#misunderstandings
https://archiveofourown.org/works/34332892?view_adult=true
Fic Summary: For Giorno, it’s already hard enough hiding the fact that he is a dhampir from most of the people around him. A sudden craving for blood unexpectedly causes him to lose control, and he attacks Narancia and Trish in an attempt to satiate that need.
The last one alone is enough to debunk the whole premise that ISIS represents Islam.
I’m going to put this on queue just incase people need reminding
Wow ISIS is breaking every single one of these rules.
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Jiang Cheng is sure he has been looking at the same two invitation designs for the past ten minutes. He’s no longer sure he can even make out the difference between them. Jiang Cheng tilts his head back with a groan, rubbing his eyes in the hopes of making them stop burning but of course it doesn’t work.
Jiang Cheng is still debating if he should switch over to the flower arrangements for now when he hears the door, quickly followed by Nie Mingjue’s light steps, Baxia and Sandu in tow, their tongues no doubt lolling out.
“I’m back!” Nie Mingjue calls out.
“Kitchen,” Jiang Cheng replies and tilts his head back for a kiss when Nie Mingjue comes into the room.
“Hi,” Nie Mingjue says once they part and Jiang Cheng smiles up at him.
“Hi,” he gives back. “How was your run?”
“You should ask them,” Nie Mingjue says with a pointed look at the two dogs who are too busy drinking to pay any attention to Jiang Cheng.
“You tired them out,” Jiang Cheng observes and Nie Mingjue smiles sheepishly at him.
“Not my fault they can’t keep pace,” he gives back before he looks at the table, a frown on his face. “Are you still looking at invitations?”
“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng sighs. “I have it narrowed down to these two though, I think. How do you like them?”
Nie Mingjue musters them for a moment and then shakes his head.
“My heart, those are the exact same two we already had as our favourites. What are you doing?”
“I just wanted to be sure,” Jiang Cheng pouts. “I want this wedding to be perfect so I compared them to all the other designs again.”
“Oh, my heart,” Nie Mingjue says and bends down to hug Jiang Cheng from behind. “The wedding is already going to be perfect because it’s our wedding. I’m marrying you. It doesn’t get more perfect than that. The design of the invitation really doesn’t have anything to do with that at all.”
“I know,” Jiang Cheng whispers and laces their fingers together. “I know that. I just–”
“You still want it to be perfect,” Nie Mingjue finishes for him and presses a kiss to the side of Jiang Cheng’s face. “I get that. But we both have stared at designs and arrangements for too long. We should give it a little bit of rest and come back to it in one or two days, alright?”
“Fine,” Jiang Cheng sighs, but he knows that Nie Mingjue is right.
The invitations look the same to him already and it would probably do him some good to think about something else for a while. They still have time until the wedding anyway.
“Good.” Another kiss to Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “Now put all of that away, I stopped by that one dinner place on my run and placed an order. It should be here in ten minutes or so,” Nie Mingjue tells him and lets go of Jiang Cheng. “I’m going to hop under the shower real quick.”
“You’re perfect,” Jiang Cheng tells him just as his stomach rumbles and Nie Mingjue gives him a dimpled smile.
Jiang Cheng is sure he has been looking at the same two invitation designs for the past ten minutes. He’s no longer sure he can even make out the difference between them. Jiang Cheng tilts his head back with a groan, rubbing his eyes in the hopes of making them stop burning but of course it doesn’t work.
Jiang Cheng is still debating if he should switch over to the flower arrangements for now when he hears the door, quickly followed by Nie Mingjue’s light steps, Baxia and Sandu in tow, their tongues no doubt lolling out.
“I’m back!” Nie Mingjue calls out.
“Kitchen,” Jiang Cheng replies and tilts his head back for a kiss when Nie Mingjue comes into the room.
“Hi,” Nie Mingjue says once they part and Jiang Cheng smiles up at him.
“Hi,” he gives back. “How was your run?”
“You should ask them,” Nie Mingjue says with a pointed look at the two dogs who are too busy drinking to pay any attention to Jiang Cheng.
“You tired them out,” Jiang Cheng observes and Nie Mingjue smiles sheepishly at him.
“Not my fault they can’t keep pace,” he gives back before he looks at the table, a frown on his face. “Are you still looking at invitations?”
“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng sighs. “I have it narrowed down to these two though, I think. How do you like them?”
Nie Mingjue musters them for a moment and then shakes his head.
“My heart, those are the exact same two we already had as our favourites. What are you doing?”
“I just wanted to be sure,” Jiang Cheng pouts. “I want this wedding to be perfect so I compared them to all the other designs again.”
“Oh, my heart,” Nie Mingjue says and bends down to hug Jiang Cheng from behind. “The wedding is already going to be perfect because it’s our wedding. I’m marrying you. It doesn’t get more perfect than that. The design of the invitation really doesn’t have anything to do with that at all.”
“I know,” Jiang Cheng whispers and laces their fingers together. “I know that. I just–”
“You still want it to be perfect,” Nie Mingjue finishes for him and presses a kiss to the side of Jiang Cheng’s face. “I get that. But we both have stared at designs and arrangements for too long. We should give it a little bit of rest and come back to it in one or two days, alright?”
“Fine,” Jiang Cheng sighs, but he knows that Nie Mingjue is right.
The invitations look the same to him already and it would probably do him some good to think about something else for a while. They still have time until the wedding anyway.
“Good.” Another kiss to Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “Now put all of that away, I stopped by that one dinner place on my run and placed an order. It should be here in ten minutes or so,” Nie Mingjue tells him and lets go of Jiang Cheng. “I’m going to hop under the shower real quick.”
“You’re perfect,” Jiang Cheng tells him just as his stomach rumbles and Nie Mingjue gives him a dimpled smile.
Jiang Cheng is sure he has been looking at the same two invitation designs for the past ten minutes. He’s no longer sure he can even make out the difference between them. Jiang Cheng tilts his head back with a groan, rubbing his eyes in the hopes of making them stop burning but of course it doesn’t work.
Jiang Cheng is still debating if he should switch over to the flower arrangements for now when he hears the door, quickly followed by Nie Mingjue’s light steps, Baxia and Sandu in tow, their tongues no doubt lolling out.
“I’m back!” Nie Mingjue calls out.
“Kitchen,” Jiang Cheng replies and tilts his head back for a kiss when Nie Mingjue comes into the room.
“Hi,” Nie Mingjue says once they part and Jiang Cheng smiles up at him.
“Hi,” he gives back. “How was your run?”
“You should ask them,” Nie Mingjue says with a pointed look at the two dogs who are too busy drinking to pay any attention to Jiang Cheng.
“You tired them out,” Jiang Cheng observes and Nie Mingjue smiles sheepishly at him.
“Not my fault they can’t keep pace,” he gives back before he looks at the table, a frown on his face. “Are you still looking at invitations?”
“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng sighs. “I have it narrowed down to these two though, I think. How do you like them?”
Nie Mingjue musters them for a moment and then shakes his head.
“My heart, those are the exact same two we already had as our favourites. What are you doing?”
“I just wanted to be sure,” Jiang Cheng pouts. “I want this wedding to be perfect so I compared them to all the other designs again.”
“Oh, my heart,” Nie Mingjue says and bends down to hug Jiang Cheng from behind. “The wedding is already going to be perfect because it’s our wedding. I’m marrying you. It doesn’t get more perfect than that. The design of the invitation really doesn’t have anything to do with that at all.”
“I know,” Jiang Cheng whispers and laces their fingers together. “I know that. I just–”
“You still want it to be perfect,” Nie Mingjue finishes for him and presses a kiss to the side of Jiang Cheng’s face. “I get that. But we both have stared at designs and arrangements for too long. We should give it a little bit of rest and come back to it in one or two days, alright?”
“Fine,” Jiang Cheng sighs, but he knows that Nie Mingjue is right.
The invitations look the same to him already and it would probably do him some good to think about something else for a while. They still have time until the wedding anyway.
“Good.” Another kiss to Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “Now put all of that away, I stopped by that one dinner place on my run and placed an order. It should be here in ten minutes or so,” Nie Mingjue tells him and lets go of Jiang Cheng. “I’m going to hop under the shower real quick.”
“You’re perfect,” Jiang Cheng tells him just as his stomach rumbles and Nie Mingjue gives him a dimpled smile.
“Only for you,” Nie Mingjue promises him and even though they have been together for years at this point, Jiang Cheng’s stomach still flutters.
“And aren’t I lucky,” he mutters, watching Nie Mingjue walk into their bedroom before he shakes himself out of his daze and puts the invitations away.
They really do still have time and it probably can’t hurt to sleep over this for a few days. They still have other things to do besides—and there really still is enough time left—so they don’t have to rush things.
Jiang Cheng just likes to stay on top of things.
He puts cutlery and bowls on the table once all the invitations have been safely stowed away and now that he thinks about it, Jiang Cheng really is close to starving.
“I really do have the best fiancé,” Jiang Cheng mutters under his breath and he’s aware that the most dopey smile is on his face but it’s not like anyone can see and he’s finally at a point where even if someone could, Jiang Cheng wouldn’t care.
He loves Nie Mingjue too much to hide it.
Jiang Cheng is just puttering around when someone knocks on the door. He almost runs over to it, suddenly famished and he wants to get the food as quickly as possible.
“Hurry up,” he calls into the apartment, hoping that Nie Mingjue hears him and doesn’t waste time under the shower but when Jiang Cheng yanks the door open he freezes.
It’s not their food that is waiting for him on the other side but two police officers.
“Officers,” Jiang Cheng croaks out, one horror scenario after another rushing through his mind. “Did something happen?”
“Jiang Wanyin?” one of them asks and Jiang Cheng nods, afraid of the news they bring.
“What—what can I do for you?”
“We’re actually looking for you,” the second officer tells him and now Jiang Cheng thoughts turn into a different direction.
It’s not like he breaks the law on a regular basis—the last thing was probably a ticket for speeding, if he’s honest—but suddenly he wonders if he murdered someone and they are here to arrest him.
“What for?” Jiang Cheng carefully asks and the officers share a look.
“Your siblings filed a missing person case for you,” they explain and Jiang Cheng can only blink at them.
“I’m sorry they did what?”
“They said your apartment has been rented out to someone else and they can’t find you.”
“This is my official apartment. This is the address that is registered as my home,” Jiang Cheng says and the officers nod.
“Yes, it does seem a bit strange. Is there someone else here with you?”
“My fiancé,” Jiang Cheng croaks out and just in that moment Nie Mingjue steps into the hallway.
“My heart? Is that the food?” he asks but he trails off when he catches sight of the police. “I guess not. What is going on?”
“I’d like to know that as well,” Jiang Cheng says, crossing his arms in front of his chest, but he can guess.
Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli neither listen to him nor did they ever believe him when he told them he was moving in with Nie Mingjue.
“Excuse us, could we talk to you alone for a moment?” the officers ask Jiang Cheng who sighs and turns around to Nie Mingjue.
“It’s my stupid siblings,” he tells him and then steps outside into the hallway, closing the door behind him. “What did they say?”
“Are you doing fine? Are you being coerced? Is he forcing you to be here?” one of the officers asks and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.
“No. I am here of my own free will. Nie Mingjue and I have been in a relationship for more than five years now. We’re getting married next year.”
“And that is something you want?”
“I proposed to him, so I should hope so,” Jiang Cheng bites back and then pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. What exactly did my siblings say?”
“They reported you as missing, citing exceedingly erratic behavior. Something about a delusion was mentioned as well.” The officer seems apologetic as he says it and Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath.
“That would be because they neither listen to me nor do they believe me,” he says his previous thoughts out loud. “I have always been transparent about my relationship with Nie Mingjue but they don’t believe me. I gave them my new address and I informed them of the wedding. I still have the same phone number!” Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath. “I can show you if you want?” he says and points at the door.
“Please.”
Jiang Cheng excuses himself and enters the apartment, not even surprised that Nie Mingjue is still waiting for him in the hallway.
“What is going on?”
“My siblings filed a missing person report for me it seems,” Jiang Cheng tells him and walks over to kiss his cheek. “I’ll just show the nice officers that there’s nothing to worry about and then we can have dinner.”
“If you’re sure,” Nie Mingjue says, the worry clearly etched into his face and Jiang Cheng pulls him in for a kiss.
“I am. Give me five minutes.”
Jiang Cheng grabs his phone and steps back outside to show the officers his chat with his siblings.
“Do you want to confirm that these are my sibling’s phone numbers?” he asks them, showing them the contact information.
One of the officers gets a notebook out and they check the numbers, nodding once they are done.
“They are the same.”
“And this is the chat. See, I told my siblings five months ago that I was moving to this very address and informed them about the wedding as well,” he says and shows the messages to the officers.
His siblings had answered with different variants of “Don’t do this, A-Cheng,” and “There’s no need to take this charade this far”, to which Jiang Cheng hadn’t answered anymore.
There’s no point in arguing with his siblings about his relationship.
“It all seems to be in order,” the officer says. “If you don’t mind us asking, why are your siblings not believing you?”
Jiang Cheng snorts at that question.
“We don’t have the time to get too deeply into our fucked up childhoods, but it basically boils down to the fact that they think Nie Mingjue is way out of my league and wouldn’t ever date someone like me. This has been going on for years but I didn’t think they would involve the police over this. I’m sorry.”
“Since you didn’t file the report it’s really not your fault. We’ll inform them about the situation. There might be some follow up questions, though. Here’s my partners and mine contact number, just in case as well.”
Jiang Cheng takes the offered card, even though he has zero intention of ever calling them and bids them a good evening.
And it happens just in time too, because as the officers are leaving their food is arriving.
Jiang Cheng quickly goes inside to get the money, putting the bags of food into Nie Mingjue’s hands before he pays the delivery guy and then, finally, he closes the door.
“What the fuck,” he mutters.
“What the fuck, indeed,” Nie Mingjue says, still standing in the same spot, bag of food in his hands. “What is even going on?”
“Let’s talk over dinner,” Jiang Cheng proposes, his stomach rumbling again and he takes the bags back from Nie Mingjue, quickly making his way to the kitchen.
The food is laid out in mere minutes and it’s only after Jiang Cheng stuffed his mouth full that Nie Mingjue speaks.
“Did they really report you as missing?” he asks and Jiang Cheng sighs.
“Yes. As far as I understood the nice officers they called my behaviour erratic and cited a delusion. That added up to the fact that I am no longer living in my old apartment was clearly enough for the police to get involved and take this seriously.”
“And now?”
“And now I cleared it up. I showed them the chat history and I explained to them what is happening. There might be follow up questions but I am no longer a missing person.”
“Why would they do that, though? You told them where you’d move.”
Jiang Cheng sigs and then walks around the table to sit in Nie Mingjue’s lap. Jiang Cheng has hours upon hours of therapy behind him, and he is now more or less fine with his family history and especially with his sibling’s behaviour. But it seems like Nie Mingjue is not quite as fine with this as he’d thought if his tone of voice is anything to go by.
“My heart,” Jiang Cheng starts as he leans in for a kiss. “We know how my siblings are. I’m not really that surprised. You know they never listen to me.”
“But—a delusion? As if you made all of this up? Why can’t they just believe you?”
“Because you’re perfect and wonderful and everyone can see that. And we know my siblings don’t have the best opinion of me, so of course they wouldn’t believe we’re together. Hell, some days I still can’t believe how lucky I am that you love me back,” Jiang Cheng says, hoping to lighten the mood.
“You know I love you,” Nie Mingjue whispers and tightens his arms around Jiang Cheng.
“I know,” he promises him but Nie Mingjue still seems pensive and worried. “What?” Jiang Cheng gently prods him and Nie Mingjue drops his head to Jiang Cheng’s shoulder.
“Sometimes I wonder if I made everything worse for you,” he admits, his voice barely audible. “If you wouldn’t be better off without me.”
“Never,” Jiang Cheng immediately and vehemently replies, pressing himself closer to Nie Mingjue. “You make my life better. My family was suffocating me, keeping me down, keeping me small but with you—I feel like myself, like I can finally breathe and live and love how and who I want. And for that I will always be grateful.”
“But it would have been easier with them,” Nie Mingjue still argues and Jiang Cheng wants to take these thoughts right out of his head and throw them all away.
“Easier, maybe,” he admits. “But I would take happy over easy every day. And you make me happy.”
“Are you sure?” Nie Mingjue asks, his voice small.
“My soul, I proposed to you. Of course I am sure.”
“But only because you were faster! I had the ring in my hand, too!” Nie Mingjue immediately exclaims, pulling back to glare at Jiang Cheng. “You got lucky, that’s all,” he grumbles and Jiang Cheng smiles.
Mission accomplished.
“I got so very lucky,” he agrees and laughs at Nie Mingjue’s grimace but they both sober up real quickly.
“Do you—want to talk to them?” Nie Mingjue haltingly asks and Jiang Cheng curls up in his lap as best as he can, Nie Mingjue’s arms safely around him.
“No. They have my address. They have my phone number and all my social media handles. They can reach out to me whenever they want. I am tired of always being the only one who wants to stay in contact or who makes an effort. If they don’t come to me, then that’s it.”
“And the wedding?”
“I’m not really thinking about inviting them anyway,” Jiang Cheng admits. “It would only cause drama. If they come to me before our wedding I’m sure we can figure something out but I will not allow them to ghost me for months and then invite them to the happiest moment of my life,” Jiang Cheng decidedly says and leans further into Nie Mingjue.
“Okay,” he softly agrees and brushes his lips over Jiang Cheng’s forehead. “Fine.”
“Now can we please finally eat and laugh over how absurd this entire evening is?” Jiang Cheng asks.
“As long as you are fine,” Nie Mingjue says and briefly squeezes Jiang Cheng.
“I am always fine when I am with you,” Jiang Cheng tells him but when Nie Mingjue lets go of him, he hurries back to his food. “I’m really starved,” Jiang Cheng says, his mouth already full and Nie Mingjue fondly shakes his head.
“And here I am already replaced by food,” he teases and Jiang Cheng glares at him, though he doesn’t stop to eat.
But even if Jiang Cheng could, he wouldn’t say anything because being teased by Nie Mingjue is better than seeing him in a pensive mood.
“Temporarily. Only temporarily,” he promises him, taking another bite, delighted to see Nie Mingjue’s fond smile.
“I should hope so,” Nie Mingjue grumbles, clearly teasing and Jiang Cheng smiles at him.
“I love you,” he says, almost before he really swallowed, and Nie Mingjue holds out his hand to lace their fingers together.
“I love you, too.”
And that is all Jiang Cheng really needs, siblings and parents be damned. As long as he has Nie Mingjue he’ll be more than fine.
Track 8 - Say something, I’m giving up on you
Rating: E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)
Pairings: Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others
Chapter summary: Alec was expecting to walk into the institute to a sickening display of affection and most likely having to pry Simon and Jace apart to make sure the vampire left for London on time. What he got though was Simon on edge, acting like he was waiting for an axe to drop and Jace nowhere to be seen and he was struggling to work out what exactly had gone wrong.
Alec had concerns.
He had expected to find Jace and Simon being disgustingly romantic now that they had gotten their acts together. When he had come down to see Simon off he had assumed he would find the vampire practically vibrating with how happy he was, a wide smile in place and constantly touching and kissing Jace like he was trying to make up for lost time. He had also expected to find Jace huffing and rolling his eyes, insisting it wasn’t a big deal whilst also smiling fondly at the vampire’s antics and giving into his every demand for affection.
Personally Alec couldn’t see the appeal. Simon was too chaotic, unable to stay still and constantly talking about things that Alec didn’t know or care about. He was the complete opposite of Jace and yet somehow they managed to work well together. Jace had been a mess when Clary had been made a mundane, though he had tried to hide it from them, insisting he was fine when they all knew he wasn’t. Simon had been the only one able to get through to him, something Alec had been grateful for yet also irrationally annoyed about. The friendship that had come out of it had been a surprise though but no where near as shocking as the first time he saw Jace flirt with Simon, the vampire flirting right back. Now that had been a surprise but Jace had just shrugged it off, insisting it was nothing except it just kept happening, again and again and it didn’t take long for anyone who spent any time with the pair to realise what was actually going on. The only two people who didn’t seem to realise were Jace and Simon, both of them adamant that they were just friends but Alec had never known friends who looked at each other’s asses as much as they did when the other wasn’t looking.
The point is that Alec had expected to be greeted with a horrendously happy couple who couldn’t keep their hands off one another. What he got instead was Simon looking like he was waiting for an axe to drop on him and Jace nowhere to be seen and he was struggling to work out exactly what had happened.
When he had left Jace his parabatai had been nervous but otherwise on track to pull his head out of his ass and actually admit to Simon that their ‘friendly banter’ had actually been flirting and that he wanted to be a lot more to Simon than just friends. Yes he had lost track of Jace at some point, having gotten pulled into a rather lengthy conversation about the power imbalance between certain downworlder factions and then he and Magnus had done the rounds, making sure they spoke to everyone so as not to foster idiotic notions of favoritism. By the time he had caught site of Jace again he had been hand in hand with Simon, smiling widely as they made their way from the hall and disappearing towards the stairs. He had been able to feel Jace’s happiness through their bond, the feeling bleeding into Alec’s own and leaving him smiling and though there had been a spike of panic it hadn’t lasted, their bond going blissfully quiet and leaving him able to concentrate on the rest of his evening without grinning like a mad man.
Across the other side of the ops table Simon nodded, his face blank and eyes dulled as he listened to Izzy give a rundown on the London institute and it’s rather extensive size as well as the shadowhunters in residence there. He was lucky Evelyn had retired the year before or he probably wouldn’t have been allowed to set foot in the place despite Alec’s insistence. Luckily enough Dayton was much more open about downworlders and working alongside them. Now if only the vampire clans were as willing to work with the shadowhunters as they were with them. Hopefully though Simon would be able to make some sort of headway in fixing that if not resolving the issue all together.
He had been reluctant at first about sending Simon. Not because he believed he would mess up and make an already tense situation worse but because it was his first major assignment and there was always the possibility this was to much to soon for the daylighter. Though to give Simon credit he had taken the challenge head on, even going as far as to hold preliminary one on one interviews with the shadowhunter in charge and the clans second in command. Simon seemed determined to prove himself and Alec was more than willing to admit that he had been happy with his work so far. He even looked the part, having ditching his normal hoodie and jean combination and was instead wearing smart black slacks with a white shirt and black skinny tie, a light black leather jacket overtop and finely polished black oxfords. He looked smart, though not as formal as last night and thankfully there was no sign of the eyeliner he had been wearing the night before either. Now if only he would stop looking like an empty shell of his usual self and he would be good to go.
“Dorian is going to meet you once you get there, as well as Dayton.” Izzy handed over a tablet as she spoke, Simon taking it with a hum and fingers moving quickly across the screen as he looked through the other shadowhunters files. Alec scowled at his rather subdued response. That was another thing that he was finding a little unnerving. Simon normally had to fill every silence with inane chatter but this morning he had barely said more than he had to. Everything about this seemed wrong, almost like he had walked through the door and ended up in some strange parallel world that was almost the same except all the little things had been changed, leaving him feeling uneasy and on edge. And where the hell was Jace? Simon would be leaving in a matter of minutes and yet he was nowhere to be seen. Considering how he had reacted when Alec told him about Simon’s assignment he would have thought Jace would be down here fussing with the rest of them, clinging onto Simon for as long as he could. Maybe he should excuse himself and go look for his parabatai, just to make sure that everything was okay because he had the growing feeling that it really wasn’t.
