#tenth doctor imagine
Disillusioned (Tenth Doctor x reader)
Synopsis: You’ve reunited with the Doctor after a long time apart, and his new companion reminds you a little too much of your old self.
Content Warning: Injury, severe burns
DOCTOR WHO MASTERLIST|GENERAL MASTERLIST
“She must be utterly heartbroken,” you remarked delightedly, elbowing the Doctor in the ribs as you regarded his companion snidely. She was eager, far too eager for just a casual friend, and all too similar to how you had been.
“Stop it,” he warned, glancing over the top of his glasses from where he was fiddling with some mechanics. As you continued to marvel at the chaos around you, the Doctor rolled his eyes and groaned. “Are you going to help or just continue to stand there?”
“Ah, well, I thought I might just continue to notice the puppy-dog eyes your companion keeps giving you. It must be soul-destroying, knowing that you’re still hung up on Rose.” You held back a bitter laugh, turning to face the fried circuitry. Frayed copper wires poked out of the grate, and you hissed as a spark landed on your skin, marvelling at how quickly the red mark disappeared.
“Don’t mention her name. And at least she can love,” he murmured, pulling on a blue-cased wire with a triumphant aha! “This should disable the central neural network. If we reroute the power to the-”
“Seal on the doors, we can permanently deadlock all the exits and therefore the entrances so they can’t get in. I’m not stupid, Doctor.” You protested, trying to create a spark to hotwire the energy router so that the Doctor could carry out the complex plan he undoubtedly had. “Also, ouch, harsh. I don’t need to love; enough people love me that it makes up for it.”
“I know.” He peered over the top of his glasses at his wire, barely paying attention to his surrounding. You had expected more amusement, but you weren’t surprised that he was finally sick of you. It had been a long time coming. “You’ve made that abundantly clear in the past.”
You scoffed. Sure, Doc, take the moral high ground here. You’d been there at that intergalactic brothel a couple hundred years ago and, boy, did he go wild.
“Behave.” He warned, as if he knew what was going on in your head. To be honest, you wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow did. Time Lord magic or whatever.
You hissed as the energy coursed through the wires, glowing white hot as you held them tightly together. They seared into your skin, marking a path as they burned brightly in your grip.
“I’ve got power!” The Doctor cheered and his companion joined in, rushing over to see what he was fiddling with. He had power.
“Oh, wow, Doctor, you’re so clever!” She gushed and you couldn’t hold back from rolling your eyes. It made you sick to even listen to. Where was your inundation of praise?
“Right, so I’m going to link these two bits, and then just this needs doing,” he sonic-ed it with his screwdriver, “and then, Y/N, you’re going to have to whack that big button on the wall.”
You stared at him in disbelief. “Why can’t she do it?”
“Because if Martha gets shot, she’ll actually get hurt. If you get shot, you’ll just complain.” He was unbelievably patronising, and you huffed bitterly. When you didn’t move, he actually turned to look at you for the first time and raised an eyebrow. “Why aren’t you going?
He really hadn’t noticed. God, he was losing his touch. You gritted your teeth as your vision began to grow fuzzy at the edges, trying your hardest to blink away the dancing black spots. “Because if I leave to press the button, you’ll lose all power. And, extra special bonus, if you don’t fucking hurry up, I am going to pass out.”
The Doctor sniffed the air, catching the scent of burning flesh, and glanced at your hands. His eyes widened as they found the source of the smell.
“What are you doing?”
“Saving us. Now hurry the fuck up!”
“Martha, you need to do it.”
His companion jumped up, ready to obey his every order. As the Doctor turned away, you let a nostalgic smile flicker across your face. Once, you had been so naïve and hopeful, and the world had shown you its true colours.
She smacked the button and doors slid shut, sealing with a heavy pop. As angry faces in helmets appeared at the porthole, your vision swam to and fro. You gagged silently, bile rising to the back of your throat as your muscles finally forced you to release and slip quietly to the floor.
And he didn’t even notice.
-
there will be a part 2
-
dw masterlist: @underratedhotties
tenth doctor taglist: @kjaneway1@tarorootboba@alexxavicry@sherazyjade
Synopsis: The Doctor finds the last of your possessions (unofficial prequel to disillusioned)
The Doctor reached his hand up, patting the surface beside his toolbox as he glowered at the mess of wires. If he didn’t know that the TARDIS was very much on his side, he would say that she had deliberately sabotaged herself.
Huh.
His finger closed around something large. Pages. A book? Proper 21st century Earth fake leather, judging by the feel of it. He definitely didn’t have one of those just lying around.
He hauled himself up to the platform, avoiding the various tools he had left scattered around. The hammer-wrench (hanch? wrammer?) had seemed like a great idea initially, but broke awfully often for something welded together with such precision and he was starting to think that the TARDIS was deliberately damaging it to keep it away from her. Right. The book.
Flicking the pages, the soft scent of faded perfume and well-worn pages drifted up. Oh. It was yours. But you were gone and all that was left of you was your book. The familiar scrawl of your handwriting crammed the pages with dreams and hopes maybe. Dreams and hopes he had totally destroyed.
A gentle waft of cool air from the TARDIS vents flipped the pages, and as they settled, the Doctor’s eyes focused on your words. He knew it was wrong. An invasion of your privacy. But it wasn’t as if he would see you again.
Dear Diary,
I really fucking like him. I like being close to him, fuck, I look at him and just feel so attracted to him. And it’s not just that. I love talking to him, we get on well, always have something to say (maybe because I agree to everything?)
A bitter, unfamiliar taste poisoned his mouth as he twisted his lips into a grimace. Who did you like?
He turned the page.
