[Image Description: Black and white drawing of a cheeky young Toph in brush and ink style. She holds a loaded bamboo brush in one hand and an ink-stained scroll in another. Ink is splattered on her face and clothes. She looks like she’s about to challenge someone to a painting contest. End ID]
Master Pakku: It’s not natural for women to fight.
Katara: It’s not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand.
Sokka: Trust me, this plan’s going to work!
Katara: Fine. But if Combustion Man kills us all, I’m going to get Aang’s spirit to teach my spirit how to play the tsungi horn just so that I can annoy the heck out of your spirit.”
Sokka: I’ll just hire Zuko’s spirit to kick your spirits’s butt!
Zuko: My spirit won’t associate with your spirit.
Iroh: You are going to… kill the Moon?
Zhao: Tui made the decision to return to the physical world. If she makes herself such an available target, she can further the Fire Nation’s great destiny.
Iroh: Men mock the spirits until they need them, Zhao.
Ty Lee: Spirits, Mai, you actually look happy.
Mai, clearly smiling: Don’t be ridiculous.
Zuko, at the Agni Kai: What’s the matter today, no lightning? Afraid I’ll redirect it?
Azula: Oh, I’ll show you lightning!
Katara: Zuko, this whole ‘shoot lightning at me’ thing is starting to concern me.
Sokka: Aang, maybe the monks didn’t cover this lesson, but you do not negotiate with a powerful firebender with lightning crackling around him during Sozin’s Comet.
alternatively,
Sokka: Zuko, maybe your fancy tutors didn’t cover this lesson, but you do not argue with a guy who can start glowing and harness all the power and skills of his past lives at any time.
Sokka: You were early, Toph!
Toph: I was on time!
Sokka: For you, that’s early. Next time you plan to impress me give me some warning!
Toph: The animals are free, and I found you a boat. This is when a thank you would be in order.
Suki: Thank you, Toph.
Toph: Hey, no problem, Suki.
Toph: See, Sokka? That’s how the civilised folk do it.
Sokka, to Zuko, at the Boiling Rock: Well, we’ve managed to get ourselves locked into the most secure prison in the world. We’re either geniuses or the dumbest sons of bitches to ever breathe air.
Aang: We’re all gonna die!
Sokka: Well, statistically speaking, only SOME of us are going to die.
Sokka: It was a calculated risk.
Zuko: It was cross-your-fingers-and-hope-for-the-best. Believe me, I know the difference.
Sokka and Aang: *doing their spirit magic impressions, i.e. waving their arms and making vaguely creepy sounds*
Zuko: What are they doing?
Katara: Performing an ancient Spirit-summoning ritual.
Zuko: Really?
Katara: No.
Aang: Sure, I’m skinny, but I stay drier in the rain.
Sokka: How?
Aang: Less falls on me.
Sokka:
Sokka: You can WATERBEND.
Hakoda: Good luck hitting a skinny little Water Tribe boat, cutting through the waves and staffed by a crew of men who’ve spent their whole life dodging obstacles in boats.
Bato: I’ll quote you on that when a fireball lands in my lap.
Random Boiling Rock guard: Please, have mercy!
Suki: I like it when men beg. But this isn’t the time for it.
Chief Hakoda: How are you finding our country?
Toph: It’s a magical place. If you like ice and more ice.
Sokka, about Zuko: Would it kill him to smile every once in a while?
Katara: Very possibly.
Toph: Katara and Zuko? Far be it from me to doubt anyone’s determination to get this done, but is that really the ideal pairing?“
Sokka: Zuko knows guard procedure, and Katara can handle any guards without a noisy fight. Your job is to keep them from killing each other.
Toph: Because I’m definitely the diplomat of the the group.
Sokka: Aang is the diplomat of the group. But he’s busy, so you get to do it.
Jet: What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s money?
Smellerbee: Knife to the throat?
Pipsqueak: Bludgeon to the head?
Sneers: Poison in his cup?
Tea Shop Lee, the new recruit: You’re all horrible.
