#things get worse before they get better
Track 7 - This world can hurt you. It cuts you deep and leaves a scar. Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart.
Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)
Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others
Chapter summary: Simon doesn’t want to be here, the thought of seeing Jace again leaving him an unpleasant mix of angry and nervous. He’s determined to make the best of it though and when a rather attractive seelie starts to take an interest in him Simon’s all for it. So naturally that’s the point Jace comes crashing back into focus and Simon’s left scrambling for solid ground.
Simon really didn’t want to be here.
He had forgotten about the party in the mess of things and it had only been Izzy asking what he had been planning on wearing the day before that Simon had remembered about it with an all consuming panic that had left him scrambling for an excuse not to go. He had tried to talk his way out of it but he had been so nervous and panicked that he had stumbled over his words and failed to come up with a reasonable excuse in the moment. Izzy hadn’t accepted any of his stammered excuses anyway, sighing down the phone and pointing out how bad it would look if Simon wasn’t there considering his involvement with the cabinet and his current job roll. Reluctantly he had given in, promising to be there even though he desperately wanted to be anywhere else right now.
It wasn’t that he was trying to avoid the institute. He had been a couple of times in the last few weeks but it had all been planned out, Simon one hundred percent sure that Jace wasn’t anywhere near the building and he only stayed for as long as he needed, making sure he was long gone before the blonde showed up. So no, he wasn’t avoiding the institute, he was avoiding one of its occupants and he had been doing a pretty good job of it so far.
It hadn’t exactly been that hard though, considering Jace had practically dropped Simon from his life with relative ease. The only time they had spoken was when Jace had phoned to find out why Simon wasn’t at their scheduled training and even then they hadn’t actually spoken, Simon to terrified to answer the phone because he knew as soon as he heard the other mans voice he would go running back to him like the pathetic mess that he was. So he had just watched it ring, staring at the photo of Jace looking all soft and smiling as he played the piano, the Captain America theme blearing out across his apartment. When it had stopped ringing Simon had held his breath, waiting to see if it would ring again but when it had stayed silent he had snatched it up, staring down at it as he tried to work out why Jace would call him so suddenly after three days of nothing. It was only when he saw the date that he even realized what day it was and the fact he had missed their weekly training session.
That had left a rather sour taste in Simon’s mouth, the realization that Jace only cared because he was missing out on training making Simon’s already dark mood even worse. Of course all he was good for was being used as a moving target. He had sent Jace a rather short and abrupt text, a flimsy excuse as to why he hadn’t shown up. Normally he would ramble on, even in texts but he couldn’t come up with a worthwhile reason and he honestly couldn’t be bothered to think up some elaboration lie so he had just stuck with being vague and hoped that Jace wouldn’t pry. It seemed to work, Jace sending back a simple ‘ok’ and Simon had deflated, throwing his phone across the room and through his open bedroom door, the thing thankfully landing on his bed though it lacked the satisfying smash he had been after. That’s were it had stayed, untouched and unwanted until Simon had crawled into bed early the next morning and found it dead and tangled in his sheets. He hadn’t charged it for two days.
That had been the last time he had had anything to do with Jace. Simon was used to talking to the other man every day if not seeing him but now there was nothing and his life felt oddly empty without Jace there to fill the silence. He missed Jace, more than he had thought possible and Simon found himself desperate for any bit of information to do with the man. He knew he was annoying his friends, especially Izzy, with his constant questioning about the other shadowhunter but he needed to know and as he couldn’t go directly to the source he had to get the information from somewhere. Izzy had snapped at him the other day, refusing to tell him anything else to do with Jace and informing him that if he wanted to know he could go ask Jace himself but they both knew he wouldn’t. Jace didn’t want him in his life, didn’t need him and Simon wasn’t about to force his presence on someone who didn’t want him just because he couldn’t get his own pathetic crush under control.
Nervously Simon shifted, his hands clenching on his thighs as he tried not to dwell too much on the blonde currently missing from his life. Above him Izzy sighed, her hand stilling from where she was in the process of applying a worrying amount of eyeliner. “Sorry,” he mumbled, making an effort to go as still as he could so as not to end up looking like a pander. He hadn’t even realized what he was agreeing to when Izzy had asked about putting some makeup on him, his attention completely focused on looking around for Jace and trying to figure out how he was going to avoid him all night whilst also not staring at him all heart broken and longingly. It was his own fault for not paying attention and he hadn’t had the heart to tell her no when she had pushed him down onto her bed and came at him with her makeup bag and a wide smile.
It wasn’t that big of a deal though. Izzy had seemed happy when he agreed and if he could at least make someone happy then he would endure it. Plus he knew that if it looked bad she would get rid of it before anyone else could see him like it. Like the gluten for punishment he was Simon couldn’t help but wonder what Jace would think. He already knew that Jace thought his normal sense of fashion was nerdy and a little to teenage boy but this was different, Simon had put actual effort into his outfit tonight and he couldn’t help but wonder if Jace would approve of it.
Izzy had said he looked hot but she had said that the last time he wore a suit, claiming that it was a good look for him. Raphael had been over the moon about that, well as much as his normally stoic self could be. He had gifted Simon a few suits after that, insisting that if he wanted anyone to take him seriously he would need to ditch the band tees, skinny jeans and hoodie combo he lived in. Simon of course had tried to decline but one look from the then vampire and he had promptly shut up and taken them, never planning on putting another one on unless it was for another wedding or something like this. The suit he had picked for tonight was one of Raphael’s, the cut having been altered to fit Simon at the other mans insistence.
Right up until he was getting ready Simon had been planning on wearing a black suit, whit shirt combo, something simple and not at all likely to draw attention to himself but stood in front of his wardrobe his eyes had been drawn to the deep red fabric and he had thought why not. Why shouldn’t he draw attention to himself? He knew he looked good in it and wearing a suit always made him feel more confident. Clary had used to call it his boss outfit and when Simon had pulled the thing on and looked at himself in the mirror he had felt like the boss, like he could take on anyone and everything, including Jace but all that confidence had gone out the window as soon as he had stepped foot inside the institute, his nerves and anxiety coming back ten fold.