“Dorian is going to…” Izzy started but Simon cut her off, sighing loudly as he handed back the tablet. “He is going to run through any new developments before taking me to the Averard Hotel where Elizabeth will formally introduce me to the heads of the vampire clans before giving me the rest of the evening to settle in before we get down to business tomorrow. We’ve been over this a hundred times already Izzy, I know.” His sister pursed her lips, folding her arms over her chest and looking at Simon with mild annoyance. Simon had already been there when Alec turned up, Izzy going through the exact same information and Alec found it easy to believer that he had in fact already heard that particular information a hundred times today.
“Fine, I’ll go check if Magnus is ready for you then,” Izzy huffed, flinging her hair over her shoulder as she turned and striding purposely from the room. Simon groaned, one arm wrapping around his waist as he pinched the bridge of his nose with the other hand, his eyes closing and a frown pulling his lips down. It was the first real show of emotion Alec had see from him all morning and though he had been looking for some sign of life he had been hoping for his normal dorky rambling, not for him to be so tense and angry. “She just wants to make sure you’re ready. This is a big deal Simon and there is a lot that could go wrong,” Alec stated, feeling like he needed to defend Izzy’s constant fussing. They all just wanted him to do well with this and it helped ease her worry over the vampire being so far away. If anything should happen none of them would be on hand to help him and though Alec trusted the shadowhunters at the London institute Simon did have a tendency to find trouble and there was a genuine concern that he would yet again get himself into a situation he would need rescuing from.
“I know,” Simon snapped, “you don’t have to keep reminding me.” Alec jerked back at the sudden outburst, staring at Simon like he had grown a second head. He had seen Simon snap at Jace before, at other downworlders and shadowhunters but never him. Honestly he had thought that Simon was still a little scared of him but he either wasn’t or was so stressed that he just didn’t care at the moment. Alec wanted it to be that Simon was no longer scared of him. If he and Jace were a thing now then it meant there would be a lot more interacting with one another and if Simon was scared of Alec that would just make things awkward and uncomfortable. Though he did have every intention of letting Simon know that if he broke Jace’s heart he would break Simon’s legs and then set fire to his stupid collection of plastic statues he was so attached to.
Groaning loudly in a mix of what sounded like frustration and anger, Simon went to shove his hand through his gently styled hair, his fingertips just sinking into the strands before he seemed to think better of it. His hand dropped to his neck, his nails scratching at a spot just above his collar. Simon’s eyes seemed to glaze over once more, staring unseeingly across the room as he continued to scratch at that same spot, leaving behind red lines that faded just as quickly as they appeared. He sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it rush out of him along with the tension he had been holding in his shoulders, his hand finally falling away from his neck to hang limply at his side. “Sorry, I’m just a little nervous and I get you guys are trying to help but constantly telling me how important it is that I don’t screw this up isn’t helping me right now.”
Alec winced slightly at that. It hadn’t been his intention to stress Simon out or make him feel like Alec didn’t trust him with this but it was rather important this matter got settled. London was the biggest institute in Europe and some of the most high profile vampires across the world were part of the London clans or at least had dealings with them. If a deal could be struck there then others would follow and Alec would hopefully be able to spread the downworlder and shadowhunter alliance across the world.
He had offered to go himself but Dayton had declined, insisting that a vampire would go a long way to helping ease tensions and considering Simon was currently the only vampire representative for the clave Alec had had no choice but to ask the daylighter to go instead. Not that Alec though that was a bad thing per se but he probably would have felt more comfortable if he was handling the matter himself. He had put his trust in Simon’s capabilities to talk rings around people though and if he did end up failing to make any progress Alec could always go in after and try his luck with the clans.
“You’ll be fine,” Alec tried to reassure him but from the way Simon scoffed he didn’t think he quite pulled it of. “Really,” the vampire mumbled sarcastically. He seemed agitated, crossing his arms over his chest only to uncross them and cross them again. Though Alec often found this sort of behaviour irritating he actually welcomed it now. It was familiar, Simon’s natural self finally coming through instead of whatever it was he had been doing before. “Yes really. If I didn’t think you were capable of this I wouldn’t be allowing you to go in the first place.”
Simon stared unblinkingly at him for a long few awkward seconds, the silence between them dragging on. Alec was only a few seconds away from snapping at Simon to stop when he finally spoke, sounding genuinely surprised. “Wow. I think that might have been the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Alec’s natural scowl deepened. That couldn’t be right, could it? But even as he frantically searched back his mind came up blank. There had been a lot of sarcastic comments and blatant annoyance, Alec not really having even been that nice to Simon when he had asked him to go to London. He had been polite enough but mostly just professional, not that Simon had seemed to care though, to busy rambling on and on about how he wasn’t going to mess it up. If he and Jace were dating now that would have to change, Alec needing to make sure he treated the vampire better, especially if he and Jace ended up being a long term thing witch knowing how Simon was with relationship that was probably a given. Oh. Oh no. Alec was going to be best man at their wedding and have to listen to Simon cry about how amazing Jace was. Though he supposed that was preferable to having to listen to Jace talking about how hot Simon looked in a suit again.
“Don’t get used to it,” he deadpanned, dropping his gaze down the the tablet in front of him and effectively ending the conversation, though he makes sure to let a small half smile curl up the corners of his mouth, just so Simon would know he didn’t mean anything by it. “Yeah, wouldn’t dream of it,” Simon mumbled, looking confused by the whole exchange. Out the corner of his eye Alec watched him fidget, shifting from one foot to the other before lifting his hand up to once again rub at that spot on his neck, his thumb pressing down on the spot even as he tugged at his collar with his other fingers, as if he was trying to pull it up to hide the red mark he was leaving behind. Alec kept his head down but his eyes remained trained on Simon, watching with a frown as he went back to staring unseeingly across the room, his whole body still except for his twitching fingers. Alec knew Simon had a lot of nervous habits and ticks, the constant fidgeting being the most prominent one but this was new and a little odd even for him. Was it the spot he had gotten bitten by Camille? That had been a couple of years ago now though and surely if he had some sort of twitch related to that Alec would have noticed before now. Something was going on, Simon acting more neurotic than normal and Alec didn’t like it.
That uneasy feeling started to grow, Jace’s absence just making it that much worse but before he could demand some sort of explanation Simon’s head snapped up, his eyes wide and full of panic as he stared at the doorway like the hounds of hell were coming to drag him away. Frowning Alec lifted his gaze up to look in the same direction, concerned about what would have the vampire looking so terrified, especially whilst in the institute. Dodson rounded the corner with quick, sure strides, his head down and completely focused on the tablet in his hand, not even acknowledging them. Simon’s body slumped forward, his gaze falling back down to the table as he let out a sigh of relief. Bracing his hands against the edge of the table Simon hung his head between his arms, his eyes falling closed as he pulled in one steady breath after another. His knuckles were white with how tight he was gripping the table, his whole body seeming to tremble.
Something was definitely wrong.
Concerned for Simon and by his obvious distress Alec moved quickly around the table, placing his hand on Simon’s shoulder, his concern evident in his voice. “Simon?” The vampire startled, jerking out of Alec’s light hold and stumbling backwards, looking up at him with absolute terror in his dark eyes. Alec took a step back, holding his hands up to show Simon that he didn’t mean him any harm, not that he ever would intentionally hurt Simon. “Hey, it’s just me,” Alec said slowly, keeping his voice as calm as he could. Simon’s eyes darted around the room like he was looking for an escape, his breath ragged as he struggled to pull in air and his whole body shaking. “Look at me,” Alec took a step forward, keeping his eyes on the vampire as he spoke. Simon’s eyes finally managed to settle on him as he got closer so that he could reach out once more, placing both hands on the vampires shoulders in an attempt to ground him. His hands shot out instantly, his cold fingers wrapping around Alec’s biceps and his nails digging in slightly. He would likely have bruises but as long as his hold didn’t get any tighter he would be fine. “Breath with me, in and out, in and out.” He slowly pulled in a breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out just as slowly. Simon looked like a scared animal, his brown eyes wide and full of panic but Alec maintain eye contact, breathing in and out slowly and soon enough Simon’s own ragged breathing fell into rhythm, the shaking finally coming to a stop to a stop as his breathing evened out.
Simon’s eyes darted off to the side almost as soon as he had calmed down but he made no move to let go of Alec. The vampire’s natural coldness was seeping into his skin everywhere they were touching, even through the layers of clothing and Alec had to fight the urge to shiver. He never did like being cold. “I…thanks,” Simon mumbled, finally unclenching his fingers and pulling his arms back. He wrapped them around himself, shoving his hands under his armpits. He looked so small and fragile like that, clinging onto himself and head ducked down like he wasn’t a vicious and blood thirsty predator and was still just a scared mundane boy who had followed the girl he loved into a dark and abandoned church. “It’s fine.” Alec squeezed once at his shoulders before stepping back to give the vampire some space, folding his arms behind his back and trying to discreetly rub some warmth back into his hands. Simon nodded his head slightly, still refusing to look anywhere even remotely close to Alec.
“What happened?” Simon’s eyes snapped up, quickly flickering over Alec as if he was trying to gage if he was being genuine or asking out of some social obligation. Alec did genuinely want to know though. He may not be Simon’s biggest fan but he still considered the vampire a friend and he was concerned about his current state. It was more than nerves about London that he was sure of. “I just,” Simon paused, his eyes darting between Alec and the doorway. He sighed, a look of resignation flickering across his face but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, the blank mask from earlier slipping back into place. “It’s nothing,” he said flatly, uncrossing his arms to let them fall limply at his sides.
“Don’t lie to me,” Alec growled out, glaring at the vampire. Of course it was something, Simon had had a bloody panic attack because Alec had touched him. There was no way that was nothing and Simon could lie to himself all he wanted but he should know better by now to think that Alec wouldn’t try and find out what the hell was going on after that show of neuroticism. Simon glared back. “Fine, it’s nothing to do with you or Izzy or Magnus or anyone else in this bloody room,” he hissed, clenching his hands into fists and looking at Alec like he might try and hit him. Alec would like to see him try, even with his vampire speed but at the moment there was something else that took priority and especially if it involved his parabatai because there had been one name Simon had missed and there was no way that was a coincidence.
“But it is to do with Jace.” Simon went stiff, his whole body tensing. His eyes lit up with panic as they snapped to the door, like Alec just saying his name would summon the other man to them. That wasn’t right. Even at the beginning Simon had never out right been scared of Jace. Sure he had been angry, jealous and suspicious but never scared and that really didn’t sit right with Alec. “What happened last night?” he demanded because that was the only time something could of happened between the two of them. He couldn’t understand what though because Jace had looked so happy, had felt it to, clinging on to Simon like he had won a prize but now he really thought about it Simon hadn’t looked as happy as the blonde had, had almost seemed a little uncomfortable about Jace’s attention. Alec had just chalked it up to him being a little uneasy about the rather public display of affection but maybe that hadn’t been the issue at all.
Maybe all of them had in fact been wrong and Simon had turned Jace down. He couldn’t imagine Jace would have taken that well. It was clear to see how enamoured he was with Simon and to lose yet another person he had given his heart to would have hurt him more than he had been ready for. Alec’s mind flashed back to that moment of panic he had felt from Jace just after he and Simon had left the ballroom. He had put it down to Jace worrying about having to admit his feelings but what if it had actually been because Simon had turned him down, denying Jace the love he craved from the brunette.
Simon’s hand went back to his neck, his fingers rubbing at that same spot again. His eyes brimmed with tears and he looked up at Alec with such pain and sorrow that Alec could swear he could feel it himself. He had never been good with emotional people, had no clue how to comfort a grown man who was on the verge of crying and looked like his whole world had fallen apart. “Jace, he,” Simon’s voice cracked, the first few tears falling, “he doesn’t…”
Whatever Simon was about to say was cut off by Magnus, the warlock striding into the room like he owned the place. “Right. Let’s get this show on the road shall we?” There was a blur of movement, Simon moving quicker than Alec could track but when he stilled his tears were gone though the sadness remained in his eyes, Simon smiling up at Magnus but it was clear to see it was forced. Alec loved his husband, truly he did but sometimes his timing was way off. “Ready?” Magnus asked, his eyes flickering between him and Simon as he came to a stop next to Alec. He wanted to say no, wanted to demand answers from Simon because that wasn’t the look of someone who had broken a heart but someone who had had their heart broken and Alec couldn’t understand how that could have possibly happened. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Simon grinned, stepping away from the table and bending down to grab up his satchel, slinging it over his shoulder. Magnus gave him a questioning look but Alec shook his head slightly, giving his husband a look that he hoped said he would explain latter. Explain what he wasn’t to sure but Magnus probably would have some idea. He often did about these kind of things.
A dull ache began to form in his chest and Alec absentmindedly lifted his hand to rub at the spot.
With his usual confidence Magnus moved further into the room, Simon, Alec and Izzy following closely behind. “I’m going to open up the portal into Dayton’s office like we agreed. Are you sure you have everything?” Magnus spun on his heels as he came to a stop, turning to look at Simon expectantly. The vampire huffed, rolling his eyes but there seemed to be a genuine if small smile tugging at his lips. “I have all my notes and laptop here-” Simon patted his satchel, “and you insisted on packing my suitcase because I apparently can’t be trusted so I’m going to go ahead and say yes, I have everything.” Magnus rolled his eyes, completely ignore Simon’s pointed look as he waved his left hand out in front of him. Blue light danced between his fingers before he snapped them and it disappeared, a smallish black suitcase now sat by Simon’s feet and a matching suit bag draped over his arm. Simon eyed the sudden additions suspiciously, lifting his eyes up to Magnus and raising an eyebrow. “Don’t worry there’s nothing to ostentatious in there,” Magnus waved off his concerns though his idea of outlandish definitely differed from everyone else’s and Alec knew for a fact that there was at least one highly patterned shit in there that Simon would never have chosen to wear on his own but Magnus had insisted when Alec questioned the choice and considering he knew relatively little about fashion he had chosen not to argue the matter. Well that and he wanted to avoid another hour long lecture on silk and cotton quality.
“Best not to keep them waiting any longer, Dayton’s probably already counting the seconds of his precious time we are wasting.” Before Magnus had even finished talking Izzy was rushing forward, wrapping her arms around Simon and pulling him down into an awkward looking hug. Simon wrapped his free arm round her waist, holding the suit bag out with the other so as not to wrinkle whatever was inside. Izzy buried her head in his neck, talking lowly so only Simon could hear. Whatever she said had that flash of pain lighting up his eyes once more but by the time they pulled away from one another it had gone, Simon smiling softly down at her like nothing was wrong. He stepped up next to Magnus, taking a deep breath and looking ahead with a mix of determination and nerves. “You’ll be fine,” Alec stated, stepping up behind Simon, placing his hand on his shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly. “Remember to stand your ground and don’t let them intimidate you. If you show even a fraction of uncertainty they will try and exploit it and just because their older than you doesn’t mean they know better. You have every resource the Clave has at your disposal so don’t be afraid to utilize it and if anyone at the institute gives you any trouble let me know and I’ll have them on weapons cleaning duty for a month.”
Simon huffed in amusement, that small but real smile back in place. “Where were you when i needed you in high school,” he mumbled and Alec would have told him that he was off killing demons and keeping mundane’s like him in blissful ignorance but before he could even open his mouth that dull ache in his chest began to grow, turning sharp and bitter. Alec let go of Simon’s shoulder as he took a step back, digging his palm into his chest and wincing slightly at the pain. It reminded him of the feeling he got when Magnus had left him after the whole mess with the soul sword and that was not something he was eager to re-live. He automatically turned his head to look at the doorway and out towards the stairs as if he was expecting to find someone stood there. He needed to go find Jace.
There was a flash of light, the distinct hum of magic in the air and when Alec turned back round a portal stood before them, the gold circle shimmering in waves as the room beyond became distorted. “Deep breath and think of nothing but the London institute, don’t want you getting stuck in limbo for all eternity now do we.” Magnus gestured towards the portal, flashing Simon a quick smile as he patted him on the back before he stepped back to stand next to Alec. He frowned as Alec winced, continuing to press at the ever growing feeling of pain and loss in his chest. It was almost too much, Alec grabbing at Magnus’s arm as the feeling of utter hopelessness began to press down on him. Simon stood there for a few seconds, completely unaware of what was going on behind him as he stared at the swirling mass before. It was almost like the vampire was in a trance, unable to look away and unable to step forward. He pulled in a deep breath, lifting his head up as he seemed to find his confidence. “This better not take me to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre,” he mumbled before taking a confident step forward into the swirling void. “Text me when you get there,” Izzy yelled after him but Simon was already gone, the portal shimmering briefly before closing.
Alec instantly turned to Izzy, his hand darting out to grab at her arm. “Where’s Jace?” he rushed out. He had to find him, now. Something was wrong and his parabatai needed him. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him all morning.” Alec groaned at her words, fighting the urge to snap at her about keeping better track of her subordinates. “Alexander what wrong?” Magnus fretted, placing a hand on Alec’s back and holding onto his arm with the other. “Jace, there’s something wrong i can feel it.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth the other two seemed to snap into action. “I’ll go check his room, you get Alec to my office.” Magnus nodded at Izzy, trying to move Alec towards the other end of the room as she began to stride quickly towards the stairs but before she made it even half way across the space Jace came stumbling around the corner and all three of them froze as they took in his appearance.
He was still in last nights outfit, his black shirt crumpled and his tie pulled to hang loosely around his neck. He didn’t have his shoes on, his belt unbuckled and hanging from his suit trousers. His hair was an absolute mess, sticking up in all directions, his eyes rimmed red and his normally glowing skin pale, almost sickly looking. He was a mess, his normally well maintained appearance completely ruined but that wasn’t what held Alec’s attention. On his jaw and cheek was a large bruise, the skin a dark purple and swollen, his lip split and dried blood clinging to his chin.
“Simon,” he croaked out. He sounded as bad as he looked, his voice catching slightly as it quivered. When no one answered he took a few stumbling steps into the room, his wide panic filled eyes darting around as if he was looking for someone and it didn’t take a genius to realise who he was after. “Where is he?” he rushed out, sounding as desperate as he looked. “He’s gone,” Magnus spoke softly but in the almost empty room it sounded like he had shouted it and Alec felt that pain in his chest intensify tenfold.
Jace staggered backwards, his back hitting the wall and instantly he sank to the floor, burying his head in his hands. Alec was across the room in a few large strides, sinking down onto his knees in front of his parabatai. Gently he pulled Jace’s hands away from his face and placing them in his lap. Jace didn’t even flinch as Alec gently cupped his neck and cheeks, turning his head to face him and trying not to agitate the tender and painful looking bruise. “What happened?” he pleaded with him, his own feelings of worry and fear mixing with the echo’s of Jace’s own. The faint smell of whiskey still clung to Jace, stale and unpleasant as he puffed hot air against Alec’s jaw, making him want to wrinkle his nose in disgust. It had been almost a year since Alec had seen him like this, almost a year since he had tried to drink himself into an early grave and Alec concern only grew. What had gone so wrong that Jace would do that to himself?
“Alec I…I,” tears welled in his eyes, Jace stumbling over his words as they caught on a strangled sob. He looked up at Alec with wide grief filled eyes, the guilt and pain so evident in them that Alec felt like they had been etched permanently into the other mans soul. “I messed up.” Alecks spine straitened at that, a lot of things starting to click into place. How on edge Simon had been, his anger and Jace’s absence, the way he had been constantly looking over his should like he was afraid of his own shadow. “I messed up and now he’s gone and he thinks that I…that I,” Jace cuts off on a sob and Alec doesn’t hesitate to pull him against his chest, wrapping one arm around his back and soothing at his hair with the other. Jace cries, his sobs muffled against Alec’s chest and his whole body shacking. He grips tightly at the back of Alec’s shirt, his nails digging in even through the fabric but Alec makes no move to stop him. All he dose is hold Jace whilst he breaks apart in his arms, shushing his parabatai softly as he mumbles out a stream of ‘it’s all my fault’ and ‘he hates me’.
Alec doesn’t know what to do. It should have been easy, a sure thing. All Jace had to do was apologize to Simon and explain how he felt. They could all see how far gone Jace and Simon were for each other, the two practically in a relationship already. He had been so convinced that all they needed was a gentle push and then they would be as disgustingly cute as he and Magnus were but something had gone wrong, horribly wrong and Alec didn’t know how to fix it. Jace had been through so much in his life, had suffered through one loss after another and after Clary Alec had thought that Simon would provide the stability that Jace needed along with the open and honest affection that he deserved. Instead all there was was more heartbreak, another loved one lost and he couldn’t help but feel guilty over that. Alec had been the one to push Jace into confessing when he hadn’t wanted to. Alec had been the one to send Simon away when clearly he was needed here to help fix whatever had happened. He may not be responsible for how things had gone between the two of them but he still had his fair share of the blame to shoulder and he couldn’t even begin to start apologizing for his actions.
A gentle hand on his shoulder pulled Alec away from his thoughts and he turned his head to look up at his concerned husband. Next to him Izzy gracefully sunk to her knees, wrapping her arms around Jace and pressing her face against the back of his neck. The three of them were huddled together on the floor, Jace nestled between the two of them in a protective cocoon just like they had used to do when they were younger and Jace still had nightmares about the abuse Valentine had put him through. Pulling in his own shaky breath Alec turned his head back round and pressed his face into Jace’s hair. No one said anything, the only sound in the suspiciously quite room Jace’s ragged breathing and pained cries.
Alec didn’t know how to fix what was broken between Simon and Jace but what he did know was that they would help the blonde shadowhunter through it as a family. Jace was their brother, as much a Lightwood as he was a Herondale and Alec would do everything within his power to make Jace happy. Even if it meant dragging Simon back from London kicking and screaming or keeping him there for as long as he could. Whatever Jace needed Alec would give him because they were brothers, parabatai, family and Alec always took care of the people he loved.
Rating: E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)
Pairings: Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others / Jace x Clary mentioned
Summary:“You should ask him out.” Jace choked on his water, eyes going wide as he spluttered and coughed. “What?” he managed to croak out, turning to look at Izzy like she had gone crazy and for all he knew she might have, considering the utter gibberish she was speaking. Sighing she rolled her eyes, “Simon, you should ask him out on a date instead of pining over him like some love struck idiot.”
Jace scowled, turning away from her and stalking down the hall in an attempt to get away from her and the ridiculous conversation. “I’m not pining,” he mumbled under his breath. He wasn’t pining. He didn’t do pining, no he was the one people pined over, not the other way round. And anyway, he didn’t want to date Simon. He just wanted to have sex with him, vigorously and often as well as maintain their current friendship. That wasn’t dating, it was friends with benefits except Simon didn’t do stuff like that. He was Mr. Relationship and Jace, wasn’t.
