesn’t want to admit that deep inside of her she wants a relationship with her cousin.
With the only person who seemed to care for her when they were children.
Duty or familial love?
She never knew.
She gathers her courage and makes as if admiring a patch of flowers.
"Y-your l-letter, I am sorry I i-interrupted you.”
“Oh, no. Please do not worry, it is not an urgent letter at all, rest assured.”
And silence returns as if they never talked. Neji is closer now, as he had to crouch to listen. Hinata waits a second, and another, thinking that maybe Neji will get the hint and keep the conversation flowing.
But maybe he is as clueless as her, or maybe he doesn’t want to. She turns her head to him, trying to read his intentions for once in her life. But Neji rests his gaze on her, immutable, barely moving his body, and Hinata turns around with more questions than before.
As if that were possible.
Neji struggles to understand what Lady Hinata wants from him. A servant, for sure, a guard next, but a conversation partner? Him?
He has seen her taking her strolls with numerous people before. Many a day. Smiling and talking like he has never seen her before. Laughing, even. Sai, of course, with whom she shares calm conversations guided by Sai’s questions about everyday life. Kiba, who seems eager to spend time with her -something about her laughing at his jokes, Neji heard once-. Shino, who’s aura seems so similar to hers that you can barely hear their conversations as they walk around. Sakura and Ino, whose energy is always high up, and although one would think their friendship would be somewhat strained, Lady Hinata’s laugh is always the biggest with them. Shikamaru, even, who seems to enjoy her knowledge about other clans.
Lady Minato and Lady Mito, who find time in their busy schedules to talk to her.
Lord Naruto, who runs after a meeting or training to steal a peck, making her blush, and leaves with the same haste.
And then… him? A man from the Hyuga clan who can’t bring himself to talk to her in fear of saying something he shouldn’t?
His very existence is tied to the worst part of hers. As such, he ought to shrivel down , far away. Hopefully like her own memories about that place.
He has been asked today because everyone else is unavailable. Not because she sought his company.
So he walks a step behind, like a guard should. And remains quiet, because… what can he say that won’t sound wrong?
And then Lady Hinata speaks to him. And then looks at him in earnest. As if expecting something. And Neji is at a loss.
He wonders about topics he can share that won’t sour her mood. And the only one that comes to mind, that hasn’t been tainted by the Hyuga, leaves his mouth.
“The letter, uh, it’s for a friend I made while living here."
"A… f-friend?”
Yes, it’s surprising for him, too.
“Yes, a friend. Back when, uh, well, I was to be taken back to the Hyuga but Lord Naruto let me stay here in the end, I was given a house in the outer compound, as well as money for my expenses, and well… I lived there on my own and tried not to bother anyone else. She just found me and started to visit and make me help her with her shop.”
“Oh…” Hinata wants to ask, ask so many questions she knows will only burden him, so her eyes flutter around, unable to press on and yet grabbing on this chance to-
“She- her name is Tenten, a bit weird, but means well. She introduced me to a friend of hers, too, Rock Lee,” Hinata raises her eyebrows at the name and Neji shrugs, “I know, he’s even weirder, but also means well."
Somehow, as they walk, Neji shares more of his life on the outer compound, and Hinata feels the wall between them disappear. He remains silent sometimes, as if gathering his thoughts, but Hinata waits. Waits as much as necessary, because she feels this opportunity has taken them so long.
So very long.
She can wait for him.
When Neji leaves her in her room, as he starts to retreat, robotics movements like Hinata has never seen before, Hinata stops him.
"I would… I would l-like it if y-you could accompany me some o-other day, too."
This time it’s easier to voice her wishes, because she thinks… believes, that maybe Neji is just as awkward at this as she is.
He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t nod, either. He looks at her and before leaving just whispers, "Of course. As Lady Hinata…” then he ventures, “as you wish."
And Hinata gifts him the first genuine smile directed at him in a decade.
⁂⁂⁂
Naruto’s godfather arrives a month and a half later than he promised Minato. With little fanfare.
Naruto is walking to his next appointment when the sound of feet running around catches his attention. In the distance he sees the long white hair of Jiraiya, billowing as he walks down the hallways surrounded by flustered servants who don’t know whether to announce his arrival or make him comfortable. Shikamaru just shrugs before he keeps on walking. "I’ll take this one alone, then. I’ll see you after to report.”
Naruto scoffs but turns around and trots to meet his godfather.
“Old man!” He bellows, enough to make a few heads turn his way.
Jiraiya raises his hand in greeting and then makes a beeline to Naruto. They are practically the same height, with Naruto standing taller by mere inches -a point that has been the source of many scrambles throughout the years- and Naruto has to hit Jiraiya’s back to let him breathe.
“Well,” Jiraiya gives him a once-over and then frowns, “I was told you were dying.”
“When have I not been, though?”
They laugh and slap each other’s shoulders in good humor. Minato hates this type of banter. Hates how they trivialize Naruto’s situation by making light of his struggles.
Naruto thinks his godfather’s attitude has saved his life more than once.
“You’ll have to check my seal with dad, but aside from that, I don’t think you’ll do much.”
