From Seroroki Week from last year! All Tongue Taped.
I’m still so incredibly fond of this fic.
Description:The four times Todoroki and Sero kept their feelings to themselves and the one time they didn’t. I’m really fond of this fic, it’s a journey from Sero’s and Todoroki’s 2nd year to their early twenties. They have been carrying a torch for quite sometime until they finally realize their feelings are very much mutual.
Words: 7,718
Disclaimer:Guys there is light gore in this story and a near miss on Character Death but NO ONE DIES. I PROMISE.
Rated: M because there are a couple of dark elements in here.
“hanta..” some whispered. sero clapped his hands over his ears and huddled in his corner.
“no…no…stop it. stop it..” he mumbled, closing his eyes. “i won’t look at you, i don’t wanna look at you.” his lips quivered as he felt a hand ghost under his chin, forcing him to look up. “NO!!” he screamed, pulling his chin back.
“han..ta…”
the hoarse voice whispered loudly… suddenly it started to form into…a familiar voice.
“h-han…hanta!..”
this time sero relaxed himself, slowly opening his eyes. that voice was… todoroki’s voice. sero gently uncovered his ears and relaxed his body, leaning back on the wall. there stood his lover in front of him, dirt speared on parts of his face as he extended a hand to him.
“is everything alright, my love?” ‘todoroki’ asked with a slight smile. sero carefully reached out to him before taking it back.
“no…no. i’m not gonna answer you..” he whispered to himself.
“what?…” todoroki froze and pulled back. “but hanta, you know it’s me. you can trust me right?”
…trust? todoroki lunged forward on his knees to take sero’s hands in his own, gripping them tightly. sero’s breath became ragged and his lip quivered at the close contact.
“i-i don’t know..” he gulped.
“a-ah, you’re always unsure, aren’t you?” todoroki tried joking with him, gaining a little nervous chuckle from sero. the tape boy shook his head afterwards. “i know the way out of here, come on.” todoroki pulled him up to his feet and without any hesitation, he dragged sero behind him.
leaving him hopelessly dangling at his heels, sero did his best to catch up with his strides.
this hallway…seems endless. sero breathed quietly, turning his head every which way for anything out of place. and that was the problem. nothing felt wrong.
“s-sho, how far long is this hallway?” he asked. suddenly they stopped and sero fell face first into shoto’s back. he was beyond nervous at this point. “s-sho-?” he gulped, tugging on the back of his shirt.
“not my name…”
sero stopped at his words and looked down at their conjoined hands. stuck together like glue. no matter how hard sero pulled and yanked, neither could let go. “shoto!!!” he wailed in a panic, tears coming back to his eyes.
with every cry and pull, the paintings on the plain wall cried with him. they were crying blood. and for every painting that cried, their background was shaded with red blood.
a final pull wore out sero’s energy and he stopped. “…sho?…” the person was quiet now standing eerily still. he wouldn’t turn around, wouldn’t face him. so sero did it himself. he walked in front of todoroki, immediately screaming of horror.
it’s like his body had just been cut in half, blood pouring from every open part of his lifeless body, insides turned outsides. “SHO!!!” sero cried, pulling at their hands again. he looked down to see if any sign of progress had been made and only found…
neither of their hands were…human hands anymore. too bloody to see which was which and what was what. sero didn’t dare move. the blood climbed up his arm, practically swallowing his limb.
“this is how it’ll go right…? …right?…”
too much energy lost and sero let him and the lifeless half body of his lover get eaten by this blood of a monster.
…
and then he woke with a start. todoroki was already up, confusion on his face. sero looked at him, holding both his cheeks.
“…we just had that same nightmare, didn’t we?” todoroki asked. sero nodded with a sigh of relief. “we’re never watching that movie again.”
“ten times agreed.”
Day 7: Horror
a/n: mini slight wholesome ending cause idk how to end stuff♀️
“everyday when i saw you, i sometimes used wonder what you were thinking about. i’ll let myself get carried away and think…is it me, maybe, that clouds your head? i didn’t know then and i don’t know now and honestly i wasn’t even sure. but…i still think about you. when i see your pretty colored hair, and your mix-matched eyes, i…i think about me in your arms and you in mine…
sorry…this is all really weird, isn’t it?”
“no, not all…continue.”