Shifting slightly, Simon cracked the eye open that Izzy wasn’t currently working on, taking in the look of concentration she was wearing. She looked gorgeous, her dress black lace with a plunging neckline to show of her ample cleavage and a slit up one side of the skirt. Her angelic power rune was perfectly framed, her long dark hair curled slightly and tumbling over her bare shoulders, her own eye makeup done to perfection and her lips an enticing blood red. She was stunning but Simon always thought she was and once again he felt that little pang of regret that they hadn’t worked out. It would have been so easy with her, had been whilst it lasted but Simon’s heart wanted what it wanted and that was a blonde pretty boy who was an insensitive asshole that didn’t love him back. Well at least he was consistent, though falling for yet another friend who couldn’t see his devotion to them was a habit he didn’t wish to carry on through his long life.
“Is erm, Jace coming tonight?” Simon winced at how pathetic he sounded, Isabelle only just managing to move the eyeliner brush out of the way before it could end up smudged across his cheek. “Simon,” she chastised softly and he offered her up an uneasy smile. “Sorry,” he apologized again, letting his eyes fall closed once more and tipping his head back to give her better access to his eyes. He was apologizing to her a lot lately, to the point he was seriously considering getting the two words printed on a t-shirt so he could just point at his chest in the future. Sighing Izzy’s grip tightened on his jaw, holding his head still as she went back to applying the black liquid to his eyes.
They stayed in silence whilst she finished, Simon trying to concentrate on her slow and steady heartbeat so his mind didn’t wander but it was difficult, even with the distraction. He felt on edge, his whole body thrumming with his nerves and being forced to sit still wasn’t helping. He wanted to get up and pace, to ramble a mile a minuet and try and burn off some of his nervous energy. Most of all though he wanted to run, as far away as he could as fast as he could because he wasn’t ready for this, to face Jace with his angry, judgmental eyes and harsh words that left Simon feeling like he was somehow less. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough and then he would finally have some distance between him and the young adult supernatural drama his life had become and maybe then he would finally be able to breath, metaphorically speaking that is.
“Done,” Izzy announced, letting go of Simon’s chin and taking a step back. Simon’s eyes slowly fluttered open, his eyelids feeling strangely heavy with the makeup on. Izzy was beaming at him, her eyes practically alight but Simon couldn’t tell if it was with amusement or because she was happy with how he looked. He would think it was amusement because Simon really didn’t think he would be able to rock the whole makeup wearing, bi fashion icon look like Magnus did. “On a scale of one to ten, one being slightly and ten being never show my face in publicly again, how stupid do I look?” Simon asked, finally letting his posture go lax now he didn’t have to worry about messing up his face. Izzy huffed, rolling her eyes at him. “Why don’t you have a look and you tell me.” She stepped to the side, gesturing towards the full length mirror in the corner of her room.
With a groaned Simon pushed himself up off the bed, giving Izzy an unimpressed look as he walked past her towards the mirror. If he looked stupid why couldn’t she just tell him, instead of making him acknowledge how ridiculous he looked and making that image stay with him for the rest of his extremely long life? He kept his eyes on Izzy as he stepped up to the mirror, trying to prolong the obvious embarrassment he was sure was coming his way. Her smile softened, tipping her head forward slightly and looking at Simon in that mix of fond exasperation that he was so used to. “Seriously, how bad is it? Are we talking Brandon Lee in The Crow bad or Alice Cooper bad because even though they may seem similar one is definitely worse than the other and I think I deserve to know what I’ve gotten myself into,” Simon rambled, the words as they often did just rushing out of him in one breath. “Simon,” Izzy laughed, looking at him pointedly and gesturing towards the mirror. “Fine, don’t tell me but if I look like Alice Cooper I’m telling Magnus you were the one who spilt coffee in his Dolce and Gabbana jacket.” Simon pointed at her, his head inclined forward slightly and giving her a pointed look. Izzy sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes at him once more. “Would you just look already.” Taking a deep breath Simon readied himself for the utter ridiculousness that was about to greet him and turned to the mirror.
Oh.
Oh wow.
Simon had been expecting pander eyes and to resemble an overzealous goth who though more was better but he was pleasantly surprised, looking more like 2012 era Adam Lambert then he had been prepared for. With his tailored suit and hair slicked back Simon looked good, really good and he couldn’t quite believe it. “So, what do you think?” Izzy asked, stepping up next to him and smiling smugly. Simon lifted his chin up slightly, running his hands down the lapped of his suit jacket before doing up the button. “Not bad Lightwood,” he said, trying to go for indifferent and slightly bored but he wasn’t sure he quite pulled it off. “Just one last thing and then you’ll be good to go.” She uncapped a light colored lip gloss as she spoke and Simon wordlessly turned towards her, parting his lips slightly and holding his breath as she used her finger to smooth it across his lips. Izzy stepped back, her eyes flickering across Simon’s outfit, “perfect.”
“You ready?” Izzy asked over her shoulder, effortlessly gliding through the room and towards the door. Simon took one last look at his appearance in the mirror, happy that he still looked presentable and up to Raphael’s standards. He was sure the once vampire would be satisfied with how well Simon looked, all those hours of chastising him about his personal style and making him iron his suits having payed off. “Yeah,” he sighed, tearing his eyes away from his reflection and following after her. Realistically he wasn’t ready at all, the thought of all those people he would have to interact with not filling him with a great deal of confidence but it was still the thought of having to face Jace that terrified him the most. He wanted to see Jace, he did but he also didn’t and at the moment the urge to run was starting to win out but he had promised Izzy he would be here and he wouldn’t let her down, even if it did make him feel a little uncomfortable.
Resigned to his fate Simon was about to step through the door when Izzy stopped him, placing her hand on his chest to keep him in place. Frowning he looked down at her only to find her playful smile gone and a look of seriousness having taken over. “Jace will be there tonight and I know that you and him are having difficulties at the moment but he’s trying.” Simon scowled at that. Having difficulties was putting it lightly. Jace was being an insensitive ass on a good day and out right mean on a bad one and apart from living his life like Jace had pre Clary Simon didn’t understand why he was suddenly being treated with such hostility.
“The only thing he’s trying to do is be an asshole and he’s succeeding,” Simon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking past Izzy and down the empty hallway. He could here the sound of party goes downstairs, the gentle sound of music filtering up along with the faint murmur of conversation. He wanted to get this over and done with and the sooner they got downstairs the sooner Simon would be able to make his escape after a couple of hours but Izzy deciding to talk about Simon’s biggest worry now was pushing his longed for escape further and further away. “Just give him a chance, you know he isn’t good with expressing his emotions and though he may not say it he has missed you.”