Track 1 - Jace ‘I won’t say I’m in love’ Herondale
I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) by Susan Egan
Track 2 - Friends don’t look at friends that way
that Way by Tate McRae
Track 3 - This night ain’t for the faint of heart
Wicked Ones by Dorothy
S.L.U.T by Bea Miller
Track 5 - I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be
I Found by Amber Run
Track 6 - I’m sorry to interrupt It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of tryin’ to kiss you
Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys
Bonus track
Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top
Nothing Breaks Like A Heart by Mark Ronson feat. Miles Cyrus
Track 8 - Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say Something by A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera
Track 9 - I used to be love drunk but now I’m hung over
Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls
Track 7 - This world can hurt you. It cuts you deep and leaves a scar. Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart.
Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for latter chapters)
Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood / minor Simon Lewis x others
Chapter summary: Simon doesn’t want to be here, the thought of seeing Jace again leaving him an unpleasant mix of angry and nervous. He’s determined to make the best of it though and when a rather attractive seelie starts to take an interest in him Simon’s all for it. So naturally that’s the point Jace comes crashing back into focus and Simon’s left scrambling for solid ground.
Simon really didn’t want to be here.
He had forgotten about the party in the mess of things and it had only been Izzy asking what he had been planning on wearing the day before that Simon had remembered about it with an all consuming panic that had left him scrambling for an excuse not to go. He had tried to talk his way out of it but he had been so nervous and panicked that he had stumbled over his words and failed to come up with a reasonable excuse in the moment. Izzy hadn’t accepted any of his stammered excuses anyway, sighing down the phone and pointing out how bad it would look if Simon wasn’t there considering his involvement with the cabinet and his current job roll. Reluctantly he had given in, promising to be there even though he desperately wanted to be anywhere else right now.
It wasn’t that he was trying to avoid the institute. He had been a couple of times in the last few weeks but it had all been planned out, Simon one hundred percent sure that Jace wasn’t anywhere near the building and he only stayed for as long as he needed, making sure he was long gone before the blonde showed up. So no, he wasn’t avoiding the institute, he was avoiding one of its occupants and he had been doing a pretty good job of it so far.
It hadn’t exactly been that hard though, considering Jace had practically dropped Simon from his life with relative ease. The only time they had spoken was when Jace had phoned to find out why Simon wasn’t at their scheduled training and even then they hadn’t actually spoken, Simon to terrified to answer the phone because he knew as soon as he heard the other mans voice he would go running back to him like the pathetic mess that he was. So he had just watched it ring, staring at the photo of Jace looking all soft and smiling as he played the piano, the Captain America theme blearing out across his apartment. When it had stopped ringing Simon had held his breath, waiting to see if it would ring again but when it had stayed silent he had snatched it up, staring down at it as he tried to work out why Jace would call him so suddenly after three days of nothing. It was only when he saw the date that he even realized what day it was and the fact he had missed their weekly training session.
That had left a rather sour taste in Simon’s mouth, the realization that Jace only cared because he was missing out on training making Simon’s already dark mood even worse. Of course all he was good for was being used as a moving target. He had sent Jace a rather short and abrupt text, a flimsy excuse as to why he hadn’t shown up. Normally he would ramble on, even in texts but he couldn’t come up with a worthwhile reason and he honestly couldn’t be bothered to think up some elaboration lie so he had just stuck with being vague and hoped that Jace wouldn’t pry. It seemed to work, Jace sending back a simple ‘ok’ and Simon had deflated, throwing his phone across the room and through his open bedroom door, the thing thankfully landing on his bed though it lacked the satisfying smash he had been after. That’s were it had stayed, untouched and unwanted until Simon had crawled into bed early the next morning and found it dead and tangled in his sheets. He hadn’t charged it for two days.
That had been the last time he had had anything to do with Jace. Simon was used to talking to the other man every day if not seeing him but now there was nothing and his life felt oddly empty without Jace there to fill the silence. He missed Jace, more than he had thought possible and Simon found himself desperate for any bit of information to do with the man. He knew he was annoying his friends, especially Izzy, with his constant questioning about the other shadowhunter but he needed to know and as he couldn’t go directly to the source he had to get the information from somewhere. Izzy had snapped at him the other day, refusing to tell him anything else to do with Jace and informing him that if he wanted to know he could go ask Jace himself but they both knew he wouldn’t. Jace didn’t want him in his life, didn’t need him and Simon wasn’t about to force his presence on someone who didn’t want him just because he couldn’t get his own pathetic crush under control.
Nervously Simon shifted, his hands clenching on his thighs as he tried not to dwell too much on the blonde currently missing from his life. Above him Izzy sighed, her hand stilling from where she was in the process of applying a worrying amount of eyeliner. “Sorry,” he mumbled, making an effort to go as still as he could so as not to end up looking like a pander. He hadn’t even realized what he was agreeing to when Izzy had asked about putting some makeup on him, his attention completely focused on looking around for Jace and trying to figure out how he was going to avoid him all night whilst also not staring at him all heart broken and longingly. It was his own fault for not paying attention and he hadn’t had the heart to tell her no when she had pushed him down onto her bed and came at him with her makeup bag and a wide smile.
It wasn’t that big of a deal though. Izzy had seemed happy when he agreed and if he could at least make someone happy then he would endure it. Plus he knew that if it looked bad she would get rid of it before anyone else could see him like it. Like the gluten for punishment he was Simon couldn’t help but wonder what Jace would think. He already knew that Jace thought his normal sense of fashion was nerdy and a little to teenage boy but this was different, Simon had put actual effort into his outfit tonight and he couldn’t help but wonder if Jace would approve of it.
Izzy had said he looked hot but she had said that the last time he wore a suit, claiming that it was a good look for him. Raphael had been over the moon about that, well as much as his normally stoic self could be. He had gifted Simon a few suits after that, insisting that if he wanted anyone to take him seriously he would need to ditch the band tees, skinny jeans and hoodie combo he lived in. Simon of course had tried to decline but one look from the then vampire and he had promptly shut up and taken them, never planning on putting another one on unless it was for another wedding or something like this. The suit he had picked for tonight was one of Raphael’s, the cut having been altered to fit Simon at the other mans insistence.
Right up until he was getting ready Simon had been planning on wearing a black suit, whit shirt combo, something simple and not at all likely to draw attention to himself but stood in front of his wardrobe his eyes had been drawn to the deep red fabric and he had thought why not. Why shouldn’t he draw attention to himself? He knew he looked good in it and wearing a suit always made him feel more confident. Clary had used to call it his boss outfit and when Simon had pulled the thing on and looked at himself in the mirror he had felt like the boss, like he could take on anyone and everything, including Jace but all that confidence had gone out the window as soon as he had stepped foot inside the institute, his nerves and anxiety coming back ten fold.
Shifting slightly, Simon cracked the eye open that Izzy wasn’t currently working on, taking in the look of concentration she was wearing. She looked gorgeous, her dress black lace with a plunging neckline to show of her ample cleavage and a slit up one side of the skirt. Her angelic power rune was perfectly framed, her long dark hair curled slightly and tumbling over her bare shoulders, her own eye makeup done to perfection and her lips an enticing blood red. She was stunning but Simon always thought she was and once again he felt that little pang of regret that they hadn’t worked out. It would have been so easy with her, had been whilst it lasted but Simon’s heart wanted what it wanted and that was a blonde pretty boy who was an insensitive asshole that didn’t love him back. Well at least he was consistent, though falling for yet another friend who couldn’t see his devotion to them was a habit he didn’t wish to carry on through his long life.
“Is erm, Jace coming tonight?” Simon winced at how pathetic he sounded, Isabelle only just managing to move the eyeliner brush out of the way before it could end up smudged across his cheek. “Simon,” she chastised softly and he offered her up an uneasy smile. “Sorry,” he apologized again, letting his eyes fall closed once more and tipping his head back to give her better access to his eyes. He was apologizing to her a lot lately, to the point he was seriously considering getting the two words printed on a t-shirt so he could just point at his chest in the future. Sighing Izzy’s grip tightened on his jaw, holding his head still as she went back to applying the black liquid to his eyes.
They stayed in silence whilst she finished, Simon trying to concentrate on her slow and steady heartbeat so his mind didn’t wander but it was difficult, even with the distraction. He felt on edge, his whole body thrumming with his nerves and being forced to sit still wasn’t helping. He wanted to get up and pace, to ramble a mile a minuet and try and burn off some of his nervous energy. Most of all though he wanted to run, as far away as he could as fast as he could because he wasn’t ready for this, to face Jace with his angry, judgmental eyes and harsh words that left Simon feeling like he was somehow less. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough and then he would finally have some distance between him and the young adult supernatural drama his life had become and maybe then he would finally be able to breath, metaphorically speaking that is.
“Done,” Izzy announced, letting go of Simon’s chin and taking a step back. Simon’s eyes slowly fluttered open, his eyelids feeling strangely heavy with the makeup on. Izzy was beaming at him, her eyes practically alight but Simon couldn’t tell if it was with amusement or because she was happy with how he looked. He would think it was amusement because Simon really didn’t think he would be able to rock the whole makeup wearing, bi fashion icon look like Magnus did. “On a scale of one to ten, one being slightly and ten being never show my face in publicly again, how stupid do I look?” Simon asked, finally letting his posture go lax now he didn’t have to worry about messing up his face. Izzy huffed, rolling her eyes at him. “Why don’t you have a look and you tell me.” She stepped to the side, gesturing towards the full length mirror in the corner of her room.
With a groaned Simon pushed himself up off the bed, giving Izzy an unimpressed look as he walked past her towards the mirror. If he looked stupid why couldn’t she just tell him, instead of making him acknowledge how ridiculous he looked and making that image stay with him for the rest of his extremely long life? He kept his eyes on Izzy as he stepped up to the mirror, trying to prolong the obvious embarrassment he was sure was coming his way. Her smile softened, tipping her head forward slightly and looking at Simon in that mix of fond exasperation that he was so used to. “Seriously, how bad is it? Are we talking Brandon Lee in The Crow bad or Alice Cooper bad because even though they may seem similar one is definitely worse than the other and I think I deserve to know what I’ve gotten myself into,” Simon rambled, the words as they often did just rushing out of him in one breath. “Simon,” Izzy laughed, looking at him pointedly and gesturing towards the mirror. “Fine, don’t tell me but if I look like Alice Cooper I’m telling Magnus you were the one who spilt coffee in his Dolce and Gabbana jacket.” Simon pointed at her, his head inclined forward slightly and giving her a pointed look. Izzy sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes at him once more. “Would you just look already.” Taking a deep breath Simon readied himself for the utter ridiculousness that was about to greet him and turned to the mirror.
Oh.
Oh wow.
Simon had been expecting pander eyes and to resemble an overzealous goth who though more was better but he was pleasantly surprised, looking more like 2012 era Adam Lambert then he had been prepared for. With his tailored suit and hair slicked back Simon looked good, really good and he couldn’t quite believe it. “So, what do you think?” Izzy asked, stepping up next to him and smiling smugly. Simon lifted his chin up slightly, running his hands down the lapped of his suit jacket before doing up the button. “Not bad Lightwood,” he said, trying to go for indifferent and slightly bored but he wasn’t sure he quite pulled it off. “Just one last thing and then you’ll be good to go.” She uncapped a light colored lip gloss as she spoke and Simon wordlessly turned towards her, parting his lips slightly and holding his breath as she used her finger to smooth it across his lips. Izzy stepped back, her eyes flickering across Simon’s outfit, “perfect.”
“You ready?” Izzy asked over her shoulder, effortlessly gliding through the room and towards the door. Simon took one last look at his appearance in the mirror, happy that he still looked presentable and up to Raphael’s standards. He was sure the once vampire would be satisfied with how well Simon looked, all those hours of chastising him about his personal style and making him iron his suits having payed off. “Yeah,” he sighed, tearing his eyes away from his reflection and following after her. Realistically he wasn’t ready at all, the thought of all those people he would have to interact with not filling him with a great deal of confidence but it was still the thought of having to face Jace that terrified him the most. He wanted to see Jace, he did but he also didn’t and at the moment the urge to run was starting to win out but he had promised Izzy he would be here and he wouldn’t let her down, even if it did make him feel a little uncomfortable.
Resigned to his fate Simon was about to step through the door when Izzy stopped him, placing her hand on his chest to keep him in place. Frowning he looked down at her only to find her playful smile gone and a look of seriousness having taken over. “Jace will be there tonight and I know that you and him are having difficulties at the moment but he’s trying.” Simon scowled at that. Having difficulties was putting it lightly. Jace was being an insensitive ass on a good day and out right mean on a bad one and apart from living his life like Jace had pre Clary Simon didn’t understand why he was suddenly being treated with such hostility.
“The only thing he’s trying to do is be an asshole and he’s succeeding,” Simon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking past Izzy and down the empty hallway. He could here the sound of party goes downstairs, the gentle sound of music filtering up along with the faint murmur of conversation. He wanted to get this over and done with and the sooner they got downstairs the sooner Simon would be able to make his escape after a couple of hours but Izzy deciding to talk about Simon’s biggest worry now was pushing his longed for escape further and further away. “Just give him a chance, you know he isn’t good with expressing his emotions and though he may not say it he has missed you.”
Simon’s head jerked back round at her words, eyes wide in surprise and not quite believing what she had said. Jace missed him, missed Simon and though that had his dead heart soaring he couldn’t quite believe it. If Jace missed him so much, if he had cared enough in the first place then why had he pushed Simon away? Jace had done this to himself, had made it clear that he didn’t want Simon around and he had given him the space he wanted. No Jace hadn’t missed him, he couldn’t have but Simon had missed him almost the same way he had missed the sun after he was first turned because Jace was bright and warm just like the sun and everything seemed duller and colder without him around. No Jace didn’t miss him because if he did it just made everything worse and Simon really just wanted to move on with his life right now and get over Jace Herondale before he was driven mad by it all.
“Fine,” he sighed, letting his arms fall to his side. He would be polite and friendly just as long as Jace offered him the same courtesy but the moment he started something Simon was leaving. He didn’t have to put up with it just because he was in love with the guy and he owed it to himself to have a little self respect to realise that. “Thank you,” Izzy smiled softly and Simon started to feel a little guilty about the fact he wasn’t planning on giving Jace an opportunity to make Simon give him a chance. If the last few weeks had taught him anything it was that he need to get a grip of his life and move on. It’s why he had practically jumped at the opportunity to go to London, answering so quickly that he had cut Alec off half way through explaining why they wanted him to go in the first place.
Alec had seemed a little hesitant about asking him to go but Simon had been adamant that he would take the job seriously and wouldn’t come back until he had resolved the situation. Alec was still kind of reluctant about all of it though and Simon had tried to assure him the best he could that he wouldn’t let the other man down and thanked him for giving him the opportunity to actually do something like this. Simon had gone home and started researching everything he could, even going as far as to contact the London institute as well as the vampire clans. He had a whole folder full of preliminary information and already had a rapport going with Dorian, the shadowhunter he would be dealing with and Elizabeth, the second in command of the London clans. He was confident he could help resolve their issues with hopefully little to no bloodshed and having something else to focus on would hopefully help him begin to move on with this life. He had a lot of it ahead of him after all and he really didn’t want to spend the next sixty or so years pinning after a man who he couldn’t have.
“Shall we?” he asked, offering Izzy his arm. “What a gentleman,” she smiled, linker her arm through his as Simon offered her a crooked smile in return. As they made their way down stairs Simon tried not to think about Jace or let his eyes frantically dart around the banquet hall for any sign of the blonde man but it was difficult not to, Simon hyper aware that he could be anywhere. He let Izzy lead him into the middle of the room, listening as she told him who was who and why they had been invited, whispering low enough for him to pick up with his vampire hearing so as not to alert anyone else to what she was saying because a lot of it was gossip and probably wouldn’t go over that well.
It was easy enough, the two of them working their way around the room and making introductions. Simon had been surprised how many people had known who he was and had wanted to meet him, asking him his opinion on downworlder matters that he felt completely under qualified to even be talking about let alone have an opinion on. Izzy stayed by his side though, acting as a buffer when his anxiety started to get the better of him. At some point they got sucked into a conversation with another shadowhunter that Simon had never meet before, his accent thick and his English a little broken. Izzy seemed to know who he was though and the two of them dissolved into a rather serious conversation about how best to run an institute. Simon tried to pay attention, he really did but he soon found his interest slipping as his gaze began to wonder.
There were so many people, talking and drinking and uncaring that the down world was mixing with the shadow one. Vampires were talking to werewolves, warlocks and sorceress deep in conversations with shadowhunters and seelie’s just effortlessly floating around the room and drawing everyone in. It was truly something to behold considering just a few short years ago you would have struggled to get any of them in a room together let alone willingly talking and being friendly with one another. Alec had done an amazing job with the alliance and he more then deserved his promotion to inquisitor.
As he continued to look around Simon’s thoughts began to stray, seemingly unable to stop himself from remembering the last time he had seen Jace and everything that had come after.
When Jace had unceremoniously sent him away all those weeks go Simon had welcomed Tyler into his home and his bed. It had been angry and aggressive, Simon covered in bruises and scratch marks and what might have been a fractured wrist but he had wanted it to hurt, wanted one pain to cover up another and the werewolf had provided that but once he was done, leaving Simon face down in his bed and covered in both their cum he hadn’t felt any kind of satisfaction. He had just laid there, staring out his window and watching the sun set and knowing full well he needed to get up and wash the evidence of his tryst off yet not being able to find the motivation to do so. Instead he had thought about Jace, about the sudden change of his attitude towards Simon and what he could have possibly done to trigger it. It had taken him five hours to drag himself out of his bed and get clean, another hour after that to change his sheets, though he had considered just burning them.
Sleeping with Tyler had been a mistake, a decision born of anger and hurt and Simon regretted acting so rashly. He had stared at himself in the mirror for what felt like hours, telling himself he wasn’t going to let Jace get to him, nor let his emotions dictate his actions. He was going to give Jace the Simon free life he wanted and he was going to get on with his own life and not let one person’s rotten attitude force him into changing his lifestyle. Of course that little pep talk had lasted all of an hour and what he actually had done was wallow in self-pity and heartbreak.
Simon had spent almost a week locked in his apartment, laying around and clutching the pieces of his broken heart. He hadn’t gone out anywhere, hadn’t answered any calls, nor any of Maia’s insistent banging on his apartment door. About two days in he had managed to send a quick text to Izzy and Maia saying he was fine, just busy with vampire stuff witch wasn’t untrue. He was a vampire and he was busy doing stuff, like contemplating packing a bag and making a run for it. He had enough money saved up that he thought he would be able to make it to Ohio if not Michigan if he budgeted like crazy but that was just a stupid little fantasy for when he was feeling at his lowest.
After that first week Simon had had no choice but to go out. Maia was refusing to bring him any blood and despite how crappy he was feeling Simon didn’t want to end up starving himself and attacking his neighbors. So reluctantly he had trudged off to the Hunters Moon getting a full ten minute lecture about his childish sulking before Maia would hand over his order. She had had a point though, Simon was being childish and over dramatic. If Clary had been there she would have allowed him maybe a day to wallow before bursting into his apartment and dragging his pathetic ass out into the real world and making a start on forgetting the boy who had broken his heart, even unknowingly. Of course if Clary had been there she and Jace would be madly in love still and Simon would probably still be with Izzy. It had been enough though, Simon resolute in his decision to put Jace and his shitty attitude behind him and he had put in every effort to get back to normal. Well as normal as his life could be considering it had a rather large Jace sized hole in it.
Simon hadn’t slept with anyone since Tyler, hadn’t even made an attempt to so much as flirt with anyone. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, it had just kind of gone that way. It probably didn’t help that whenever he found someone attractive he could here Jace in his head, judging him as he sneered out ‘band practice huh’. It was an instant mood killer, Simon turning his attention else where and feeling guilty for so much as looking at some. A ridiculous thought really because he didn’t have a reason to feel guilty. It wasn’t like he was dating anyone.
Instead he had slipped back into his old self, surrounding himself with his comics and video games but most importantly his music. He had tried to write some of his book but he couldn’t find it in him to do so but his music stuck with him and Simon found himself composing one song after another. They were mostly about love, about heartbreak and letting go and how unrequited love could ruin a friendship. He poured everything into his music, finding it cathartic to get it all out. It still didn’t change the fact that the thought of seeing Jace still terrified him. Didn’t change the fact that Simon loved him and missed him, whilst also being so incredibly mad at him at the same time. It didn’t change anything but it gave Simon an outlet because he still couldn’t bring himself to say out loud everything that Jace had come to mean to him, except in his music that is. His music spoke of everything Simon couldn’t and right now that was enough for him.
“Look at him Alec.” Simon’s head snapped round at the angry hiss, yanked from his thoughts like a fish on a hook. He would recognize that voice anywhere. Jace was facing away from him, looking up at Alec who looked like he had smelled something bad as he gestured behind him towards were Simon stood. Everything else vanished, the world around him going silent as his smile fell and he watched as Alec dragged his eyes across him before smirking only to have it fall into a scowl as Jace jabbed a finger at him, clearly angry about something. No not something, someone. He was angry about Simon and that had his insides twisting painfully.
Simon had thought he was ready for that, thought he would have been able to handle Jace not wanting him there but he had been wrong. The anger directed towards him had been shocking, leaving Simon feeling like he should make his excuses and leave before he managed to make things any worse than they already were. He hated it, hated that he cared so much about Jace that he was willing to ditch his other friends even though Jace clearly didn’t return the sentiment. He didn’t deserve the hostility, the anger and casual meanness that Jace had been directing at him for the past month. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t hurt anyone, wasn’t causing any problems and he most certainly hadn’t done anything that Jace hadn’t done himself. If Jace wanted to be an asshole then fine, that was his prerogative but Simon wasn’t about to stand there and take it. He had promised to give Jace a chance but clearly the other man didn’t want one so Simon wouldn’t give him the opportunity. He wasn’t about to change who he was because one person took issue with what he did in his spare time and if Jace couldn’t see past his own pettiness and fragile ego then that was his problem not Simon’s.
With a new determination to prove to Jace that whatever it was going on between them hadn’t effected him in the slightest Simon turned back to Izzy, letting the sound rush back in as he focused on her and the shadowhunter before them. He placed his hand on the small of her back, angling his body closer to hers and leant in. “Please tell me I’m not this boring when I ramble because if I am just stake me now and put everyone out of their misery,” he whispered, delighting in the startled laugh it got him. He pulled away with a wide smile, the other shadowhunter looking confused for just a moment before he carried on talking like nothing had happened. Smiling Simon managed to snag a glass of blood off a passing waiter, glad of something to keep his hand busy as the feeling of being watched had his skin tingling. He didn’t need to look to know who it was watching him and he didn’t want to look either, didn’t want to see the look of disgust he knew would greet him if he did. Instead he took a sip of the room warm blood, keeping his attention on the man before him. He wouldn’t give Jace the satisfaction of letting him know he was getting to him.
Everything was kind of a blur after that. Simon went out of his way to make sure he was never alone, flitting from one conversation to the next. He never once looked up at Jace despite almost constantly being able to feel his gaze boring into the side of his head and after about an hour he had gotten so used to it that he didn’t even really registering it any more. Izzy had left him not long after their conversation with the other shadowhunter had ended, having been distracted by a seelie who wanted to talk about their part in the alliance. Simon couldn’t blame her, the man had been kind of beautiful but all seelie’s were and if Simon had been her he would have ditched him to.
