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YOONGI LAYOUTS

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ㅤ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏،ᴀ ᴅᴀy ᴡɪᴛʜ yᴏᴏɴᴍɪɴᴋᴏᴏᴋ ღ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴩᴏꜱᴛ

—YoongiEmo LayOuts !!

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goth emo bfs . .

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genre: angst, fluff (1.4k) (request for @luvrsofbts) i hope you like this one, thank you so much for requesting and i hope i was able to reflect what you wanted in the fic :]

summary: you don’t love yourself but yoongi sure does.

note: this fic deals with body insecurity which might be a sensitive issue for some so please keep that in mind when you’re reading, and this doesn’t imply that my fics include readers only having a certain body type. everyone is loved, respected and celebrated here that includes all genders, identities, sexualities, and body types.

masterlist

from the beginning, you and yoongi looked and felt like ‘meant to be’.

you were just that couple from the start, both incredibly infatuated, and completely whipped for each other. ever since your first date which ended with the cliché ‘his jacket on your shoulder’ and ice cream, and a careful kiss at your doorstep after he dropped you off, yoongi has been enamored with everything about you.

but you always had a hard time believing the sweet nothings he whispered into your ear every night, each compliment made you feel warm and loved, but the cruel part of you made you believe that he was just saying all that because that’s just the kind of person yoongi is, he’s a good person, the best person you know and the fact that he likes to be the little spoon whenever you’re cuddling endears you to no end. after a particularly rough day, yoongi loves to just drop his bag off his shoulder and let your warm embrace fix everything about that day.

yoongi always showered you with compliments every second he was with you, you let yourself hear them but never feel them, because to you, yoongi just had to say that because you were his person. and even if yoongi would never give empty comments to anyone and you knew that he really did mean what he said, you just couldn’t see what he saw. you never understood why he chose to love when he could love anybody else.

and after a brunch with some of the people from his job, you were convinced that yoongi had a wide array of people to choose from, people prettier than you, more successful than you, people whose bodies didn’t look like yours.

it was no secret that you didn’t like how you looked, you always felt like your body was something that you needed to change, you had tried everything from vigorous workout sessions to spontaneous diets, none of which worked in your favor, the diets damaged your health a lot for a while and you had to work hard on keep yourself fed and full so that it won’t happen again. at the end of any road, you chose though, you still ended up with the body you didn’t like.

and you felt bad for yoongi, he could anyone in the world with his charms and looks, but he was still with you. you felt guilty, like you were holding him back because you were too selfish to let him go and that internally killed you sometimes.

even right now, as you stood in front of the mirror, with a t-shirt on, you blankly stared at your body, not feeling any pride or happiness swell in you as you continued staring, you only felt disappointment, in yourself, in yoongi for staying with you. and your mind drowned in the all too familiar of self loathe filling your every nerve, and each thought made you beg yourself to want to be born in a different body, any body but not yours.

“hey, everything okay?” yoongi’s voice broke you out of your trance as your head whipped to see him taking his tie off as his eyes stayed on you. you hurriedly nodded, knowing that your frantic movement didn’t convince him at all but he didn’t bring it up for your sake, letting you tell him yourself. he just gave you a soft smile, looping his arms around your waist and giving you a gentle kiss on your temple.

“i’ll just clean up and be back in a few” he mumbled into the kiss, and slightly bopped your nose, making you giggle a little as he said ‘don’t’ miss me too much’ jokingly into your ear and you push his chest away from you with a playful scowl on your face, he stepped away with a chuckle, taking lethargic steps towards the bathroom.

you sighed as his frame disappeared out of the room, slumping down on your bed and letting your head fall into your hands because you had enough. you had enough of hating your body to the point of being okay to skip meals, and you had enough of feeling like you weren’t enough and you didn’t have it in you to keep it together anymore.

and as you continued you to cry into your hands, you felt a hand on your shoulder, making you turn back to look at yoongi with nowhere to hide, he didn’t say anything, he just pulled you to him and let you hug him as tightly as you could, for the first time since being in a relationship, you were the small spoon and you threw your face into his neck and sobbed as he softly caressed your hair and whispered, ‘it’ll be alright, i’m here’.

“will you tell me why my precious is crying right now?” he mumbled, as he continued to rub gentle circles on your back.

“i-i’m tired yoongi, i’m so tired” you whined, your voice coming out croaky and defeated, yoongi felt his own heart breaking at the sight of you looking so done with everything.

“about what, love? take some deep breaths, it’s okay, we can talk about this and sort it out” his reassuring words only made you cry more, you really believed that you didn’t deserve him.

“i don’t deserve you, you deserve someone better” you shook your head lightly as you pushed yourself up to sit, your words making yoongi sit up immediately with you.

“what do you mean by that? where is this coming from?” he worriedly asked as he frantically searched for some answers on your face as you finally stopped crying. yoongi felt himself getting anxious as you kept repeating those words more quietly.

“yoongi, look at me, you deserve to be with someone prettier, someone who has one of those perfect bodies with all the right curves, not me” your insecurities tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them and yoongi looked at you in shock as he processed your words.

did you not know how beautiful you are? and that you were the most beautiful to him?

he couldn’t help but think he failed in his role, as his boyfriend, he felt that he should’ve done better and been more conscious of your feelings and his own guilt started to grow.

“you really have no idea how i see you huh?” you forced your glassy eyes to meet his when his hands reached to hold yours.

“y/n, you are the most beautiful to me, like you literally drive me insane with how stunning you are and no, i’m not saying this because i have to, you know i don’t say things i don’t mean, so trust me when i say i love you, in every way possible. and i don’t want anyone else, i only want you because i honestly don’t know what i would do without you” you intently listened to him as he continued.

“you know what i see? i see you and i think of someone who is struggling to love themselves and that’s okay. it takes time and a lot of energy into accepting yourself and you can slowly get there and i know you will because you’re so full of love, look at how much you love me and the people around you, you are so giving to others when it comes to loving, just spare a little for yourself and you’ll be alright and even if you don’t always feel alright, i’ll be here for you, i promise i don’t want to go anywhere, i don’t want to be anywhere without you by my side” you nodded through your tears and his hands tightened around yours as his words finally started getting through to you.

“can you promise to let me stay with you no matter what, please?” yoongi pleaded softly as he played with your fingers gently and all it took was a nod from you to that, for yoongi to reach forward and kiss your cheek.

“my brave girl, i’m so proud of you and i’m so in love with you, you can always come to me when you feel like this” he gave you another gentle smile which eased your guilt and nerves as you found your own chest swell with joy at his careful but affectionate words.

“i love you too, so much” you whimpered and he cooed a little, patting your cheeks dry as you chuckled at the pout on his face as he meticulously brushed away all traces of your tears on your face.

“now, can i be the small spoon again? because i already miss it.”

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( ) . . 윤기 , my little star

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