“Hey, you smell that?”
“What?”
“I smell a nonja.”
“Ha ha.”
“A nonja business!” Jiraiya slaps Naruto’s arm as if his godson didn’t just realize his whole joke before he said it. “Come on, don’t tell me what my job is, child. I don’t go round the world just to come back empty handed now, do I?”
Naruto stares at him, brows raised. And Jiraiya opens his arms with a shocked face, “Not all the time,” he defends himself.
A lackluster defense, obviously, as Naruto still has the same problems he has had since… forever.
“No, I mean it. The thing you always tell me to wait to be completed before bringing it with your dad? Done, my man."
Naruto startles. Funny. Now of all times. That.
He says nothing though, and Jiraiya takes it as rejection. "You know I’ve got to tell your dad, son."
"Sure, do whatever.” Naruto raises his hand and waves it around as if he couldn’t care less, “I’ll present my wife to you, come on."
"You made me keep quiet because it was a gamble, but now it is real, Naruto.”
“I know, jeez, just come. You can tell whoever you want."
"I met my medic friend on the way back, she helped me, I’m serious.”
“The gambler?”
“Yes. Lost everything to me, then made her help me with this in exchange for her money back.”
“Well, that seems reasonable.” Naruto remembers the stories Jiraiya used to tell him about his friend, a gambler with no sense of morality and non-existant luck. “You got what you wanted.”
“Ha! That’s what I offered, son, she took all her money back and then mine in order for her to help me. You know she has, like, no ethics.”
“Is that why you got here later than late? I could have died.”
Jiraiya squints his eyes, “Come on, you? Dying because someone messed with your seal? A seal made by me and the current master in seals, Minato Uzumaki? I mean, you will die for other reasons, but not because of your seal.”
“Dad worries this took more years off my life.”
Jiraiya rests his hand on Naruto’s shoulders, “Well, then, I think you will be happy to hear what I have to say.”
Jiraiya expects Naruto to ask questions, but he bolts the second after. Jiraiya stares as a dark haired woman appears one second and disappears the other in between Naruto’s arms.
She is pregnant.
Naruto’s wife is pregnant.
And now Jiraiya feels like he wants to cry.
Naruto intertwines his wife’s arm with his and then walks to Jiraiya. Slow, careful, with a beam Jiraiya has never seen before.
“Jiraiya,” Naruto presents, pride in his voice, “My wife, Hinata.”
The child looks at him with blushing cheeks. One hand grasps tightly the clothes around Naruto’s arm, the other rests at her abdomen, where her stomach bulges. She stutters and she presents herself, and her eyes shine the moment they return to Naruto.
“She is pregnant,” Naruto shares, “five months and a half.” His hand rests over hers now and Jiraiya has to bite down the tremble in his voice.
It is always in moments like this that he wishes he could do more for his godson.
Naruto feels her laugh before he can even hear it.
“I don’t think y-you’ll be able to feel anything y-yet.” Hinata covers his hand with hers and Naruto moves his thumb over her stomach. It is barely noticeable, but there is a bump in her abdomen that was not there before.
His baby is in there.
He has found himself in a better mood than he thought possible. His pain is a mere afterthought and he has begun training without a problem. Kiba had joked with him the second time his ass had touched the ground.
Eyes wide, surprise evident on his face. “The mind really does wonders, don’t you think?"
Sakura worried he might be forcing himself too much. "There should be a limit.” And yes, but also no.
He had limits before, and now those limits are broken. He feels himself with a newfound power, with a newfound purpose.
Until his father sits him down in a room -just the two of them again- in order to check his seal. And then, like a bucket of cold water, he remembers. The ordeals he had to endure, his child should endure. The pains he went through, his child would go through. He ought to protect his child, and yet…
He locks eyes with his father for barely a second and his father gives him a reassuring smile. He knows nothing of what Naruto is thinking, because he has not shared these worries with anyone else, and yet, Naruto knows with certainty that his father would understand.
Out of everyone in the clan, out of everyone in his family. Out of everyone ever. He had to endure these same feelings alone.
And Naruto has never ever thanked him.
His father made it seem like Naruto’s hardships were just a part of life. Unavoidable and something to be tackled on. And with his father by his side, nothing seemed too much of a hurdle.
Naruto owes this man everything and then some.
And he is terrified of going through this with his child.
Minato moves his hand with expertise and startles and stops the moment Naruto says, “I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, dad, but thank you.”
Minato tilts his head in confusion and Naruto feels a bubbly laugh wanting to come out. “You know… for everything you’ve done for me.”
“Son…”
“I have never thanked you, have I?”
Minato’s hands come to his thighs and he frowns. What is there to thank? If anything, Minato feels like he owes still, owes so much he will never be able to repay this debt. “There is nothing to thank, son.”
Naruto stays silent for a second, feeling his tongue stiff and heavy inside his mouth. “How am I supposed to care for a child that will have to go through… what I went through?”