Simon’s head jerked back round at her words, eyes wide in surprise and not quite believing what she had said. Jace missed him, missed Simon and though that had his dead heart soaring he couldn’t quite believe it. If Jace missed him so much, if he had cared enough in the first place then why had he pushed Simon away? Jace had done this to himself, had made it clear that he didn’t want Simon around and he had given him the space he wanted. No Jace hadn’t missed him, he couldn’t have but Simon had missed him almost the same way he had missed the sun after he was first turned because Jace was bright and warm just like the sun and everything seemed duller and colder without him around. No Jace didn’t miss him because if he did it just made everything worse and Simon really just wanted to move on with his life right now and get over Jace Herondale before he was driven mad by it all.
“Fine,” he sighed, letting his arms fall to his side. He would be polite and friendly just as long as Jace offered him the same courtesy but the moment he started something Simon was leaving. He didn’t have to put up with it just because he was in love with the guy and he owed it to himself to have a little self respect to realise that. “Thank you,” Izzy smiled softly and Simon started to feel a little guilty about the fact he wasn’t planning on giving Jace an opportunity to make Simon give him a chance. If the last few weeks had taught him anything it was that he need to get a grip of his life and move on. It’s why he had practically jumped at the opportunity to go to London, answering so quickly that he had cut Alec off half way through explaining why they wanted him to go in the first place.
Alec had seemed a little hesitant about asking him to go but Simon had been adamant that he would take the job seriously and wouldn’t come back until he had resolved the situation. Alec was still kind of reluctant about all of it though and Simon had tried to assure him the best he could that he wouldn’t let the other man down and thanked him for giving him the opportunity to actually do something like this. Simon had gone home and started researching everything he could, even going as far as to contact the London institute as well as the vampire clans. He had a whole folder full of preliminary information and already had a rapport going with Dorian, the shadowhunter he would be dealing with and Elizabeth, the second in command of the London clans. He was confident he could help resolve their issues with hopefully little to no bloodshed and having something else to focus on would hopefully help him begin to move on with this life. He had a lot of it ahead of him after all and he really didn’t want to spend the next sixty or so years pinning after a man who he couldn’t have.
“Shall we?” he asked, offering Izzy his arm. “What a gentleman,” she smiled, linker her arm through his as Simon offered her a crooked smile in return. As they made their way down stairs Simon tried not to think about Jace or let his eyes frantically dart around the banquet hall for any sign of the blonde man but it was difficult not to, Simon hyper aware that he could be anywhere. He let Izzy lead him into the middle of the room, listening as she told him who was who and why they had been invited, whispering low enough for him to pick up with his vampire hearing so as not to alert anyone else to what she was saying because a lot of it was gossip and probably wouldn’t go over that well.
It was easy enough, the two of them working their way around the room and making introductions. Simon had been surprised how many people had known who he was and had wanted to meet him, asking him his opinion on downworlder matters that he felt completely under qualified to even be talking about let alone have an opinion on. Izzy stayed by his side though, acting as a buffer when his anxiety started to get the better of him. At some point they got sucked into a conversation with another shadowhunter that Simon had never meet before, his accent thick and his English a little broken. Izzy seemed to know who he was though and the two of them dissolved into a rather serious conversation about how best to run an institute. Simon tried to pay attention, he really did but he soon found his interest slipping as his gaze began to wonder.
There were so many people, talking and drinking and uncaring that the down world was mixing with the shadow one. Vampires were talking to werewolves, warlocks and sorceress deep in conversations with shadowhunters and seelie’s just effortlessly floating around the room and drawing everyone in. It was truly something to behold considering just a few short years ago you would have struggled to get any of them in a room together let alone willingly talking and being friendly with one another. Alec had done an amazing job with the alliance and he more then deserved his promotion to inquisitor.
As he continued to look around Simon’s thoughts began to stray, seemingly unable to stop himself from remembering the last time he had seen Jace and everything that had come after.
When Jace had unceremoniously sent him away all those weeks go Simon had welcomed Tyler into his home and his bed. It had been angry and aggressive, Simon covered in bruises and scratch marks and what might have been a fractured wrist but he had wanted it to hurt, wanted one pain to cover up another and the werewolf had provided that but once he was done, leaving Simon face down in his bed and covered in both their cum he hadn’t felt any kind of satisfaction. He had just laid there, staring out his window and watching the sun set and knowing full well he needed to get up and wash the evidence of his tryst off yet not being able to find the motivation to do so. Instead he had thought about Jace, about the sudden change of his attitude towards Simon and what he could have possibly done to trigger it. It had taken him five hours to drag himself out of his bed and get clean, another hour after that to change his sheets, though he had considered just burning them.
Sleeping with Tyler had been a mistake, a decision born of anger and hurt and Simon regretted acting so rashly. He had stared at himself in the mirror for what felt like hours, telling himself he wasn’t going to let Jace get to him, nor let his emotions dictate his actions. He was going to give Jace the Simon free life he wanted and he was going to get on with his own life and not let one person’s rotten attitude force him into changing his lifestyle. Of course that little pep talk had lasted all of an hour and what he actually had done was wallow in self-pity and heartbreak.
Simon had spent almost a week locked in his apartment, laying around and clutching the pieces of his broken heart. He hadn’t gone out anywhere, hadn’t answered any calls, nor any of Maia’s insistent banging on his apartment door. About two days in he had managed to send a quick text to Izzy and Maia saying he was fine, just busy with vampire stuff witch wasn’t untrue. He was a vampire and he was busy doing stuff, like contemplating packing a bag and making a run for it. He had enough money saved up that he thought he would be able to make it to Ohio if not Michigan if he budgeted like crazy but that was just a stupid little fantasy for when he was feeling at his lowest.
After that first week Simon had had no choice but to go out. Maia was refusing to bring him any blood and despite how crappy he was feeling Simon didn’t want to end up starving himself and attacking his neighbors. So reluctantly he had trudged off to the Hunters Moon getting a full ten minute lecture about his childish sulking before Maia would hand over his order. She had had a point though, Simon was being childish and over dramatic. If Clary had been there she would have allowed him maybe a day to wallow before bursting into his apartment and dragging his pathetic ass out into the real world and making a start on forgetting the boy who had broken his heart, even unknowingly. Of course if Clary had been there she and Jace would be madly in love still and Simon would probably still be with Izzy. It had been enough though, Simon resolute in his decision to put Jace and his shitty attitude behind him and he had put in every effort to get back to normal. Well as normal as his life could be considering it had a rather large Jace sized hole in it.