“…when we started dating, i always loved looking in your eyes. the blue sea in one and the gray clouds in the other. tracing my fingers gently across the scar on your face…kissing your face like it was natural. holding your hand everyday like it was my job to.
we went everywhere together. whether it be shopping or just doing stupid things with our friends. remember that day i took you to…the amusement park? and we were stupidly scared to get on the rollercoaster? we had genuine fun that day, you know…w-where’d the time go?”
“ and then i remember i used to sleep so quietly next to you, listening to your quiet breaths and i always realized that i was the luckiest boy of my life. now sometimes i feel like i-i can’t sleep at all…”
“what don’t you get, hanta?”
“i don’t get why you don’t love me anymore! you don’t hold me like you used to, i barely see you because you come home so late from “hero work duty” and sometimes i feel like you’re still that shy little kid from first year!!” sero wailed, gripping his arms. todoroki looked to the ground and shrugged. “nothing?! you don’t even have anything else to say anymore?!”
todoroki flinched a little at his yelling and closed his eyes shut to stop any tears from falling. “i…no.” he sighed. “i don’t love you anymore. if you can’t respect my hero work and what i do at times then i’m sorry but we can’t be together anymore.”
there they go. those fateful words that slipped from his mouth with no second thoughts. sero practically felt his heart drop in his chest and he stumbled backwards, holding his head. he knew it. he fuckingknew it. and he let himself cry over it.
“f-fine…i hope you get happy with…y-your new life-” he stopped himself short of another sob after his voice cracked and turned around, covering his eyes. sero stayed like that until he heard footsteps move closer…before they retreated back to the door. cue the creaking closed door.
he swore he felt todoroki’s hand ghost over his back.
…that was three years ago.
neither slept well after that night. sero hoped to see todoroki on the news or on the street. the other hoped to find him in his favorite cafe. but he never went there….ever.
maybe it was for the best.
and so what if neither could sleep because they were too busy thinking about the other. so much that they couldn’t think of anything else without drifting off. and so what if with every passing day, rain or shine, they wondered what the other was doing or…thinking about.
thinking about each other? nah. it’s not possible anymore.
that love was too long ago.
Day 6: Timeless a/n: haven’t had some tea in a while, anybody want some more? ;D
todoroki twirled in his chair, a bit bored, as he looked up at the ceiling, spinning. he hummed softly to himself, kicking his feet and bobbing his head to the beat in his head.
“captain!”
his first mate interrupted his jam session and todoroki quickly sat up straight, faced the wrong way. “yesssss?” he turned slowly, embarrassment written on his face.
“w-we’ve found some sort of creature while on exploration. uraraka and asui took them in to see if we could gather any intelligence from it.” midoriya said a bit nervously. “we’d like you to come and look at it with us in the lab if you will.” and with that, he gave a slight bow and left.
todoroki cleared his throat and stood up, fixing his uniform and heading after midoriya. they ended up at the lab at the same time, uraraka, asui and iida already huddled around the subject. todoroki’s footsteps alerted the three as they stepped back to give their captain some space.
he bent down to the alien’s level at a safe distance. the alien carefully lifted his head and at the sight of the captian, he began speaking…something that was very unfamiliar to the entire crew.
“does anyone have the trans-scan?” uraraka looked around and midoriya fished around in his pockets frantically.
“right here, ribbit.” asui raised a thermometer looking thing and handed it to the captain. todoroki thanked her and put it against his forehead for a while before attaching it to the alien’s head.
“you may speak-”
“greetings! i am hanta sero and you all must be earthlings!! my deepest apologies for crashing next to your ship. my friends and i got lost from our main home and sadly cannot get back.” the creature spoke quickly, almost too fast that a couple of his words were caught. “i dearly hope that you could at least help me.”
the crew looked at each other a bit confused and todoroki held out his hand for sero to latch onto.
“sure we can.” he gave a soft smile and sero gripped his hand with a gasp.
“thank you, thank you, thank you mister earth man!”
afterwards, the other four went off to at least do somethingto put progress into it while todoroki stayed and talked with sero.
“hey mister shuto? what’s earth like?” the alien asked out of curiosity, tilting his head. todoroki chuckled and shrugged.
“shoto. and…well it’s like any other place i suppose. lots of people scattered in different places around the entire planet. different tastes of food, and power. different sights everywhere to see. it’s just a wonderful place to be but space is a lot better.” todoroki sighed.
“ohhh, earth doessound lovely.” sero hummed, kicking his feet on the ground. “my planet isn’t like yours. we’ve only got one ‘power’ but we get a lot of freedom!” he snickered. todoroki chuckled again and looked at his wrist bracelet.