It’s a whisper. A confession. And if there is anything Minato can do for his son right now, is to reassure him. That whatever he went through will somehow make him fitter to raise his child than Minato could with him. That… knowing what happens to the body will be an asset when his child starts to grow. That, maybe, by some miracle, this child will be exempt from this. That everything will be all right. Minato wants to utter these words and feel satisfied, but he knows those would be lies or half-truths. And the way Naruto is looking at him, with a semblance of calm that cracks every now and then, lets Minato know that he wants the truth. And although Minato looks down, ashamed of himself, he knows at least this is the one thing that helped him overcome the many nights where he cooed Naruto to sleep, where his whimpers accompanied Minato through the nights, where his worsening condition kept him up until the sun would rise and he would have to wipe down his tears and face a new day.
Because sometimes he also needed to reassure himself that he was not a monster. That he wasn’t a bad father.
“I am sure you will try your best raising your child.”
Naruto looks somewhat disappointed, as if he was expecting some kind of secret that could lift the heavy rock sitting on his chest. As if expecting more was his mistake. What kind of wisdom did he really want? Lies, he realizes. And his father is giving him the truth. Like always. He ponders a second, and although he understands, he worries still.
“You think that will be enough?”
“… do you resent me in any way?”
Naruto whips his head in disbelief. If he resented him? His father? Minato? Him? How on earth would he ever resent the man that did his best…
A wave of nostalgia and relief washes over him as he realizes that, well, it seems to be enough. “I would never,” Naruto whispers, and Minato hides his eyes from him, writes down on the notebook next to him. A long winded paragraph that doesn’t seem to end. Naruto can’t read what’s in it.
And Naruto realizes that in the same way that he had things he had never talked with his father, there seemed to be questions his father had never seemed to be able to ask him either.
“I would never resent you, dad. I am forever grateful.”
His voice breaks and he has to look up to keep the tears from falling. A hundred thank yous wouldn’t suffice. A day kneeling to show gratitude wouldn’t be enough. His chin trembles and he whimpers a thank you he thinks he should have said sooner.
Minato grabs Naruto’s hand, brings it to his face and shakes his head no. Eyes closed and a painful expression on his face, he says nothing. He is unable to say anything.
And Naruto is just glad to have said those words now.
⁂⁂⁂
Hinata stares at her reflection on the mirror. The bump on her abdomen is noticeable when she is naked now -although it is still mostly hidden when she is clothed- and she can’t help but stare.
Her hands travel to her abdomen and she moves them up and down, to the sides, she covers the bump and then she locks eyes with herself in the mirror.
Pregnant.
She is pregnant with Naruto’s child.
Her child.
She had heard the words and taken the news with nonchalance. It hadn’t really registered. With Naruto’s condition up in the air and her mind elsewhere, she had just nodded along. She hadn’t really understood. Even now, she is only beginning to.
She puts on her robes and heads to bed. She misses Naruto, but knowing he’s now able to take care of the clan business as usual fills her with reassurance. He’s fine.
He’s fine. He’s fine.
At least for now.
Lord Minato and Sakura still keep checking in on him and Hinata has seen with her own eyes how Naruto is now able to fight like before, but… there is a deep seated worry buried inside of her that only rests when he brings her into his arms. And Hinata is terrified to think too much about it.
She realizes she fell asleep the moment she startles when her husband comes into bed.
“I woke you up?” He whispers, still unsure if he did or not. Hinata rustles and moves to be able to see his face. “Sorry about that, go back to sleep.”
He kisses her temple, her forehead, and then accommodates himself next to her. His hands travel around her body and he brings her head to his chest before sighing. His other hand rests on her stomach, where he has made it a habit to rub his thumb over her bump before sleeping.
But Hinata is restless. Because she misses him in a way that a hug just makes her hungrier.
“N-Naruto?”
He hums as an answer.
“Are you t-tired?”
He misses the longing in her voice and he mistakes her question as worry over his well-being. “Nothing to worry about, love."
So Hinata stays with her eyes open, staring at his chest. And she tries again. Her hand to his chest this time, "S-Sakura said we could be i-intimate…”
Naruto has his eyes closed and it takes him a second to understand what Hinata is trying to say. Yes, Sakura said that. And Hinata had kept her eyes glued to the floor when Naruto had asked whether they could have sex or not. The memory makes him chuckle, and then Hinata’s mouth finds his neck and Naruto’s brain understands everything immediately.
It takes him less than a second to press his hands into her body and bring her even closer to him.
He’s hard already.
“If you feel,” he starts, as his mouth bites and sucks on her skin, “If you feel anything weird, you gotta tell me."
Hinata shudders as his hands start touching her beneath the clothes and she nods and mewls a yes as his body raises over hers.
"If,” Hinaya moans, “if you’re t-tired-”
“Love, I thought you meant tired as in getting back to work,” his hands find her breasts and Hinata’s head shoots back with her mouth open, “Why would I ever get tired of touching my wife?"
His mouth falls to her chest and Hinata grasps his hair, her nails drag over his scalp and Naruto moves upwards, gives her open-mouthed and sloppy kisses that only make him more impatient.
He brings his hand between her open legs, but Hinata stops him.
