Alone

A/n: This contains mental health triggers and is unlike anything that I would usually write. That being said, I know that a lot of people are going through a lot right now. I am always here if you need someone to talk to :)

You laid in your bed in the TARDIS just staring hopelessly at the ceiling. It had to be past 3 am, at least if time functioned even semi-normally in the TARDIS it would have been somewhere around there. You were physically exhausted, but your mind was awake. But this was not just your average sleeplessness, no, it was much worse.

You were sad. And it was stupid, you really knew that it was. But you felt consumingly and unexplainably alone. Which was so illogical and you hated that you felt this way, but that didn’t stop the painful ache in your chest and growing sense of dread.

You wished that you could escape into a peaceful or even restless sleep. However, you were overly aware that sleep would not be your friend tonight. In the absence of sleep, you attempted to distract yourself. But your usual ‘fixes’ weren’t doing anything for you. Something was different this time, more ominous and inescapable.

A small part of you was urging yourself to go and wake the Doctor. You knew that he wouldn’t rest until you were okay. And that was precisely the reason you refused to do so. He had been through so much and you were not about to add to the weight of the universe that he had already placed on his shoulders. He didn’t deserve to be bothered with your menial problems. And even if you wanted to, how were you supposed to talk to the LAST OF THE TIMELORDS about feeling lonely. The idea was laughable. Besides, this wasn’t that big of a deal, you just needed to ignore it until it went away. 

But the more that you tried to push it from your mind, the worse you felt. It got to the point where you were sitting up, hugging your knees to your chest, trying to hold yourself together. You didn’t understand why this had to happen. Nothing had triggered this, you had such a good day. You tried to reason with your own mind, but it was no use. 

You didn’t know how long you sat like that, just struggling to exist. Apparently, it was long enough for the TARDIS to notice and become concerned. She elected to wake her favorite Timelord, who was slightly irritated at first. But then he could sense how worried she was, something was wrong.

He was confused, but quickly got up and followed her soft humming which promptly stopped as he reached your door. He was slightly caught off guard by this but proceeded to knock softly. There was no answer, maybe you were sleeping? But surely the TARDIS wouldn’t have him come here if it wasn’t important. She unlocked the door as if pleading with him to enter. 

He pushed the door open quietly, as he did some of the light from the hallway lite up your room just enough for him to see you. His stomach fell as he did. He quickly turned on the lights and fully entered your room. But you remained still, seemingly unphased.

“Oh, Y/n,” he sighed, standing in front of you.

It was the sound of his voice that caused you to snap back to reality. As you realized the situation you were in, tears started to stream down your face.

The Doctor sat down behind you and pulled you into his arms. Just holding you tightly as you sobbed. He whispered into your hair, just trying to calm you down. He was so thankful that the TARDIS had woken him up, wishing that she had done it sooner. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what you were feeling to make you react this way. 

Eventually, you started to calm down, but the doctor’s hold on you never faltered. He wanted to say something, but he was at a loss for words. Which was saying a lot, especially for him. 

“I-I’m sorry,”  you tried to control your voice.

The Doctor’s heart broke even more with those words. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

“I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

“Y/n, it’s okay to be less than okay every now and again. It’s not bad to cry. In fact I think it makes a person stronger. I’m just sorry that you had to be strong alone. You should’ve woken me,” The Doctor pauses in thought before adding, “You don’t have to tell me what happened. But if you want to talk about it I’m always here for you. I promise.”

“Thank you,” you replied, internally struggling with the decision of whether to let him in, let him see how broken you were, or to just move forward.

“Do you need anything?” he asked, as he himself was struggling to decide what to do next.

“Can we just stay like this for a little while?” you asked, immediately regretting it. 

“Of course.”

And so, you laid in the Doctor’s arms feeling less alone. Your mind was soothed by the rhythmic beating of his hearts. Eventually against your will, you were lulled to sleep. 

The Doctor laid there still trying to take in what had happened. He wished that you would have opened up about what had caused this, but he better than anyone knew not to push you. He knew what is was like to feel like no one else deserves the burden that you carry. And he knew that this was not over, but he made a promise to himself that he would be there for you every step of the way. When you were ready, he would make sure you knew that you were not alone. 