“ah, do you…eat? like food?” he asked. sero thought for a bit. “he had to think about that-?!”
“yeahhhh but i’ve never had human food before!” sero suddenly seemed excited and bounced up and down in his spot. shoto slipped off the lab counter and gestured for sero to follow.
“well then you might here for a while, so enjoy it while you can.”
Day 5: Sci-Fi a/n: tbh with you i expected this to be better but i did it bye
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a quiet night on the town. everyone had tucked in home for the early night to face the cold that was arriving later that night. except for this tavern owner. hanta sero was still awake and kicking, cleaning up his bar for the closing night. he whistled a song to himself as he mopped up the kitchen floor before hearing his front door creeeakopen.
stopping his movements, he peeked out from the kitchen wall. there was a young man standing there. if he was here, he knew he had to be old enough to drink right?
“sir, i hate to break it to ya, but i’m all closed up for the night..” he sighed, carefully gripping the mop handle just in case.
“pardon me but your lights were still on and thankfully, the door was open.”
…that voice was…oddly familiar? sero took this time to scan the man’s clothing from what he could see.
a cleanly ironed white shirt covered by blue and to top it off, a neatly fitted collar. the man whipped off his blue hood and sero yipped, dropping the handle.
“prince shoto, y-your majesty! my apologies.” he immediately bowed and shoto shook his head with a small scoff. “what can i do for you?” he whipped himself to the front of the bar, motioning his hand for shoto to sit in a booth. the prince, again, shook his head and climbed in the seat in front of him.
“i’m just here to escape my father.” he said, a bit coldly.
ah yes, king endeavor. sero hadn’t known much about the royal family but he did know endeavor wasn’t a very kindruler. what did he do that made his own son run away? and why in town instead of away?
“i am sorry to hear that, is everything okay?” sero asked, pushing a bit of a line. shoto gave a little shrug.
“yes…just needed to get away from him is all.” shoto sighed, resting his hand on the counter. “…i hate to ask this of you, but do you have anything to eat? i only ate a little bit of dinner.” sero perked up and nodded, running back into his kitchen.
“what the hell would he like?” the tavern owner thought. he picked at a couple of muffins he had and eventually chose a fresh banana muffin, picking up a small jug of eggnog as well. he set both in front of the royal and leaned on his arms. “enjoy.” he said with a smile, taking a washcloth and went on to wipe the counters.
shoto gave a little nod and started eating. “i must thank you for letting me stay so far.” he thanked after a drink of eggnog. sero paused and turned to him, clutching the cloth in his hands.
“of course, it actually has been a pleasure to help my prince.” he said with another bow. shoto chuckled and finished his muffin, raising his hand.
“there’s no need to that majesty and prince stuff, it actually gets tiring to hear that all the time.” the prince scoffed. “shoto does just fine, please.”
“i can do that. i’m hanta sero by the way.” the owner introduced himself and dropped his washcloth in the sink, walking back to shoto and leaning on his elbows. “can i get you anymore muffins or eggnog, dearest shoto? and you are welcome to stay longer if you wish.”
shoto looked at him, a bit surprised at the way his own name rolled off his tongue like it was nothing. he gave him a tiny nod and a happy smile at his offer. “yes…and thank you again.”
AU:X Ship: Poly of Eijiro Kirishima, Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki, Denki Kaminari, Hanta Sero, and Hitoshi Shinso (This was easier than typing out all the pairings) Prompt:X Requested by:X Warnings: Internalized Acephobia, mentions of sex, non con like elements (Nothing happens though it is mentioned), insecurities and fears of breaking up.If I missed any please let me know! Summary:Eijiro loved his partners. He loved them more than life itself. They were more than accepting of any eccentricities of each other, which is to be expected from a poly of seven different personalities. But he didn’t know if they would accept him when they realized he was broken. F/A/H-C:Hurt/Comfort POV:3rd, following Eijiro. Word Count:3,735 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Side Note: Hi, I’m finally back to writing fics, even though it’s for a different fandom now, it’s still something lmao. I may come back to writing Sanders Sides eventually but we shall see. Let me know what you think of it! And I hope you enjoy!
They are all 3rd years and about to graduate UA! I wasn’t sure if that was considered an au or not but theyareof legal age!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eijiro knew there was something about him that was different from his other classmates. Originally he had just blamed all the weirdly delayed interest in any girls, moreso any talk of ‘hooking up’, on him being gay once he finally figured that out.