Simon hadn’t slept with anyone since Tyler, hadn’t even made an attempt to so much as flirt with anyone. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, it had just kind of gone that way. It probably didn’t help that whenever he found someone attractive he could here Jace in his head, judging him as he sneered out ‘band practice huh’. It was an instant mood killer, Simon turning his attention else where and feeling guilty for so much as looking at some. A ridiculous thought really because he didn’t have a reason to feel guilty. It wasn’t like he was dating anyone.
Instead he had slipped back into his old self, surrounding himself with his comics and video games but most importantly his music. He had tried to write some of his book but he couldn’t find it in him to do so but his music stuck with him and Simon found himself composing one song after another. They were mostly about love, about heartbreak and letting go and how unrequited love could ruin a friendship. He poured everything into his music, finding it cathartic to get it all out. It still didn’t change the fact that the thought of seeing Jace still terrified him. Didn’t change the fact that Simon loved him and missed him, whilst also being so incredibly mad at him at the same time. It didn’t change anything but it gave Simon an outlet because he still couldn’t bring himself to say out loud everything that Jace had come to mean to him, except in his music that is. His music spoke of everything Simon couldn’t and right now that was enough for him.
“Look at him Alec.” Simon’s head snapped round at the angry hiss, yanked from his thoughts like a fish on a hook. He would recognize that voice anywhere. Jace was facing away from him, looking up at Alec who looked like he had smelled something bad as he gestured behind him towards were Simon stood. Everything else vanished, the world around him going silent as his smile fell and he watched as Alec dragged his eyes across him before smirking only to have it fall into a scowl as Jace jabbed a finger at him, clearly angry about something. No not something, someone. He was angry about Simon and that had his insides twisting painfully.
Simon had thought he was ready for that, thought he would have been able to handle Jace not wanting him there but he had been wrong. The anger directed towards him had been shocking, leaving Simon feeling like he should make his excuses and leave before he managed to make things any worse than they already were. He hated it, hated that he cared so much about Jace that he was willing to ditch his other friends even though Jace clearly didn’t return the sentiment. He didn’t deserve the hostility, the anger and casual meanness that Jace had been directing at him for the past month. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t hurt anyone, wasn’t causing any problems and he most certainly hadn’t done anything that Jace hadn’t done himself. If Jace wanted to be an asshole then fine, that was his prerogative but Simon wasn’t about to stand there and take it. He had promised to give Jace a chance but clearly the other man didn’t want one so Simon wouldn’t give him the opportunity. He wasn’t about to change who he was because one person took issue with what he did in his spare time and if Jace couldn’t see past his own pettiness and fragile ego then that was his problem not Simon’s.
With a new determination to prove to Jace that whatever it was going on between them hadn’t effected him in the slightest Simon turned back to Izzy, letting the sound rush back in as he focused on her and the shadowhunter before them. He placed his hand on the small of her back, angling his body closer to hers and leant in. “Please tell me I’m not this boring when I ramble because if I am just stake me now and put everyone out of their misery,” he whispered, delighting in the startled laugh it got him. He pulled away with a wide smile, the other shadowhunter looking confused for just a moment before he carried on talking like nothing had happened. Smiling Simon managed to snag a glass of blood off a passing waiter, glad of something to keep his hand busy as the feeling of being watched had his skin tingling. He didn’t need to look to know who it was watching him and he didn’t want to look either, didn’t want to see the look of disgust he knew would greet him if he did. Instead he took a sip of the room warm blood, keeping his attention on the man before him. He wouldn’t give Jace the satisfaction of letting him know he was getting to him.
Everything was kind of a blur after that. Simon went out of his way to make sure he was never alone, flitting from one conversation to the next. He never once looked up at Jace despite almost constantly being able to feel his gaze boring into the side of his head and after about an hour he had gotten so used to it that he didn’t even really registering it any more. Izzy had left him not long after their conversation with the other shadowhunter had ended, having been distracted by a seelie who wanted to talk about their part in the alliance. Simon couldn’t blame her, the man had been kind of beautiful but all seelie’s were and if Simon had been her he would have ditched him to.
Despite his reservations about the party Simon had found himself actually enjoying himself once he finally relaxed a little. He was surprised by how easy he found it on his own, actually managing not to ramble too much and hold rather adult and serious conversations. It gave him confidence that when he got to London he wouldn’t screw things up and prove Alec right that he shouldn’t have sent him in the first place.
As the night passed Simon found himself in the company of a seelie, the two of them talking about music and art but it didn’t take long for Simon to realise she was flirting with him. She was pretty, just like all seelie were, with a slight green shimmer to her skin that Simon found appealing. He wanted to know if it went all the way down or stopped just under the edges of her clothing. Her hair was long and curled, the soft red strands tumbling over her shoulders and her eyes green like fresh grass. She reminded him of the old seelie queen when she had been in her older form and a little like Clary to though she lacked the same fierce glint in her eyes that Clary had had. That probably should have put him off but instead it spurred him on, a sense of familiarity settling in that was just pathetic, even for him.
As far as ideas went it was a bad one but she was beautiful and Simon was lonely. He didn’t want to go home alone to his apartment tonight, didn’t want to be left alone with his doubts and insecurities. He didn’t stop her when she moved into his personal space, her hand lightly gliding up his chest to finger his tie as she smiled coyly up at him. Simon was good at this, had had enough practice over the last year to know how these things went and what was expected of him. Smiling he gripped her waist with one hand, pulling her closer to him so he could lean in and whisper in her ear. His lips brushed against her ear, Simon about to ask if she wanted to leave with him, maybe find a nice piece of moon drenched woodland to get to know each other better in when strong hands grabbed at his hips, pulling Simon away from her and back into a solid chest.
Simon made a small surprised squeak that he would deny latter, going stiff in the strangers hold. It wasn’t that Simon was opposed to these kinds of things but the seelie hadn’t given him any indication she was with anyone else so that could only mean that this guy was taking liberties and putting his hands where they weren’t wanted. Simon scowled, pulling in a deep breath to tell the guy he had ten seconds to let go or he was losing a hand when he got a lungful of sunshine and leather. A familiar voice rumbled against his ear and Simon stopped breathing, his entire body shutting down.
