#when i say laura gets romcoms to the core its true

blackmadhi week day 2: fake dating au

aka I did it, I finally drew fanart for this beautiful behemoth of a fic!! come read it here, for a bad time call simon blackquill by nerdyskeleton

transcript under cut

Comic art is drawn to correspond with the events of the ad posted in the fic as follows:

“Do you hate your family? I want to hate them too!

I’m a 29 year old ex-convict (didn’t actually kill anyone, don’t worry) who probably hates your family and probably doesn’t have anything to do but terrorize them. I will be your platonic date to a stupid family dinner or gathering for one (1) night/event.

I work at a noodle place and will get buckwheat flour all over your family members, if you ask me to. I will also make fun of you and your family members, because that’s all I do in general anyway. Other services include telling scary prison stories, threatening to show any possible prison scars, pretending to get very drunk, hitting on a different family member, or hitting a family member. May be convinced to propose to you in front of your family members, too.

Feed me and maybe give me $30?”

This cuts into the next scene, which is mid phone call with Simon and Nahyuta. This is lifted directly from the fic, with talking tags added below where it may not be clear without context.

“I will pay you. More than what the ad said.” [Nahyuta told him.]

“How much?” Simon asked. If it was a big enough sum, it might be worth it to spend a few agonizing hours with this man and his shitty family.

“$200. I’ll make it $300 if you bring flour to get all over my brat of a little sister. The ad said that you would do that.”

Ye gods, if this right bastard of a man thought that his little sister was a brat she must be terrible.

“Will you do it now?”

“…Fine.”

“Excellent. That’s what I thought your answer would be in the end, Simon. What’s your full name?”

“Simon Blackquill,” he ground out.

“And I’m Nahyuta Sahdmadhi. Can you promise to be as insufferable to the rest of my family and friends as you have been to me?”