Dear Diary,
I don’t know if I can do this. I really like him. But I know I’ll always come second to Rose. Oh. He blinked. The Doctor won’t talk about her anymore and I know she’s gone so it’s not fair that I’m getting jealous and disliking her. But I just want to be someone’s first choice. I don’t want to compete for his attention with a ghost, and know that of course he prefers her. It’s Rose fucking Tyler!
I think what’s so disheartening is the idea that you’ll never be enough. You. Singular. Aren’t. Enough. For. Them. But I knew what I was signing up for – it’s my own stupid fault for getting attached (I’ll never compare to her).
But you were enough. And more. He had driven you away, but…
It was for the better. This way you couldn’t get hurt or die, you could settle down, have a nice family, and have a fulfilling life on Earth. It wasn’t as if he was constantly turning around to explain something to you, or to watch the awe creeping onto your face. And then remembering that you were gone.
It had been nice to see it all through someone else’s eyes again.
He turned the page again. It was like a torturous compulsion, he needed to know what you had said.
Dear Diary,
I didn’t know love hurt. No. That’s stupid to say. It’s not love. But God it’s the closest I’ve ever been to it.
The book shut with a snap, and he threaded the clasp shut again. The TARDIS hummed and he laughed. He laughed because that was the only thing he could do.
He leant his head back against the console. “I’ve been really stupid, haven’t I?”
The TARDIS hummed, glowing brighter in affirmation.
“But I can’t go back for her. She’s safer without me.”
-
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Alone
A/n: This contains mental health triggers and is unlike anything that I would usually write. That being said, I know that a lot of people are going through a lot right now. I am always here if you need someone to talk to :)
You laid in your bed in the TARDIS just staring hopelessly at the ceiling. It had to be past 3 am, at least if time functioned even semi-normally in the TARDIS it would have been somewhere around there. You were physically exhausted, but your mind was awake. But this was not just your average sleeplessness, no, it was much worse.
You were sad. And it was stupid, you really knew that it was. But you felt consumingly and unexplainably alone. Which was so illogical and you hated that you felt this way, but that didn’t stop the painful ache in your chest and growing sense of dread.
You wished that you could escape into a peaceful or even restless sleep. However, you were overly aware that sleep would not be your friend tonight. In the absence of sleep, you attempted to distract yourself. But your usual ‘fixes’ weren’t doing anything for you. Something was different this time, more ominous and inescapable.
A small part of you was urging yourself to go and wake the Doctor. You knew that he wouldn’t rest until you were okay. And that was precisely the reason you refused to do so. He had been through so much and you were not about to add to the weight of the universe that he had already placed on his shoulders. He didn’t deserve to be bothered with your menial problems. And even if you wanted to, how were you supposed to talk to the LAST OF THE TIMELORDS about feeling lonely. The idea was laughable. Besides, this wasn’t that big of a deal, you just needed to ignore it until it went away.
But the more that you tried to push it from your mind, the worse you felt. It got to the point where you were sitting up, hugging your knees to your chest, trying to hold yourself together. You didn’t understand why this had to happen. Nothing had triggered this, you had such a good day. You tried to reason with your own mind, but it was no use.
You didn’t know how long you sat like that, just struggling to exist. Apparently, it was long enough for the TARDIS to notice and become concerned. She elected to wake her favorite Timelord, who was slightly irritated at first. But then he could sense how worried she was, something was wrong.
He was confused, but quickly got up and followed her soft humming which promptly stopped as he reached your door. He was slightly caught off guard by this but proceeded to knock softly. There was no answer, maybe you were sleeping? But surely the TARDIS wouldn’t have him come here if it wasn’t important. She unlocked the door as if pleading with him to enter.
He pushed the door open quietly, as he did some of the light from the hallway lite up your room just enough for him to see you. His stomach fell as he did. He quickly turned on the lights and fully entered your room. But you remained still, seemingly unphased.
“Oh, Y/n,” he sighed, standing in front of you.
It was the sound of his voice that caused you to snap back to reality. As you realized the situation you were in, tears started to stream down your face.
The Doctor sat down behind you and pulled you into his arms. Just holding you tightly as you sobbed. He whispered into your hair, just trying to calm you down. He was so thankful that the TARDIS had woken him up, wishing that she had done it sooner. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what you were feeling to make you react this way.
Eventually, you started to calm down, but the doctor’s hold on you never faltered. He wanted to say something, but he was at a loss for words. Which was saying a lot, especially for him.
“I-I’m sorry,” you tried to control your voice.
The Doctor’s heart broke even more with those words. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”
“I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
“Y/n, it’s okay to be less than okay every now and again. It’s not bad to cry. In fact I think it makes a person stronger. I’m just sorry that you had to be strong alone. You should’ve woken me,” The Doctor pauses in thought before adding, “You don’t have to tell me what happened. But if you want to talk about it I’m always here for you. I promise.”
“Thank you,” you replied, internally struggling with the decision of whether to let him in, let him see how broken you were, or to just move forward.
“Do you need anything?” he asked, as he himself was struggling to decide what to do next.
“Can we just stay like this for a little while?” you asked, immediately regretting it.
“Of course.”
And so, you laid in the Doctor’s arms feeling less alone. Your mind was soothed by the rhythmic beating of his hearts. Eventually against your will, you were lulled to sleep.
The Doctor laid there still trying to take in what had happened. He wished that you would have opened up about what had caused this, but he better than anyone knew not to push you. He knew what is was like to feel like no one else deserves the burden that you carry. And he knew that this was not over, but he made a promise to himself that he would be there for you every step of the way. When you were ready, he would make sure you knew that you were not alone.
He looked down at your sleeping form and pushed some of your hair out of your face. He felt a sense of peace that was a rare occurrence for him. It was as if time stopped, he was entirely caught in the moment. Being there with you made him feel less alone in a way he never thought he would after what happened in Gallifrey. He hoped that being with him made you feel the same way.