Despite his reservations about the party Simon had found himself actually enjoying himself once he finally relaxed a little. He was surprised by how easy he found it on his own, actually managing not to ramble too much and hold rather adult and serious conversations. It gave him confidence that when he got to London he wouldn’t screw things up and prove Alec right that he shouldn’t have sent him in the first place.
As the night passed Simon found himself in the company of a seelie, the two of them talking about music and art but it didn’t take long for Simon to realise she was flirting with him. She was pretty, just like all seelie were, with a slight green shimmer to her skin that Simon found appealing. He wanted to know if it went all the way down or stopped just under the edges of her clothing. Her hair was long and curled, the soft red strands tumbling over her shoulders and her eyes green like fresh grass. She reminded him of the old seelie queen when she had been in her older form and a little like Clary to though she lacked the same fierce glint in her eyes that Clary had had. That probably should have put him off but instead it spurred him on, a sense of familiarity settling in that was just pathetic, even for him.
As far as ideas went it was a bad one but she was beautiful and Simon was lonely. He didn’t want to go home alone to his apartment tonight, didn’t want to be left alone with his doubts and insecurities. He didn’t stop her when she moved into his personal space, her hand lightly gliding up his chest to finger his tie as she smiled coyly up at him. Simon was good at this, had had enough practice over the last year to know how these things went and what was expected of him. Smiling he gripped her waist with one hand, pulling her closer to him so he could lean in and whisper in her ear. His lips brushed against her ear, Simon about to ask if she wanted to leave with him, maybe find a nice piece of moon drenched woodland to get to know each other better in when strong hands grabbed at his hips, pulling Simon away from her and back into a solid chest.
Simon made a small surprised squeak that he would deny latter, going stiff in the strangers hold. It wasn’t that Simon was opposed to these kinds of things but the seelie hadn’t given him any indication she was with anyone else so that could only mean that this guy was taking liberties and putting his hands where they weren’t wanted. Simon scowled, pulling in a deep breath to tell the guy he had ten seconds to let go or he was losing a hand when he got a lungful of sunshine and leather. A familiar voice rumbled against his ear and Simon stopped breathing, his entire body shutting down.
“There you are.” Jace’s voice was a low rumble, his lips brushing against Simon’s cheek as he spoke and sending shivers down his spine. He didn’t know what was happening, his words failing him as Jace pressed in closer. Out of all the possible things that could have happened tonight, Jace’s sudden clingy-ness was not something Simon would have placed bets on. He was so warm, his natural heat sinking through Simon’s suit and warming his cold skin, the shadowhunters smell invading all his senses. He had missed this and having it now had him feeling like he had been dying of dehydration all this time they had been apart and suddenly he had been dunked into a lake, gasping and gulping water down as he drowned.
In front of him the seelie smirked, arching an amused eyebrow at the pair of them and Simon offered her an apologetic smile, not really sure what the hell was going on. “Hey Jace, I’m erh kind of in the middle of something dude,” he laughed nervously. Simon tried to come off as casual, as if the last few weeks hadn’t happened and they were the same as they had been then, close friends who were a little too familiar with one another but his body was stiff, his voice strained and his hand spasming on the seelie’s waist as he fought the urge to shove Jace off him.
Turning his head Simon tried to look round at the blonde behind him but Jace didn’t pull away like he thought he would and all it did was drag his lips across Simon’s cheek and put them dangerously close to Simon’s own. He quickly jerked his head back round, eyes wide and swallowing loudly. If he was still alive Simon had no doubt he would be flushed bright red now, his heart slamming away painfully in his chest and his palms sweating as he tried and failed to stay calm. Thankfully being dead prevented any of that from happening and Simon was left with just trying to get his facial features under control. He hadn’t been ready to find Jace’s face so close and the almost accidental brush of lips had Simon feeling both panicked and kind of giddy. He suddenly felt like his twelve year old self again, getting his first kiss in a game of spin the bottle at Mandy Moor’s thirteenth birthday party. It wasn’t an experience he was too thrilled about reliving.
“Your always busy, with your little band practice,” Jace grumbled the last couple of words, sounding bitter and if Simon didn’t know any better jealous but that couldn’t be right. Jace didn’t even like him right now so there was no way he would be jealous of what Simon had been up to, unless that was it. Maybe that was what the issue had been all along and Jace was angry that Simon had encroached on his reputation, getting one of his own to rival that of the blondes. “No different to book club angel boy,” Simon said tersely, rolling his shoulder back to jostle the man behind him in an attempt to get him off. Jace huffed, tilting his head down to drag his lips along Simon’s neck and hands tightening on his hips. “It’s different cos it’s you,” he grumbled and Simon didn’t know whether to be offended or not. Everyone always assumed Simon was a nerdy sexless idiot but he had skills, had gotten Clary, Maia and Izzy into bed before he had even honed them so yeah Jace could shove it.
Before he could tell Jace where he could shove it the seelie sighed, drawing his attention back to her. She didn’t look angry but she didn’t look happy either. “You seem like you have your hands full daylighter, another time perhaps.” She cupped Simon’s other cheek, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips but before she could get close enough Jace growled, low and threatening and she jerked back, eyes wide with surprise that was probably mirrored by Simon’s own look of shock. “Back off,” he snarled, hooking his chin over Simon’s shoulder and jerking him back against him until his entire back was pressing against Jace’s front. There wasn’t even a breath between them now, Simon able to feel every inch of Jace’s well defined muscles against his back and it was almost enough to distract him from whatever the hell it was that Jace had just done.
She scowled at Jace, huffing before storming off, flicking her long hair over her shoulder as she went. “What the hell dude?” Simon hissed, jerking out of Jace’s hold and whirling round to glare at the other man. Jace looked annoyed, his eyes a little glassy and a slight flush to his cheeks and that probably should have sent up a red flag but Simon was too pissed off to really care right now. How dare he come over here after weeks of nothing, after treating Simon like shit and act like he had some sort of right over his time and who he spent it with. Simon wanted to hit him, wanted to push and shove him away and demand that he just stop, whatever this was that he was doing but Izzy and Magnus had put so much effort into the party, Alec having poured his heart and soul into the alliance and Simon wouldn’t be the one to mess all of that hard work up, regardless of how much he wanted to slap some sense into Jace right now.
“She wasn’t your type,” Jace huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, turning his head to look out across the room and pouting like the spoiled brat he was. Simon scowled at him, mimicking his pose and holding his head up high. “Really, and you know what is?” Simon scoffed. Jace was being ridiculous and Simon couldn’t understand why. He turned back to Simon, his eyes flickering over him before making eye contact. “Yes,” he said seriously and Simon just blinked at him, unsure of how to take the simple but confident answer. Something was off, even more so than had been over the last month and he needed to find out what before they dissolved into a full blown argument that they wouldn’t be able to come back from.
Narrowing his eyes Simon stepped into Jace’s space, ducking his head down till their noses were almost touching. Jace’s lips parted slightly as he pulled in a breath, his head tilting as his tongue poked out to wet his lips, angling his mouth more towards Simon’s as if he was expecting a kiss but that was ridiculous. Jace wouldn’t ever want to kiss him. Simon sucked in a breath, tasting Jace’s own as he breathed out and instantly he jerked back. “Dude are you drunk?” he hissed in disbelief, looking at the blonde with disapproval. Jace didn’t really drink all that much any more but when he did it was only a beer or two, nothing that would leave him with anything more then a pleasant buzz. He hadn’t gotten this drunk since just after Clary left and Simon had to carry him back to the institute because he couldn’t stand. That had not been a fun night and Jace had gotten better afterwards so why the hell was he suddenly going back to old habits?
Jace shrugged, his gaze flickering off to the side and looking very much like he was sulking. “You left me on my own,” he mumbled, his gaze flickering briefly back to Simon as if to gage his reaction. Simon felt a sharp stab of guilt at that. As much as he had been angry with the other man, hurt by Jace cutting him out of his life Simon had been just as bad. The blame went both ways, Simon not having even tried to talk to Jace, had even gone out of his way to avoid him. He knew Jace had abandonment issues, they had spoken about it before but in his anger and pain he hadn’t even stopped to consider how Simon’s silence would have affected him. He felt like an ass, and though he was still angry with how Jace had treated him it lessened slightly, instead turning inwards.
Sighing Simon eyed Jace wearily. He had told Izzy he would give him a chance and even though he had been adamant that he wouldn’t and give Jace the opportunity to hurt him again Simon could feel his resolve crumbling. He was weak when it came to Jace and even if he was drunk and acting like an idiot Simon still couldn’t help but give into him. “Thought you didn’t need me?” he asked, a bitter edge to his words because that still hurt and there was no way of hiding that. Jace turned back to him looking directly into Simon’s eyes. “I always need you,” Jace said in all seriousness and Simon’s eyes went wide, his mouth hanging open in shock.
Jace took Simon’s stunned silence as some kind off permission, unfolding his arms and grabbing hold of Simon’s hips once more, pulling him forward until they were pressed together again. Simon didn’t know what to do, his mind reeling as Jace leant forward, running the tip of his nose along Simon’s jaw and following its path with his lips, all the way up to his ear. “Want you,” Jace rumbled, voice a low purr as he sucked Simon’s earlobe into his mouth and nipped gently at it. Simon’s hands darted out, curling around Jace’s biceps and he let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan, his eyes falling shut at the sudden sensation. He felt Jace smirk against the spot behind his ear, his breath hot against his cold skin as he pulled Simon tighter against him.
“Simon,” Jace groaned. Simon’s eyes snapped open, the sound of his own name snapping him out of his daze. What was he doing? What was Jace doing? This was all so strange and jarring, Simon feeling like he had somehow stumbled into a parallel universe without having even noticed. Jace was drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing and here Simon was taking advantage of his inebriated state. Jace wasn’t even into guys, was probably just confused and out of it, not even realizing what he was doing to Simon. It didn’t matter that Simon had been dreaming of having this kind of attention from Jace for years now, it wasn’t right and as the only sober one out of the two of them he needed to take control of the situation before Jace did something he couldn’t take back and then there really wasn’t any chance of salvaging what was left of their friendship.
Taking a deep breath Simon tightened his grip on Jace’s arms, holding him in place as he stepped back and out of Jace’s grasp. He ignored the annoyed whine Jace let out and the pout, instead focusing on a point somewhere by Jace’s right ear. “You’re drunk and as your friend it is my duty to stop you from doing something you’ll regret in the morning and this is definitely something you are going to regret.” Jace huffed, grabbing Simon’s elbows and attempting to pull him forward but Simon held his ground, refusing to let the space between them get any smaller. “The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner,” Jace grumbled, tugging on Simon’s arms once more.
Simon groaned, eyes closing and his head falling forward to hang between his arms. This couldn’t be happening, not now. Jace was drunk, Simon could smell the whiskey heavy on his breath and he knew that people said and did things they didn’t necessarily mean when they were to far under the influence but this was just cruel, dangling what Simon wanted most right in front of his face all the while knowing it wasn’t real, wasn’t actually his to have. He wanted to cry, wanted to go home and hide under his blankets and just will the last ten minutes out of existence but first he had to get Jace out of here. They were still friends and Simon wouldn’t leave him down here completely hammered and vulnerable for someone else to take advantage of.
“We need to get you to bed,” Simon stated as he looked up, his voice a lot more confident then he felt. Jace was smirking at him, all confidence and self satisfaction, like he had won something when in reality all he was getting was Simon dragging his drunk ass back up the stairs and dumping him on his bed before making a quick escape. “That was fast, even for a vampire,” Jace leered, winking at him and all Simon could do was stare at him for a long few seconds before sorting and rolling his eyes at the bad joke. “Yeah. Okay Casanova let’s go.” Simon let go of Jace’s arms to turn him around and urge him forward but before he could even take a step towards the doors Jace’s hand darted out, grabbing Simon’s and interlacing their fingers. Confused Simon stared at their joint hands like it was an alien life form. He had touched Jace plenty of times before and they had held hand for a brief few seconds when Simon first came to the institute but this, this was something on a whole different level. “Come on Simon,” Jace insisted, tugging him forward and dumbly he followed, still staring at their joint hands and mumbling a distracted “yeah.”
It was easy enough getting Jace across the room, the blonde going willingly and beaming brightly the whole time. He stumbled a few times, his attention seeming to slip from the task of walking but Simon was there, using his vampire speed to righten him before he even got a chance to even notice his mistake. Jace stayed close to him the whole time, invading Simon’s personal space like it was a normal occurrence and not seeming to even care they were still holding hands when that was all Simon could think of, convinced everyone was staring at them and whispering about things that just weren’t true. It didn’t help matters that Jace kept leaning in, trying to steal kisses that Simon was trying his hardest to avoid.
About half way across the room Simon had caught sight of Alec watching them, his dark eyes tracking their movements with an amused smirk curling up one side of his mouth. Feeling like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t by a teacher Simon quickly tugged his hand free of Jace’s grip, letting his hand fall to his side. Jace had looked at him in a mix of confusion and annoyance, Simon finding the look kind of adorable on the other man but it didn’t last, Jace smirking as he slipped up next to Simon and wrapped his arm around Simon’s back. He didn’t even hesitate to slip his hand up under Simon’s suit jacket, his fingers dangerously close to slipping under the waistband of his trousers as he rubbed small circles into his lower back. It had Simon gritting his jaw, biting down on the angry demand that Jace let him go. If he had been sure that Jace wouldn’t throw up on him he would have chucked him over his shoulder and used his vampire speed to get him to his room just so he could escape this sudden hell he had found himself in quicker.
The stairs turned out to be an obstacle to much for Jace. He stumbled over almost every other step, Simon having no choice but to wrap his arm around the other mans waist whilst Jace slung his arm across his shoulders, just to keep him upright. Jace laughed like it was the best thing ever, turning his head into Simon’s neck and humming as he nuzzled him, uncaring that Simon was practically carrying his up the stairs. “S’posed to tell you, you pretty,” Jace mumbled as Simon managed to get his door open. “Thanks,” Simon answered, not really paying attention as he continued to lead Jace across the room to his bed, a bed Simon had slept in more than once and knew was ridiculously comfortable. That had apparently been the wrong thing to say though because Jace dug his heels in, refusing to go any further into room. “Dude come on, you need to work with me here,” he groaned, turning to look at Jace only to find him frowning sadly down at the floor.
“You don’t think I’m pretty.” Simon stared at Jace as his frown deepened, not really understand what was happening. “What?” Jace huffed, shrugging out of Simon’s hold. “You didn’t say it back,” he grumbled, shakily taking a few steps towards his bed and shrugging his jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. Simon followed after him, snatching the discarded item of clothing off the floor and throwing it onto the bed. “You know you’re pretty,” Simon grumbled, finally starting to get annoyed with the other man. He didn’t want to be talking about how pretty Jace was just to give the man an ego boost that he probably wouldn’t even remember when he awoke the next morning.
“But you don’t,” Jace snapped as he turned back to face Simon, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling. “Why does it matter?” Simon yelled, instantly feeling bad as hurt flashed through Jace’s eyes before he dropped his gaze back to the floor. He looked so sad, frowning down at the floor as he wrapped his arms around himself. Simon was being an asshole, lashing out because he felt caged in and to close to being exposed. He was doing exactly what he had been angry at Jace for doing and that wasn’t okay. “Of course I think you’re pretty,” Simon sighed, reigned to his fate and only hoping that Jace wouldn’t hate him for this come morning.
Jace’s head jerked up, his eyes wide and full of hope. Groaning in frustration Simon shoved a hand through his hair, uncaring that he was messing it up. Now that he had started he couldn’t stop, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a calm steady stream of honesty. “I think you look petty first thing in the morning when your hairs a mess and you’re still half asleep and grumpy because you haven’t had your coffee yet. I think you’re beautiful when you fight, all quick and sure movements full of such power and grace. I think you’re handsome when you’re playing the piano and your hair falls in front of your face because you didn’t put any gel in it and you’re smiling because you remembered something good for once. I think you’re stunning when you…oomph.” Simon didn’t get to finish what he had been saying, Jace surging forward and pressing his lips against Simon’s and effectively cutting off his rambling with a bruising kiss.
He stumbled backwards, his arms warping round Jace out of instinct as he tried to balance their weight. Jace didn’t seem to care, wrapping his arms around Simon’s neck and burying his hands in his hair, pressing his lips harder against Simon’s. It was a shock, Simon’s mind going blank for a split second before he was pushing back and returning the kiss, matching Jace’s desperation with his own. It was hard and demanding and completely uncoordinated but it was Jace and Simon found himself unable to care. He gripped tighter at his waist, burying his own hand into the silken blonde strands at the back of his head, holding him closer as he swiped his tongue across Jace’s lips. With a muffled moan Jace granted him entrance, allowing the kiss to be deepened. He tasted like whiskey, sharp and bitter as Simon explored his mouth but underneath that was something unequally Jace and Simon was hungry for more.
He hadn’t even realised his fangs had dropped, not till Jace’s tongue dragged across them with a moan and the sharp metallic tang of blood flooded his mouth. Simon jerked back, the reality of the situation making itself known even as his ever present hunger demanded more. He shouldn’t be doing this, not now, not with Jace drunk and vulnerable. Jace whined, trying to chase Simon’s lips but he craned his neck backwards in an attempt to avoid him. That had been a mistake, Jace deciding to abandon the kiss and instead pressing his lips to Simon’s exposed neck. It was his turn to moan and rather loudly at that. Simon’s neck had always been sensitive but even more so since he had been turned and he found himself clinging onto the back of Jace’s shirt as he nipped and sucked his way from one side of his neck to the other.
This was bad, so very very bad because Simon was getting hard, his arousal taking over as his mind failed to keep up with what was happening. Jace was invading all his senses, shutting down his rational mind and leaving him a pathetic, desperate mess. Simon wanted this, wanted to let the other man do whatever the hell he wanted to Simon, to hell with the consequences but he knew that come morning, if Jace woke up beside him that the realization of what they had done would ruin everything and Jace would never forgive him for letting it happen. Simon wouldn’t blame him, would in fact join Jace in hating him because it would be all his fault. He was the sober one here, had vampire strength and speed at his disposal and he never should have allowed it to get this far in the first place. He needed to leave and he needed to leave now before he took things too far.
“Jace wait,” Simon managed to get out, biting back the urge to moan as blunt teeth scrapped across his jaw. He felt Jace smile, the other man mumbling into his neck. “Been waiting long enough.” Simon didn’t have the chance to ask what the hell he was on about before he was being shoved backwards. The back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, Simon not even having noticed they had been moving towards it, to distracted by Jace’s lips to even care. He sprawled backwards, half laying and half way pushed up on his elbows but before he could push himself up he got a lap full of Jace, the blonde grinning as he straddled Simon’s thighs.
“I like having you under me,” he grinned, swooping down to steal another kiss even as Simon tried to splutter out some kind of protest. He didn’t know what was happening and Jace was everywhere, his tongue invading Simon’s mouth as his got Simon’s jacket open and his hands start to tug at his shirt, trying to free it from Simon’s trousers. “Always like having you under me,” Jace mumbled as he pulled away from Simon’s lips just long enough to pull in a breath before going back to seemingly trying to make Simon look like he had been mauled by a vampire, sucking and licking at his neck as he kissed his way from one side to the other.
“What?” Simon managed to gasp out. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around what Jace was saying because it couldn’t be what it sounded like to Simon. No, this was just some drunken exploration of sexuality and definitely not Jace implying that he found Simon attractive and had wanted to do anything even remotely like this when he was sober and clear headed. Oh but it was a wonderful thought and Simon desperately wanted it to be true. He wanted to pretend for just a moment, just a second of eternity that it was real, that Jace actually did like him like that and these past few weeks had been the idiot not handling his jealousy at finding out Simon had been sleeping with other people. Simon wanted to accept that as fact and be able to swallow down the mix of guilt and shame he currently felt at actually enjoying what was happening but it wasn’t because he knew better than to buy into his own deluded fantasies. So no this wasn’t real but it didn’t stop Simon from wanting it, from wanting Jace.
A hunger was taking over, his fangs refusing to go back in but Jace didn’t seem to care, his tongue pushing between Simon’s parted lips and kissing him as if he was just as hungry for Simon as he was Jace. He wanted to flip them over, wanted to map every inch of Jace’s body and leave him a shaking and gasping mess. He wanted Jace, wanted all of him and he wanted to give himself over to the shadowhunter in return and his resolve to put an end to this was rapidly dwindling with every shift of Jace’s ass against his almost painful erection, both of them moaning at the sensation. Simon wanted to devour Jace and that scared the hell out of him.
“Let me have you.” Jace’s nipped at Simon’s ear, purposely and slowly grinding down on Simon’s lap as he did so. He could feel the last little thread of reason slowly starting to fray and he knew if he didn’t get Jace to stop now he never would, giving into his own desires. “Jace stop, you’re not…ah!” Simon cried out as Jace bit down on his neck, hard. “Shit” he cursed, his hand darting up and fingers pressing against the bite mark to make sure Jace hadn’t broken the skin. That was the last thing he needed right now and despite it not being Simon’s fault Alec would definitely kill him if Jace ended up inthralled by him.
With the fear of Alec in him Simon gripped Jace’s shoulders and pushed him back, finally putting some distance between them, though considering Jace was still on his lap it wasn’t that much of a difference but those few extra inches left Simon feeling like he could breath finally. “Alright, that’s enough out you, you overgrown leach.” Simon’s neck felt warm, the bite mark throbbing in time to Jace’s racing pulse. Jace huffed, pouting as he crossed his arms over his chest. His cheeks were flushed red, his lips spit slick and kiss swollen and his eyes dark with arousal, his once perfectly styled hair now sticking up at odd angles thanks to Simon’s wondering hands. His shirt collar was undone, his tie pulled loose and it just added to the whole debauched angel look he had going on. Jace looked good, even better considering Simon had been the one responsible and he was finding it hard not to shove his hands back into Jace’s hair and pull him back in for a heated kiss to get more of those breathless and sinful sounds from him. “You let everyone else have you so why not me?” Jace grumbled.
It was like having a bucket of ice water dumped over him, the burning fire of his desire extinguished with just a few simple words. “What?” he croaked out, his voice cracking slightly and his grip on Jace’s shoulders going lax. Was that really how Jace saw him? Did he really think that Simon was the kind of guy who would fall into bed with anyone and everyone so why not let Jace have a go whilst he was at it? The thought made him feel sick, the blood he had been drinking all night turning into lead in his stomach. He felt dirt and used, worse so then the times he had slept with Tyler. At least then he had known what it was he was getting himself into, the werewolf having been upfront about what he wanted from their exchanges. Jace couldn’t even do that, couldn’t even give Simon a scrap of dignity, practically reducing him down to nothing more than a whore. He wasn’t even that though. They got paid for what they did and Jace wanted it for free, expected Simon to just spread his legs and be thankful that he had finally gotten to sleep with the blonde.