“There you are.” Jace’s voice was a low rumble, his lips brushing against Simon’s cheek as he spoke and sending shivers down his spine. He didn’t know what was happening, his words failing him as Jace pressed in closer. Out of all the possible things that could have happened tonight, Jace’s sudden clingy-ness was not something Simon would have placed bets on. He was so warm, his natural heat sinking through Simon’s suit and warming his cold skin, the shadowhunters smell invading all his senses. He had missed this and having it now had him feeling like he had been dying of dehydration all this time they had been apart and suddenly he had been dunked into a lake, gasping and gulping water down as he drowned.
In front of him the seelie smirked, arching an amused eyebrow at the pair of them and Simon offered her an apologetic smile, not really sure what the hell was going on. “Hey Jace, I’m erh kind of in the middle of something dude,” he laughed nervously. Simon tried to come off as casual, as if the last few weeks hadn’t happened and they were the same as they had been then, close friends who were a little too familiar with one another but his body was stiff, his voice strained and his hand spasming on the seelie’s waist as he fought the urge to shove Jace off him.
Turning his head Simon tried to look round at the blonde behind him but Jace didn’t pull away like he thought he would and all it did was drag his lips across Simon’s cheek and put them dangerously close to Simon’s own. He quickly jerked his head back round, eyes wide and swallowing loudly. If he was still alive Simon had no doubt he would be flushed bright red now, his heart slamming away painfully in his chest and his palms sweating as he tried and failed to stay calm. Thankfully being dead prevented any of that from happening and Simon was left with just trying to get his facial features under control. He hadn’t been ready to find Jace’s face so close and the almost accidental brush of lips had Simon feeling both panicked and kind of giddy. He suddenly felt like his twelve year old self again, getting his first kiss in a game of spin the bottle at Mandy Moor’s thirteenth birthday party. It wasn’t an experience he was too thrilled about reliving.
“Your always busy, with your little band practice,” Jace grumbled the last couple of words, sounding bitter and if Simon didn’t know any better jealous but that couldn’t be right. Jace didn’t even like him right now so there was no way he would be jealous of what Simon had been up to, unless that was it. Maybe that was what the issue had been all along and Jace was angry that Simon had encroached on his reputation, getting one of his own to rival that of the blondes. “No different to book club angel boy,” Simon said tersely, rolling his shoulder back to jostle the man behind him in an attempt to get him off. Jace huffed, tilting his head down to drag his lips along Simon’s neck and hands tightening on his hips. “It’s different cos it’s you,” he grumbled and Simon didn’t know whether to be offended or not. Everyone always assumed Simon was a nerdy sexless idiot but he had skills, had gotten Clary, Maia and Izzy into bed before he had even honed them so yeah Jace could shove it.
Before he could tell Jace where he could shove it the seelie sighed, drawing his attention back to her. She didn’t look angry but she didn’t look happy either. “You seem like you have your hands full daylighter, another time perhaps.” She cupped Simon’s other cheek, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips but before she could get close enough Jace growled, low and threatening and she jerked back, eyes wide with surprise that was probably mirrored by Simon’s own look of shock. “Back off,” he snarled, hooking his chin over Simon’s shoulder and jerking him back against him until his entire back was pressing against Jace’s front. There wasn’t even a breath between them now, Simon able to feel every inch of Jace’s well defined muscles against his back and it was almost enough to distract him from whatever the hell it was that Jace had just done.
She scowled at Jace, huffing before storming off, flicking her long hair over her shoulder as she went. “What the hell dude?” Simon hissed, jerking out of Jace’s hold and whirling round to glare at the other man. Jace looked annoyed, his eyes a little glassy and a slight flush to his cheeks and that probably should have sent up a red flag but Simon was too pissed off to really care right now. How dare he come over here after weeks of nothing, after treating Simon like shit and act like he had some sort of right over his time and who he spent it with. Simon wanted to hit him, wanted to push and shove him away and demand that he just stop, whatever this was that he was doing but Izzy and Magnus had put so much effort into the party, Alec having poured his heart and soul into the alliance and Simon wouldn’t be the one to mess all of that hard work up, regardless of how much he wanted to slap some sense into Jace right now.
“She wasn’t your type,” Jace huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, turning his head to look out across the room and pouting like the spoiled brat he was. Simon scowled at him, mimicking his pose and holding his head up high. “Really, and you know what is?” Simon scoffed. Jace was being ridiculous and Simon couldn’t understand why. He turned back to Simon, his eyes flickering over him before making eye contact. “Yes,” he said seriously and Simon just blinked at him, unsure of how to take the simple but confident answer. Something was off, even more so than had been over the last month and he needed to find out what before they dissolved into a full blown argument that they wouldn’t be able to come back from.
Narrowing his eyes Simon stepped into Jace’s space, ducking his head down till their noses were almost touching. Jace’s lips parted slightly as he pulled in a breath, his head tilting as his tongue poked out to wet his lips, angling his mouth more towards Simon’s as if he was expecting a kiss but that was ridiculous. Jace wouldn’t ever want to kiss him. Simon sucked in a breath, tasting Jace’s own as he breathed out and instantly he jerked back. “Dude are you drunk?” he hissed in disbelief, looking at the blonde with disapproval. Jace didn’t really drink all that much any more but when he did it was only a beer or two, nothing that would leave him with anything more then a pleasant buzz. He hadn’t gotten this drunk since just after Clary left and Simon had to carry him back to the institute because he couldn’t stand. That had not been a fun night and Jace had gotten better afterwards so why the hell was he suddenly going back to old habits?
Jace shrugged, his gaze flickering off to the side and looking very much like he was sulking. “You left me on my own,” he mumbled, his gaze flickering briefly back to Simon as if to gage his reaction. Simon felt a sharp stab of guilt at that. As much as he had been angry with the other man, hurt by Jace cutting him out of his life Simon had been just as bad. The blame went both ways, Simon not having even tried to talk to Jace, had even gone out of his way to avoid him. He knew Jace had abandonment issues, they had spoken about it before but in his anger and pain he hadn’t even stopped to consider how Simon’s silence would have affected him. He felt like an ass, and though he was still angry with how Jace had treated him it lessened slightly, instead turning inwards.