But then the thoughts he thought he should have about guys, about doing things with guys never came either. He knew that he found guys attractive, obviously, he developed the biggest crush on two of the most powerful students in his class incredibly quickly after seeing both of their strengths, but whenever he thought about them, about being with them. Nothing sexual came from it. He’s a teenagerheshouldbe having these thoughts right?
He heard Denki talking about some of the guys in the class at one point, saying how hot a few of them were. And, well, Eijiro could agree, however when Denki started going into more detail about what he saw in the locker room, the redhead went silent. He couldn’t see anyone like that, not even two of his most prominent crushes. Was there something wrong?
He was not able to figure it out until their third year of high school. Now in a relationship that consisted of seven total. Polyamory was a thing introduced to him by Izuku once they had started dating and Eijiro realized he still had feelings for Katsuki after quite some time. He was overjoyed that Izuku had shown him that, moreso that he and Katsuki both agreed to it.
Not too long later, Izuku realized his feelings for Shoto, and Denki. Eijiro came to these realizations himself later. Denki then had feelings for both Hanta and Hitoshi. After quite a while of this, everyone in the poly was dating everyone. Which made things both a little less complicated and a little more complicated.
Eijiro loved his partners. He loved them more than life itself. They were more than accepting of any eccentricities of each other, which is to be expected from a poly of seven different personalities.
But he didn’t know if they would accept him when they realized he was broken.
He didn’t start off thinking like that. He just thought he was taking longer than everyone else to develop these kinds of feelings towards the others. Denki and Hanta using obviously suggestive flirting with one another while the group was together was to be expected. Then Hitoshi joined in, then Katsuki, Shoto, and eventually Izuku was making remarks that can and were meant to be taken in a not so innocent way.
Eijiro laughed along with these jokes, he understood them and was fine with them. So he thought there was nothing wrong with him. It wasn’t until the words turned into actions that he came to the realization about himself.
Katsuki and him were both incredibly physical with their fighting styles. So it’s only natural that every once in a while, their very playful spats would turn into wrestling matches in one of their rooms.
It was later into the night, a majority of the students were either asleep or down in the common area. Eijiro smirked as he managed to pin Katsuki down onto the floor, his hands grabbed his wrists keeping them pinned beside his head, using his quirk to ensure they stayed there. Both of the boys were a little out of breath panting in eachother’s faces.
Eijiro wasn’t thinking about what position they were in. The fact that he was on top of Katsuki, kneeling on either side of the others lower body was lost on him. Until he realized Katsuki wasn’t continuing to struggle. As the pairs of red eyes met one another, Eijiro noticed the look in his partner’s. They were slightly darkened yet hazy. A look that he recognized instantly.
The same look he had given Denki before he had pinned him against the wall, marked up his neck so much that the bruises were left for at least two weeks. There was probably more to that story that he hadn’t quite heard, or had subconsciously tuned out due to the nature of it.
A sickening feeling of panic bubbled up in his stomach, along with a feeling of near disgust. The second he realized it, he jerked away, scrambling off of his boyfriend with a nervous laugh. “Ha! Gotcha, man!” He prayed Katsuki wouldn’t pick up on the tremble of his voice. Katsuki’s expression immediately changed from the look he had before, to one of confusion. He was silent as he seemed to examine the redhead.
Eijiro had gotten really good at reading Katsuki’s expressions, but there was one he was never able to quite pinpoint. Katsuki’s blank expression. None of his normal anger that seemed to constantly reside on his face, no annoyance, no smugness, absolutely nothing. That was the expression most of his partners tended to worry about when it showed up, just because it was so unreadable.
That was the expression Kirishima was met with after the confusion seemed to fade.
“Right.” Katsuki mumbled.
Eijiro glanced around the room quickly, looking for anything to change the topic or clear the awkward air around them. His eyes caught his bookbag and he grinned, “Oh hey, would you mind uh, helping me study again? I’m getting a little hung up on how some of the equations work.” Please work, please work, please work.
It did and it didn’t.
Katsuki hummed, the annoyance finally reading on his face once again. He knew something was up, but he knew that Eijiro was trying to hide it, he could tell. But despite that, he nodded, “Fine. What is it?”
There was going to be a talk later. It was going to be asked, Eijiro could tell. But now it wasn’t happening. He could only hope that he would have some explanation once the talk did happen.
