I will stay optimistic and trust that but that trust is running thin

I’m looking at you Nickelodeon!

WE HAVE A FKN DATE!!!

Every ROTTMNT fan right now

“My youngest and most impulsive son, Michaelangelo, has more raw talent than his three brother’s combined.”

And we thought in 2012

LEO

was the favorite???

I was cleaning up my files and I’ve finished this illustration :) Let’s say it is Splinter in human form:)

the return of rough designs with TMNT x Transformers Splinter & Optimus! …I don’t know why I tend to jot down notes on the transformers’ backgrounds/personalities but not the TMNT cast’s for this, lol? though I’m not really solid on this Splinter’s bg/personality aside from “stern, but closer to ‘rat dad’ than 'rat bastard’” so eh?

Forgotten

Side Story: Four Years

Warning: This fic contains themes such as depression, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mentions of death and people grieving. If this makes y'all uncomfortable I highly encourage y'all to check out my other works.

Year One

Twelve months.

Twelve months of trying to move on, of grieving and trying desperately to not completely succumb to the emotional turmoil that was always threatening to spill over. And for Michelangelo Hamato such an outcome wasn’t an option. Not when he had two older brothers who needed him to keep going, not when he had a father who was barely able to remain strong for the rest of them. He had to keep up the charade, had to act like he wasn’t completely breaking down on the inside no matter how hard it was to do. No matter how much he wanted to scream and go absolutely insane from the pressure of it all. Most days he could do it much to his own surprise, most days he could throw on those fake feelings and act as if he wasn’t as bothered as he truly was.

However today…..

Today would be a challenge.

Not that other days weren’t.

Mikey woke up in his room, the haze of sleep still clouding his mind in its gentle embrace before he slowly came back to the waking world. Baby blue hues slowly came to life as sleep left him. Pushing himself up in his bed the youngest turtle looked around his room, the familiar knickknacks and other things greeting him. It was peaceful, a tranquil moment that he rarely ever got. As he gazed at his bedroom his eyes landed on a sight that was new. Confused he paused in his examination and zoned in on it. The newest addition to his room was in the corner of it, small enough that it wouldn’t take up too much space yet big enough that it was noticable. A small shrine of sorts, complete with incense, mentos, and a picture that sat in the middle of it.

A picture of a smiling face and dark blue eyes full of wisdom and sincerity.

A picture of the oldest Hamato son, of his brother Leonardo.

And just like that the once tranquil moment that Michelangelo was having shattered like a fragile glass, as he finally connected what it was that he was looking at. Pain and grief, raw and sharp and vicious hit him like a ton of bricks waking him up completely as the harsh reality of his current life smacked him in the face. The youngest brother couldn’t stop the sudden bitter sense of sorrow and loss, the tears he’d tried so desperately to keep at bay coming up unasked. Grabbing his T-Phone he took in the date and felt a sense surrealism hit him. Today was the anniversary of his brother’s death, the date of the day when everything fell apart, of when he and his family lost one of the most important people in their lives. Mikey stared at the phone with a blank expression, the tears he’d once been trying to hold back now falling freely as it sunk in.

Twelve months. Twelve months since he’d last seen Leo’s smile, since he’d heard his voice and laughter. Twelve months since he’d touched the oldest turtle, since he’d felt safe and happy and loved.

“No…..this isn’t real there’s no way……”

The orange turtle teen spoke, his voice gruff from the leftover sleep and the overwhelming emotions he was hit with by this fact. It was something he couldn’t process, a fact that he refused to believe, a truth that he didn’t want to acknowledge. However the date staring back at him in bright digital numbers told him that it had indeed been a year since Leo was taken from them. Mikey didn’t move from his bed for a long time, silently crying and grieving over everything and desperately trying to pull himself together before he went to join the rest of the Hamato clan. After a difficult struggle and a few near sobbing breakdowns he’d finally managed to pull himself together enough to continue with the day.

With a great reluctance Mikey pulled himself out of his bed and began to grab his morning essentials so he could start the day. Grabbing his mask as well as his towel for the morning shower he paused in front of the shrine once again being greeted by the smiling face of a brother long gone. Without thinking about it Mickey placed his things down and settled himself in front of the shrine, sitting on his knees. Once he was settled he dug around in the small basket that sat beside it and pulled out the lighter that resided within it. Flicking it to life he grabbed an incense stick and lit it before using it to light the rest. Soon the room was filled with the scent of smoke and incense, making the turtle teen’s throat tighten slightly. Once he did this he bowed his head and folded his hands, praying for his older brother’s happiness in the afterlife before he focused his light blue hues on the picture.

It was an older one, a photo that Michelangelo himself had managed to take without Leonardo noticing until the deed had been done. Leo’s face was filled with a natural smile, his usual polite smile nowhere in sight. His eyes which were usually calm and somewhat serious were full of a sincere and happy look, the corners of them crinkled slightly from his smile. It was one of those captured moments that Mikey had managed to get of his older brother with his guard down. A moment that was forever within it.

A moment that he’d never experience ever again.

Mikey sucked in a sharp breath and once again felt his eyes burn from the tears that threatened to spill once more. He silently cursed himself and quickly wiped away at his eyes.

‘You shouldn’t hold in your tears Mikey. It’s not healthy to bottle things up like that.’