He looked down at your sleeping form and pushed some of your hair out of your face. He felt a sense of peace that was a rare occurrence for him. It was as if time stopped, he was entirely caught in the moment. Being there with you made him feel less alone in a way he never thought he would after what happened in Gallifrey. He hoped that being with him made you feel the same way.

All Of Time And Space

Doctor Who : Multishot

Eleventh Doctor x Reader x Twelfth Doctor

Word Count: 2974

Warnings: just the possibility of overdosing on cute

Request: This just came from my own head

A/N: Welcome to what I couldn’t resist! I have just recently started watching the twelfth Doctor for the first time and love him more than I thought I would. After an accidental time jump you find yourself thrown into the future

Prologue: The Dying Girl

Part 6: The Lost Shoes

Epilogue: The Vanishing Act

Finale: All Of Time And Space {You Are Here}

“(Y/N)?”

She closed her eyes and grinned so wide she knew her cheeks would hurt soon. She slowly turned around to face the nervous voice calling her name.

There stood the Doctor, bowlegged and strapping in his tweed. He wore a new bowtie in her favorite color. And held in his hand was a small velvet box. A deep tardis blue box. A ring box.

She took a shuddering breath, tears immediately welling her eyes. She felt a strange surge of energy tingle up her legs and through her spine. Probably just the shock of excitement.

“Hello,” he whispered, full of anxiety. But her earsplitting grin was making him feel better.

She was grinning, yes – but there was something about the nerves coursing her limbs. It was like her very veins were vibrating with static. Her brow began to furrow as the Doctor took a step closer.

“(Y/N)…”

And somewhere around her navel tugged her forward. She fell, bracing herself with her hands. A zap like a bolt of lightning ran through her, locking her limbs into place. It was in a puff of smoke that she was able unfreeze herself.

She flexed her fingers, coughing at the slight smell of singed hair. She was on the ground, wincing; her head felt like lead.

“Oh,bloody hell,” she mumbled, trying to regain her feet, “Doctor? Have we crashed or something?”

But the answering flurry of lights was not the Doctor – and it was not in the artifact room. She peered around to see the console.

No…aconsole.

Her mouth popped opened. It was all very… grey. There were no glass floors or plates of random gadgets on the console. She looked for the school bell or gramophone or keyboard but only found a very mechanical spread of knobs and buttons.

She twirled on the spot – it was very symmetrical and clean. There was no hint that a madman lived in the box. Judging by the stone busts, blackboards, and bookshelves, she would’ve thought a professor lived there.

“Doctor?” she called out, suddenly very afraid. Surely this was a different TARDIS. And if it were the same… there was only one instance she knew changed the interior of the TARDIS.

It put a steely grate over her chest, “Have you regenerated?” she whispered towards the ceiling. “Could it happen that fast?”

The TARDIS hummed a reply and (Y/N) put a hand over her mouth. Is that how it worked? One second you’re fine and the next you’re zapped into a whole new life?

“Where you off to, darling?” A man came through the front door, “I’ve grown the distinct craving for biscuits. I mean, we should make some biscuits. The grandkids are on their way!”

He was tall and older, his grey hair flying away in curling puffs. There was a quirkiness about the way he tottered around the console. And taking that into consideration along with the hoodie jacket he was wearing… she figured he felt younger than he looked.

She folded her arms, eyeing him with first confusion and then disbelief.

“Darling!” he yelled out again – he sounded Scottish – and he came round to where (Y/N) was. “The grandkids will be wanting their biscuits.”

He squeaked when he saw (Y/N), “Ah! What have you done?”

She blinked hard, “I don’t believe it.”

“What have you done to your face?”

“What have you done to yours!” she said back, pointing at him accusingly. “You’re all… grandfatherly.”

“Is that a new cream you’re using?” he tilted his head, “It’s doing wonders for your skin.”

(Y/N) felt the corners of her mouth twitch in an almost smile. “Doctor?”

“Yes, darling? Did you hear me about the grandkids?” he continued to stare at her with droopy blue eyes.

She felt her heart beat a little harder, filling her chest with a generous warmth. “I don’t have any grandkids,” she whispered.

