#they had lost

it had all been an illusion.

many people knew what it felt like to fall in love with sirius black. falling in love with a grin, an only dimple on the right cheek, eyes of mercury gray, and royal eyelashes. falling in love with the courage of a tiger and the heart of a lion. falling in love with the love for the earth’s soil and the fire’s flames.

they’d all fall in love quickly. they never recognized it, until it was too late, and there was no way to surrender from it anymore. they’d stare from afar, their heart shattering. a comparison to the artists’ hanahaki disease, if you will, but it was silent. it always was.

remus thought it would be different for them, though. declarations of undying love over one single cigarette shared in the astronomy tower, feeling the taste of each other’s lips in their mouth, almost addicting. words gasped rushedly in the dead of the night when they thought they wouldn’t find the day of tomorrow and that those words, those words, were the last things that could keep their broken pieces together.

it had been real love, remus thought. maybe his love for sirius would not end tragically. maybe they wouldn’t be just another two actors, playing their play until the end and the curtain draws shut.

but he’d realize bitterly one night, all alone, that it had all been something to fill the little time they had left with each other. sirius never really loved him. it was just another fling, remus would call it, because it wasn’t love. or so, his broken heart thought. or so, his loneliness whispered in his ear. or so, he’d let his thoughts consume him whole.