"Ah, now,” she gasps, her breasts rising and falling under the moonlight, shining with Naruto’s slobber over them, “can we- c-can you just p-put it in?"
Naruto drags his hands over her legs, her thighs.
"I m-m-miss you.”
And he has to reign over himself not to throw himself over his pregnant wife. He undoes his belt and brings himself closer to her. His penis shines with precum and he slides it over her, the friction alone could be enough to make him cum.
“I love you,” he whispers, soft and low. Hinata’s hand covers his own hand over her thigh and Naruto feels the urge to cry.
“I l-love you."
Naruto brings his hand down and guides himself inside. The feeling is familiar and warm and new and everything he needs right now.
Hinata raises her hips to accommodate herself and Naruto moves in and out a couple of times. "You all right?"
His voice is coarse and low and it sends shivers down her spine. She nods.
"You can go f-f-faster.”
Naruto closes his eyes and he looks like he’s in pain. His hips move faster, and Hinata feels herself contracting around him.
Her legs cross behind him and Naruto’s hands dig into Hinata’s thighs. The sound of their bodies is enough for Hinata to lose herself.
She’s moaning, she’s sure, and she can’t look away from Naruto’s body. Slightly leaner, but still very much full of strength. The muscles on his torso tense and relax as he moves and Hinata finds it mesmerizing. His sweat finds its way down his muscles and Hinata wants to lick him clean.
She finds herself surprised at the turn her brain has taken, but then Naruto presses into her, then leaves and presses harder, and she knows he’s about to cum.
His release feels warm inside of her and the way his hands cling to her waist make her want to eat him whole. He stays inside of her a while, as his breathing calms down, as his hips give a last couple of lazy thrusts.
He brings Hinata’s hand to his lips, then pulls out and sits on his heels. Hinata’s legs close together, in a slow movement Naruto finds terribly sensual. After a couple of seconds, sure enough, his seed spills and he stares.
He moves to Hinata, peppering kisses along the way, touching everywhere he can. His hand rests on her stomach and he rests his head on his palm.
“How do you feel?”
Hinata chuckles at his worried face, her hand drags over his whisker marks. “I feel v-very good, thank you.”
He laughs at her attitude, then buries his head on her neck, earning a string of giggles as he brings her body closer to him.
“How d-do you feel?”
Naruto feels the chilly air around him, can hear the rustling of the leaves outside, can even hear some footsteps far away from them. He feels great. But then he feels her heat, and her sweaty skin against his, her eyes on him, and Hinata’s eyes squint as she smiles, his erection against her leg.
“Oh, I feel fantastic,” Naruto shares and Hinata covers her face as she laughs at his antics.
He kisses her through her hands, on her hands, on her hair. “Can we go again?"
Hinata hooks her arms around him, kisses him with fervor before whispering a yes. Time and time again, yes.
Hinata starts to turn around, but Naruto stops her mid-way. One of her legs resting on the ground, her other hooked around Naruto’s waist.
"Gotta practice for when you get bigger,” he smiles, as his hand travels around her abdomen. “Everything all right?”
Hinata rests on her side, turns slightly to look at him, “Yes."
It feels tighter. Not uncomfortable, not weird. Just tighter. And both of them moan as Naruto penetrates her. His hand grabs her leg tight to himself and the other he moves from her stomach to her clitoris.
Hinata’s head shoots back the moment his hand touches her there. Naruto brings the fluids from where they are connected upwards and he begins to massage in tandem with his thrusts. He earns himself red markings on his thigh, as Hinata grabs onto himself to keep her from screaming out.
From here he can see her bump clearer, and knowing he is the reason for that is enough to make him want to thrust in deep. Deeper. Her breasts bounce and he leans over, he catches Hinata mid-moan.
He doesn’t stop moving his hand, and when Hinata falls as her arm gets too tired, Naruto buries his head on her chest, moaning against her skin.
Hinata comes first. She hugs Naruto as she does, and her hips move as she rides her high down. Naruto comes as she clamps down on him, he groans and bites down on her skin, and brings his face to hers, he attempts to kiss her as he squeezes out every last bit of semen he can. He doesn’t need to, he does it anyway.
They snuggle and Naruto hugs his wife from the back. Rests his hands on her abdomen. He makes sure she’s comfortable, he makes sure she’s warm.
He gives her one last kiss on her cheek. "Good night.”
Hinata hugs his arm and accommodates herself to stay the closest she can to him. His hand drags over her stomach and Hinata joins him.
Sakura is called immediately after and Hinata is too lost in thought to do more than stare at Sakura’s glowing hand as it moves over her stomach.
“I can’t sense anything,” Sakura shares, and all heads turn to Neji.
“She is pregnant. I’m sure.”
Hinata puts her hand over her abdomen and feels her mind going at full speed with this situation, “He… Neji is the b-best at using the c-clan’s technique,” she shares, without knowing why. It is the truth, and he said she’s pregnant…
But she feels nothing under her hand, and Sakura’s words make her feel helpless.
She realizes that she needs Neji’s words to be real.
“I have seen and used the technique to check on pregnant women before, I am sure.”