He laughed, “Ha! Hilarious.”

“Doctor,” she said quietly, “I thought you were cleverer than this.”

It took him another moment, peering down at her left hand, “Where’s your wedding ring?”

“My what?”

“Reckon you’re not married to me anymore? Remember the last time you pulled that stunt,” he said, clearly upset, “You wouldn’t put it back on until I said I was sorry. Most unbearable apology I’ve ever made.”

“Why did you need to apologize?” she smiled.

He pursed his lips, “I missed date night for a tour in the Tacinzi Nebula Concert.”

She giggled, “A concert? Why didn’t you just take me with you?”

“You’re not as fond of the electric guitar.” He looked at her hand again, “You would’ve known that.”

She nodded, “I’m not your (Y/N)… not yet.”

The Doctor furrowed his brow, taking a step back, “You… you, you’re not supposed to be here. How did you get here?” He knotted his fingers together like his old self, “How did you know I was the Doctor?”

She shook her head, amused by him, “I don’t know. We were in the artifact room and the next thing I knew this electricity coursed through me and I appeared here in a puff of smoke. Like a magic trick.” She eyed his staring, “I recognized this as the TARDIS and you… well, there’s no one quite like the Doctor.”

His brow creased, “Sorry, were you talking? I got distracted by your face.”

“Still dodgy with the compliments, are you?” she smiled, “You’ve regenerated again.”

He suddenly walked away and meddled with his console, “So I have.”

“And I’m still with you.”

“I never said that.”

“So you’re still an idiot as well.”

He spluttered, “You can’t talk to me like that – you’re not my wife.”

“Not yet,” she grinned, cheekily. “I see that ring on your finger.” She nodded to the ornate golden ring he wore.

“(Y/N),” he grumbled, “You know there are strict rules about crossing timestreams. It’s very bad for business.”

“You’re such a hypocrite,” she laughed.

He shrugged, mumbling, “It’s just business.”

“I still can’t believe you chose someone Scottish this time.”

“Can’t you?” a feminine voice came from the stairs, “He did that on purpose. The last person he saw before regenerating was Amy. He just followed his favorite Scot.”

“Darling!” the Doctor yelled, flailing to the stairs, “I don’t really see how this is the time to be…”

(Y/N) stared in shock, “Oh my god.” She was looking upon an older version of herself. Decades older. “You’re me.”

“Yes, dear,” she said, brushing the Doctor away. (Y/N) saw the twinkling of a ring on her finger. “I was wondering when this was going to happen.”

“You knew this was going to happen?” (Y/N) asked, not daring to get too close to her older self.

She nodded, “Happened to me, so naturally it was going to happen to you.”

The Doctor grumbled against the console, “Are we forgetting that I am right here? Aren’t I the clever one you should be asking questions to?”

The older (Y/N) whispered behind her hand, “Best make him feel useful.” She winked and called out, “Have you calibrated her travel coordinates yet?”

He gapped his mouth as if he were trying to think of something to say. But with a quick, “Shut up,” he went to the console to work.

(Y/N) giggled, “You’ve got him on a leash.”

“I haven’t got a leash, thank you,” the Doctor said, “I just took advice from my assistant.”

“Demoted to assistant again?” the elder (Y/N) mocked, “That’ll change when you can’t find your sunglasses.”

(Y/N) shook her head in wonder, “This is insane. I – I have so many questions.”

“I expect as much,” she said, “I did very much the same thing.”

“You haven’t regenerated yet?”

Elder (Y/N) shrugged, “Haven’t needed to. This one’s rather protective.”

“But he has.”

“Yes, that’s the unfortunate side effect of being a time traveling daredevil. You’ve experienced that by now, haven’t you?” She waited for her younger self to nod before continuing, “He chose an older man this time around so we could appear similar in age as I was getting older.”

(Y/N) eyed the gray-haired Doctor, “That’s rather romantic.”

“Yes, he thought so too. Until it actually happened, and he hasn’t stopped complaining since. Hates being called granddad by anyone other than the kids.”

“Oh, yes – kids!” (Y/N) gasped, “How many do we have?”