—-
He did come to an explanation. A much worse one than he hoped he would come to and in a much worse way.
He thought he had it figured out. That he was just awkward about it since he had never tried it, the position he had gotten Katsuki in was weird and that’s all it was. Maybe it would stop being like that once he was prepared to take that step with his partners. They had all waited for one another to be ready before trying anything at all so he figured it would be fine.
That’s all he thought it was.
Like Katsuki and Eijiro’s playful wrestling matches, Denki and him had something very similar. Only, they were often brought on by Kirishima winning in whatever game they were playing, and Denki tackling him, which led to more of a tickle fight than anything. Both laughing and giggling as they rolled around on the floor.
Golden eyes met red ones once they calmed down, the electric boy was now above him. Easily Eijiro could push him off, but he was still too giddy from the childlike roll around they had just had to even think about it. Denki leaned down once he caught his breath, placing a small chaste kiss onto Eijiro’s lips. Another small laugh leaving him before he repeated the process.
Eijiro was fine with this, this was sweet. He returned the kisses gladly, not at all complaining even when it progressed to a full makeout session. This didn’t make him feel uncomfortable. This didn’t make him have that feeling of panic and disgust. Maybe he was better now! Maybe he’s finally over whatever that was!
He should have known not to be so hopeful.
He leaned up on his elbows a little, feeling like he couldn’t get enough of his boyfriend’s kiss. He didn’t stop Denki when the other’s hands began to wander down his chest. This felt okay, this felt nice. This was just Denki being touchy. He was used to it.
Until it wasn’t just that.
Denki’s hand wandered down, down further past Eijiro’s stomach, as it made its way closer and closer, that feeling came back. Bubbling up much worse than last time, the thought came too quickly, the thought of any of his partners touching him like that, made him immediately tense up. Finally he was getting those thoughts he thought he should have been getting, but now instead of getting aroused by them, all he felt was that gross, uncomfortable and panicky feeling.
He finally snapped out of his own thoughts when he felt a small shock course through him. He blinked a couple times, feeling hot tears falling down his face. His body was shaking, and in front of him, he saw those golden eyes again. Looking at him with so much worry.
Eijiro drew his hand away from Denki’s wrist quickly. When had he grabbed him? “Eijiro!” He managed to register that his boyfriend was talking to him. It took him a moment longer to gather his voice enough to respond, “w-wh… what happened?”
Denki looked even more confused, “You tell me! I-dude I would’ve stopped! You were just suddenly shaking and crying and you jerked my arm away from you! Are you okay?”
Eijiro nodded after a moment, “Yeah, Yeah sorry, I just kinda freaked out I guess?” That was the only way he could explain it, though it was obvious enough that Denki knew that much. Denki’s expressions were much easier to read than Katsuki. Which only made it that much easier to see the confusion and worry now be joined by hurt.
“Did… Did you not think I’d stop?” He sounded just as petrified as Eijiro felt currently. Eijiro shook his head immediately, “No! No! I mean-Yes! I knew you would have stopped! I trust you! I just wasn’t thinking, I guess…? I don’t really know.”
Denki nodded, seemingly content with that answer. “Okay, dude. Uh, do you wanna keep playing?” Gesturing over to the forgotten Switch. Eijiro smiled a little and nodded, “Yeah! Can’t wait to kick your ass again!” He said hitting his fists together.
The blonde grinned, immediately returning back to his normal happy self. “Oh whatever! That last round was a total flub! Doesn’t count!”
–
That night, Eijiro rested his head against his pillow, his mind racing through the events of the day. Something that hadn’t quite clicked in his head finally did. “I trust you” was what he had said in reassuring Denki. Which was true, he trusted all of his partners, he couldn’t have a relationship if he didn’t.
But, if he couldn’t even bear the thought of the people he trusted with his life, he loved with all of his heart, to touch him like that… Then that wasn’t the problem. Being awkward and nervous wasn’t the explanation. Not being ready wasn’t the explanation.
Finally he accepted it as tears came to his eyes. “I’m never going to be ready for it…” he murmured to himself. “I’mnever going to want that.”
It made sense, he had never liked the idea before, never thought about it before, and now that it was almost thrown in his face (On accident, Denki of course didn’t know he felt like this and Eijiro couldn’t blame him). He panicked. He wasn’t afraid of it. It didn’t make him nervous. It made him uncomfortable.