Sighing Simon eyed Jace wearily. He had told Izzy he would give him a chance and even though he had been adamant that he wouldn’t and give Jace the opportunity to hurt him again Simon could feel his resolve crumbling. He was weak when it came to Jace and even if he was drunk and acting like an idiot Simon still couldn’t help but give into him. “Thought you didn’t need me?” he asked, a bitter edge to his words because that still hurt and there was no way of hiding that. Jace turned back to him looking directly into Simon’s eyes. “I always need you,” Jace said in all seriousness and Simon’s eyes went wide, his mouth hanging open in shock.
Jace took Simon’s stunned silence as some kind off permission, unfolding his arms and grabbing hold of Simon’s hips once more, pulling him forward until they were pressed together again. Simon didn’t know what to do, his mind reeling as Jace leant forward, running the tip of his nose along Simon’s jaw and following its path with his lips, all the way up to his ear. “Want you,” Jace rumbled, voice a low purr as he sucked Simon’s earlobe into his mouth and nipped gently at it. Simon’s hands darted out, curling around Jace’s biceps and he let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan, his eyes falling shut at the sudden sensation. He felt Jace smirk against the spot behind his ear, his breath hot against his cold skin as he pulled Simon tighter against him.
“Simon,” Jace groaned. Simon’s eyes snapped open, the sound of his own name snapping him out of his daze. What was he doing? What was Jace doing? This was all so strange and jarring, Simon feeling like he had somehow stumbled into a parallel universe without having even noticed. Jace was drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing and here Simon was taking advantage of his inebriated state. Jace wasn’t even into guys, was probably just confused and out of it, not even realizing what he was doing to Simon. It didn’t matter that Simon had been dreaming of having this kind of attention from Jace for years now, it wasn’t right and as the only sober one out of the two of them he needed to take control of the situation before Jace did something he couldn’t take back and then there really wasn’t any chance of salvaging what was left of their friendship.
Taking a deep breath Simon tightened his grip on Jace’s arms, holding him in place as he stepped back and out of Jace’s grasp. He ignored the annoyed whine Jace let out and the pout, instead focusing on a point somewhere by Jace’s right ear. “You’re drunk and as your friend it is my duty to stop you from doing something you’ll regret in the morning and this is definitely something you are going to regret.” Jace huffed, grabbing Simon’s elbows and attempting to pull him forward but Simon held his ground, refusing to let the space between them get any smaller. “The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner,” Jace grumbled, tugging on Simon’s arms once more.
Simon groaned, eyes closing and his head falling forward to hang between his arms. This couldn’t be happening, not now. Jace was drunk, Simon could smell the whiskey heavy on his breath and he knew that people said and did things they didn’t necessarily mean when they were to far under the influence but this was just cruel, dangling what Simon wanted most right in front of his face all the while knowing it wasn’t real, wasn’t actually his to have. He wanted to cry, wanted to go home and hide under his blankets and just will the last ten minutes out of existence but first he had to get Jace out of here. They were still friends and Simon wouldn’t leave him down here completely hammered and vulnerable for someone else to take advantage of.
“We need to get you to bed,” Simon stated as he looked up, his voice a lot more confident then he felt. Jace was smirking at him, all confidence and self satisfaction, like he had won something when in reality all he was getting was Simon dragging his drunk ass back up the stairs and dumping him on his bed before making a quick escape. “That was fast, even for a vampire,” Jace leered, winking at him and all Simon could do was stare at him for a long few seconds before sorting and rolling his eyes at the bad joke. “Yeah. Okay Casanova let’s go.” Simon let go of Jace’s arms to turn him around and urge him forward but before he could even take a step towards the doors Jace’s hand darted out, grabbing Simon’s and interlacing their fingers. Confused Simon stared at their joint hands like it was an alien life form. He had touched Jace plenty of times before and they had held hand for a brief few seconds when Simon first came to the institute but this, this was something on a whole different level. “Come on Simon,” Jace insisted, tugging him forward and dumbly he followed, still staring at their joint hands and mumbling a distracted “yeah.”
It was easy enough getting Jace across the room, the blonde going willingly and beaming brightly the whole time. He stumbled a few times, his attention seeming to slip from the task of walking but Simon was there, using his vampire speed to righten him before he even got a chance to even notice his mistake. Jace stayed close to him the whole time, invading Simon’s personal space like it was a normal occurrence and not seeming to even care they were still holding hands when that was all Simon could think of, convinced everyone was staring at them and whispering about things that just weren’t true. It didn’t help matters that Jace kept leaning in, trying to steal kisses that Simon was trying his hardest to avoid.
About half way across the room Simon had caught sight of Alec watching them, his dark eyes tracking their movements with an amused smirk curling up one side of his mouth. Feeling like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t by a teacher Simon quickly tugged his hand free of Jace’s grip, letting his hand fall to his side. Jace had looked at him in a mix of confusion and annoyance, Simon finding the look kind of adorable on the other man but it didn’t last, Jace smirking as he slipped up next to Simon and wrapped his arm around Simon’s back. He didn’t even hesitate to slip his hand up under Simon’s suit jacket, his fingers dangerously close to slipping under the waistband of his trousers as he rubbed small circles into his lower back. It had Simon gritting his jaw, biting down on the angry demand that Jace let him go. If he had been sure that Jace wouldn’t throw up on him he would have chucked him over his shoulder and used his vampire speed to get him to his room just so he could escape this sudden hell he had found himself in quicker.
The stairs turned out to be an obstacle to much for Jace. He stumbled over almost every other step, Simon having no choice but to wrap his arm around the other mans waist whilst Jace slung his arm across his shoulders, just to keep him upright. Jace laughed like it was the best thing ever, turning his head into Simon’s neck and humming as he nuzzled him, uncaring that Simon was practically carrying his up the stairs. “S’posed to tell you, you pretty,” Jace mumbled as Simon managed to get his door open. “Thanks,” Simon answered, not really paying attention as he continued to lead Jace across the room to his bed, a bed Simon had slept in more than once and knew was ridiculously comfortable. That had apparently been the wrong thing to say though because Jace dug his heels in, refusing to go any further into room. “Dude come on, you need to work with me here,” he groaned, turning to look at Jace only to find him frowning sadly down at the floor.