“Three.”

The Doctor shouted, “Language!”

The elder (Y/N) ignored him, “Two boys and one girl.”

“When will they learn to listen to me,” the Doctor mumbled.

“What was that, dear?”

“I love you, darling.” He typed a few things on a screen, “You’re the light of my life.”

Elder (Y/N) nodded, “Too right, you are.” She bit the inside of her cheek, “Where was I? Oh, yes – William is the oldest. He’s a brilliant doctor of pediatrics; completely inherited his father’s arrogance but can never say no to a crying child.”

(Y/N) let her eyes travel to the floor, her mind snapshotting pictures from her past. “This is my kid brother, Thomas.”

“Our second is called Thomas,” the elder (Y/N) said, pondering herself, “He’s our little history professor. Travels the stars, that one. We’re very proud of him.”

“Brilliant scientist,” the Doctor chimed, “He’s nearly figured the formula to regrowing tardis’ without Gallifrey.”

Elder (Y/N) almost giggled at her own stunned reaction, “It should please you to know that Will studied under Dr. Martha Jones-Smith. And he only became interested in the field because of nurse Rory.”

“Good old Roricus,” the Doctor hummed.

“I think I met them before.”

“Did you?” the Doctor said, “Thought I taught them better than that.”

Elder (Y/N) clacked her tongue, “Nonsense – don’t tell me you were never curious of seeing your parents while they were still dating.”

“Yes, but just for a visit? At least tell me they were there to solve a mystery or help save the world!”

(Y/N) shook her head, “We met at an outdoor retreat.”

“Oh, probably deleted that information,” the Doctor said, pressing a few buttons and pulling a lever.

“You’re going to meet someone called Clara,” elder (Y/N) interrupted, “Keep her around. She’ll be important in Tom’s decision to be a teacher. Though I always hoped I had some kind of influence in that career too.”

“Are you ever going to stop revealing her future,” the Doctor rambled, “There won’t be any surprises!”

(Y/N) felt emotion in her throat at the thought of her friends being there for her children, “And our third?”

The Doctor sighed, “Little girl called Emma.”

(Y/N) almost scoffed, disbelieving. Her mind sent another round of snapshotted pictures. “You can disapprove of my methods all you like, Doctor. But I’m just like you.”

“She’s the most like her dad, she is,” (Y/N) laughed, “Jumping across the universe and saving people.”

“If only that infernal Professor Song hadn’t gotten her to become an archeologist.”

“But she does good with it,” elder (Y/N) said. “The Doctor can never say no to her. She has him wrapped around her little finger.”

The Doctor shrugged, “She’s my little girl.” He swung around, “Hang on a minute. You said you knew this was going to happen.” He pointed a finger at his wife.

She snickered, “Yes, dear – how else was I to know we needed Clara? Or that we needed to have three children. All of them have a crucial purpose to our futures.”

“When did this happen?” he asked, “You never cared to tell me?”

“I couldn’t say,” she shrugged, “Spoilers. You’d let it go to your head.”

“Nonsense,” he grumbled, “Tell me – what were you doing right before you were zapped here?”

(Y/N) flickered her eyes between the married couple, “I uh… well the Doctor gave me a scavenger hunt. And I met him in the artifact room. He had put Amy’s wedding bouquet in a display case.”

“Yes, a very important family heirloom.”

“And he was there… with a ring box.”

“WHAT!” the Doctor slipped away from the console, “And you left him there? Don’t you realize he’s absolutely beside himself worrying about where you just vanished?” He pointed towards his wife, “You could’ve told me this is where you disappeared to.”

She shrugged, “Spoilers.”

“But he’s got a very important question to ask!” He turned to the younger (Y/N), “You have to get back to him now! The poor man is losing his marbles thinking you’re lost. Don’t let him wait in his panic now.”

“It wasn’t my choice to vanish! It just happened,” she cried, “Don’t get mad at me.”

Elder (Y/N) smiled sadly, “He’s just remembering how it felt.”

“Well, send me back if you can!” She felt his panic, “You’ve been working all this while.”

He frowned, “I thought I’d lost you to space when in reality you were sent here chatting away with your older self, having a grand old time.”