He had a sinking feeling in his stomach, as a sob left his mouth. He wasn’t like any of his partners, he wasn’t like anyone in the class, hell he didn’t even know if there was a possibility of anyone like him being at the school. He’s Broken.
Quickly remembering that Katsuki was right next door, he grabbed a pillow, biting it in order to muffle himself.
He was broken, he didn’t feel the things he was supposed to. He didn’t want the things his partners wanted. What most people consider a crucial part of a relationship he couldn’t even think about without feeling sick.
It hurt, it hurt and ached every part of his being. His partners were all accepting, but they’ll want that. He’d be a horrible partner to deny them something that they’d consider important in the relationship. Why would they bother sticking with him if he wasn’t enough? If he couldn’t make them fully happy what was the point?
How vividly he could imagine their faces made it so much worse. Izuku would smile softly, try to let Eijiro down slowly, probably even apologizing. Katsuki would be annoyed, thinking he wasn’t tough enough to handle it. Denki would think it was funny and ridiculous. Hanta would be confused, who wouldn’t want to have sex with their partners? Shoto wouldn’t really have any glaring expression, just a simple sigh of dissatisfaction, and Hitoshi would just roll his eyes, like Eijiro had been a waste of time.
He was pretty sure he had torn open his pillow at this point, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He never wanted to see them like that. He never wanted to lose them just because he was broken. He was supposed to be unbreakable after all! He needed to fix it. There had to be some way to keep that from happening.
A terrifying thought crossed his mind.
‘If I just force myself through it once, with one of them, and then it’ll be fine after that.’
It made him feel sick again, thinking about it. He wouldn’t want it, and he knew his partners would stop and question if they noticed how uncomfortable he was. He sniffled as he continued to debate on it, it would make him feel disgusting, gross and uncomfortable, but it would only be for a little while, and then after that, he could keep his partners, and make sure they’re happy.
That’s what was most important.
—
He made out a little plan, to try to get himself to go through with this. In his mind it was like training. Trying to think of what he thought of that day with Denki without tensing up. Or at least learning how to hide it. Trying to convince himself that ‘it’ll feel good. It’ll feel good.’ The shaking he wasn’t able to get under control, he could blame that on nervousness though, right?
He knew which partner he was going to try to initiate this with. The one he had been with the longest. Izuku. He was so sweet, gentle and kind, but was incredibly strong and determined. It would feel safe, comfortable, right? It had to, it was Izuku.
If Izuku said no, he would go to Katsuki, who he knew would have no problems taking the lead if he teased a little, he would be a lot more to deal with than Izuku though, but if it’ll work then he had to do it. If that didn’t work he would go to Denki, then Hanta, then Shoto and then Hitoshi. Hopefully, Izuku would say yes. He loved and trusted all of his partners, but it would be easiest to handle with Izuku.
—–
It started off a lot like the other two mishaps. Just some playful roughhousing ending with Eijiro pinning Izuku. Eijiro tried desperately to hide any hint of feeling off, looking up to Izuku’s eyes quickly before kissing him.
Izuku returned the kiss, and he was both a little surprised and not surprised at all that Izuku was the one to push it to a makeout session. He was hesitating a little and Izuku seemed to be enjoying this. Good. Good. He was doing good.
He remembered what Denki did with his hands, how he touched him and tried to mimic that on Izuku as best as he could. The memory however, caused that feeling to bubble up again. As he began tracing Izuku’s thighs through the shorts he was wearing, an arm on his own stopped him. He swallowed and looked up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes.
“Ei…?” His voice was so soft and gentle.
Eijiro pulled his hands away immediately, “S-sorry, was I-do you not want-I didn’t mean to-” Everything was crumbling. He could feel the barriers he put up beginning to crack and break. The feeling was only getting worse. He’d have to go to Katsuki.
Eijiro gave a little fake laugh, “Ah! I’m just, kinda nervous, don’t wanna mess this up.” He lied through his teeth. Izuku smiled so gently again, “Don’t worry too much, it’s okay, I’m here.” he murmured comfortingly, the hand that had grabbed Eijiro’s forearm moved down to hold his hand.
The redhead let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you.” The sickening feeling only bubbled up once more once he continued. Now placing kisses down Izuku’s neck, while his hand went back to tracing up and down his boyfriend’s body.