He hadn’t realized a dead heart could break but Simon felt it like a nail was being hammered into it and splitting the useless organ apart.
“It’s just sex Simon,” Jace mumbled, leaning back in to press more kisses along Simon’s neck and he just let him, not even feeling it. That’s all it was to Jace, wasn’t it? Just sex. Just a little relief and Simon had been a sure thing in his eyes because he had a reputation now. He slept around, it didn’t matter that he took his bed partners on dates or that he took the time to get to know them first. Simon was considered easy and that was enough for Jace who had been so sure that Simon wouldn’t care who it was he was falling into bed with just as long as he got a good fuck out of it. “Get off me,” he whispered, not even sure his voice was loud enough to be heard. If it was Jace chose to ignore him, using Simon’s lax state to start trailing kisses along his jaw once more, his hands dropping to his belt and something in him snapped as he felt the blonde tugging at the leather.
“GET OFF ME!” Simon yelled as he stood up, shoving Jace off him as he used vampire speed to make it half way across the room in the blink of an eye. The blonde fell to the floor with a painful thud, groaning as his ass hit the wooden floor. “What the hell Simon?” Jace snapped, glaring up at him even as he tried to push himself up, wincing at the pain. Normally Simon would be worried he had hurt him, would be spluttering out an apology but not now. Right now he hated the man before him and he wanted Jace to know it. “Me! What the hell is wrong with you?” he hissed, his hands clenched at his sides and nails digging into his palms. Jace frowned, swaying slightly as he finally made it his feet. “I thought you…” Jace didn’t get a chance to finish, Simon snarling and cutting him off. “You thought what? That because I’ve slept with a few people I wouldn’t care who the hell I fucked? That you could tell me I was pretty and that would be enough to have me spreading my legs for you like some five dollar back alley whore?”
Jace’s eyes went wide, his flushed face paling noticeably. “Simon I…” he started but Simon once again cut him off, not wanting to give him time to try and charm his way out of the situation. “Well I have news for you asshole. Unlike you I still have some self respect and despite what you think I actually have standard.” The room fell into silence, Simon’s body tensed and breathing heavily whilst Jace looked at him like his whole world view had been shattered. Good. Simon wasn’t some push over any more and just because they had been friends didn’t mean Simon would take his bullshit.
When Jace failed to say anything, his mouth just flapping like a fish out of water Simon scoffed, spinning on the balls of his feet and heading for the door. “Wait,” came Jace’s desperate plea, warm fingers wrapping around Simon’s wrist and tugging him back wards. Simon spun back round, yanking his arm free of the other mans grasp and snarling, his fangs still on full display. His hands were still curled into fists and he didn’t even stop to think as he swung his arm round and slammed his fist into Jace’s jaw. He let out a startled cry, stumbling backwards and tripping over his own feet and ending sprawled across the floor once more. He looked up at Simon with shock, cradling the side of his face with one hand as he kept himself propped up with his other arm. “Do not touch me, ever again. You don’t have the right to put your hands on me.”
Simon strode across the room, grabbing the open door with every intention of leaving and never looking back but instead he came to a stop in the doorway, his grip tightening on the handle to the point he could hear the metal groaning under the pressure. He didn’t look back at Jace as he spoke, his gaze fixed on the closed door on the opposite side of the corridor, “and to think I actually though you cared about me but I really do mean that little to you don’t it? Guess I’ll never stop being that pathetic little tag along whose name you couldn’t even be bothered to learn.” There was a sharp intake of breath behind him, Jace’s heart stuttering slightly and he could swear he could smelt salt in the air. “Jokes on me I guess. I should have known then you’d break my heart.” Simon’s voice remained remarkably calm and cold, a hollow numbness seeming to take over him.
“Simon please I….” Simon slammed the door behind him, cutting off Jace’s desperate and panicked sounding plea. He didn’t want to hear what he had to say, not now, not ever if he was being honest. Behind
Track Four: Shame on me baby.
Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)
Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others)
Chapter Summary: Simon desperately wants to fix whatever has gone wrong between him and Jace but the shadowhunter seems determined to continue being an ass. That’s fine. If he wants Simon gone then he’s gone. He’s not going to stick around somewhere he clearly isn’t wanted.
Jace was acting weird.
It had been a couple of weeks since the bar incident as Simon was calling it and though things had kind of gotten back to normal they were by no means perfect. Despite having still been angry and a little hurt by Jace’s actions the night before Simon had kept his promise and gone to the institute the next day, a mango smoothie in one hand and a club sandwich in the other. It had been meant as a peace offering, something to ease the tension he imagined would greet him at the institute but considering how rude the other man had been the night before Simon hadn’t been completely convinced that Jace wouldn’t just upend the drink over his head as soon as he handed it over.
Things had been a little uncomfortable to start with. Jace was clearly still angry with Simon and though he couldn’t quite understand why he had reacted so badly Simon had tried to rectify whatever had gone wrong between them the night before. He could only assume that Jace had been angry about Simon keeping things from him but he doubted he would ever find out exactly what had been the reason behind Jace being such an asshole because in true Jace fashion they had never actually spoken about it.
Alec had been there when Simon had turned up, he and Jace a whirling mass of limbs and swords and they spared. Simon had gotten to admire the view for all of two seconds before they had noticed he was there and everything had come to a sudden stop. He and Alec were by no means best friends but they were friendly enough and Simon had thought they had gotten past all the anger and animosity but clearly not because Alec had glared at Simon like he wanted to slowly drive a stake through his heart. Simon was man enough to admit that Alec terrified the hell out of him and he knew that whatever had happened between he and Jace needed to be fixed before Alec started cutting off body parts.
Jace had been the one to convince him to leave, Alec clearly reluctant to go but Jace had said his name in that way, all gentle and fond and the other shadowhunter had begrudgingly left them alone, glaring at Simon the whole time as he strode from the room. Once Alec was gone Jace still didn’t acknowledge him though, didn’t even look up at him and instead started tidying away the equipment they had been using. Simon had stood there awkwardly for all of two seconds, unsure what to do but he had never been one to handle the quiet well so he did what he always did and filled it with nerves rambling and pointless pop culture references.
Jace still hadn’t said anything as Simon rambled on, barreling headfirst into the subject and just spewing one apology after another. Simon was sorry, he hadn’t meant to keep what he was doing a secret from Jace or everyone else either but it had just kind of happened and Simon had been terrified that Jace knowing about his sleeping habits would mean he would have to explain why he was acting so out of character and he really didn’t want to have to tell Jace it was all his fault that Simon had ended up in this situation.
Simon had always been aware of how attractive Jace was, right from the very first moment he had laid eyes on the blonde bombshell. It had been part of the reason Simon had disliked him so much, well that and his massively inflated ego and cocky attitude. The point was that even when they had hated each other Simon had known that Jace was always the hottest guy in the room and that had been fine. Simon knew he could never compete with him in that aspect, had accepted that a long time ago but what he hadn’t been counting on was the more he got to know the blonde the more he would grow to actually like Jace.
Simon knew he was bi, had known since he was thirteen and gotten half hard drooling over a half naked Brad Pitt. Clary had known as well, of course she had, they had been best friends after all and told each other everything, well almost everything. Simon had never had the guts to tell her he wanted the love of her life to bend him over the nearest flat surface and make him scream in all the best ways. The point was that Simon hadn’t cared that he found Jace pretty or that he fantasised one to many times about the guy, even if he did feel slightly guilty about getting off to said fantasies afterwards. No what Simon cared about was the fact that it wasn’t just a physical attraction. Simon would have been able to handle that. Jace wasn’t the first straight guy that he had found attractive, it was bound to happen at some point and he would have been able to move on and get over it fairly quickly if it had just been physical but of course he hadn’t been that lucky.
Simon liked Jace. Like, like liked Jace and that was just catastrophic on an apocalyptical level. Mr ‘I’m secure in my sexuality’ Herondale had made it perfectly clear that he was as straight as a flag poll and even if he hadn’t been Simon knew he wouldn’t have stood a chance any way. Guys like him never went for the nerdy and awkward types like Simon, especially not the hot, leather clad angelic warrior kind that had the love of his life already at their side.
He had been jealous, he could admit that. Not just of Jace but Clary to. The two people he cared for the most in the world were happy together and though it left Simon feeling a little out cast he was still happy for them. They were in love and happy and really that was all Simon could ever ask for. So he had put his feelings in a box and buried them as deep as he could and tried to move on. First with Maia and then with Izzy. Neither of those relationships had gone to plan but they had ended amicably and their friendships were probably stronger now thanks to the intimacy they once shared. Simon had moved on, from his puppy love with Clary and his hero worship for Jace, or he thought he had at least but then everything had gone to hell and Simon’s life had started to fall apart once more.
He was the only one who could even come close to understanding what Jace was going through and he had seen it as his duty to help his best friend’s epic love make it through losing her. They had started to spend more time together, to much time if Simon was being honest because that almost forgotten and dust covered box began to crack and everything he had though he had moved on from came pouring back out. He hadn’t moved on at all, just buried it so deep that he had forgotten it was even there.
It was to much sometimes, how full on Jace could be but Simon had wanted to be there for him, wanted to be the friend Jace deserved so he had put Jace’s needs first and forced his own feelings down until they were nothing but a fleeting thought. In the end it had been worth it because now Simon could say without any sarcasm or denial from the other man that he and Jace were friends and close ones at that. If only Jace would have stopped flirting with Simon than he would have been able to stick to the plan and just stayed friends.
Simon wasn’t an idiot, he knew that Jace flirted with anything and everything with a pulse and even those without. He knew Jace didn’t mean anything by it, knew that he was just being himself but Simon wasn’t used to being on the receiving end and every time Jace turned that charming smile on him or winked or made some suggestive comment, Simon could have sworn his dead heart would flutter only to rapidly turn back to stone when he remembered it didn’t mean anything to the blonde. It was exhausting, wearing him down to the point he felt like he was going to snap and just yell at Jace to stop. It was too much and it hurt to have something he so desperately wanted constantly dangled in front of him only to have it snatched away with a melodic laugh and a friendly pat on the shoulder.
Some days he handled it better then others and some days he went home and questioned the choices he had made in his life to end up hopelessly in love with his straight friend who also happened to be his ex’s brother and his best friend’s soul mate. It was like a story line out of one of those trashy teen fantasy adventures and they only ever turned out good for the main characters and Simon definitely wasn’t that.
It was on a particularly bad day that Simon found himself seeking refuge at the Hunters Moon, trying not to down one plasma shot after another. Jace had been to much that day, getting into Simon’s personal space and constantly touching him whilst calling him babe and darling. Simon’s fragile heart hadn’t been able to take it so when Jace had headed off for patrol Simon had turned down the invite to join him and had made up some half formed lie about trying out for a band. He had made a quick escape before anyone could question it, running at full speed and only stopping once he was stood outside the bar.
He had been pleasantly buzzed, just on the right side of drunk when someone had slipped into the empty bar stool next to him and asked him if the brooding vampire act worked for him. He had been confused at first, not thinking she was talking to him because why would she? No one approached Simon and especially not insanely attractive brunettes with legs that went on for days and plush red lips that Simon wanted to sink his teeth into. She had been the complete opposite to Jace, all soft curves and gentle touches where Jace was hard muscles and undeniable strength. Simon had desperately wanted to forget, just for one night that he wasn’t right back where all this craziness had started and hopelessly in love with a friend but unlike with Clary Simon knew there wasn’t a chance that Jace would ever want him back. So Simon had welcomed her advances, a little awkwardly at first but after another drink he had loosened up and actually managed to not embarrass himself for once in his life.
Things had gotten a little hazy after that. There had been more drinking, a lot of flirting and casual touches. Simon remembered almost dropping his drink the first time she touched him, her long and delicate fingers gently stroking up the inside of his thigh. It had been unexpected but not unwelcome and as the night went on he became bolder in his own actions, his confidence growing as time went on.
He had taken her home with him, the two of them all laughter and stolen kisses as they stumbled through his apartment, stripping off the others clothes as they went. It hadn’t been gentle but it had been passionate. Simon had never slept with another vampire before and it had been an experience he wouldn’t forget any time soon. It had been nice not to hold back, to not have to worry about his speed or strength or even his fangs. He hadn’t had to worry about anything apart from making her feel good and Simon knew he was more than capable of doing that.
The next day when he had finally managed to drag himself out of bed the apartment had been a mess, looking like it had been ransacked almost. He had ignored it all, grabbing a couple of bottles of blood and head back to his bed and the women still in it. Though he was hung over he was more than ready to carry on where they had left off and that was exactly what they had done, wasting away the day in a tangle of limbs and sheets, the rest of the world simply falling away as he lost himself in the other vampire. It wasn’t till night had come back round and she had gone that Simon even realized he hadn’t thought of Jace once the whole day.
It had left him stunned, shocked that he hadn’t even noticed the other mans absence, frozen in the living room and clutching a cushion like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the here and now. He had forgotten Jace, hadn’t even spared the blonde a thought, not even to wish it was him in his bed and not the vampire. For one glorious night and day Simon hadn’t been focused on a man he couldn’t have. He felt guilty, especially when he dug his phone out of his jeans and had seen all the miss calls and texts from Jace as well as a few from Izzy to. He had text him back straight away apologizing for being MIA and promising to meet Jace in an hour for his patrol. The only reply he had gotten was a demand for coffee and a cinnamon roll, something Simon was more than capable of providing.
Simon didn’t know why but when Jace had asked him about his absence all day he hadn’t been able to tell him why. It was like the words had got stuck in his throat, refusing to move past his lips. He felt guilty, a little ashamed over what he had done because as much as he had enjoyed the vampires company he had used her as a distraction, a way to cover up and redirect his feelings for Jace. How could he tell Jace that he had spent the day between someone else’s legs to forget about him? So he hadn’t, had carried on with his lie about joining a band and when Jace had pushed for information Simon had brushed him off and changed the subject, rambling a mile a minuet about the new Marvel movie he wanted to see.
He hadn’t meant for it to become a thing but once could be classed as a mistake, a second time a case of bad judgment but a third, a fourth? That was when it became a habit. Every time it became to much, when Simon felt like he was just seconds away from cracking and pinning Jace down and telling him everything he had kept bottled up for so long, Simon would go out looking for a distraction and he found one every time.
He knew it wasn’t the best coping mechanism but it had worked well enough for Jace before, well everything and it wasn’t like Simon was hurting anyone other than himself. He could ask Jace to stop with the flirting and casual touches and Simon knew that was probably what he should have done but he didn’t want Jace to feel like he couldn’t be himself around Simon, that he didn’t like the person Jace was because that couldn’t be furthest from the truth. So he kept his mouth shut and endured the teasing, the flirting, the way Jace would touch him so casually and completely unaware that it left Simon feeling like his skin was burning. Simon just gritted his teeth and plaster on a wide smile acting like it was nothing, normal even and somewhere along the line it had become normal for them to flirt and joke about being a old married couple.
The worst thing was that it help Simon’s confidence, the more Jace pretended to hit on him the better Simon became at flirting and picking people up. He was getting a bit of a reputation in the down world and Maia thought it was hilarious how he and Jace had seemed to of switched roles. That wasn’t lost on Simon. He was now the one with a phone full of casual flings and a name to hide it all behind and Jace was the one who seemed incapable of picking anyone up if the way he had crashed and burned the other week was any indication.
It worked for Simon though, surprisingly well actually and as the weeks turned to months and his confidence grew Simon found himself able to get through the day without worrying about Jace and how easy he could screw up the friendship he valued over everything else. He flirted back now, liked how Jace just beamed at him when he did like it was some fantastical inside joke that the two of them shared. Simon channeled everything he felt for Jace into his one night stands and casual flings and his life seemed to balance out, Simon finally able to be the friend that Jace deserved.
Simon hadn’t told Jace any of that though. He was already angry enough with Simon as it was and he didn’t want Jace punching him in the face and telling him to get lost and never find his way back. Instead he had apologized for the secrecy and the lies. He was sorry he had kept it a secret but he hadn’t meant to, it had just kind of happened and any way he hadn’t thought it would be that big of a deal considering Jace’s own lifestyle before Clary had shown up. He promised not to lie in the future and swore that he hadn’t meant to hurt Jace by making him feel like Simon didn’t trust him or worse yet didn’t care about him.
Jace had sat there the whole time, silently sipping at his drink and eating his sandwich, not giving Simon any indication that he was even listening to him as he paced up and down the training room. It was only when he finally stopped rambling that Jace spoke, offering up a simple ‘okay’. Simon hadn’t really understood, parroting the word back at the blonde in confusion. Jace had just rolled his eyes, insisting it was fine, Jace wasn’t his keeper and if Simon wanted to screw around with half the down world then that was his prerogative. Jace didn’t care were he stuck his dick as long as it didn’t interfere with there work.
That had hurt a little, not as much as the night before but still left Simon feeling ashamed of himself. He had taken Jace’s forgiveness though, grasped it with both hands like the pathetic and desperate mess he was, still is. He was just glad that Jace wasn’t mad at him anymore. He hadn’t pushed for more time when Jace had gone off to find Alec, Jace patting him on the shoulder as he walked passed and reminding Simon about their scheduled trading the next day.
It had been a relief but something about it had all seemed a little off. Jace had been quiet, more subdued and a little somber. It had worried Simon that Jace hadn’t actually forgiven anything and had only said he had to avoid any problems between the two of them. But he put his faith in Jace, trusting that after everything they had been through that Jace wouldn’t lie to him like that but as the weeks passed Simon was starting to think that he had damaged their relationship beyond repair and he couldn’t understand how.
Things were a little weird between them now and Simon couldn’t pin point the exact reason why. He would have thought it was because Jace had seen Simon making out with a guy but he knew that was absurd because Jace had no problem with Alec or Magnus so why would he have a problem with Simon about it. Jace didn’t flirt as much now, didn’t touch Simon as much either and Simon knew that he should be thankful for that but it left him feeling weird, almost on edge, like he was touch starved and desperately awaiting the next moment he could feel Jace’s hands on him. He hadn’t realise how much Jace touched him until it all seemed to stop and now Simon was left feeling disappointed and sad every time that touch never came. It was like he was being punished and Simon was close to a full blown breakdown. In fact he might even start crying if Jace goes to touch him only to change his mind at the last second.
Maybe it was because Jace had found out that Simon was bi. Maybe he was worried that their casual flirting would give Simon ideas that Jace wanted nothing to do with. Simon wasn’t stupid though and he knew that it didn’t mean anything to Jace, not like it did for him and Simon would never act on any of his feelings, ever. He wanted Jace in his life and he was well aware he would only get that if they were friends and Simon had come to terms with that, except he wasn’t so sure they were friends any more.
They hadn’t been spending as much time together outside of training and patrols, Jace always saying he didn’t want to ruin any plans Simon might have. He would wink at Simon, make some comment about his sex life that always left Simon feeling ashamed and dirty and like Jace was judging him for how he spent his nights. He was sure he was being punished, kept at arms length and it hurt. He felt like they were going backwards, the friendship that Simon valued so much slowly unravelling with every refused offer to hang out or aborted touch. It hurt to lose that closeness and Simon didn’t know what to do to fix it outside of getting into another relationship with a women just so Jace wouldn’t worry about Simon’s interest in him. Well that or becoming a priest but that would be difficult considering he still couldn’t say g-ah.
“I hate it when you do that.” Izzy’s voice yanked Simon out of his head and away from his spiraling thought, his head snapping up from where he had been starting unseeingly down at the table. “Huh?” She sighed, rolling her eyes as she put down the tablet she had been holding and looked pointedly at him. “Stop breathing and go all still. You look like a depressed statue.” Simon’s jerks up straight, forcing himself to take unneeded breaths once more. He hadn’t even noticed, had been so consumed with everything going on in his head that he didn’t realise he had just checked out of what was going on around him.
“Sorry,” he laughed nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking off to the side. The ops center was busy, shadowhunters milling around and going about their daily tasks like a vampire wasn’t stood amongst them. He supposed they were used to him but now considering how much time he spent in the institute. Izzy had joked about him moving in once, making some teasing comment about how he and Jace were practically dating anyway so they should just move in together and make it official. Simon had almost choked on his blood but Jace had laughed and slung his arm around Simon’s shoulder, casually commenting on the fact he didn’t have enough space in his room for all Simon’s nerd stuff so he should just move into Simon’s apartment instead.
It was things like that that left Simon scrambling, unsure what to do with his feelings. He had played along, joking about not having nearly enough room in his bathroom cupboards for all of Jace’s hair products whilst internally he had been struggling not to imagine how his home would look if Jace was to share it with him. He hated how much he wanted that. Wanted to come home to the gentle sound of piano music and blades stored amongst the umbrellas and the fridge full of food alongside his bottles of blood. It was a pointless fantasy and whenever someone brought things like that up it always left Simon feeling alone, his apartment to big just for him.
“So you want to tell me?” Izzy asked, not even looking at Simon as she began to pull up reports. Simon shifted, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned against the edge of the table. “Tell you what?” he said casually, planning on feigning ignorance for as long as he could. This was one secret he would keep and he wouldn’t let Isabelle bully it out of him. She glanced up from her tablet, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him. “Why all the depressed statue nonsense.” Simon pursed his lips, giving Izzy his best unimpressed look. He wasn’t a depressed statute, he was a melancholy vampire. There was a difference. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Simon mumbled, lifting his head up and looking off to the side.
Izzy huffed in amusement, her attention going back to her work even though a wide smile stretched across her plump red lips. She looked good, always did and though Simon loved where they were now he did regret that they hadn’t worked out. He could see himself really loving Izzy, the two of them maybe even getting married and adopting little shadowhunter’s but it wasn’t fair to her, to ask for that sort of commitment when he was in love with her brother and sure, maybe if he had stuck it out and worked at it he would have fallen out of love with Jace eventually but he didn’t want to get five years down the line and the two of them thinking about all the kind of things that came with a long term relationship and still be pining after Jace. It wasn’t fair and he wouldn’t do that to her, Simon cared too much about her to do that to her.
“Sure and it’s nothing to do with the little lovers quarrel you and Jace are having?” Simon narrowed his eyes at her, not at all impressed with the knowing look or satisfied smirk she was giving him. “We’re not lovers,” he grumbled. They weren’t lovers and at this rate Simon didn’t think he would be able to call them friends for much longer. “But you are fighting?” Crap. He had walked straight into that one, focusing on the one thing she knew annoyed him. Sighing he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand. “We’re not fight we’re…I don’t know it’s….complicated.” He cringed as he stumbled over his words, not really knowing how to even begin describing what was happening between him and Jace because Simon simply didn’t know. They definitely weren’t fighting but something was going on between them and it wasn’t good.
Izzy looked up, frown in place and a demand for more information already on the tip of her tongue. Simon can’t do it, can’t stand here and talk about his big gay crush on his ex’s brother or the fact that he was coping with that attraction by sleeping with anyone who showed interest. Maia was right, he is a slut. “Look its fine, we’re fine,” he rushed out, waving off whatever she had been about to ask and taking a step backwards without looking. “It’s not important and stupid. We’ll be right as rain in no time,” Simon rambled, still not paying attention as he walked backwards and tried to get as far away from the current conversation as he could without being rude.