“Then… she has to be less than 6 weeks pregnant.”
“I agree.”
All eyes fall on Hinata again, on her blank face, on the way the hand covering her stomach trembles. Lord Minato is the only one who moves and comes to her, brings her to him.
“Congratulations.”
Hinata doesn’t realize she’s frozen in place until Lord Minato’s warm hands bring her out of it, and her tears start falling. Her eyes fall on Naruto’s body next to them and she hides her face on Lord Minato’s shoulder.
Congratulations, she thinks.
⁂⁂⁂
A secret. A secret within a secret. Naruto’s actual condition is not to be shared with the outside world and although harsh, many are grateful he is not the only Beast Tamer affected.
The air is tense and every day Naruto doesn’t wake it gets worse. But at least all Beast Tamers are in the same situation… or worse.
Lord Gaara leaves before long, with deep bows and worry etched on his face.
“Whatever happens, the Sand will support the Nine-Tails Beast Tamer.”
Seeing Lord Gaara up and about brings a sense of relief to the people of the clan. Although short-lived, because Lord Naruto is still…
Hinata is at least thankful that she can tend to him without having to worry about acting it out with other people. Lord Minato is at least thankful that she can take care of herself without arousing suspicion from other people.
Lord Shikamaru doesn’t leave his office and worries about until when will this continue. The Kiba’s and the Inuzuka’s have been working non-stop since the Beasts got loose and although he has received information from Gaara and the other clans, nothing changes much.
They are without their Beast Tamer and he fears someone will try to attack. They can hold it out, but for how long?
At least… the Five-Tails is dead and the Six-Tails is out. And the only Beast Tamer that’s fine is on their side.
Should they… attack?
The Two-Tails’ whereabouts are still a mystery and the other clans are as worried as he is. They have decided to call for a truce, but what can a written promise do?
It only takes one mistake… one person for all this ruse to come falling down.
Naruto. They need him to wake up.
⁂⁂⁂
Hinata now knows how to best care for Naruto. How to feed him, how to clean him, how to move his body in order for his muscles not to atrophy.
She doesn’t want to know any of this. She feels light-headed and has to fight her food down most of the time. Sakura believes these to be signs of pregnancy, but how can they be sure? It could be signs of stress all the same.
She is stressed, after all.
Like never before.
She sits next to Naruto, like every other day. And stares at his face, leaner than ever, but nothing to worry about yet, Sakura assures. Hinata wonders when will it be enough to worry about? What’s gonna happen when it becomes enough to worry about?
Her fingers trace his whisker marks and her heart hurts. She’s carrying his child. She wanted it to be different, for her to realize that and run to him. For him to catch her and look at her and know immediately. For him to smile back at her and…
She realizes she has never even said it out loud… they promised each other they would learn to love the other. And almost a year into their marriage and Hinata was sure she was already in love with him. But she had never told him.
She didn’t think it necessary. Not when they shared kisses and nights and secrets with each other. Not when he would fall asleep with his head in her arms whispering sweet nothings against her chest, nor when he would find her to share a quick nap before leaving again. Not when he would whisper her name between ragged breaths as he spilled himself inside of her.
She didn’t think it necessary.
And now her heart hurts before she fears she will never have the chance to say it.
I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you so much.
She rests her head on his chest -like always-, and listens to his heart intently, as if it could give her a hint as to when he would open his eyes. She brings his arm out, lets it fall over her waist, and she closes her eyes.
“I love you.”
Wake up. Please.
Neji finds her a while later. He sees her puffy eyes but says nothing, only brings out a handkerchief and hands it to her.
He gently reminds her to eat.
⁂⁂⁂
Naruto wakes up 34 days after falling unconscious. His eyes barely open and his body is unresponsive to whatever he orders it to do. He feels disoriented and can barely understand that he is in his own room.
The memories come back in flashes, with little order. And as always, the pain starts flaring up all over his body. A patch at a time, only to cover his whole body in time. He groans.
“Neji!”
The room turns all around him and the need to throw up overwhelms him.
“H-here!”
He misses. And he feels the vomit all over his chest. His head thumps and he turns his body, presses his head to the ground.
“N-Neji went to g-get Sakura, s-so-”
Hinata. Hinata. Hinata, Hinata.
“Hinata,” he croaks. His voice sounds weird, but her hands find his back and she tries her best to soothe him.
“I-I-I’m here.”
He wants to cry. She’s fine.
“Son!”
His father appears and rushes to him, kneels beside him and brings his face close. “How do you feel?”
“Like… shit.”
Minato allows himself one chuckle before resting his hand on his Naruto’s shoulder. “Anything abnormal?”
Naruto takes a second to answer. Trying to find anything in his body that felt out of the ordinary. “Only… it’s the same symptoms of a reinforcement… just… a hundred times worse.”
“Good.” Naruto opens his mouth and dry heaves, “Sakura is coming.”
So he’s been told, he wants to joke, but his stomach turns and he throws up again, mostly bile. This time Hinata manages to put the basin under him, but he still gets droplets of vomit on his face.