His wife came behind him and took his hand, “But there was never need to worry. I’d seen we were going to be all right. We had a whole future ahead of us – a family to look forward to. We had all of time and space for it to work out.” She kissed the back of his hand, “You’re just too impatient for it. I couldn’t tell you.”

He sighed, gazing down at her with somber eyes. It was knowing and dear and warm. It was a gaze that said they didn’t need words to say what they meant to each other.

(Y/N) looked at them and felt her heart stutter. She wanted her Doctor to look at her like that.

“Can you send me back?”

The Doctor turned lazily to her, clearly lovestruck by his wife, “Of course I can. I’m the Doctor aren’t I?” And he entered his coordinates into the console, pulling on an accelerator.

(Y/N) immediately felt that strange surge of energy tingle up her legs. Her spine shivered, static tickling her veins. “I think it’s working.”

“Now, dear, remember that journal of yours. It’ll be important for historians and time travelers everywhere.”

“And give the old me some slack, eh?” the Doctor said, holding tight to his wife’s hand, “He loves you an awful lot. Losing you is his worst nightmare.”

“Let him protect you, is what he’s saying,” elder (Y/N) said, “Makes him feel better.” She winked.

“Hug him real tight,” the Doctor muttered, “Don’t let go.”

And somewhere around her navel tugged her forward. A zap like a bolt of lightning ran through her, locking her limbs into place. A puff of smoke enveloped her as she rubbed at her stinging eyes.

“I hope I don’t have to get used to that,” she coughed, her head heavy with lead again.

But then something slammed into her, gripping her tight. The breath was knocked from her lungs, and she wheezed a laugh. She was squeezed so tight that she couldn’t see his face.

“Doctor… can’t breathe.”

He was positively quaking, “Where the hell have you been?” His fingers clawed around her as if he was trying to pull as much of her to him as possible.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, “I don’t remember. How long was I gone?”

“Too long,” he said into her shoulder, “Long enough to think you were lost forever.”

She remembered the words of his next regeneration. And she hugged him real tight. “I’m all right. I’m here. There’s nothing to worry about.”

He took a deep breath, finally retracting his hold to grasp her face.

His eyes were the same lake water green. Perhaps a bit pink around the rims. His face was no longer lined, his eyebrows not bushy but his chin considerably larger. His hair was floppy and brown, very different from the flyaway grey. And his bowtie bobbed at his throat as he took in her face.

“Nevereverdo that again,” he said, angry in tone but his face full of leftover panic. “You terrified me.”

She smiled slowly, reaching up to brush his fringe away, “Ask me.” She gave a watery laugh, “You can ask me now.”

He tilted his head and began to smile as well, “You sure? You’re not going to disappear again?” He fumbled for his tweed pocket.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she grinned, her eyes welling up as she saw the ring box.

The Doctor blew an audible breath, “Right – here we go.” He sniffed, falling to one knee, “(Y/N)…”

She clutched her chest, “Yes!”

“Wait a moment,” he laughed, grinning like he was looking at the most wonderous sight. “(Y/N), would you be willing to save my life?”

“Yes!”

He chuckled, “And do me the absolute honor of traveling the stars together, for all of time and space?”

“Yes, you clever idiot!”

The Doctor opened his ring box and stared imploringly at her, “Will you marry me?”

She squealed, and jumped on him, knocking the pair of them to the floor, “Yes, yes, yes!”

He wrapped his arms around her middle, supporting her into a sitting position. They laughed heartily, the Doctor fumbling with extracting the ring from the box. In a tangle of limbs on the ground, he found her hand and thread the ring on her finger.

It was a beautiful rectangular sapphire. It was set as a crown, ringlets of intricate silver designs winding around her finger. It glittered in the light – the sky of a million stars blazing within the deepest blue. The whole of time and space bound in a vow.

“Do you like it?” he asked like a boy desiring praise.

She grasped his face, planting a kiss on him, “I love you.”

“I love you,” he kissed back, “More and more every day.”

She held him close, “For all of time and space.”

Now the fiancée, it seemed like a million years ago she was known as the dying girl.

The dying girl. The dying girl who lived.

~~~

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