He was so caught up with what he was saying that Simon didn’t notice the shadowhunter behind him until his shoulder slammed into them and he stumbled backwards. Strong hands gripped his arm and waist, stopping him from falling flat on his ass. With wide eyes he looked up at the man scowling down at him, his blue eyes filled with annoyance. “Watch where you’re going,” he growled and Simon quickly righted himself, giving the guy a sheepish look as he huffed and continued on his way. G-ah he couldn’t do anything right could he? Not even something as simple was walking.
“Careful, we wouldn’t want any more accidents.” Simon spun back round at the teasing words, Izzy smiling widely up at him. Panic set in, Simon feeling a cold dread seep into his very soul but it was replaced quickly by a wave of anger. “He told you?” Simon hissed. She knew, she had to know to have said that and looking at Simon all knowingly and sly. He didn’t know why but Simon had thought Jace had kept it to himself but why would he? Simon should have known that he would tell at least Isabelle, Alec and by extension Magnus. His whole core friend group probably knew by now what Simon had been doing when he had been pretending to be off at band practice. He felt judged and he didn’t like it, especially coming from the likes of Izzy and Jace, two people who had still probably slept with more people than Simon had.
“No,” Izzy spoke cautiously, eyeing Simon like she was worried that he was about go hunt down Jace and start yelling at him. Honestly it was tempting. Simon got he was angry about the lying and weirded out by the whole bi thing but what right did he have to make any kind of judgment on how Simon spent his free time or with who he sought the company of? Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and Jace shouldn’t be making him feel so shitty about his chosen life style when he had been just as bad once, if not worse. Simon wanted to go find Jace in whatever room he had hidden himself away in and demand an explanation, to call him out on all the utter bullshit of the last few weeks and finally find out what his problem truly was instead of tip toeing around the issue because he was afraid of damaging their already strained relationship beyond repair. Simon loved Jace, he did but just because he loved the man didn’t mean he would stand there and let him treat him like that.
“Maia did.” Izzy’s tentative words cut through Simon’s tangent, his anger at Jace easing ever so slightly. Simon groaned, the tension leaving his shoulders as his head fell forward into his hands. Of course Maia would have told Izzy, those two got on surprisingly well and loved nothing more than to triad embarrassing stories about Simon. He knew he was just lashing out at Jace because he was hurt by the other mans treatment of him but that didn’t change anything. Jace was being kind of shitty to Simon at the moment and Simon could live with that if he only knew the reason why.
Of all the stupid and idiotic things he could halve said though, calling it an accident had probably been up there with trying to hiding it all in the first place but it had been an accident. Simon hadn’t meant to pick up both of them, had only intended to score a date with Alva but when he had turned up and she had been sat waiting with Alvin he hadn’t had the heart to turn the man away. And anyway Alvin was insanely attractive, they both were and Simon would be lying if he said that a threesome wasn’t a fantasy of his, he had just always imagined it with Clary and some other unspecified person. There had been a few months where Simon had imagined a tumble or two with Clary and Jace but he had quickly shut that thought down, not wanting to get too fixated on the blonde.
A lot of good that had done him.
Izzy laughed, clearly enjoying Simon’s embarrassment. “Shut up,” he mumbled even as he smiled softly at her. He was still a little annoyed at Maia but he had never actively set out to hide, it had just happened that way and he was surprised it had taken this long for him to be found out. “It was kind of idiotic, even for you,” Isabelle smiled at him, her eyes practically sparkling as she teased him. Simon laughed gently, stepping back up to the table and leaning against it again. “Yeah well, I never said I was smart.” He was an idiot when it came to all things Jace and when faced with the blonde’s anger Simon had faltered, losing whatever confidence he had had when it had just been him and the two seelie’s.
They lapsed into silence, Izzy tapping away and Simon just stood there watching. He made a conscious effort this time to move every now and then and made sure that he kept up the charade of breathing. The silence didn’t last long though, Izzy speaking before he got too bogged down in his thoughts. “Is that why you and Jace are fighting.” Simon sighed. He should have known that she wouldn’t leave it alone. He could brush it off, should just leave but Simon was tired and he wanted to talk to someone about it because it was exhausting dealing with the emotional whiplash. He just wanted things back to normal and without asking Magnus to rewind time Simon was at a loss as what to do.
“Honestly I have no idea what’s going on with Jace right now. He’s been off with me since he found out about the whole-” Simon gestured at himself, “band practice thing.” Simon sighed, his posture slumping as he braced his hands on the desk and let his head fall forward to hang between his arms. Why was his life always so complicated? Just for once he wanted to just cost through life without any problems or ridiculous complications. He just wanted to exist, happy and carefree for just one day. That wasn’t too much to ask for was it?
“Simon,” Izzy sighed, her delicate looking hand appearing in his field of vision as she placed it over one of his. Simon lifted his head slightly, looking up at her through his lashes. She was giving him a sad smile, her head tipped to the side slightly and her hair tumbling over her shoulder in dark and silky waves. “Can you really not think of a reason why he would be acting like he is?” she urged softly and Simon frowned. He thought it was because Jace was annoyed by Simon’s secrecy and that he was uncomfortable with finding out that Simon was into guys but from the look Izzy was giving him he thought that maybe it was something else but Simon just couldn’t see what else she would be implying.
Before he could tell he that though his phone started to ring, the opening bars of the Star Wars theme loud and jarring in the mostly muffled murmur of the room. Snatching his hand away Simon fumbled for his phone, fishing it out of his back pocket and flipping it over to see who it was. Though he knew it wouldn’t be Jace, the blonde having his own ringtone of the Captain America theme, there had still been a spark of hope that it would have been the blonde. As the name Tyler flashed across the screen though Simon felt nothing but disappointment. He supposed it was a blonde, just the wrong one.
Simon had met Tyler a couple of months ago at the Jade Palace and well, Simon had been gone the second he had walked in the door. He was tall, with long dirty blonde hair and eyes grey like a storm was rolling in. He clearly worked out, his obvious muscles rippling as he moved and Simon hadn’t been able to look away, transfixed by the animal like grace he possessed. Simon should have ran in the opposite direction, should have known that it would make things worse for him in the long run but he had spent the whole day with Jace, the other man flirting like he was actively trying to get Simon into bed as they spared and Simon had been desperate for something to help him get rid of the tension running through his body and the hunger singing in his veins.
It was easy to see the similarities between Jace and Tyler, wasn’t lost on Simon why the werewolf had caught his attention in the first place. The guy was cocky and arrogant though and unlike with Jace where it was earned and kind of endearing it just made the werewolf come across as a complete and utter asshole. He was mean as well, spiteful even, not really caring about his cruel words or too tight grip. Simon had known it was a terrible decision to get involved with him yet he kept going back like the stupid and pathetic mess that he was. He was the only person Simon was seeing on a semi regular basis that he didn’t actually like. The sex was always good but Simon always felt like shit afterwards and no matter how long he spent in the shower he could never get the feeling of being dirty to go away.
“Are you going to answer that?” Simon darted his eyes up to Izzy. “Erm no,” he answered quickly, declining the call and shoving his phone back into his pocket. She raised an eyebrow at him and Simon shrugged, pointedly not looking her in the eye. “You know I don’t mind if it was someone trying to set up a date?” She smiled reassuringly at him and Simon felt something inside him crack a little. “No, I did not know that,” he said honestly, admitting to his fear that she would think less of him for his actions. “It’s just sex Simon and as long as you’re being safe and everyone involved is a consenting adult no one has any right to judge you for it, least of all us.”
Simon wanted to laugh at that, wanted to ask if she could go tell Jace that because he was definitely judging Simon for his sex life. “No. Yeah. Sure. Everything’s safe, sane and consenting. Well mostly sane, sometimes we might be a little drunk,” Simon rambled, the words rushing out of him in a bid to reassure Izzy that he wasn’t a complete screw up. She was smiling fondly at him, the same look she always gave him when he was being like this. It was nice, reassuring to know that nothing had changed between them. He didn’t realise how much he had need someone to let him know everything was okay until Izzy had. His happiness was quickly swallowed up by hurt and anger though as Simon’s mind went back to Jace. Why was it so easy for Izzy to accept it, to accept him and to act like nothing had changed when Jace couldn’t even look him in the eye now?
As if he had been summoned just by the thought of him Jace came bounding down the stairs, smirking as he made his way towards them. “Who’s drunk and why wasn’t I invited?” He barely even glanced at Simon as he walked round the table coming to a stop next to Izzy and placing his own tablet down. “No one,” Simon rushed out before Izzy could say anything, shooting her a glare as she laughed. Jace looked between the two of them, raising an eyebrow at Simon as if he expected an explanation but considering how Jace had been lately Simon really didn’t want to bring his sex life into any conversation that Jace was involved in.
“Not in the talking mood today? That’s new,” Jace said teasingly and Simon turned his glare towards him, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. Jace snorted in laughter, a genuine smile spreading across his lips and Simon instantly felt his glare soften. The last few weeks those smiles had been rare and seeing it now left Simon feeling warm, like the first time he had been able to stand in the sunlight after he became a vampire. The feeling didn’t last long.
“Simon’s embarrassed. He doesn’t want to arrange band practice in front of us,” Izzy teased, smiling widely across the table at Simon as she nocked her shoulder into Jace’s. The smile fell from Jace’s lips instantly, hurt and disappointment flickering behind Jace’s eyes. “Izzy,” Simon hissed angrily at her even as he was unable to tear his gaze away from Jace, watching as he just kind of shut down. Jace laughed but it was hollow, his smile obviously fake to Simon who had spent years watching the other man. “What’s the matter Lewis, afraid we’ll find out who your band mates are?” His voice was light and teasing as he spoke and to anyone else it probably would have seemed like the three of them were sharing a joke but Simon caught the slight bite to his name, the minuscule twitch of his lips into a frown at the end. Jace only ever called him Lewis when he was angry with him. Well that or mundie but that one always seemed to hurt more, like he couldn’t even acknowledge everything that had happened since he and Simon had first met.
“No, I thought we could hang out. Maybe go see a movie and get dinner. My treat,” Simon said quietly, his voice surprisingly flat and lacking any real emotion behind it. That had been why Simon had come to the institute, hoping to spend time with Jace and try and fix things but he had known the moment he had walked into the ops center and Jace had walked out that he wasn’t going to get the chance. Nothing had changed since then, in fact his chances of getting any time with Jace had probably gone down. “Nah, wouldn’t want you missing out on quality band time.” Jace didn’t even look up from the tablet he was fiddling with, his eyes tracking across the screen as he clicked on one thing than another.
“I don’t care about ‘band time’,” Simon spat out, making air quotes for it’s his fingers around the last two words, not that Jace was looking at him to see. Anger swirled in his stomach, his hands gripping at the edge of the table and eyes firmly fixed in the blonde. He wanted Jace to look at him. For once Simon wanted Jace to actually look at him and see what he was doing to him. Jace’s shoulders tensed, his hand stilling for a second before he continued with his work, his eyes never straying from the screen and sounding almost bored when he spoke. “It’s fine, go have fun with your groupies, we don’t need you here.” Simon felt his words like a slap to the face.
Jace had said a lot of crappy things to him since they had first met but somehow hearing him say he didn’t need him broke Simon’s cold dead heart in two. It felt like he was being told to get out and not come back, that Jace was trying to force him out of his life without actually having to say it. Simon knew he didn’t mean it like that, well he hoped he didn’t but the casual dismissal of Simon had his gut twisting, the thought of Jace not wanting him in any capacity making him feel sick.
“Look at me,” Simon demanded. If Jace wanted him gone then he could at least do Simon the favor of looking him in the eye when he told him. Jace’s heart rate picked up, his jaw clenched and eye twitching. Still he didn’t look up though, his eyes staying firmly fixed on the tablet in his hands. Simon wanted to yank it away from him, throw it across the room and listen to the satisfy noise as it shattered against the floor. “Look. At. Me,” he growled out, his anger swelling with every second that Jace ignored him. It was a simple request, all he wanted was to see the look in Jace’s eyes as he ripped Simon’s heart out. Maybe then he would be able to move on with his life and stop chasing someone who clearly didn’t want him.
Sighing Jace’s shoulders slumped slightly and finally he lifted his gaze up. “What?” he snapped in annoyance, glaring at Simon and if his heart was still beating Simon was sure it would have stopped. His eyes were dark and stormy, looking at Simon like he was nothing, an inconvenience. He looked so angry, glaring at Simon like he was the cause of all Jace’s problems and maybe he was. Faced with such hate Simon felt all the fight drain out of him.
What was he doing? Clearly Jace was done with him, probably was only being nice to avoid issues with Izzy and the work Simon did with Alec and the downworld council. He was making things worse like always. Jace was trying to make a clean break and here he was refusing to play along. Whatever had shifted for Jace that night clearly was bad enough that he didn’t want to salvage their friendship and Simon should respect that. Jace didn’t want or need him and the sooner he realized that the better it would be for both of them.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I bothered you,” Simon said softly, his eyes dropping in an attempt to escape Jace’s cold and angry eyes. He didn’t wait for an answer, didn’t want to hear Jace’s snarky and biting retort. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, keeping his head down and turned, walked away from them and the last shred of hope he had held onto of salvaging his and Jace’s relationship. “Simon!” He ignored Izzy’s loud cry of his name, speeding up as he strode from the room. He was desperate to get away before the tears began to fall and he made more of a fool of himself. He didn’t want Jace to see how much he had hurt him either, didn’t want Jace to see just how much Simon cared about what he though of him.
Simon couldn’t understand what he had done wrong, couldn’t understand why Jace was acting the way he was. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and the fact he was treating Simon like he had was just unfair. Izzy was right, no one had the right to judge him for having an active sex life and especially not Jace bloody Herondale. Sure Simon had kept it a secret but Jace hadn’t gone around broadcasting his sexcapades to everyone either and sure that might have been because he didn’t want Clary to know how big a man whore he was but that just drew even more similarities between what Jace had done and what Simon was doing now.
To hell with Jace. If he wanted to throw away their friendship then so be it. Simon was done being the one to always apologize. If Jace wanted fix things between them than he knew where Simon was and until then he planned on staying as far away from Jace as he could. He clearly didn’t want Simon in his life and he could at least grant the asshole that.
As he shoved through the institute doors Simon yanked his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocked it. His whole body felt like it was thrumming with electricity, the need to do something to get rid of all his pent up anger and aggression almost driving him mad. He needed to fight or fuck and lucky enough for him he had a whole phone of people willing to help him with the latter and one in particular who would be down for a mix of the two.
He clicked on Tyler’s contact, the phone ringing twice before the other man picked up. “Knew you couldn’t stay away,” he growled, a confident lilt to his voice that had Simon cringing. “My afternoon just opened up,” Simon said in answer, choosing to ignore his previous comment. “Lucky you.” Yeah lucky, that’s totally how Simon would describe his current situation. “Sure, be at my place in an hour or don’t bother coming at all.” Simon hung up before Tyler could spew any more crap and before he could change his mind. It was a bad decision but Simon was just full of those at the moment so why not add one more to the ever frowning list. It wasn’t like anyone cared what he did, not the ones that mattered anyway.
Bullets for a Wedding
byElDiablito_SF (E, 31k, wangxian)
Summary:Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are disgustingly in love and happily cohabitating six months after the events of “Pearls for a Funeral”. But a vindictive power will not let them rest. Trouble is brewing at work for Detective Jiang Cheng, and just in time to create all kinds of problems for his sister’s wedding (not to mention the invitation list!). A mysterious letter starts off a non-stop, wild, noir ride which takes our heroes from the foggy climes of San Francisco to the verdant hills of Napa Valley. Can Wangxian once again prevail over the powers of darkness and save their love as well as each other? I don’t know, I don’t know, I really don’t know.
Part2ofNoir AU (2 works, series in progress)
My comment: Ah, a very satisfying sequel to Pearls For a Funeral (here’s mypost). In which the bad guys from the first story just won’t stop making trouble, prison and looming execution notwithstanding. POV alternates, and it’s a ride through a visceral 1940s landscape with loads of angst and kidnapping and perilous situations (both physical and emotional). Fun time!
Excerpt:One would have thought once you’ve lived through one abduction, the second one would be a walk in the park, and yet, Lan Wangji was discovering, one would have been entirely incorrect. What was even more beneath his dignity was being held hostage by the man who used to wash his car. Oh no, if Uncle found out, he would be absolutely livid. This assassin, this Xue Yang personage, who had dared beat Wei Ying into a bloody pulp and trespass against his clavicles (a sin for which Lan Wangji had already damned the man to the ninth circle of hell), was barely worthy of so much as being in Lan Wangji’s presence. Unfortunately, he was hovering extremely uncomfortably close to his presence, and leering in such a way that made Lan Wangji pull at his restraints despite his valiant attempts at keeping his considerable cool.
noir au, case fic, 1940s san francisco, established relationship, mystery, intrigue, private detective wei wuxian, rich socialite lan wangji, background nielan, shameless lan wangji, gumshoe wei wuxian,kidnapping, light torture, BAMF lan wangji, hurt wei wuxian, hurt lan wangji, misunderstandings, angst, POV alternating, lack of communication, feels, hostage situations, grief/mourning, happy ending, @jadedbirch
(You may wish to REBLOG as a signal boost for this author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)
We live in the universe of misunderstandings — if you want understandings, you have to go live in some other universe. – Michael Lipsey
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Love is Blind (Part Two: Mexico)
Remember when I was like, the next parts will definitely be shorter! Yeah, I lied.
E/R, Modern AU, Love is Blind AU (bad reality TV AU for anyone unfamiliar with the source show).Developing relationship speedrun,with all the misunderstandings that follow.
In the pods, our couples fell in love and got engaged – sight unseen. After finally seeing each other for the very first time, they’re now with us in Mexico for a romantic getaway.
Here, they’ll discover if their physical connection is as strong as their emotional one. Up until this point, the only thing that’s mattered is who they are on the inside. Now, their love will be put to the test.
Their weddings are just four weeks away. Will their looks, backgrounds, and real world insecurities be too much for them to overcome?
Or will love be enough to get them to the altar – and to their happily ever after?
Enjolras didn’t even bother trying to stop his grin when he saw Grantaire get out of the cab at the resort. He ignored the producer off-camera trying to get him to wait for Grantaire to come to him, instead crossing the lobby of the main hotel building in three long strides and pulling Grantaire into a hug. “Careful now,” Grantaire said, his voice a little muffled against Enjolras’s shirt. “My fiancé might see you.”
“Careful yourself,” Enjolras returned, still grinning, “I resemble that remark.”
Grantaire smiled crookedly at him before leaning in and kissing him, a sweet, gentle kiss. “Yeah you do,” he agreed. “It’s really good to see you, Apollo.”
Enjolras wrinkled his nose. “Still on the nickname thing?”
Grantaire shrugged. “Well, the last time I called you that, the conversation ended in a marriage proposal, so I figured it couldn’t hurt.”
“Maybe we’ll have to work on finding a better nickname while we’re here,” Enjolras said, frowning slightly as he looked down at Grantaire. “Did you get taller?”
Grantaire arched an eyebrow. “Beg pardon?”
Enjolras flushed slightly. “I just remember being a little taller than you, that’s all,” he said. “But we’re almost the same height.”
“You just like the idea of me looking up to you,” Grantaire teased.
The producer cleared her throat. “Why don’t you two go check out your suite?” she suggested, in a tone of voice that suggested there was a schedule, and the longer Enjolras and Grantaire stood making small talk in the lobby, the more delayed that schedule became.
“We might as well,” Grantaire told Enjolras, his smile turning dirty. “I want to see what our options are, after all.”
Enjolras rolled his eyes before offering Grantaire his hand. “Sure,” he agreed, “let’s go see how much unusable footage we can film for them.”
Grantaire laughed, and Enjolras grinned, leaning in to kiss his cheek.
This was just like the pods, only better, because now he got to see Grantaire laugh instead of just hearing it through the wall.
He could definitely get used to this.
— — — — —
“I could definitely get used to this,” Grantaire said with a happy sigh, leaning against the railing on their balcony, the sea breeze tousling his hair.
Enjolras wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. “The suite, the view, or the free drinks?” he asked.
Grantaire turned to face him, grinning. “All of the above,” he said. “Though I think the view is better from this angle.”
Enjolras laughed, leaning in to kiss him before letting go of him to cross over to where the hotel staff had brought their suitcases. “So which bedroom do you want?” he asked.
Grantaire made a face as he picked up his drink, some tropical monstrosity in a tiki glass, from where he had left it and took a sip. “Kind of strange of them to give us a suite with two bedrooms, don’t you think?” he asked. “Considering I doubt most couples will be spending their time doing much other than consummating their relationships.”
“Consummating their relationships?” Enjolras repeated with a snort. “Well, when you put it as romantically as that, I guess it does seem a little strange.”
“On the other hand, I suppose it is practical to have one room to bone in and another to sleep in,” Grantaire said evenly. “Less messy that way, though I sure hope the show is tipping the cleaning staff extra.”
Enjolras nodded slowly. “Are you ever actually going to get to the point where you ask if we’re spending the night together or not?”
Grantaire’s expression didn’t so much as flicker. “I’m not the one who decided to broach the question by asking which bedroom I wanted in the first place,” he said, taking another sip of his drink.
Enjolras’s lips twitched and he shook his head slowly. “Should’ve known better than to try to pull one over on you,” he said, a little ruefully, sitting down next to Grantaire.
“You would think, after the crash course in the pods, yeah,” Grantaire said, nodding. He offered Enjolras a sip of his drink, and Enjolras shook his head, his stomach already doing somersaults without the aid of rum, or tequila, or whatever liquor was disguised by sugar and fruit. “So what are you thinking in that pretty head of yours?”
Enjolras hesitated. “Honestly?”
Grantaire arched an eyebrow. “That’s pretty much all I’ve asked from you, yeah.”
“I’m not a prude,” Enjolras said, unsure if he was trying to convince Grantaire or himself. “I’m definitely not a virgin. I’ve had sex on a first date many times over.” He hesitated again. “But somehow this feels too soon.”
“Even though we’re literally engaged?” Grantaire asked, not looking at Enjolras as he stirred his drink. “And have spent countless hours talking to each other?”
Enjolras nodded. “Yeah.” He glanced at Grantaire. “Is that – is that going to be a problem?”
Grantaire pursed his lips. “You know there’s no way for me to say yes to that without sounding like a complete asshole, right?”
“Sure there is,” Enjolras said. “Because all I want from you is honesty, too.” Grantaire didn’t quite look convinced, and Enjolras sighed. “And if you’re worried about pressuring me or whatever, it’s not going to change my mind to know that you’re, I don’t know, disappointed that I’m not ready yet.”
“I’m not disappointed,” Grantaire said quickly – a little too quickly, and when Enjolras gave him a look, he added,
“I’m not! I’m horny as hell and would really like to have sex with my incredibly hot fiancé, but I’m not disappointed that you’re not ready because I want this to be good.”
Enjolras couldn’t quite stop his smile. “Oh yeah?” he asked, pitching his voice low.
Grantaire nodded. “Yeah. I want this to be better than good, especially since this very well may be the only dick you get for the rest of your life.”
