Jesus lord please read this if you’re a fellow Xiao lover. My heart hurts but also warms because Spray is such a talented writer :’) Thank you for blessing us with your insane writing skills, beloved bestie…
So for the longest time reader has liked Xiao, even loves him if reader was really honest with themselves. But Xiao being Xiao has always been closed off, karmic debt is harmful to humans, he says. That doesn’t really deter reader, reader just bides their time trying to “pester” Xiao or hang out with him.
Fast forward to the events of the Chasm, reader hears word that Xiao has the intentions of exploring down there and its dangerous. He knows it. Reader knows it. So reader decides to semi-confess. The “I’ll wait for you to come back and we can have that meal together” type of confession. Xiao neither declines nor accepts it but says something along the lines of “Don’t count on it too much,”
But, when Xiao comes back from the Chasm, near death experience and all, after traveller talking some sense into him about letting people in, he immediately thinks of reader, but he finds that reader is the one who has disappeared.
Turns out that in the span of time that Xiao was in the Chasm, reader had fallen seriously ill and is on their last legs.
Alternate route: Reader gets hanahaki disease while Xiao is in the chasm, deteriorates so fast, and was given an option to perish or take a pill that will make them feel better, but lose all feelings/memories for the person they love. Reader took the pill and by the time Xiao comes around reader doesn’t remember him anymore.
Thoughts?
This will stay as brainrot for now. I have too much on my hands already.
xiao knows that a mundane’s lifespan is short. so when you rest your hand on his, mumbling short I love you’s he can’t help but want to yell to celestia and ask why you have to leave so soon.
this is the source of my sanity. you now know, why my sanity has gone. i have gone, my soul craving for xiao. yet I refuse to comply. it is for my own good, I tell myself. but it still is so hard to accept. the bitter reality. I am only using this fact to hide from the reality. but can anyone accomplish that feat?
synopsis: childe thoma and xiao neglect you; breakup angst with select three go go go
writer’s note: by the time i post this it’s probably been sitting in my drafts for like a month haha i’m a huge wimp so i might make a comfort follow-up scenario if this gets enough traction^^^; making a masterlist so expect that soon! by soon i mean tonight or maybe even tomorrow
content under the cut!
TWO BIRDS ON A WIRE
CHILDE
out of the three, whether or not it was you or him who initiated the split childe is the most understanding about what happened.
he’s very in tune with his emotions, empathizing with you comes to him easily, it’s like second nature to him. it’s definitely not because he’s (formerly) been with you long enough to know you that well!
he doesn’t pin any blame on you; if anything, he blames himself for his shortcomings.
as a harbinger, his duties can put a huge barrier between his opportunities of making genuine connections with others and living life normally.
he’s long accepted the fact that he won’t ever live a normal life and it’s not something within your reach to change. he’s already braced himself for whatever that’ll come his way the moment he started courting you.
but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less for him. in fact, the aching pain prickling his whole body is all he can feel whenever he sees anything that reminds him of you in the slightest.
from dazing absentmindedly at the sky itself to trinkets he’ll see on stands, anything and everything never fails to give his heart a tight squeeze. one that makes his breath hitch, one that makes stray tears escape his eyes. “at least you’ll be safe away from someone like me.”
he could wipe as much as he wants at his eyes, but the tears don’t seem to ever stop. with every breath he takes in, he’s terribly overwhelmed with the waves of guilt and regret that wash over him.
he’s convinced himself that he isn’t human anymore. not after murdering people as a harbinger, but harming you as ajax.
the same ajax who would stare at you with nothing but an adoring curiosity, the same ajax who would hold you so close and dear to him while he luxuriated in your company.
when ajax first declared his love for you, he made a silent vow to himself. a promise that entailed how he would never hurt you, that he’d always protect you just like with his family in morepesok.
but as you stand at the door with a bag full of your belongings, as you sob to him about how you don’t care about the necessities he’d bring in hopes it would make up for his absence, as you bawl out that you just wanted to spend quality time with him–
he realizes that he was never loyal to that promise, that he was never loyal to you.
THOMA
he’s supposed to be the fixer, he’s supposed to be able to repair anything!
but thoma can’t fathom why his relationship with you couldn’t be fixed. even your friendship was unsalvageable. after the break up it’s hard for him to even muster up a proper verbal greeting back whenever he sees you.
he blames it on the fact that you two never mended the relationship afterwards (platonically), that you two never properly apologized to each other. he blames it on you for not being understanding enough; his job is very important to him! why can’t you see that?
but thoma is perceptive, enough so to draw the conclusion that he was the one who pushed you far past your limits.
you’re the one trying to fix the relationship with him now, greeting him every morning on the streets of inazuma city. unlike him who only awkwardly waves back, nervous eyes darting away to see anything butyou.
he’s too choked up to think of anything to reply with; he’s too busy thinking about how your tired eyes flash with hurt whenever they look at him. it makes his heart ache.
he’s perceptive enough to know that he was the one at fault for the fall of your relationship. for leaving you lonely at so many promised dinners, all because he wanted to go above and beyond as chief retainer of the kamisato clan.
it’s not until he’s laying alone in a bed meant for two that he realizes that he you were the one he should’ve went above and beyond for.
thoma excels at fixing problems, almost all of inazuma has heard of the man’s ability to solve practically anything. but when thoma holds the broken pieces of your heart in his hands, he for once is completely lost on how to put it back together.
thoma cries in bed, because he finally accepts the heartbreaking fact that he’s hurt you, he’s the one who’s caused your gaze to become so painfully strained. he sobs into your pillow, clutching it tightly thinking it’ll alleviate his longing for you. but it only makes it worse.
it’s the fixer’s fault that your relationship is broken beyond repair.
XIAO
xiao pushes away every single thought of you that passes through his mind.
he doesn’t want to think about you. if he does, he gets a weird unrecognizable ache in his chest that doesn’t go away easily.
he thinks it’s similar to the grief he deals with from losing his comrades in battle, but it’s much more worse. it plagues him with regret that he personally thinks is heavier than any burden he’s had to carry before. it lingers in a painstakingly slow way and it’s worse than any poison he’s ever encountered because he can’t find a remedy no matter how hard he’d look.
he thinks it’s foolish, how a single mortal has caused him so much emotional turmoil in such a short span of time. you two had been together for so long, he was so used to your bright smiles and welcoming personality. he still loves you, despite what had happened.
when you had confronted him about his unusual standoffish attitude and peculiarly aloof mood, he had snapped in a furious rage, saying that he never wanted to see you ever again and how there were more patient and understanding people than you.
xiao never found the courage to tell you that he was sorry. he never found the courage to run after you once he saw tears brimming your eyes as you walked out when he had yelled for you to leave.
he finds it ironic, how he was the one who wished for you to disappear from his life. yet he’s the one who silently watches you from afar, guarding you from any imminent danger.
he’s cleared roads full of treasure hoarders or hillichurls that you would possibly take just so you can get home safely without getting a single scratch from head to toe.
xiao’s unfamiliar with the feeling he gets when he eats almond tofu on the balcony alone now. he would usually eat with you, scoffing whenever you said that meals always tasted better when eaten with another.
he blames the unusual salty taste of the dessert on the fact that he’s eating without you, it’s not because of his tears.