Sakura appears with her hair disheveled and she runs to Naruto. Her hands shine green and Naruto’s body relaxes slightly the second after.
Hinata stays in the room, but away from the action. Sakura and Lord Minato ask questions and touch and clean Naruto all over, making sure that his pain subsides, that his seal is working as it should.
They just have to give him time, they both say, his body is already coping well with the changes. As for his pain, Sakura gives him painkillers. And when Naruto is well -in pain but under control-, as he can lay on his bed without thrashing about, when his groans are only intermittent whines, all eyes rest on Hinata.
But she doesn’t register the fact, focused on her husband, on his closed eyes, on the way the muscles on his face contract in pain every second, on the way his mouth thins out in order to bite down the pain coursing through him. On Naruto, who’s clearly still in pain and yet is doing his best to keep it under control. She kneels beside him and Sakura and Lord Minato give her space, they retreat and move near Neji.
They leave shortly after, as Hinata grasps Naruto’s hand between hers and rests her other hand over his chest, rubbing circles in an attempt to soothe him. It barely works, but by the time they all walk out the room Naruto starts to have better control over his breathing.
“Sorry,” is the first thing he says the moment he is sure they are out of earshot.
“No…”
“You were freaked out last time when I didn’t wake up after a day, but now,” he scoffs, not because it’s funny, but because he still can’t believe he was knocked out for so long. He had promised before he would do his best not to worry her again over this, so he thinks promises should be left out of the conversation right now. All he has left are sorries.
So he tries to say sorry again, but Hinata brings her face to his, rests her lips on his cheek, “Please, d-don’t. I’m just s-so glad you’re a-awake now.”
His body still feels sluggish, still feels weighed down. His head thumps rhythmically and although the pain has subsided considerably it’s enough to make him whimper. He doesn’t. He brings his arm around his wife -with all the effort it takes him- and rests it over her body.
“I’m okay now,” he whispers.
And although he knows his words sound like a lie, he wants them to be real and true and give her some sort of peace of mind. He doesn’t know if it will, he doesn’t know if this time she’ll realize he can never assure her of his well being. But he tries.
Hinata nuzzles into his cheek, peppering kisses as she moves, “You are.”
Naruto accommodates himself under her, a response to the pain he’s feeling that does nothing to alleviate him of it. Hinata takes some of her weight off him and ends up sitting next to him, in fear of aggravating his discomfort.
“I’m okay,” he whispers, trying to bring her to him again, but Hinata resists ever so slightly.
She’s close to him, as much as possible without pressing on him. Her legs flush beside his torso, her thighs working as a cushion to the arm that surrounds her. She moves closer to him, her hand to his face, to his whisker marks, and she drags her fingers over them.
The sun is setting and her hair shines blue against the light. Her hair hides much of her face and she leans to him, her hand never stops moving.
“Naruto,” she calls. And he has trouble focusing on her face, the lights play with the shadows around her and the fever he’s running makes it hard to focus.
“I love you.”
His breathing stops for a second. She looks ethereal and Naruto wonders if maybe this is just his mind playing dreams for a dying man. But her hand feels real enough, the pain is real enough, and the tears that rush to his eyes are true. “I-”
Her face moves closer now, and he can see more clearly. “I love you,” she repeats, and then presses her lips to his. “I l-love you,” another kiss. “I love you.” Naruto’s mouth rises into a smile and his hand presses into her back.
“I love you, too,” he manages and Hinata stares at his blue eyes. Clear, unburdened, withstanding the pain.
She nuzzles into his neck and breathes him in. This. This is all that matters.
“Gods, you must really love me, kissing me after minutes of me throwing everything I had in my stomach out.”
His chest rumbles and Hinata smiles, hides her face into his neck. Careful so as not to bother him too much. She can feel his warmth surrounding her and the cold realization of Naruto’s situation as a Beast Tamer makes her bite down her lip in an attempt to control the tremble that threatens to come forward.
Hinata keeps her head pressed to Naruto, and after a while everyone starts to leave. Whispers and hushed voices are all Hinata hears before a hand comes to her shoulder.
“Lady Hinata,” calls Lord Minato, and she knows what comes.
“I am s-staying with my h-husband.”
She doesn’t need to look at his face to know that there is sympathy in his eyes. And she knows she doesn’t want to see it for herself. It will make this all feel… real.
“We need to clean his body,” he starts again. His voice measured and soft, as if he was trying to make her understand.
And Hinata does understand. They want to keep her away from what they seem to think of as a burden, but the thought of leaving Naruto now just fills her with dread. She rises, but keeps her hands on Naruto’s body.
“I will c-clean him u-up.”
“My lady.”
“W-will you leave him h-here… or will you b-bring him to our r-room?”
She finally looks at Lord Minato, and wishes immediately after that she didn’t. Sakura looked bad, but somehow Lord Minato looks worse. His burnt marks are bigger and less healed than Sakura’s, but it’s the way his body sags, the way his eyes seem to be filled with something Hinata has never seen before. Something Hinata didn’t think she would see so soon.
Resignation.