Enjolras snorted. “Again with the romance. Stop, a man can only take so much.” Grantaire laughed and Enjolras took his hand and squeezed it. “I want it to be better than good, too. I want it to be perfect for you.” He leaned in to kiss Grantaire. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Grantaire told him before setting his drink down. “Ok, so sex is off the table for tonight. How about sleeping together?”
Enjolras frowned. “Didn’t we just have that discussion?”
Grantaire rolled his eyes. “Not euphemistically sleeping together, literally sleeping together. You know, sharing a bed. Maybe some spooning if we’re feeling up to it.”
Enjolras nodded slowly. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“Are you the big spoon, or the little spoon?”
He said it teasingly, but Grantaire looked like he was considering it. “I can go either way, depending on what my partner feels like,” he said, before nudging Enjolras. “Speaking of, big spoon or little spoon?”
“I don’t know,” Enjolras admitted. “I’m honestly not sure I’ve ever spooned with anyone.”
Grantaire blinked. “Wait, really?”
“Really,” Enjolras said. “I’m not opposed to it or anything, but very few of my past relationships were really like that.”
“Like that meaning…”
Enjolras shrugged. “Openly affectionate, I guess,” he said, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “I – well, this probably won’t surprise you but I don’t exactly have a reputation as a warm person, and I suspect that discouraged my past partners from trying to be physically affectionate with me other than when we were having sex.”
He said it plainly enough, but something in Grantaire’s expression darkened. “That does surprise me, actually. You’ve been nothing but open and warm with me.”
Enjolras barked a laugh. “That is entirely untrue, or else you have a pretty selective memory.”
“Well, that may very well be, but I stand by it.”
Enjolras just shook his head. “As much as I appreciate the perhaps misplaced loyalty, you should know that I can be cold. Indifferent to the point of being borderline cruel. Capable of being terrible.”
He meant it to sound joking, but judging by the look on Grantaire’s face, he hadn’t quite succeeded. “You say that as if you’re quoting someone,” Grantaire said quietly, and Enjolras nodded. “If I ever meet whoever told you those things—”
“What, you’ll kill them?” Enjolras asked, with another sharp, dry laugh.
Grantaire smiled slightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “No, but I will hurt them,” he said, almost pleasantly. “And I will enjoy doing so.”
“Why?”
“Because I have known you for less than two weeks and I already know you’re a good man,” Grantaire said simply. “A man whose sole question after I brought up trying to kill myself was to make sure that I’m ok now. A man who cares so much about strangers and friends alike, and has an equal desire to protect and fight for them.” He shook his head. “I don’t think someone like that could ever truly be a cold person.”
“Maybe not, but you haven’t spent any time around me when I’m focusing on other things,” Enjolras said quietly. “I meant what I said in the pods: I haven’t always prioritized romantic partners, and that can absolutely make me come off as cold to someone who expects more.”
Grantaire shrugged. “Then that’s a problem of expectation management. And believe me, my expectations are not that high.”
Enjolras rolled his eyes. “Yes, but as we’ve established, it’s because you think you don’t deserve to be showered in love and affection so you therefore don’t expect it.”
“And on the flip side, I rather suspect that since you seem to think I do deserve to be showered in love and affection, you’ll try more than you may have in the past which will subsequently exceed my expectations and make us both happy,” Grantaire told him, a little smugly.
Enjolras just shook his head slowly. “Well, we’ll see about that.”
“Yes, we will,” Grantaire said firmly. “And now that we’ve gotten thoroughly off-track… Big spoon or little spoon?”
Enjolras laughed again, but it was a gentler laugh. “Honestly, I don’t think it’ll matter much. Because no matter which way we go, we’ll find a way to make it fit.”
“Sap,” Grantaire whispered, but he was grinning. “Still, I admire your confidence. And if it’s all the same to you…” He hesitated, suddenly shy. “I’d really like to be the one to hold you tonight. To feel you in my arms, so I can remind myself that this is real.”
Enjolras swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “I think I can manage that.”
“But we’re not going to bed yet, right?” Grantaire asked. “Because it’s still sunny out.”
“Very true,” Enjolras said. “Which is why I thought we could sit out on the balcony and engage in some good, old-fashioned necking.”
“Goodness gracious me,” Grantaire murmured, his grin turning dirty. “I just didn’t think you were that kind of man.”
Enjolras leaned in, whispering in Grantaire’s ear, “How about I show you just what kind of man I am?” before sucking almost languidly on his earlobe.
Grantaire let out a noise like a mixture between a moan and a growl. “I like the sound of that.”
— — — — —
Enjolras rolled over in bed the next morning, blinking sleepily at Grantaire, who was already awake, lying on his side in the sunlight streaming through the window. “Good morning,” Grantaire murmured, leaning in to kiss him.
“Good morning to you, too.”
“You know, I’m surprised,” Grantaire remarked. “You always struck me as an early riser.”
Enjolras shifted to be closer to him. “I am when I need to be. But we’re on vacation, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to sleep in a little.” He ran a hand through his curls. “How’d you sleep?”
Instead of answering the question, Grantaire drew his fingers up Enjolras’s side, smiling slightly when Enjolras shivered at the touch. “Remember how you said we would work on finding you a better nickname? Well, I think I have one.”
“Do tell.”
Grantaire grinned. “I was thinking maybe foghorn.”
Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “Foghorn?”
Grantaire nodded. “Yeah, or, like, freight train.”
Enjolras scowled. “Do I want to know?”
Grantaire’s grin widened. “I’ll take it that you had no idea that you snore?”
“I do not,” Enjolras said, affronted.
“You really, really do,” Grantaire told him. “Don’t worry, I find it cute…mostly.”
“Cute enough to put up with it for the rest of your life?” Enjolras asked, only half-joking.
Grantaire pretended to consider it for a moment. “Well, let’s just say I find you cute enough to put up with it until I’m able to buy myself a pair of ear plugs.”
“Ass.”
“Yeah, but you love me.”
Enjolras sighed. “Yeah, I do.” He kissed him once more before asking, “So what’s on the agenda for today?”
“Agenda?” Grantaire repeated. “Didn’t you just say we were on vacation?”
Enjolras sat up and stretched. “Yes, which applies to things like sleeping in. But it doesn’t mean we need to throw all order out the window.”
Grantaire followed suit a little slower, shaking his head almost ruefully. “Wow you really are a control freak, aren’t you.”
“No!” Grantaire gave him a look, and he amended, “Ok, well, maybe a little. I just don’t like being bored. And to be entirely honest with you, the idea of doing whatever it is people do at a resort, of sitting in the sun doing nothing is kind of my worst nightmare.”
“Well, yeah, look at how pale you are,” Grantaire said reasonably. “You’re bound to get sunburned even with some SPF 200 applied every half hour.”
Enjolras gave him a look. “Inevitable sunburn aside, I don’t do well when I have nothing to do. I go a little stir crazy.”
“So I guess a trip to the beach is out of the question?”
“Not out of the question,” Enjolras hedged. “I’m sure I’ll find something to do.”
Grantaire nodded. “You know, I bet the hotel has a library or some books that you can borrow, and you can bring something with you to read.”
Enjolras brightened. “That doesn’t sound terrible,” he said. “But what will you do?”
“What else?” Grantaire said, grinning. “I’m going to sketch you.”
— — — — —
At first, Grantaire’s plan worked.
Emphasis on ‘at first’.
But by the second hour of sitting on the beach, Enjolras so bored that he was tempted to shred the shitty novel he’d grabbed into confetti just to give himself something to do. “Are you allowed to talk to us?” he asked the cameraman hopefully, having already been shushed four separate times by Grantaire.
The cameraman hesitated. “We’re really not supposed to,” he hedged. “I mean, we can offer suggestions for what you should do if we think it’ll help your story arc—”
“Our what?” Enjolras asked.
“You know, like what kind of story the show is going to tell about you.” Enjolras stared blankly at him, and the cameraman sighed before elaborating, “Like if you’re the couple that fights all the time, we can suggest a good shot for shooting an argument or something like that.”
Enjolras nodded slowly. “And what is our story arc?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to tell you that,” the cameraman said. “It might make you act differently.”
Enjolras just looked flatly at him. “Isn’t it mostly about the editing anyway?”
The cameraman laughed and shook his head. “Fine,” he relented. “At the moment, the producers are leaning towards you two being the ‘meant to be’ couple of the season.”
“Meant to be, huh?” Enjolras nudged Grantaire. “Did you hear that? We’re apparently meant to be.”
“That’s nice,” Grantaire murmured, not looking up from his sketchbook.
Enjolras sighed. “Can I ask how much longer you’re planning on doing that?”
“Sketching?” Grantaire asked, finally looking up. “Honestly I could do this all day, provided the drinks keep coming.” He glanced carefully at Enjolras. “But I’ll take it you’re about 30 seconds away from losing your mind?”
“Something like that,” Enjolras muttered.
Grantaire nodded and added one last bit of shading to his sketch before closing his sketchbook and tossing it down onto the sand. “Ok,” he said, stretching. “So how about we take advantage of the sun and the heat and the proximity to the ocean and go swimming?”
Enjolras made a face. “I’m not a huge fan of swimming,” he said.
Grantaire winked. “For what it’s worth, by swimming I more meant making out in the water, but if you’d rather not get those gorgeous curls wet…” Enjolras scowled and Grantaire laughed, holding his hands up defensively. “Point taken. How about we go for a walk, then?”
“Walk to where?” Enjolras asked, knowing that he sounded petulant but unable to stop himself. “We can see a mile down the beach in either direction and there’s nothing to walk to.”
For a brief moment, a look of frustration flashed across Grantaire’s face, so quickly that Enjolras half-thought he might’ve imagined it, especially since it was replaced by Grantaire’s usual smile. “Well, in that case, there’s only one thing left to do.”
He leaned in, kissing Enjolras, cupping his cheek and opening his mouth against Enjolras’s to turn the kiss hot and heady. For a moment, Enjolras returned the kiss, but then he saw the cameraman shift out of the corner of his eye and he was suddenly keenly aware that they were surrounded by other people.
Ordinarily, this wouldn’t have bothered him – ordinarily, he’d enjoy the moment even more knowing it would undoubtedly make some homophobes squirm – but something about it threw him off and he pulled back. Grantaire frowned, searching Enjolras’s expression for a moment before asking, “Everything ok?”
“Yeah, fine, just – not here, y’know?”
This time there was no mistaking the frustration in Grantaire’s expression. “So is there anything you would like to do here?” he asked, a little sourly.
“Right here on this beach?” Enjolras asked. “Not really. I’d kind of rather be anywhere else than here.”
Grantaire recoiled, his expression darkening. “Wow, ok,” he muttered.
Enjolras frowned. “What?”
Grantaire shook his head, reaching for his sketchbook. “Nothing. Just, you’d rather be anywhere else than here with me.”
Enjolras rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I said—”
“You know what?” Grantaire interrupted. “I have an idea of what you can do. You can follow me as I go to the bar and get a fucking drink.”
The sudden change in tone took Enjolras by such surprise that Grantaire was on his feet and twenty feet down the beach before Enjolras scrambled to follow him. He trailed silently after him, trying to find something to say, but he couldn’t seem to find the words.
He waited until Grantaire had ordered a drink at the bar and taken a sip before asking, his voice low, “Are we going to talk about what happened back there?”
“What do you mean?” Grantaire asked.
“I mean you getting irritated and needing a drink to deal with it.”
Grantaire rolled his eyes. “I always need a drink, Apollo.”
Enjolras hesitated. “Should we talk about that, too?”
“No.” Grantaire’s voice was sharp, and Enjolras flinched. “This is not a cry for help. This is an acknowledgment that sometimes life is shitty and sometimes it’s easier to deal with that shittiness when you’re not fully sober.” Given the look Grantaire gave him, Enjolras could only imagine what his own expression looked like. “And I can see I’ve done exactly nothing to put you at ease.”
Enjolras shook his head slowly. “Not to much, no.”
Grantaire made a face. “Well let me put it to you this way – of all my coping mechanisms, my shrink isn’t particularly concerned about this one, ok?”
“I’m not entirely sure that’s as reassuring as you think it is.”
Grantaire held his drink out to Enjolras. “Have one yourself and maybe you’ll be more reassured.”
Enjolras frowned and shook his head again. “No thanks.”
Grantaire shrugged and took a sip before asking, “What are you, some sort of teetotaler?”
“Not really, no,” Enjolras said. “I just personally don’t enjoy being drunk.”
Grantaire let out a dry, humorless laugh. “And I don’t enjoy being sober, so I’m not entirely sure where that leaves us.”
Enjolras jerked a shrug. “About the same place we started in, I guess.”
“Yeah. I guess so,” Grantaire said noncommittally.
They weren’t, of course. The day had started so well and now it felt like there was a mile of space between them, and Enjolras wasn’t even sure how they’d gotten to this point. He cleared his throat. “Well, I think I’m going to go back to the hotel room, maybe take a quick nap or something.
Anything to get away from the situation.
Grantaire took another sip of his drink and leered at Enjolras. “Want some company?”
In past relationships, Enjolras might’ve taken him up on it, attempting to clear the tension with sex, but he had meant what he had told Grantaire yesterday. He wanted to do this right. And this certainly wasn’t it. “Not when you’ve been drinking, no.”
“Wait, seriously?” Grantaire said, incredulous. “I’ve had like a sip, it’s not like I’m too drunk to consent.”
“Still,” Enjolras said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I would just prefer that we were both sober for our first time.”
Grantaire let out a low whistle. “So I guess we’re just never going to have sex, then.”
He said it almost snidely, and Enjolras flinched. “At this rate, probably not.”
Grantaire’s expression hardened. “Well, if it bothers you so much to be around me when I’m drinking, I’ll make myself scarce.”
Enjolras sighed. “I didn’t say that—”
“And I can sleep in the other bedroom tonight.”
Enjolras felt stung. “I– That’s your prerogative,” he managed, even though he felt like he’d been punched in the gut.
“Yeah, it sure is.” Grantaire raised his drink in a mock-toast. “I’ll see you later.”
Enjolras stared after him as he walked away, completely at a loss for how they had gotten to this point, and, perhaps more importantly, how they were going to find a way to move forward. He glanced over at the cameraman, who had followed them from the beach. “So much for the meant to be couple, huh,” he said, his own voice sounding hollow to his ears.
— — — — —
True to his word, Grantaire spent the night in the other bedroom, not that Enjolras would have noticed since he stayed out well past when Enjolras finally went to bed.
Given how late he’d stayed out, Enjolras was surprised when he got out of bed the next morning and found Grantaire sitting in the kitchen of their hotel room, cradling a mug between his hands. “Hey,” Enjolras said, a little cautiously.
“Hey,” Grantaire returned.
“How long have you been up?”
Grantaire shrugged. “A half hour, maybe,” he said, jerking his chin over his shoulder as he added, “I made coffee.”
“Thanks,” Enjolras said. He poured himself a mug before joining Grantaire at the table. He took a long sip of coffee before asking, a little hesitantly. “Do you want to talk about yesterday?”
“What’s there to talk about?” Grantaire asked mildly, before making a face. “Ok, dumb question, I guess.”
Enjolras took a deep breath. “We promised each other honesty, so I have to tell you: yesterday was the first time I thought we might not make it.”
Grantaire’s eyes snapped to his. “Because of my drinking? Because no offense, but you already knew about that.”
“No, not because of that,” Enjolras said, though he paused before adding, “Or at least, not just because of that.” He shook his head. “You shut down and you shut me out, and if you do that everytime we don’t agree on something—”
“I won’t,” Grantaire said, a little too quickly, and when Enjolras gave him a look, he told him, his voice low, “I promise. Yesterday was just…it was a lot.”
“You’re telling me,” Enjolras muttered. He took a deep breath before asking, “So we’re ok?”
Grantaire gave him a hesitant smile. “We are more than ok.”
Enjolras nodded before asking, a little awkwardly, “So what did you do yesterday after we…”
Grantaire shrugged. “Not a whole lot. Went for a walk, sat in the hot tub for a bit…and I signed us up for sightseeing tour of Chichen Itza.”
“You – what?”
Grantaire managed a real smile. “Well, I got the message yesterday. You’re not really a sit around and do nothing kind of guy, so I thought at least this way, we could look at a cool pyramid while roundly abusing the conquistadors for ruining everything.”
Enjolras laughed. “That does sound like a good time.” He hesitated before adding, “And to be clear, I’m perfectly happy sitting around and doing nothing, at least, when I have my phone or my computer. Believe me, I can doomscroll with the best of them.”
Grantaire laughed. “Now that I do believe.”
Enjolras drained the rest of his coffee and stood. “Well then, I guess we should get showered so that we don’t miss our tour.”
“Good call,” Grantaire said. “Do you want to shower first, or…”
Enjolras shrugged. “I was thinking we could save time,” he said casually, and when Grantaire just stared blankly at him, he added pointedly, “And share.”
A slow grin spread across Grantaire’s face. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard yet.”
“I thought you’d be amenable,” Enjolras said smugly.
Grantaire rolled his eyes so hard it looked like he pulled a muscle. “Amenable, Jesus Christ, who the hell talks like—”
He broke off as Enjolras pulled his shirt off. “Are you joining me or not?”
“Oh yeah,” Grantaire said, stariing at Enjolras’s bare chest. “I’m right behind you.”
He stood, crossing to Enjolras in two long strides and kissing him hungrily. Enjolras just laughed as he and Grantaire stumbled down the hallway to the bathroom together, unable to keep their hands off each other, the events of the previous day at last behind them.
— — — — —
Between the shower and the trip off of the resort, Enjolras felt much better when they returned to their room that afternoon, in no small part because their trip had been entirely unaccompanied. “You can’t just leave the property without telling us,” one of the producers had told them, exasperated, as they waited to board the tour bus.
“Not according to our contracts,” Enjolras had replied, just a little smugly. “There’s nothing about not being allowed to take resort-sponsored trips offsite.”
“But we don’t have permission to shoot offsite!”
“Damn, that sucks,” Grantaire had said, in a tone that suggested he could not possibly care less about their filming permissions. “See you when we get back, I guess.”
To his credit, their cameraman didn’t look too put out when he rejoined them after their bus returned and followed them up to their hotel room. Enjolras pulled out his key card, glancing back over his shoulder at Grantaire as he opened the door. “I was honestly half-expecting them to kick us out,” he confessed.
Grantaire laughed. “What about our contracts?” he asked. “You sounded so sure earlier.”
Enjolras waved a dismissive hand. “Yeah, I mostly made that up, but—” He broke off as they caught sight of the gift basket waiting for them on the table with a bottle of champagne and a note. “Oh, boy. What do you think that says?”
“Only one way to find out,” Grantaire said bracingly, picking the card up and reading out loud, “Gentlemen, now that you’ve gotten to know your partner, it’s time to get to know the other couples. Please join us for a party by the beach this evening.”
They both looked at each other. “Could be fun,” Enjolras said cautiously.
Grantaire made a face as he tossed the card back down on the table. “Relaxing on the beach may be your idea of hell, but this is mine,” he said.
“Really?” Enjolras said. “I’d’ve thought you’d enjoy the free drinks.”
Grantaire shrugged. “Free drinks, sure, but a cocktail party means small talk. And I hate small talk.”
“That surprises me.”
“Why?”
“Because normally you love to hear yourself talk.”
Grantaire gave him a look. “Ha, ha,” he said dryly. “What about you? I can’t imagine small talk is something that engages your mind.”
Enjolras just shrugged. “Maybe not, but I’m used to it. In my line of work, I have to attend a lot of networking events, campaign fundraisers, and the like, so mastering the art of small talk was kind of necessary if I wanted to actually get anything accomplished.”
Grantaire looked like Enjolras had just told him he enjoyed getting bamboo shoots shoved under his fingernails. “Well then in that case, you can do the small talk for me while I just stand there, looking cute and drinking drinks.”
Enjolras laughed. “Deal.”
An hour later, both men were showered, dressed, and ready to head to the party. Grantaire had managed to finish the entire bottle of champagne in this time, but Enjolras knew he was trying to calm his nerves and so decided not to make a comment about it.
And when they arrived at the party, he began to regret that he hadn’t had the same idea.
“I need a drink,” Grantaire muttered, eyeing the tiki bar set up in the corner, and Enjolras took his hand.
“For once, I agree with you,” he said, letting Grantaire lead the way to the bar.
Once they both had a drink in hand – some brown liquor in a glass with no ice for Grantaire, something bright blue that tasted like coconut for Enjolras – they made the rounds, introducing themselves to the other couples. Most were folks that Enjolras barely remembered even meeting in the pods – and in one case, someone he had hoped to never meet in real life, which, judging by the side-eye Grantaire gave the man as they brushed past, was a sentiment he thankfully shared. But then they stopped to introduce themselves to a couple hovering in the background, and even before he spoke, Enjolras knew who one of them was.
“Feuilly?” he asked, and the man in question lit up.
“Enjolras? Oh, man, I didn’t expect to see you here!”
Ordinarily, Enjolras wasn’t much one for hugging, but Feuilly was the person he had spoken with in the pods most besides Grantaire, so he couldn’t help but reach out and pull him into a one-armed hug. They had realized within about the first fifteen minutes of talking that there wasn’t going to be a romantic connection, but Feuilly’s life journey was fascinating to Enjolras, and he had assured him that he was going to track him down once the show was over so that they could be friends in real life.
“I didn’t expect to see you here, either,” he said, releasing him. “How are you? How have things been going?”
The person next to Feuilly cleared his throat, and for the first time Enjolras looked at the frankly menacing-looking man standing at Feuilly’s shoulder. “I’m Bahorel,” he said, holding a hand out for Enjolras to shake, “since it seems like my fiancé doesn’t plan on introducing me.”
Feuilly rolled his eyes, but it was with obvious affection. “Last I checked you didn’t need anyone to speak for you,” he said, and Bahorel laughed.
His grip was surprisingly gentle as he shook Enjolras’s hand, and Enjolras quickly added, “Oh, and of course, I should introduce my fiancé, Grantaire.”
Bahorel looked Grantaire up and down. “You box?” He asked.
The question seemed entirely out of left field to Enjolras, but Grantaire just half-smiled. “Sometimes.” He nodded toward the empty glass in Bahorel’s hand. “You drink?”
“Sometimes,” Bahorel shot back, his smile widening. “Refill time?”
Grantaire threw back the remainder of his drink. “Refill time,” he agreed. He wrapped an arm around Enjolras’s waist and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “You’ll be ok?” he asked, glancing at Feuilly, an unreadable look on his face.
“Of course,” Enjolras told him with a smile. “Feuilly and I will just catch up while you’re gone.”
Grantaire’s smile seemed brittle. “I’m sure you will,” he muttered, and was gone before Enjolras had a chance to ask him what that was supposed to mean. But he put it from his mind as he and Feuilly started talking again, picking up exactly where they had left off in the pods.
In fact, they were so caught up in talking to each other that it took them both an embarrassingly long time to realize their respective fiancés had never returned with their refills. Enjolras glanced down at his watch, surprised to see that well over an hour had passed, and he glanced at Feuilly. “Any idea where they ran off to?”
Feuilly shrugged as he finished his beer. “Knowing Bahorel? Nowhere good, that’s for sure.”