“You don’t think I’m pretty.” Simon stared at Jace as his frown deepened, not really understand what was happening. “What?” Jace huffed, shrugging out of Simon’s hold. “You didn’t say it back,” he grumbled, shakily taking a few steps towards his bed and shrugging his jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. Simon followed after him, snatching the discarded item of clothing off the floor and throwing it onto the bed. “You know you’re pretty,” Simon grumbled, finally starting to get annoyed with the other man. He didn’t want to be talking about how pretty Jace was just to give the man an ego boost that he probably wouldn’t even remember when he awoke the next morning.
“But you don’t,” Jace snapped as he turned back to face Simon, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling. “Why does it matter?” Simon yelled, instantly feeling bad as hurt flashed through Jace’s eyes before he dropped his gaze back to the floor. He looked so sad, frowning down at the floor as he wrapped his arms around himself. Simon was being an asshole, lashing out because he felt caged in and to close to being exposed. He was doing exactly what he had been angry at Jace for doing and that wasn’t okay. “Of course I think you’re pretty,” Simon sighed, reigned to his fate and only hoping that Jace wouldn’t hate him for this come morning.
Jace’s head jerked up, his eyes wide and full of hope. Groaning in frustration Simon shoved a hand through his hair, uncaring that he was messing it up. Now that he had started he couldn’t stop, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a calm steady stream of honesty. “I think you look petty first thing in the morning when your hairs a mess and you’re still half asleep and grumpy because you haven’t had your coffee yet. I think you’re beautiful when you fight, all quick and sure movements full of such power and grace. I think you’re handsome when you’re playing the piano and your hair falls in front of your face because you didn’t put any gel in it and you’re smiling because you remembered something good for once. I think you’re stunning when you…oomph.” Simon didn’t get to finish what he had been saying, Jace surging forward and pressing his lips against Simon’s and effectively cutting off his rambling with a bruising kiss.
He stumbled backwards, his arms warping round Jace out of instinct as he tried to balance their weight. Jace didn’t seem to care, wrapping his arms around Simon’s neck and burying his hands in his hair, pressing his lips harder against Simon’s. It was a shock, Simon’s mind going blank for a split second before he was pushing back and returning the kiss, matching Jace’s desperation with his own. It was hard and demanding and completely uncoordinated but it was Jace and Simon found himself unable to care. He gripped tighter at his waist, burying his own hand into the silken blonde strands at the back of his head, holding him closer as he swiped his tongue across Jace’s lips. With a muffled moan Jace granted him entrance, allowing the kiss to be deepened. He tasted like whiskey, sharp and bitter as Simon explored his mouth but underneath that was something unequally Jace and Simon was hungry for more.
He hadn’t even realised his fangs had dropped, not till Jace’s tongue dragged across them with a moan and the sharp metallic tang of blood flooded his mouth. Simon jerked back, the reality of the situation making itself known even as his ever present hunger demanded more. He shouldn’t be doing this, not now, not with Jace drunk and vulnerable. Jace whined, trying to chase Simon’s lips but he craned his neck backwards in an attempt to avoid him. That had been a mistake, Jace deciding to abandon the kiss and instead pressing his lips to Simon’s exposed neck. It was his turn to moan and rather loudly at that. Simon’s neck had always been sensitive but even more so since he had been turned and he found himself clinging onto the back of Jace’s shirt as he nipped and sucked his way from one side of his neck to the other.
This was bad, so very very bad because Simon was getting hard, his arousal taking over as his mind failed to keep up with what was happening. Jace was invading all his senses, shutting down his rational mind and leaving him a pathetic, desperate mess. Simon wanted this, wanted to let the other man do whatever the hell he wanted to Simon, to hell with the consequences but he knew that come morning, if Jace woke up beside him that the realization of what they had done would ruin everything and Jace would never forgive him for letting it happen. Simon wouldn’t blame him, would in fact join Jace in hating him because it would be all his fault. He was the sober one here, had vampire strength and speed at his disposal and he never should have allowed it to get this far in the first place. He needed to leave and he needed to leave now before he took things too far.
“Jace wait,” Simon managed to get out, biting back the urge to moan as blunt teeth scrapped across his jaw. He felt Jace smile, the other man mumbling into his neck. “Been waiting long enough.” Simon didn’t have the chance to ask what the hell he was on about before he was being shoved backwards. The back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, Simon not even having noticed they had been moving towards it, to distracted by Jace’s lips to even care. He sprawled backwards, half laying and half way pushed up on his elbows but before he could push himself up he got a lap full of Jace, the blonde grinning as he straddled Simon’s thighs.
“I like having you under me,” he grinned, swooping down to steal another kiss even as Simon tried to splutter out some kind of protest. He didn’t know what was happening and Jace was everywhere, his tongue invading Simon’s mouth as his got Simon’s jacket open and his hands start to tug at his shirt, trying to free it from Simon’s trousers. “Always like having you under me,” Jace mumbled as he pulled away from Simon’s lips just long enough to pull in a breath before going back to seemingly trying to make Simon look like he had been mauled by a vampire, sucking and licking at his neck as he kissed his way from one side to the other.
“What?” Simon managed to gasp out. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around what Jace was saying because it couldn’t be what it sounded like to Simon. No, this was just some drunken exploration of sexuality and definitely not Jace implying that he found Simon attractive and had wanted to do anything even remotely like this when he was sober and clear headed. Oh but it was a wonderful thought and Simon desperately wanted it to be true. He wanted to pretend for just a moment, just a second of eternity that it was real, that Jace actually did like him like that and these past few weeks had been the idiot not handling his jealousy at finding out Simon had been sleeping with other people. Simon wanted to accept that as fact and be able to swallow down the mix of guilt and shame he currently felt at actually enjoying what was happening but it wasn’t because he knew better than to buy into his own deluded fantasies. So no this wasn’t real but it didn’t stop Simon from wanting it, from wanting Jace.
A hunger was taking over, his fangs refusing to go back in but Jace didn’t seem to care, his tongue pushing between Simon’s parted lips and kissing him as if he was just as hungry for Simon as he was Jace. He wanted to flip them over, wanted to map every inch of Jace’s body and leave him a shaking and gasping mess. He wanted Jace, wanted all of him and he wanted to give himself over to the shadowhunter in return and his resolve to put an end to this was rapidly dwindling with every shift of Jace’s ass against his almost painful erection, both of them moaning at the sensation. Simon wanted to devour Jace and that scared the hell out of him.