Leo’s voice seemed to whisper in the younger’s head, a recording of a time when he’d give Mikey and the others wisdom when they least expected it. It was that thought that sounded so much like his older brother’s concerned voice in his head that made Michelangelo finally break. The tears which he’d just managed to get under control came back tenfold and no longer silent. No now these tears were loud and fast and burning as the orange clad turtle curled in on himself. A wail, loud and full of pain and grief sounded from within his chest as the control that he’d so desperately tried to keep slipped away, leaving the rotting and raw and ruined mass that lurked beneath it. Hugging himself tightly Mikey tried to stop it but he was powerless.

“Why….?! Why did you have to go?!!? I…..I miss you so much Leo…..!!! You……you should be here-! Why aren’t you here anymore?!? Why did you have to go where we couldn’t follow!??!!!”

The turtle teen sobbed his voice cracking as the tidal wave of emotion finally drowned him. He was so lost in the whirlwind of it all that he didn’t even notice the three other people who came into the room, having heard his heart wrenching wail of grief. The poor boy about jumped out of his skin when a pair of furry arms wrapped around him. Mikey’s head snapped up, his eyes wide and full of tears as he caught sight of the familiar face that he’d known his whole life.

Master Splinter.

The older rat was looking at his youngest son with a look of grief and concern. His warm brown eyes reflecting the same emotions that Mikey was experiencing. Standing behind him was his two older brothers, Raph and Donnie. Raph’s eyes held a helpless look in them, the bright green hues dark with an anger towards himself for not noticing sooner. Donnie’s expression was one of heartbreak, his reddish brown eyes watery as they too filled with tears at the sight of his little brother’s pain.

“It’s alright my son…..I miss him as well. We all do……Michelangelo. You’re not alone in this.”

Master Splinter’s voice spoke up from beside him, pulling his youngest tightly into his chest and rubbing his shell. Mikey didn’t hesitate to latch onto his father, his pained sobs growing as he cried against the man who raised him. It wasn’t long before Mikey felt Raph and Donnie join the hug, offering him the comfort he so desperately needed at that moment.

“We’re so sorry Mikey…..we…..we should have realized sooner……”

Donnie choked out, his voice wavering as he lost his own battle with his tears. The purple clad turtle was consumed with guilt at not having noticed just how torn up the youngest truly was, instead being too preoccupied with his own grief.

“We’re gonna be okay ya hear me? We’ve got your back just like you’ve got ours. Don’t go being stupid and not saying anything!”

Raph was the last one to speak his voice rough and unintentionally harsh sounding. Yet they all knew it was because he was worried about Mikey, that he felt guilty for not being the big brother that his younger brothers needed recently. Mikey overwhelmed by the comfort and realizing that he wasn’t the only one who was trying to keep it together clung to his family more and cried. The small family of four didn’t move from one another for a long time, sharing tears and trying their best to comfort one another during this horrific day. Grieving for the one that they’d lost a year ago and trying their best to mend their emotional wounds. After some time they finally parted away from one another, red faced and covered in tears and snot. It was obvious that even though they’d gotten over their crying fits the emotional turmoil remained. It would remain for as long as they lived. Before Mikey knew it he was once again alone in his room after getting his tears out with his family. With shaking hands he went to pick up his things that he’d placed down, once again looking at the photo of Leo.

While Michelangelo appreciated his family’s support and their attempts to comfort him while they themselves suffered as well he couldn’t help but feel torn up inside. The youngest brother wanted to have Leo there, he wanted to be held and comforted by his blue clad brother one more time. No one in the world was able to ease Mikey like Leo could, no one in the world could make the pain seem not as terrible like Leo could. It was just a talent that the oldest Hamato son had, an aura of comfort and security that only he could display. Raph, Donnie and Master Splinter they were comforting in a way but they weren’t Leo. Perhaps it was because he was the baby of the family that he felt this way, after all Leo had always been the one to comfort and wipe the tears away when Master Splinter wasn’t around to do it. Leo was always the one that would cheer not only Mikey up, but Raph and Donnie as well.

But he couldn’t do it anymore.

He’d never be able to do it.

The dead couldn’t hug you nor give you comfort nor give you the things you wanted. It was a fact that Mikey hated more than he hated anything in the world.

Leo was gone and there was nothing that Mikey could do about it.

With another sniffle Mikey forced himself away from the shrine, and made his way towards the bathroom to get that shower before he’d go to join his brothers and father who were waiting for him so they all could try and get through this anniversary together.

Even though it was clear that none of them could.

*What’s this? A Tmnt fic? On this blog? More likely than you think mate. So I’ve had this thought bouncing around in my head for a long ass time and I’d decided to go ahead and write it down. As some of you older fans of my writing may know I have this series called Forgotten, to be simple about it Leo loses his memories and doesn’t remember anything. After being supposedly dead for four going on five years he reunites with his family and thus angst material. I haven’t updated it in a hot minute (mainly cuz I’ve got no inspiration currently whoops) but that’s what this side story is about somewhat. I decided to go with Mikey because I love to make sweet cinnamon rolls suffer. I do plan on writing three more parts for this each part taking place in a different year and from a different POV. I just don’t know when I’ll get to them. Anyways if any y'all read this I hope you enjoyed it!!!*