She can’t bring herself to ask anything, she can’t bring herself to say anything either. And Lord Minato seems to catch onto that, as he closes his eyes with a sigh and gives her a smile Hinata hates.
He looks at his son. “We will move him to your room, my lady, I will leave him in your care, thank you very much.” He gives her a bow, steals a glance at Naruto and attempts to leave.
Hinata grabs the sleeve of his kimono before she realizes she did it. “Wha-what happened?”
Lord Minato has to control his expression, and Hinata knows that is not a good sign, but she has to know. Needs to know. He looks around the room, to find no one else around aside from Sai and although a little, his mask breaks.
And Hinata is terrified.
“I…” his voice trembles and he can’t seem to know where to lay his eyes. “I just shut him down.”
Hinata can’t understand what he seems to imply, so she presses. “L-lord Gaara…”
The name seems to strike a chord in Lord Minato, who brings his fist to his closed eyes. “I sealed him. Correctly. I had the time and his seal is comparatively easier to handle… Naruto…” he struggles with his words, drags his fist down, “we lost too much time, we tried going back to where we left you and by the time we were there we caught Naruto losing control down at the arena and the fifth tail was forming so we had to… I had to shut everything down.”
Hinata lets her hand fall. It’s not only the words he’s saying, it’s the way his voice is tinged with a desperation she has never heard before that makes her unable to talk.
“He-” Minato keeps on talking, egged on by Hinata’s attitude. If he can only give her some sort of peace of mind… mend somewhat what he has done. “He will wake up,” he assures, “it’s just…”
Minato closes his mouth immediately, trying to control the tremble that threatens to take over him. He knows… he has known since forever that his son lives on borrowed time, that it’s a fact that he will have to bury him first -going against every natural law-, he has been adamant into searching and trying whatever he stumbles upon that can give Naruto one second more, just one second…
He has deluded himself, too. 10 years, 12 years, 8 years. Numbers, only numbers he has seen and repeated and tried to turn up and around in search of lengthening them, make them disappear. 10 years, 8 years. Numbers he somehow took for granted. At least that amount of time. At least not next year, or the year after, or the next. Some time.
This was not supposed to go like this.
He is crying, so he brings his sleeve to his face, tries his best to hide this. But it’s useless, he knows.
She knows.
“I have sent message to my master, Naruto’s godfather,” his voice trembles slightly and breaks more than he wishes, but he continues, because he needs some time alone. “He has been travelling around looking and searching for ways to help Naruto. I’m hoping… I’m hoping he will bring something useful this time.”
Minato worries Hinata will keep her head down. He wants for her to keep her head down and spare him the guilt.
She doesn’t look at him, but stares at the floor in front of her. No tears.
“I… understand.”
⁂⁂⁂
Hinata does not move from Naruto’s side. So it’s only through the people who visit that she knows that Lord Gaara has awoken and is fine.
Lord Minato has taken a look at his seal, Sakura has taken a look at his body. Aside from the obvious stress of his seal being forced open, he’s fine. He’s fine and is currently attending a meeting with Lord Minato and Shikamaru behind closed doors.
Temari and Kankuro find their way to her room and stand behind her as she sits there, unmoving and with Naruto’s hand clasped between hers.
She knows how she must look to others. Can guess what is going on through their heads, as they let silence fall all around them. If they were any other people, maybe Hinata would have let them stay there and not say anything, kept to herself.
But these are Lord Gaara’s siblings. So she closes her eyes, gathers her strength.
“I am glad… Lord Gaara is all r-right.”
Her words break a spell she didn’t know was there. The siblings move closer and sit near Naruto’s feet. They remain composed and polite and Temari brings down her head first, followed by Kankuro.
“We have already given our thanks to Lord Minato and to Sakura. If it could make anything better we would bow our heads to every single member of the clan, but Lord Shikamaru has told us to keep things under wraps as much as possible.” Hinata can’t look at them, so she keeps her eyes glued to the floor in front of Temari’s knees. “The Sand will not forget this debt, Lady Hinata.” Temari’s voice is laced with such appreciation that Hinata can’t ignore the obvious care they share for their brother. Which is why she feels worse for even entertaining the idea of what could have happened if Lord Minato had stayed with them in Naruto’s booth.
It didn’t happen.
She shouldn’t feel bad for a thought. But she can’t help the shame that fills her and she is only capable of whispering an answer. “I… understand.”
Her reply is soft and weak and obviously not all that honest, so Temari brings her head even lower, “We will find ourselves useful, Lady Hinata, I swear.”
Hinata doesn’t know if it’s the way she delivered her speech with such passion or if it’s the fact that Hinata just can’t let go of the envy instilled in her heart, but she feels unworthy of these words. “T-thank you, T-temari.”
Temari looks apologetic still, and Hinata fears she will talk again. Show her resolve in some other way Hinata can’t truly accept at this moment. But they say their thanks again, softer this time and leave after a couple of minutes of being silent.
Hinata is left with Naruto. His body is fine, it’s his seal again that’s causing problems. He will wake up, it is not a wish nor a dream, it’s a fact.