“Let me have you.” Jace’s nipped at Simon’s ear, purposely and slowly grinding down on Simon’s lap as he did so. He could feel the last little thread of reason slowly starting to fray and he knew if he didn’t get Jace to stop now he never would, giving into his own desires. “Jace stop, you’re not…ah!” Simon cried out as Jace bit down on his neck, hard. “Shit” he cursed, his hand darting up and fingers pressing against the bite mark to make sure Jace hadn’t broken the skin. That was the last thing he needed right now and despite it not being Simon’s fault Alec would definitely kill him if Jace ended up inthralled by him.
With the fear of Alec in him Simon gripped Jace’s shoulders and pushed him back, finally putting some distance between them, though considering Jace was still on his lap it wasn’t that much of a difference but those few extra inches left Simon feeling like he could breath finally. “Alright, that’s enough out you, you overgrown leach.” Simon’s neck felt warm, the bite mark throbbing in time to Jace’s racing pulse. Jace huffed, pouting as he crossed his arms over his chest. His cheeks were flushed red, his lips spit slick and kiss swollen and his eyes dark with arousal, his once perfectly styled hair now sticking up at odd angles thanks to Simon’s wondering hands. His shirt collar was undone, his tie pulled loose and it just added to the whole debauched angel look he had going on. Jace looked good, even better considering Simon had been the one responsible and he was finding it hard not to shove his hands back into Jace’s hair and pull him back in for a heated kiss to get more of those breathless and sinful sounds from him. “You let everyone else have you so why not me?” Jace grumbled.
It was like having a bucket of ice water dumped over him, the burning fire of his desire extinguished with just a few simple words. “What?” he croaked out, his voice cracking slightly and his grip on Jace’s shoulders going lax. Was that really how Jace saw him? Did he really think that Simon was the kind of guy who would fall into bed with anyone and everyone so why not let Jace have a go whilst he was at it? The thought made him feel sick, the blood he had been drinking all night turning into lead in his stomach. He felt dirt and used, worse so then the times he had slept with Tyler. At least then he had known what it was he was getting himself into, the werewolf having been upfront about what he wanted from their exchanges. Jace couldn’t even do that, couldn’t even give Simon a scrap of dignity, practically reducing him down to nothing more than a whore. He wasn’t even that though. They got paid for what they did and Jace wanted it for free, expected Simon to just spread his legs and be thankful that he had finally gotten to sleep with the blonde.
He hadn’t realized a dead heart could break but Simon felt it like a nail was being hammered into it and splitting the useless organ apart.
“It’s just sex Simon,” Jace mumbled, leaning back in to press more kisses along Simon’s neck and he just let him, not even feeling it. That’s all it was to Jace, wasn’t it? Just sex. Just a little relief and Simon had been a sure thing in his eyes because he had a reputation now. He slept around, it didn’t matter that he took his bed partners on dates or that he took the time to get to know them first. Simon was considered easy and that was enough for Jace who had been so sure that Simon wouldn’t care who it was he was falling into bed with just as long as he got a good fuck out of it. “Get off me,” he whispered, not even sure his voice was loud enough to be heard. If it was Jace chose to ignore him, using Simon’s lax state to start trailing kisses along his jaw once more, his hands dropping to his belt and something in him snapped as he felt the blonde tugging at the leather.
“GET OFF ME!” Simon yelled as he stood up, shoving Jace off him as he used vampire speed to make it half way across the room in the blink of an eye. The blonde fell to the floor with a painful thud, groaning as his ass hit the wooden floor. “What the hell Simon?” Jace snapped, glaring up at him even as he tried to push himself up, wincing at the pain. Normally Simon would be worried he had hurt him, would be spluttering out an apology but not now. Right now he hated the man before him and he wanted Jace to know it. “Me! What the hell is wrong with you?” he hissed, his hands clenched at his sides and nails digging into his palms. Jace frowned, swaying slightly as he finally made it his feet. “I thought you…” Jace didn’t get a chance to finish, Simon snarling and cutting him off. “You thought what? That because I’ve slept with a few people I wouldn’t care who the hell I fucked? That you could tell me I was pretty and that would be enough to have me spreading my legs for you like some five dollar back alley whore?”
Jace’s eyes went wide, his flushed face paling noticeably. “Simon I…” he started but Simon once again cut him off, not wanting to give him time to try and charm his way out of the situation. “Well I have news for you asshole. Unlike you I still have some self respect and despite what you think I actually have standard.” The room fell into silence, Simon’s body tensed and breathing heavily whilst Jace looked at him like his whole world view had been shattered. Good. Simon wasn’t some push over any more and just because they had been friends didn’t mean Simon would take his bullshit.
When Jace failed to say anything, his mouth just flapping like a fish out of water Simon scoffed, spinning on the balls of his feet and heading for the door. “Wait,” came Jace’s desperate plea, warm fingers wrapping around Simon’s wrist and tugging him back wards. Simon spun back round, yanking his arm free of the other mans grasp and snarling, his fangs still on full display. His hands were still curled into fists and he didn’t even stop to think as he swung his arm round and slammed his fist into Jace’s jaw. He let out a startled cry, stumbling backwards and tripping over his own feet and ending sprawled across the floor once more. He looked up at Simon with shock, cradling the side of his face with one hand as he kept himself propped up with his other arm. “Do not touch me, ever again. You don’t have the right to put your hands on me.”
Simon strode across the room, grabbing the open door with every intention of leaving and never looking back but instead he came to a stop in the doorway, his grip tightening on the handle to the point he could hear the metal groaning under the pressure. He didn’t look back at Jace as he spoke, his gaze fixed on the closed door on the opposite side of the corridor, “and to think I actually though you cared about me but I really do mean that little to you don’t it? Guess I’ll never stop being that pathetic little tag along whose name you couldn’t even be bothered to learn.” There was a sharp intake of breath behind him, Jace’s heart stuttering slightly and he could swear he could smelt salt in the air. “Jokes on me I guess. I should have known then you’d break my heart.” Simon’s voice remained remarkably calm and cold, a hollow numbness seeming to take over him.
“Simon please I….” Simon slammed the door behind him, cutting off Jace’s desperate and panicked sounding plea. He didn’t want to hear what he had to say, not now, not ever if he was being honest. Behind
