#witcher headcanon
My muse, @aplaceofnonsense, sent me this amazing art postby@craftgamerzz where Jaskier is playing with baby griffins while Geralt fights off their annoyed mother, and my mind immediately went to “Jaskier’s Babysitting Service”. So apparently I shitpost for this fandom, now. I am so sorry.
(go check out the OG art post!)
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(FYI: “Destiny’s Bitch” spawned from our previous ridiculous convo and became an in-joke referring to Jaskier. Poor guy.)
This started as a joke between me and @aplaceofnonsense in our Discord group, but it’s grown into a psuedo-headcanon. We have concluded that Jaskier is either the physical embodiment of Destiny or he’s the Slavic equivalent to the god Pan.
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The convo:
Saph: With Jaskier being human and Geralt aging slowly, he’ll have to watch him get old and die and now I’m sad…
Me: I’ll laugh my ass off if it turns out if he’s secretly immortal and more powerful than any of them, but doesn’t tell them because he just wants to sing xD
Saph: …what?
Me: What we know about Jaskier:
- He hasn’t aged a day in the decade-plus Geralt’s known him
- With his penchant for getting in trouble, how has he survived this long?
- He and Geralt aren’t always traveling together…
- …but when they do, Jaskier’s the reason behind Geralt being in “the right place at the right time” to meet his destinies (Yen and Ciri)
- Jaskier dragged him to the ball where he evoked the Law of Surprise
- Jaskier got injured down the road from the only mage that could save him (Yennefer)
- what was Jaskier doing in the area, anyway?
- he literally came out of nowhere just to be a catalyst in their meeting
- This dude is the embodiment of Destiny
- Meanwhile, Geralt’s over there thinking Yen and Ciri are his destiny, while actual Destiny is huffing in the corner
- But what if he’s Pan?
- I mean, he’s musical, likes the sex and is a fun-loving guy
- and he’s pansexual (Joey Batey said he falls in love with everyone)
The possibilities are hilarious!
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Geralt, learning Jaskier is immortal: Why didn’t you mention this?!
Jaskier: Didn’t seem important…
Jaskier: Btw, I’m writing a new tune, have a listen–
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Yennefer, being emo: Do the gods hate me?!
Jaskier: Yes–I mean what?
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Additional headcanon: Roach is the only one who knows about Jaskier.
Writing this down to draw later but hear me out. Witcher Role reversal au but it’s with the trio. We have bard Geralt, witcher Yenn, and mage Jaskier.
- Bard Geralt is selectively mute so he just plays his instruments really reallywell to earn coin
- Yennefer instead of being sold is abandoned by her family and picked up by kaer morhen so nothing really changes from Geralts story
- Jaskier on the other hand ohohohohoho. He’s a wild card. Never followed the rules of magic (you know he’d be mixing herbs) and was always really handy at it.
- Jaskier came from a prestigious mage family so he’s been cocky about his skills since the start
- Jaskier never struggled with the first spells like yennefer instead he was infuriating-ly good at them.
- We’re ignoring that women can’t be Witchers here but early Witchers put yenn through the trials and we’re like “damn it worked?! Let’s do some more”
- I want to think that yenn willingly went through the trials on the off chance her back could b fixed? The same way she did with the mage trials
And there’s all the word vomit I can muster. Expect reverse au art soon!!
Edit: the art is up! Go check it out!
https://warlock-arts.tumblr.com/post/681999569733795840/warlock-art
what is it about winters in kaer morhen that is so viscerally appealing?
having geralt be safe and loved and appreciated for once? the quiet domesticity of cooking and knitting and reading among witchers who spend most of their lives in violent conflict? the allure of a secret, forbidden place where only a chosen few can enter?
or perhaps it’s jaskier getting railed eight ways from sunday by a group of big burly men who are super horny and have literally no other outlet
who can say