What worries them is that they just don’t know how he will feel or react after he’s woken. Lord Minato worries the seal will weaken and that they will need to tamper with it again, after being reinforced so soon.
He also thinks the only reason the seal was able to endure this whole ordeal is because it had been reinforced just before being put to the test.
Sai sits next to her after what seems like mere minutes, but he offers her food and beverages with an attitude that pleads for her to accept, so it must be way past dinner.
It feels like no time has passed at all. Hinata has to force the food down. It feels like cotton being shoved inside her mouth, unsavory and with a weird texture, but she knows she must eat. She wants to be healthy. She wants for Naruto to wake up and see her and not worry about her.
She eats every little thing on her plate, drinks every drop of liquid on her glass, and then brings her hand to Naruto’s body once again.
Lady Mito arrives in the room with a rush of wind that Hinata ignores. It’s only when she comes closer and sits that Hinata steals a glance at the new guest. She bows to Lady Mito, straightens and follows as she moves to Naruto’s other side.
She doesn’t really know how to comfort a sad grandmother. But she tries, “Lord Minato s-said he w-will wake up.”
Lady Mito sits on the floor, brings her hand to brush away Naruto’s bangs with a care that’s impossible to ignore.
“He w-will wake u-up.”
Lady Mito looks at her with sad eyes, and Hinata realizes that her reassurance could be understood as her own wishes. Her own way of coping.
She realizes she’s been repeating those words like a mantra inside her head.
She brings her eyes to Naruto’s face. Clean now, but full of burnt marks Sakura has done her best to heal but can’t make disappear only with her techniques. The wounds brought by the Beast will have to heal with a mixture of old fashioned nursing and healing chakra.
Lady Mito cups her grandson’s cheek and Hinata fears she may want some alone time. “D-do you need to b-be alone with h-him?”
Lady Mito raises her eyes to Hinata and then gives her a tight smile. “No, don’t worry, please.” She doesn’t miss the way Hinata’s hand tightens around Naruto’s or the way her shoulders relax at her words.
Lady Mito feels horrible. And seeing her grandson’s wife so affected does nothing to alleviate her guilt.
There is little she could have done. There is little she can do right now. But it’s not the things she can do now that plague her mind, it’s what could have been.
“I’m always late when bad things happen,” she whispers.
It’s an afterthought. Something she never meant to say out loud. But somehow Hinata looks at her without understanding anything and Mito feels compelled to talk. To share her story in hopes of someone finally acknowledging the wrong she has done to her own family.
“When my daughter died I was, much like today, far away in a meeting,” Sai stands from his spot near the door and walks out. Hinata doesn’t notice. “I came back to a dead daughter and the Beast sealed inside my grandson.”
She brings her lips together and realizes they’re trembling. There will never be a time when the pain doesn’t reach her when talking about the past. “I… we couldn’t do much in fear of the seal breaking and hurting Naruto… killing Naruto, so we waited."
And waited, and waited. Year after year of her asking Minato if now they could, and if not now then maybe next year. And then the next. And then…
"Naruto was 11 when the seal settled enough for it to be tampered with.” Still a child who craved hugs, still a sweet boy who had trouble with the red chakra that sometimes seeped out of him. “I wanted the Beast to be sealed within me then, got Minato’s approval. I told Naruto, thinking that he would agree immediately…” maybe she should have forced it to happen. “He just looked me in the eye and said ‘but it hurts, Grandma Mito, why would you want that?’”
She takes a few seconds to herself. She will not cry. This is not about her. “I just… I tried to explain to him that I could take the pain away, but he has always been quick to pick on things, and his training as Beast Tamer had already started… we thought he had to be ready… for anything. So a few days later he came to me, took my hands between his and asked me if I would die if we went through with it. I told him the truth, the fool. I should have lied. I should have…"
Lady Mito wipes away the stray tears that have fallen and despises them. Abhors them. "’The Beast is mine’, he said, ‘and I will not pass it to anyone ever.’"
Naruto lies there, hurt and unconscious and she sits there beside him doing nothing. Able to do nothing. Like always.
"I begged, kneeled and prostrated myself before him, but he didn’t budge. If anything, he became more stubborn… if only I could do something for him…”
Lady Mito’s voice breaks and Hinata can feel the tears falling down her face. What wouldn’t she give for Naruto to be freed from this. And now, right now, when she is burdened by his absence and the pain the situation inflicts on her, with the laments of his own grandmother right in front of her, Hinata can feel frustration rising inside.
"You are his g-grandmother,” she whispers. It’s an accusation and a justification both at once, and Hinata inhales sharply the moment she finishes what she said, realizing she’s letting her emotions get the better of her.
It seems at first that her words weren’t heard, thank heavens, and they sit in silence. But then Lady Mito sits straighter, serious, “It’s because I am his grandmother,” she whispers. And Hinata has to bite down her lower lip to keep herself from losing her composure.
Hinata remembers Naruto’s hand on her face, his breath washing over her as he just told her, matter of fact, ‘she’s my grandma. I love her.’
So simple, and so unfair.
He will never give the Beast to his grandmother. Hinata squeezes his hand and hopes for him to wake up soon.
