evidence 1: angels/demons don’t need to eat, blink, breathe, or sleep
evidence 2: crowley believing he won’t be discorporated in the bentley means he isn’t; hastur, lacking imagination to believe such, is discorporated like immediately
this leads me to: so theoretically crowley or aziraphale could get shot or guillotined or whatever and as long as they believed hard enough that they were still in their bodies, they could be, at least long enough to miracle themselves healed.
which leads me to: they both accidentally do things that should kill them on the regular - eating poisonous food, falling down ten flights of stairs - but they don’t realize those things should kill them, and therefore they don’t.
obvious conclusion:
this is the real arthurian britain they didn’t want you to see
I think we’re all sleeping on whatever the fuck Crowley’s Deal in Wessex (537 AD) was. What the fuck was he doing? ‘Fomenting dissent and discord’, what does that even mean, when you get right down to it? What was his game plan? Just skulk around the foggy woods as the Black Knight and jump out at travelers and yell, “BOO!”, and hope that did the trick?
And who the fuck were his little gang? Who were these guys?
WHO WAS THIS SCENERY-CHEWING DUDE?
Did Crowley pick him special from the Igor Emporium of Offensively Stereotypical Henchmen, or did they have to workshop that whole bit? “No, no, more scuttly. More sinister muttering! CREEPIER!”
They certainly seem to have a good working relationship with Crowley (”He’s all right, lads, I know him.”) and don’t seem fazed by the fuckin’ weird conversation he and Aziraphale proceed to have. They obviously know that their purpose here is not to murder the bejesus out of everyone who comes frolicking through the fens.
Of course, it’s not like Crowley even has the stomach for murder, so, like, what do they even do? Do they just kick around the odd traveler and then impress upon them how incredibly lucky they are to have barely gotten away with their life and send them fleeing to the next town to talk about The State of Bandits These Days? Discord and dissent, honestly.Does Crowley just draw some fake black eyes on his obviously theatrically-trained henchmen and send them into nearby taverns to proclaim loudly that THE BLACK KNIGHT is turning the whole of WESSEX (537 AD) into A NO-GO AREA, really KING ARTHUR should have dealt with him by now, too bad HE SUCKS. Just watch, I bet he won’t even SEND ONE OF HIS KNIGHTS, not even that useless SIR AZIRAPHALE, to deal with this BLIGHT UPON THE LAND.
He probably hires the less deplorable sort of brigands and scoundrels, sics them on the moredeplorable types, and if they do a good job, he sets them up with a nice retirement on the condition that they spread tales of his fearsome exploits wherever they go. Maybe signs up for a tourney now and again if he can find an unusually chill horse that doesn’t try to trample him on sight, and wins by virtue of holding on for dear life and being able to miracle an opponent’s lance to crumple like a bendy straw when it hits him.
