The whole reason adaptations of Romeo and Juliet don’t work is wrapped up in the first line of the show.”
“Two houses, both alike in dignity –”
That’s it. That’s the entire point. The Montagues and the Capulets are both rich, noble families. They’re on equal footing with each other. Both are frivolous and careless in that specific manner that only the generationally wealthy can be. The show and its message only work if both parties are equally rich and careless. If you try to translate it into any other context (Juliet is an heiress and Romeo is a punk, etc) you may have a good story, but you lose the entire point that Romeo and Juliet hinges upon. You may have a perfectly good story in its own right, but that story is no longer Romeo and Juliet.
…what needful else That calls upon us, by the grace of Grace, We will perform in measure, time and place.
You’ve just become king of Scotland (four for you!), but instead of throwing a massive coronation after-party, all you really want to do is sleep. Alas, sleep will have to wait, because your country has gone to shit and nearly everyone you know is dead. It’s been a rough couple of days. You have a lot of cleaning up to do and you know it.
We bring you: The Malcolm.
Ingredients:
Coffee. The strong kind.
2-8 cl Scotch. Also the strong kind (Glenfarclas 105 is perfect).
Cream.The stro The real deal, not that no-fun low-fat stuff.
Vanilla sugar
Hot chocolate powder
Milk and sugar if it pleases Your Majesty
Preparation:
In a big cup, prepare the coffee as you normally would (milk, sugar, etc.), then add some hot chocolate powder (Whittard’s Luxury white hot chocolote would suit you well today, my lord), and stir. Add the Scotch. Make it a double shot. Make it a quadruple, if you like. You’re the king, no one tells you how much booze to put in your morning coffee. Whip the cream with the vanilla sugar (again, you’re the king. If you want three packs of vanilla sugar in your whipped cream, treat yo’self). Pile the result on top of your coffee and sprinkle with some more cocoa powder. You deserve it.
Your vessels and your spells provide Your charms and everything beside I am for the air. This night I’ll spend Unto a dismal and a fatal end.
Happy Samhain!
Who is more appropriate to be a namesake for a Halloween-themed drink than Hecate, the goddess of witchcraft, herself? Even our three witches are scared of her, so your enemies should be, too. Sweet and sour and with a twist, if this one doesn’t make you feel the magic… just have another one. So put on some candles, get out your pointy hat and whatever remains of formerly living beings you have lying around and let’s start brewing!
Ingredients:
2cl Koskenkorva Salmiakki (or liquorice schnapps of your choice)
2cl vodka
Lime lemonade (the sourer the better)
Relentless Apple & Kiwi energy drink
No ice. You don’t want to water this down, do you.
Preparation:
If possible, use a (not too big) glass that resembles a cauldron or a goblet for ultimate witchiness. Mix the lime lemonade and energy drink in about equal parts in your cauldron and add the vodka. Carefully pour in the Salmiakki from the edge of the glass. Don’t stirr, otherwise you’ll get something that looks like it’s going to drink you. Garnish with a voodoo doll of someone you want to watch while they lose everything.
“Fuck you, Helen,” the Third Witch says to the Second, “you and your stupid health drinks. I want a real fucking cocktail.” The Third Witch just wants to get shitfaced on some funky sweet stuff, is that too much to ask?
(She is also secretly Irish, having been carted off to Scotland under unknown circumstances when she was just a wee lass. Don’t ask her about it, it’s a touchy subject.)
Ingredients:
6 cl Baileys
4 cl Cointreau
2 cl Whiskey (we suggest Jameson for this one)
5 tablespoons of pumpkin puree (as described here)
Lots of crushed ice
Preparation:
Mix all the liquids and combine with the pumpkin puree until the latter has dissolved (ideally, shake and strain). Fill whiskey glass to the brim with crushed ice and pour in the drink. The amounts given above should roughly fill two glasses. Drink like water, you won’t even notice there’s alcohol in there. Repeat until you’re sloshed enough to no longer notice Helen talking about what clothes to knit for her grand nephew’s toddler.
Halloween is just around the corner! To celebrate, we’re doing a series of crazyarse cocktails centred on the Scottish Play. The First Witch is here; we now present the Second Witch. It’s a little known fact that the Second Witch is a complete and utter health freak. No, for real, you didn’t think she lived to be over two hundred years old just by chanting silly ditties and mumbling under her breath, did you now? It’s all in the organic vegetables she lovingly raises in the witches’ garden. Here’s her favourite cocktail health drink.
Ingredients:
Two tablespoons of pumpkin puree
2 cl Scotch (nothing too fancy; Glenfiddich is fine)
4 cl carrot juice
2 cl tomato juice
2 cl mango juice
Cinnamon
Other spices, e.g. clove, nutmeg, chili,…
Preparation:
Cook a pumpkin until soft, mash until you have your puree as a base. Add the liquids, mash and mix further until the puree has dissolved (ideally, shake and strain). Add spices according to preference - this is very important, it’s what makes the drink interesting. Serve in a whisky glass with extra cinnamon sprinkled on top. Skip dinner, this shit is healthy enough to compensate for it.
Halloween is just around the corner! To celebrate, we’re doing a series of crazyarse cocktails centred on the Scottish Play. This one is the First Witch. She’s actually really sweet once you get to know her, promise! You really need to stop judging her just because she likes to fuck with people’s lives and send countries into war; she also loves her cats something dreadful, has an insane sweet tooth, and enjoys tending to her pumpkin patch together with the other witches. This is her favourite cocktail (and it doesn’t even involve bats’ wings).
Ingredients:
A pumpkin (red kuri squash is perfect)
A mango
Mango juice
A Japanese persimmon (kaki)
Double shot of vanilla vodka
Preparation:
Cook the pumpkin until it’s very soft, mash it up until its a fine puree; if you’re working with a medium-sized red kuri, use about half of it for two large cocktails. Add the mango and the persimmon, mash until its all well-mixed. Then add the vanilla vodka (or normal vodka and vanilla sugar) and as much mango juice as you want for whichever consistency you prefer - not too much though, or the pumpkin flavour will get drowned out. It will stay at a smoothie-esque consistency anyway, let’s just pretend that’s part of the charm. Leave to simmer in the moonlight for a fortnight and dance around it anti-clockwise three times. Serve in a cauldron or a whisky glass.