Jet: Have any of you wondered what I did with all the gold we got from the Dai Li?
Smellerbee: Weapons?
Pipqueak: Ships?
The Duke: Bombs?
Sneers: Political bribes?
Smellerbee, to Lee: This is where you tell us how awful we are.
Lee: They all seem like practical choices.
Zuko: Has anyone noticed that every nation in the world is looking for me, mad at me, or wants to kill me?
Toph: So?
Zuko: Well, usually it’s just half the nations.
Suki: I am grateful that you’re alive.
Sokka: Suki, you’re better than meat and boomerangs!
Suki: Let’s not say things we don’t mean, Boomerang Guy.
Sokka: You’re stupid about a lot of things, Zuko, but you are not stupid. And if I ever hear you call yourself a moron again, I’m going to tell Katara you tried to kiss Aang. With tongue.
Zuko: She’ll never believe it.
Sokka: Then I’ll tell Aang you tried to kiss Katara. With tongue.
Sokka: Don’t worry, Gran-Gran. People firebend at each other all the time in the Fire Nation. It’s basically a handshake.
Toph: Who’d deny a poor blind girl her precious meteor bracelet?
Sokka: If the blind girl is you, then anyone with sense.
Toph: When people see a little blind girl walking down the street, what do they feel?
Toph: They feel pity. Now, what do they think when they see me coming?
Zuko: They think they’d better cross the street.
Toph: You’re not weak because of your scar. You’re weak because you’re afraid of people seeing your scar and knowing what it means. You’re letting shame decide who you are.
Sokka: Do you really have a flying ship?
The Mechanist: No.
Sokka: Oh.
The Mechanist: I have several.
Sokka: Take me with you.
Ty Lee, to post-redemption Azula: He was going to break my legs. Would you have come for me then, Azula? When I couldn’t walk a tightrope or chi block a squad of benders? When I wasn’t useful anymore?
Azula: I would come for you.
Azula: I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together—with fire blazing and lightning crackling and fingers blocking. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.
Zuko: Sokka, I’ve thought about this-
Sokka: Thought of me? Late at night? What was I wearing?
Zuko:
Zuko: I’ve thought about your diplomatic skills.
Zuko: Do you know what Ozai’s problem is?
Aang: No honor?
Katara: Rotten parenting skills?
Sokka: Receding hairline?
Zuko: Katara—
Katara: Don’t you start in on me.
Zuko: It will all work out. Let Azula do what she does best.
Katara: She’s horrible.
Zuko: But effective. Being angry at Azula for being ruthless is like being angry at a fire for being hot. You know what she is.
Hakoda, meeting Master Pakku: Why doesn’t the Northern Water Tribe let girls fight?
Master Pakku: They don’t want to fight.
Hakoda: How do you know? Have you ever asked one?
Pakku: Northern Water Tribe women are to be venerated, protected.
Hakoda: That’s probably a wise policy.
Pakku: I agree, seeing as-
Hakoda: Think how embarrassing it would be for you when you got trounced by a little girl.
Hakoda: Like my daughter.
Zuko: We were fools.
Sokka: You were children. Was there no one to protect you?
Zuko: Was there anyone to protect you?
Sokka: My father. He went to war so that we might have a better life. My mother. She died protecting Katara. They would have done anything to keep us safe.
Sokka: We … uh … we were having a disagreement.
Gran-Gran: I can see that. I have been very patient with all of this, Sokka, but I am at my limit. I want you down here before I count ten or I will tan your hide so you don’t sit for two weeks.
Toph, snickering: You are in so much trouble.
Sokka: Katara, Toph conned a rich man into paying us off because he thought he’d killed her with his carriage.
Toph: I am going to turn your teeth inside out.
Sokka: That is physically impossible.
Toph: I just invented metalbending. Do you really want to argue with me?
after Ba Sing Se falls, except Zuko goes with the Gaang:
Sokka: So, other than Zuko having an unplanned family reunion, what the hell happened out there?
Katara: Let’s see. Aang was shot with lightning and fell twenty stories.