Enjolras laughed. “You seem to know him pretty well already.”
Feuilly shrugged again, a slow smile creeping across his face. “Yeah, well, he’s…” He trailed off as if looking for the right words. “Honestly, he’s kind of my best friend already, which is insane considering I didn’t know him all of twelve days ago.”
Enjolras nodded slowly. “I know what you mean,” he said. “I genuinely didn’t think that feeling like this was possible in this timeframe, if ever.”
“Well, I’m happy for you,” Feuilly told him.
“Me too,” Enjolras said. “And now I suppose we should go try to find them.”
“Probably,” Feuilly agreed, before adding, a little archly, “Good luck.”
For lack of anywhere better to look, Enjolras headed back to their hotel room, fully expecting to find Grantaire either passed out or waiting for him, but to his surprise, the room was dark and Grantaire was nowhere to be seen. For half a moment, he considered going to look for him, but considering how large the resort was, and without having any idea where he’d gone, he figured his best course of action was just to wait for Grantaire to return.
He wasn’t particularly worried, at least not at first, but as the time stretched from fifteen minutes of waiting to a half hour to an hour to three, Enjolras had surpassed worried and gone straight to panicked. He was just about to contact the production team and demand that they hunt Grantaire down when the door to their hotel room opened with a bang. “Oops,” Grantaire said with a laugh, a little too loudly. His smile faded slightly when he saw Enjolras sitting on the couch. “Thought you’d be in bed by now.”
“And I thought you’d be back here long before now,” Enjolras said, frowning slightly. His frown deepened when Grantaire stumbled into the light, revealing the beginnings of what promised to be a magnificent black eye, as well as a split lip. He was up on his feet before he knew it, crossing to Grantaire’s side instantly. “What the hell happened?” he demanded, reaching out to cup Grantaire’s cheek, surprised when the other man jerked away.
“You know, it’s not the good of a story,” Grantaire told him, and for the first time, Enjolras recognized the stench of alcohol that seemed to emanate from him. “And if it’s all the same, I’d rather it waited until morning.”
“And I’d rather you explain why you smell like a distillery and look like you got your ass kicked,” Enjolras said sharply.
Grantaire rolled his eyes. “Please,” he scoffed. “I gave as good as I got.” Enjolras didn’t look remotely amused and he sighed, brushing past him to flop down on the couch. “If you must know, Bahorel and I went down to the beach and, after several more drinks, we decided to beat the shit out of each other.”
He said it casually, as if it was as normal as deciding to play video games or watch a movie, but Enjolras just stared at him. “You – what?” he said in disbelief. “But you two seemed to hit it off.”
“Oh, we did,” Grantaire assured him. “Though obviously not as well as you and Feuilly.”
Something about the way he said it made Enjolras pause. “Feuilly and I are friends,” he said cautiously. “And I don’t see what that has to do with deciding to get in a physical altercation with each other.”
“Well,” Grantaire said, drawing the word out slowly, a horrible smile twisting his expression, “it seemed like a better idea than watching our fiancés flirt with each other all night.”
Enjolras stared at him. “What are you talking about?”
“Spare me,” Grantaire practically spat. “You could barely take your eyes off of him.”
“I – that is not true,” Enjolras spluttered.
“Oh yeah?” Grantaire said, smiling that horrible smile again. “How long did it take before you realized that I was gone?
“That’s – that’s not—”
Grantaire barked a laugh. “Sure it’s not.”
Enjolras took a deep breath, trying very hard not to lose his temper and make the situation even worse. “Look, I don’t have to defend talking to a friend to you, but even if we were flirting, which we weren’t, that doesn’t excuse you getting drunk and getting in a fight. I mean, Christ, do you have any idea what I’ve been through, not knowing where you were or if you were ok?”
It was the wrong thing to say. Grantaire’s eyes flashed as he snapped, “And do you have any idea what I’ve been through? To watch the person you love flirting with another man without even sparing a second thought to the person he’s committed to spending the rest of his life with?” Enjolras flinched and looked away as Grantaire added, “Because if this is what the rest of my life is going to feel like, I’d rather get the shit beaten out of me, thanks.”
“And if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, sitting at home and waiting to see if you make it back alive or not, maybe we shouldn’t bother.”
The words were out of his mouth before Enjolras could stop them, and he knew from the look on Grantaire’s face that he had crossed a line. “Then maybe we shouldn’t,” Grantaire said quietly.
Enjolras sighed. “I’m going to bed before I say something that I regret,” he said, before adding, “You should put some ice on that eye.”
Grantaire’s expression twisted. “It’s not like a black eye is going to detract from anything my face has to offer.”
Enjolras threw his hands up in frustration. “You know what – do what you want. You always seem to, anyway.”
With that, he turned and left Grantaire in the living room, heading for the bedroom he had claimed as his own. It took all his self-control to not slam the door after him, and took even more self-control to stay in bed staring up at the ceiling for the next few hours without going to check on Grantaire.
— — — — —
Needless to say, Enjolras didn’t sleep well, and was out of bed well before the sun, making a pot of coffee and waiting for Grantaire to join him.
Eventually, the man emerged from his bedroom, looking even worse in the morning light than he had the night before. “Good morning.” Grantaire just grunted, and Enjolras watched him shuffle over to the coffeemaker to pour himself a cup. “Are you ready to talk about last night?”
Grantaire groaned. “Can I at least get some coffee in me before you start yelling at me again?” he asked.
“I wasn’t planning on yelling,” Enjolras said, as evenly as he could. “But we do need to talk.”
Grantaire rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he huffed, “then talk if you want to so fucking badly.”
“That’s now how this works. I’m not going to sit here and lecture you. This is a conversation.”
Grantaire took a sip of coffee. “Sure sounds like a lecture to me.”
Enjolras ground his teeth together. “Then maybe it is a lecture, because maybe a lecture is what you need. I was scared last night, Grantaire, and if this is going to work—”
“Maybe we both need to be honest about the likelihood of this working,” Grantaire said flatly.
Enjolras stared at him. “What do you mean?”
Grantaire shrugged. “I mean, maybe we are just too different. Maybe the things that you thought you found charming are actually just irritating now.” He took another sip of coffee before adding, “Maybe we’re not actually meant to be.”
Enjolras swallowed, hard. “Is that actually what you think?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know. But at this point, maybe it’s worth discussing.”
Enjolras’s chest felt like it was being squeezed in a vice, and he took a moment before telling Grantaire carefully, “I know we both said some things last night but that doesn’t mean—”
“Then what the hell does it mean?” Grantaire asked tiredly. “Because you knew what you were getting into and for you to say last night that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life like this—”
“I don’t!” Enjolras snapped, frustrated. “But I also don’t think that things have to be like they were last night. How things were last night was, I don’t know, not normal for either of us, and I don’t think we—”
“Was it, though?” Grantaire interrupted. “Abnormal, I mean? Because thus far, outside of the pods, we’ve spent more time fighting than anything else. Maybe that’s not what a lifelong relationship is built on.” He shrugged. “Besides, you seemed pretty ready to end things last night.”
Enjolras took a deep breath. “If that’s the impression that I gave you, then I’m sorry, but—”
Grantaire’s expression hardened. “It’s not the impression you gave me. It’s exactly what you said.”
“No, it’s—” Enjolras broke off, frustrated. “I need a break,” he said. “This conversation is clearly not working, so—”
“So you’re done,” Grantaire said, his expression twisting. “Great. Well, do you want the ring back now or later?”
He stood, not waiting for a reply, and Enjolras rolled his eyes. “That’s not—” he started impatiently, breaking off when Grantaire ignored him, heading toward the door. “Grantaire. Grantaire!”
But Grantaire was already gone, the hotel room door slamming after him. Enjolras swore under his breath before running a hand through his hair.
Half of him was tempted to just let Grantaire go, to just call it quits and go back to his life without having to deal with this. And truthfully, if it was anyone but Grantaire, that’s exactly what he would do.
But it was Grantaire, and despite everything, Enjolras knew that if he let him go, he would regret it for the rest of his life.
Which meant the only thing left to do was to go after him.
— — — — —
It didn’t take long to find him, perched on top of a sandy dune down by the beach. It was too early for the beach to be crowded yet, which Enjolras thought was probably a good thing as he trekked over to him.
Grantaire didn’t look away from the gulf as Enjolras approached. “What are you doing here, Apollo?” he asked tiredly.
“We didn’t finish our conversation,” Enjolras told him, sitting down in the sand next to him. “Should I read anything into you once again trying to use that inane nickname?”
Grantaire glanced over at him. “Only that you looked more like a vengeful God than ever before, coming down from on high to smite a mere mortal.”
Enjolras didn’t smile. “I didn’t come here to smite anyone.”
“Then why did you come here?”
“I told you, we didn’t finish our conversation.”
Grantaire huffed a sigh. “It sounded pretty final to me.”
“Well, it wasn’t,” Enjolras said, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “That’s not something you get to unilaterally decide. And from here on out, you don’t get to just leave when things get hard or complicated. Not if we want this to work.”
Grantaire shook his head. “And as I told you, maybe it’s time we were honest about the likelihood of this working.”
Enjolras gave him a look. “And I’m telling you that I am. I’m not saying this is going to be easy, but I still think it can work.” He hesitated before adding, “Provided you still want it to, anyway.”
He didn’t know what he expected Grantaire to say, but it warmed his entire body when Grantaire looked over at him, surprised. “Of course I still want it to.”
As much as Enjolras wanted to leave it at that, he knew he couldn’t. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
Grantaire sighed. “Want it to and think that it’s going to are two very different things.”
Enjolras nodded slowly, beginning to see where Grantaire was going. “So you want us to work but you don’t think we’re going to?”
“I haven’t seen a whole lot of evidence to the contrary,” Grantaire said, looking back out at the water, his shoulders tense. “So I guess I just figured…I don’t know. Maybe it’s easier this way.”
“Easier what way?”
Grantaire jerked a shrug. “If we just call it quits now.”
Enjolras took a moment to answer. “I know you’re a cynic, but I never got the impression from the pods that you were this self-defeatist,” he said finally. “Don’t you think this is worth fighting for?”
Grantaire shrugged again. “Only if this is a fight we can win.”
“What makes you think that it’s not?”
Grantaire managed a faint smile. “Where do you want me to start?”
“At the very beginning, a very good place to start,” Enjolras said, though he sighed when Grantaire didn’t laugh. “C’mon,” he said, nudging him. “Why do you think that this isn’t a fight we can win?”
“Because I know I’m not good enough for you!” Grantaire burst, and Enjolras stared at him. “And I have just been waiting for you to figure it out and leave.”
Enjolras felt like he had just been blindsided. “What are you talking about?”
“On the beach, and then last night—” Grantaire shrugged miserably. “I’m not enough for you. You were bored hanging out with me, and then you were so excited to talk to Feuilly. And you barely want to even touch me in public, and you don’t want to have sex with me—” His voice broke and Enjolras was so tempted to reach out and hold him, but he he hesistated, not sure if it would do more harm than good. “I told you, in the pods, that I was scared that you wouldn’t be attracted to me when you saw me and I guess, I guess I just feel like maybe that worst fear is coming true. And so I figured I might as well help it along.”
“No,” Enjolras said fiercely, and now he did reach out, pulling Grantaire to him and wrapping his arms around him. “Oh my God no, no, absolutely not.”
Grantaire shook his head, though he didn’t try to pull away. “It’s ok, you can be honest with me. I want you to be honest with me. I know I’m not exactly a catch.”
Enjolras clenched his jaw. “Remember a few days ago, when I was quoting what someone said about me, and you said if you ever meet them…”
Grantaire half-smiled. “What, if you ever meet whomever told me that I wasn’t a catch, you’ll hurt them?”
“No, I will kill them.”
Enjolras said it unflinchingly, and Grantaire’s smile faded. “Be serious.”
“That’s my line.”
For a moment, it looked like Grantaire might smile again, but he settled for shaking his head. “Look, whoever said that to me isn’t important. What’s important is that they weren’t wrong, especially compared to someone like you. No one in their right mind would find me attractive or want to be with me.”
His words had turned bitter, and Enjolras took a deep breath. “I really wish you wouldn’t talk that way about me.”
Grantaire looked at him, startled. “What?”
“Saying that I’m not in my right mind,” Enjolras said gently. “Because I do find you attractive and I do want to be with you.” Grantaire opened his mouth to argue but Enjolras didn’t let him. “I love you.”
Grantaire’s expression flickered. “In spite of everything?”
“Because of everything.” Enjolras stated it plainly, like he was stating a fact instead of trying to convince Grantaire. “I fell in love with you in the pods and that hasn’t changed since getting to finally see you. The only difference is that now I can kiss you whenever I want.”
“But you haven’t seemed to want to do that very much lately.”
For the first time since they had started talking, Grantaire sounded unsure, and Enjolras’s heart clenched. “Look, I’m not good at this,” he blurted. “At relationships. I don’t always read the signs correctly, if at all, and I’m really bad at knowing without being told when my partner needs more from me. So you have to tell me, at least at first. You have to tell me when I’m doing something that makes you feel bad, at least at first. It’s the only way this is going to work.”
Grantaire nodded slowly. “I’ll try,” he offered, a little tentatively.
“And I will try to be better,” Enjolras told him. “But you also can’t just walk away or pick a fight when things get hard. We have to both put in the work to keep going.”
“I know,” Grantaire said, hesitating before adding, “but when you said you needed a break, I thought you meant from this, from me, from us.”
Enjolras winced, regretting his previous choice of words. “Maybe break was the wrong word to use. I needed a time out.”
Grantaire managed a shaky smile. “To keep from throttling me with your bare hands?”
Enjolras returned his smile. “Something like that.”
Grantaire leaned over to rest his head against Enjolras’s shoulder. “So where does that leave us?”
“At the moment?” Enjolras asked. “Well, right now I’d very much like to kiss you. And past that, I meant it – I love you and I want to make this work.”
“I love you, too,” Grantaire said quietly. “And I also want to make this work.”
Enjolras glanced over at him. “And do you actually think that it’s going to?”
Grantaire hesitated. “I think that it could,” he hedged, and when Enjolras just arched an eyebrow, he laughed and said, “It’s as good as you’re gonna get from me.”
“That’s ok,” Enjolras said. “If I have to, I’ll believe in us enough for the both of us.” He laced his fingers with Grantaire’s before raising their joined hands to his lips to press a kiss to Grantaire’s knuckles. “I love you.”
Grantaire smiled. “I love you, too. Now about that kiss…”
Enjolras laughed, leaning in and kissing him. It was almost tentative at first, both men holding back, but then Grantaire sighed against Enjolras’s mouth and Enjolras cupped his cheek, licking into his mouth as if he was trying to drink him in.
Because he was. Because he wanted this – because he wanted Grantaire.
And he wanted Grantaire to never again doubt that.
But Grantaire pulled back, just slightly, just enough for Enjolras to hesitate, though he stopped when he saw the soft look in his eyes. Then Grantaire leaned in again, his nose just brushing against Enjolras’s before he again captured his lips in a soft, unhurried kiss. As if they had all the time in the world, as if they could live forever on that beach in Mexico, the warm sea breeze as their only companion.
Grantaire nipped lightly at Enjolras’s bottom lip and he let out a groan that was probably not appropriate for a television audience. That thought was enough to ground him, and enough to force him to pull away before they went too far. “You know what I’m thinking?” he asked, a little breathlessly.
“What?” Grantaire murmured, his eyes not leaving Enjolras’s lips.
“We should move this somewhere more comfortable.”
Grantaire’s eyes darkened. “Your room or mine?” he asked.
“Ours,” Enjolras told him simply. “Let’s go back to ours.”
The time for sexy beach parties and cocktails is over – we’re throwing our couples back into reality. They have their devices back, and they’re headed home, where they’re going to be living together in a new, shared apartment.
Will they judge each other based on what they discover in the real world? Will looks, age, race, family, even financial circumstances matter?
They started with love, a true, emotional connection, and now they’re just three weeks away from the altar. Will they prove that love is blind?
We’ll find out – on the next episode.
The entirely scientific Circle Diagram, explaining the principles behind TCF Paradigm of Misunderstandings™
TCF hilarious moments #16 – Aggressive Negotiations
Chapter 314 – Cale and Adin’s friendly chat
Adin:*video-calling* Cale Henituse, you’re similar to me.
Litana: (As if!)
Cale: Indeed I am!
Litana: Huh???
Adin: Yes, I knew it. What is it that you want? Fame? Power?
Cale: Me? I want to be a slacker.
Adin: …
Adin: What?
Cale: I said, my dream is to be a slacker.
Cale’s group:*nodding*
Adin: Are you mocking me?
Cale: Are you mocking my dream?! (Do you have any idea how hard it is to achieve??)
Adin: …clearly, you have no intention of being honest with me.
Cale:*frustrated* I AM being honest!
Adin: So you’re saying… that you don’t want anything.
Cale: NO, I said that I want to be a SLACKER! (Why doesn’t he f***ing understand?!)
Adin:*not buying it* Yes, yes, I get it.
Cale:*satisfied* Good. Glad we’ve reached an understanding.
Cale: Now sit tight until I find and murder you, you sick bastard
Cale & Choi Han relationship in a nutshell:
Cale: *looks and/or gets in trouble*
Choi Han: *murderous expression*
Cale: (I-is he… going to kill me??)
Choi Han: (I’m still not strong enough to protect Cale-nim!)
Choi Han: …I need to get stronger
Cale: *pales* (Oh no, he is definitely planning on killing me!!)
Choi Han: (Just look how weak and sickly he looks…)
Choi Han: A lotstronger
Cale: (…I’m so dead )
I always think when someone talks about esports that they slipped into french for a moment
Runaway
Chapter 2
Summary:
One one hand he thinks this place ain’t all that bad and being ‘round folk who are decent is sure a nice change from what he left, but on the other he can’t help but feel as though he’s stumbling on the fringes of a steel trap that’s waiting to snap shut about him the moment he lets his guard down. He can’t help but watch the shadows every morning as though he’s expecting them to show on up despite knowing there’s ain’t no possible way they coulda followed him out here. He’s come too far, he thinks, and he doubts they’re even looking, but that worry is there just the same.
So he keeps his eyes open whenever he’s out on the trail with Bo, and listens close while he’s eating supper or playing at them cards for any opportunity to be had. For something to come his way to guarantee enough cash to get him on out of here 'fore it’s too late. But there ain’t nothing to see nor hear though; seems as though Plainview is just as plain as its name suggests. It’s decidedly dull, he thinks. Or perhaps there are things about and he just don’t see them on the account of not wanting to see 'em. After all, he don’t really want to destroy the one good thing he has going for him.
Runaway
Chapter 3
Summary:
Been a few days since they talked.
There’s words between, sure, but they ain’t nothing more than whats absolutely needed and Arthur ain’t quite all that sure what to make of it. Part of him wants to be grateful, cause the man’s done dropped the issue, but he all the same there’s guilt over it and Arthur feels as though the man deserves to know on account of all he’s been doing for him.
So one day, after Mark tells him he’s done, Arthur heads on out and grabs a couple of beers and comes on back. He puts one in Mark’s hand and sits on down on a crate out back and the man does the same. They sit there in the afternoon sun, drinking, all the while Arthur tells him ‘bout everything.
Day 5: I’ve got Red in my Ledger
CW:Death, murder, blood
Summary: Eleven returns to the World Tree after going back in time.
Word count: 698
Eleven was panting by the time he arrived at the top of the World Tree. He staggered along Her boughs, reaching for any branch he could grasp to steady himself as he ran.
Air wasn’t coming cleanly through his lungs. It kept hitching as his side burned, but he pushed onward nonetheless, reaching for the Sword of Shadows on his back and yanking it out.
He heard voices and could see Yggdrasil’s heart in the distance now.
The others weren’t paying attention to Eleven as he approached, Eleven’s eyes shifting from Sylv, Jade, Veronica, and Serena to a copy of himselfstanding next to Erik and Rab.
But Eleven could not bring himself to worry about that now. His first priority was Mordegon, who hadn’t revealed himself yet, remaining in Carnelian’s body. Jasper was saying something; Eleven didn’t know what, zoning in only on “Carnelian.”
Eleven readied his weapon and darted forward, sinking it into Carnelian’s back.
A gasp wrenched from Carnelian’s throat and Jade screamed. Jasper reacted immediately, drawing his sword and advancing on Eleven. Jasper swung his sword and Eleven stumbled, landing on his back with a sore “humpf!”
The air squeezed out of Eleven’s lungs and he gasped, drawing his sword up just as Jasper swung down at him again.
“The Darkspawn!” Rab shouted.
Eleven bit his tongue and kicked Jasper off him, giving himself just enough time to roll into a crouch with his sword raised above him.
“Father!” Jade shouted.
No, no, no, Eleven thought. He hadn’t killed Carnelian! He’d killed Mordegon!
“What is the meaning of this?”
Hendrik’s voice joined the fray as Eleven once again shoved Jasper away from him. Carnelian lay in a crumpled heap on the floor of the World Tree, and El approached with the Sword of Light grasped in his hand. Eleven’s old team gestured to him, and Hendrik approached, grasping his wrist.
Hendrik yanked Eleven to his feet. “So you have shown your face, Darkspawn!”
“We must kill him immediately, before he can cause more trouble,” Jasper said.
“Usually I’m not one to agree with the enemy, but I think they have a point this time,” Erik said.
He said it so matter-of-factly. With his hand on his hip and a nonplussed look on his face.
“But to kill him makes us no better than the enemy,” Hendrik said. “We must bring him into custody. Certainly he knows something of the Lord of Shadows.”
“Yes, quite,” Jasper added.
Eleven’s mouth worked but no words came out.
He’d been panicked. He hadn’t been thinking. He was tired. Nothing about the act had been calculated, he will admit that, but to so readily cast him aside as a Darkspawn? He would defend himself if he thought he could, but he was already rendered too shocked for words.
“Jade…” Carnelian’s withered voice muttered, and heads turned toward him.
He was grasping his side, which was stained red. Jade was kneeling in front of her father, grasping his hand in hers. Her other hand settled over Carnelian’s chest.
“Father… your heartbeat…”
“Worry not for me,” Carnelian whispered. “I be not long this world, but for now, for this one moment…”
“Hendrik, Rab, is there anything you can do?” Jade asked.
Rab shook his head. He was also at the king’s side, though his hands had stopped healing. “No. It was a fatal hit.”
“Jade,” Carnelian began, drawing her attention to him again. “Before I go, please… promise me.”
“Anything,” Jade said.
“Do not let the Darkspawn get away again,” Carnelian said.
“Of course,” Jade said. “I will neverforgive him for what he’s done to you!”
Jade glanced to Eleven as she said it, and the spark of hatredin her eyes made Eleven’s very core shutter. Even worse than that, however, was Carnelian.
There was the glint of something in those eyes. Something devious that lurked just beneath the surface, managing to sneak past under the guise of a dying father. “Carnelian” smiled, too, when the others weren’t looking, a taunt Eleven had to assume was for him.
Eleven was absolutely certain Mordegon was hiding in a dead man’s body.
A body which hehad dealt the killing blow.
Something About Us
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