He could feel the trembling get worse. He tried to swallow down the panic that was trying to force itself through him as he scraped his teeth against Izuku’s neck. He reached a spot right where his neck and shoulder meet that made Izuku breathe heavier, and whine, right next to Eijiro’s ear. He had no chance.
Hearing the sound was so different than just the touch. With the touch he could try to think of something else to keep from breaking, but with that noise it shot him right back. Making him realize exactly what he was doing. Exactly what he was about to force himself to do. It was too much. It was all too much.
The barrier broke.
The tears and sick feeling he had been trying to hold back now came in full force. He withdrew his hands from Izuku but kept his face in his neck for a moment as he let the tears fall. Izuku tensed under him. Strong arms immediately came to wrap around him. “Ei?” he asked again. His voice sounded so much more panicked than before.
Sounded like Denki did, concern, worry and panic.
Eijiro shook his head, “I-I’m… I’m so sorry, Izuku. I tried, I really did. But I can’t.” the words managed to get choked out between sobs. “I can’t do it, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m broken.”
He couldn’t see Izuku’s face, but with the silence he could only imagine what he had thought of when he first came up with this plan. The soft smile, ready to let him down slow. To end things with him. He deserved it anyways, for not being enough. He shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to see it when he felt Izuku start to pull away.
Suddenly he was being picked up, and placed on the bed. “Ei… Look at me, please.” Izuku’s voice was shaking, that he wouldn’t pick up until later. But he didn’t need to. Once he finally managed to open his eyes and look at Izuku’s face. The thought of Izuku letting him down slow with that smile vanished instantly.
Izuku had tears in his eyes too. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to hold him more at that moment. “Please, just breathe, okay? Then we can talk, I’m just confused.” He was more than confused. Eijiro could see it. But he accepted that for now. And slowly worked through calming himself down from the panic attack.
He looked back at Izuku and nodded, “‘m okay to talk now…”
Izuku smiled at him, genuinely luckily, and nodded back. “Okay, please tell me what you meant by that…?”
Eijiro looked off to the side, not wanting to meet those sad green eyes again as he gathered his thoughts to explain.
“I never, ever really, felt anything likethat towards anyone. Whenever I’d get a crush, I couldn’t even imagine anything like that with them… This is just how I’ve been. And I just thought that eventually, I’d get those feelings. They didn’t come. And when I fell for all of you, I thought, okay maybe once I’m comfortable with them, maybe it’s just because I’m nervous at the thought of it that it was like that… But I am comfortable with all of you, I trust all of you.”
He sniffled, rubbing at his eye as he could feel more tears threatening to spill.
“I realized that I probably won’t ever want to do anything like that. Or be comfortable with it. Even when it came to you guys, any thought of that I felt… Gross and uncomfortable and panicky. But, I know a lot of people, most people say that that is an important part in a relationship. And-And I didn’t… Didn’t want to be a bad boyfriend. I want you guys to be happy and satisfied and content and… all of that… and if you all wanted that to be happy, then… you wouldn’t want me…”
“Eijiro…” Izuku’s voice was barely above a whisper, in more shock than actually wanting to get his attention or stop his talking.
“So I thought, maybe. Maybe if I can just bare it once. Then I’d stop feeling that way. But, I-I couldn’t… so…” He finally let the tears fall as he shrugged. That was the end, he was expecting Izuku to agree with him. But when he looked up at Izuku’s face.
There were tears falling at a rapid pace down his pretty freckled cheeks, his mouth was slightly open in shock. “Eijiro… Can-Can I hug you?” Eijiro barely let him finish his sentence before he practically lept at Izuku. Holding him tightly, Izuku held him just as tight.
“You don’t have to do anything that makes you feel like that, it doesn’t matter. Noneof us will think any less of you for that. We love you. It isn’t about sex or anything! We love you. Please, pleasedon’t force yourself, if one day you do feel okay to try then that’s okay! If not? Then that’s also okay. You aren’t broken, Eijiro. You’re perfect.”
Eijiro sobbed as Izuku spoke, murmuring ‘Thank you’s and ‘I love you’s between breaths and sobs. They stayed like that until both of them fell into a comfortable silence. Cuddling and holding one another, perfectly content.
That night Izuku introduced him to a new term. One that meant exactly what Eijiro had thought was him being ‘broken’. The term was ‘Asexual’. He wasn’t broken, he wasn’t wrong, he’s Asexual.
Now, many years later, as a pro-hero that is married to his partners, Eijiro wears that label with pride.