Toph: We put a serious hole in the Crystal Catacombs of Ba Sing Se.
Zuko: Katara can bring back the dead.
some random Fire Nation official: Why does your weak king send an ancient loony to do his bidding?
Bumi: I suppose he thought my good looks would give me the advantage. Not a concern where you’re from, I take it?
Fire Nation official: Preening, ridiculous peacock. You stink of dirt and poverty.
Bumi, sniffing the air: I’m amazed you can detect anything over the reek of ashes and inbreeding.
Master Pakku: It’s not natural for women to fight.
Katara: It’s not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand.
Sokka: Trust me, this plan’s going to work!
Katara: Fine. But if Combustion Man kills us all, I’m going to get Aang’s spirit to teach my spirit how to play the tsungi horn just so that I can annoy the heck out of your spirit.”
Sokka: I’ll just hire Zuko’s spirit to kick your spirits’s butt!
Zuko: My spirit won’t associate with your spirit.
Iroh: You are going to… kill the Moon?
Zhao: Tui made the decision to return to the physical world. If she makes herself such an available target, she can further the Fire Nation’s great destiny.
Iroh: Men mock the spirits until they need them, Zhao.
Ty Lee: Spirits, Mai, you actually look happy.
Mai, clearly smiling: Don’t be ridiculous.
Zuko, at the Agni Kai: What’s the matter today, no lightning? Afraid I’ll redirect it?
Azula: Oh, I’ll show you lightning!
Katara: Zuko, this whole ‘shoot lightning at me’ thing is starting to concern me.
Sokka: Aang, maybe the monks didn’t cover this lesson, but you do not negotiate with a powerful firebender with lightning crackling around him during Sozin’s Comet.
alternatively,
Sokka: Zuko, maybe your fancy tutors didn’t cover this lesson, but you do not argue with a guy who can start glowing and harness all the power and skills of his past lives at any time.
Sokka: You were early, Toph!
Toph: I was on time!
Sokka: For you, that’s early. Next time you plan to impress me give me some warning!
Toph: The animals are free, and I found you a boat. This is when a thank you would be in order.
Suki: Thank you, Toph.
Toph: Hey, no problem, Suki.
Toph: See, Sokka? That’s how the civilised folk do it.
Sokka, to Zuko, at the Boiling Rock: Well, we’ve managed to get ourselves locked into the most secure prison in the world. We’re either geniuses or the dumbest sons of bitches to ever breathe air.
Aang: We’re all gonna die!
Sokka: Well, statistically speaking, only SOME of us are going to die.
Sokka: It was a calculated risk.
Zuko: It was cross-your-fingers-and-hope-for-the-best. Believe me, I know the difference.
Sokka and Aang: *doing their spirit magic impressions, i.e. waving their arms and making vaguely creepy sounds*
Zuko: What are they doing?
Katara: Performing an ancient Spirit-summoning ritual.
Zuko: Really?
Katara: No.
Aang: Sure, I’m skinny, but I stay drier in the rain.
Sokka: How?
Aang: Less falls on me.
Sokka:
Sokka: You can WATERBEND.
Hakoda: Good luck hitting a skinny little Water Tribe boat, cutting through the waves and staffed by a crew of men who’ve spent their whole life dodging obstacles in boats.
Bato: I’ll quote you on that when a fireball lands in my lap.
Random Boiling Rock guard: Please, have mercy!
Suki: I like it when men beg. But this isn’t the time for it.
Chief Hakoda: How are you finding our country?
Toph: It’s a magical place. If you like ice and more ice.
Sokka, about Zuko: Would it kill him to smile every once in a while?
Katara: Very possibly.
Toph: Katara and Zuko? Far be it from me to doubt anyone’s determination to get this done, but is that really the ideal pairing?“
Sokka: Zuko knows guard procedure, and Katara can handle any guards without a noisy fight. Your job is to keep them from killing each other.
Toph: Because I’m definitely the diplomat of the the group.
Sokka: Aang is the diplomat of the group. But he’s busy, so you get to do it.
