If you look down and see the stars, what will you see when you look up?
[ID: digital fanart of Zerxus Ilerez from Exandria Unlimited: Calamity. He stands in the palm of a giant, clawed, bloodstained red hand. Beneath him is a plaza; its tiles form the rays of a sun, but where the centre should be is a void in which a dark, stary sky can be seen. End ID]
Spoilers for Episode 2 of Exandria Unlimited: Calamity
It’s been so long since Zerxus has been touched. Some days, he aches with the loss.
The fiend in front of him has hands that are warm, and skin that is soft beneath Zerxus’s own as he cures his wounds, as he stares into that heartbreakingly familiar face. Evandrin was indeed the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, and it has been so long since he’s laid eyes on those cheekbones, that hair. He knows he’s on borrowed time, here in this place between worlds, but he also never wants to leave.
He is a man who has no space for the gods in his life. There is no loyalty to any pantheon, no true distinction between betrayers and the ones betrayed. If the gods had cared, truly cared, Evandrin should not have perished. Elias would still have a father and Zerxus would still have a husband. The universe is a cruel place, and Zerxus feels intensely aware that that cruelty extends to those with cosmic power as he stands before the figure on the bed, holding his bandaged wrist and feeling alive for the first time in years.
As he emerges back into Exandria, he’s aware of a difference in himself, a heaviness to his limbs, a twinge in his heart that had not existed before that single moment. His muscles ache from spasming and he feels the beginning of a headache in his temple. Something in Zerxus changed, in that space between worlds, in that time immaterial. He has emerged something more than himself, the magic at his fingertips stronger than ever, the feeling of being buoyed by something greater than himself intoxicating, like a drink of the sweetest ambrosia.
Asmodeus’s story makes sense to Zerxus, that’s the simplest part. Of course the betrayer gods are not truly evil, just as the prime deities are not truly good. They are simply creations of the world, the same as anyone else, the same as Zerxus himself. Zerxus knows he has potential for good in himself, and equal potential for incredible evil. It is the way of things; why would the deities truly be any different, betrayers or not?
Any choice in war is going to seem like a betrayal, from a certain point of view.
I’ve been seeing quite a few interesting meta posts about Zerxus and Asmodeus, and how Zerxus’ actions towards Asmodeus are signs of equally deep compassion and arrogance in thinking he personally can fix the lord of the hells by being kind. But what I’m surprised not to have seen is discussion of how the same character trait can be either positive or negative depending on the narrative.
Because do you know who Zerxus reminds me of? Jester.
Jester knew the Gentleman was a liar and a crime lord and generally bad news. She knew Artagan had decieved not only her but all his followers about being a god. She knew Essek started a war. And despite having been hurt and risking being hurt again, she stood by all of them.
And she was right. Her unconditional love was part of the reason all three of these idiots came to grow some morals. The Gentleman stepped away from crime and got back together with Marion. She stood up to a literal god for Artie and he saved her from its wrath rather than selishly letting her share his punishment (thereby unkowingly also saving himself). Essek risked his life to fight Lucien and Trent by their side.
In the narrative of campaign 2, Jester made the right choice to extend trust to the untrustworthy. But Calamity is by definition a tragedy, and we all already know Zerxus is making a mistake for which the whole world will pay dearly. But he doesn’t know, can’t know, because no one knows what kind of narrative they are in until it has reached its end. We all must simply choose our actions and see what happens.
And this is a tragedy. Kidness or cruelty, compassion or evil, action or inaction, nothing can change that. Zerxus’ choice was kindness. And so, this time, kindness will be our downfall.
You just gotta admire Zerxus identifying a cleric of a betrayer god, coming to the conclusion that this man was used up because he was only needed to be a puppet briefly - which is entirely unprecedented and only able to be ascertained because of his EXTRAORDINARY knowledge and experience - and going “RIP to that guy but I’m different” and all but pledging himself to what is quite possibly the exact same betrayer god.
All because he’s got a chip on his shoulder about the city with regards to his husband, who was strongly implied to have been accidentally plane shifted by their mutual bestie, and that series of events has placed him in the exact headspace to extend to someone else a kindness he views as having been withheld from him. The bitterness of being spurned plus the kindness and the purpose of what it is to be a paladin. Not me, he says. I won’t turn away someone in need the way I and my husband were. This guy literally admitted to doing everything wrong with the world and I wholeheartedly believe he won’t do it to me. He gave me his word. My kindness is not given transactionally but today it has secured me this favor.
No wonder he hangs out with the mages so seamlessly.
I am just continuously losing my mind over the fact that Zerxus is the only truly kind character we’ve seen, who reaches out to help anything and everyone and who might need it because he can give it, and it’s that exact kindness that leads him to all but pledge to a betrayer god.
Let it sink in. This man lives in a city of egomaniacs. He fully believes that self absorption is why his husband is dead, because none of these people could return the favor and look past themselves for a single fucking second and try for a little fairness. It is all up to him to be fair and by god he’s going to be as equivocal and as kind to anyone and everyone to SPITE those ivory tower fuckers. He is the one who by definition puts others first.
Everyone thought the city would fall because of the mages, and it’s true that everyone pitched in to make this catastrophe possible but holy shit. We pretty much just watched a paladin fall, believing the entire time he was doing what he was meant to do. This to him is part of his duty and it’s quite possibly the only part of his duty that even remotely fulfills him. This, he decides, is right to him and in full accordance with the tenets of his oath. He walked right into the teeth of a trap designed just for him. Kindness will be Avalir’s doom.
And the worst part is that his belief is all true. It’s true to him, it’s true to the narrative, it’s true to history. There was never any other option for the man Zerxus is than to try and redeem a betrayer god.
Brennan said “As clerics grow a deeper understanding of the facet of reality manifested by their deity, they become more aware and attuned to those forces within the world and can wield grater magics.”
Asmodeus said, “I see faults in people, I know what they have done wrong. Do you wanna know your fault, Zerxus? You are very trusting. You say I am being used? You, my friend, are being used. …I am the father of lies. You are being lied to. And not by any god.”
I wonder if, when Zerxus finds out what his friends are hiding from him, when he discovers what truly happened to his husband, when he sees all their lies laid bare…
“You look and you see for the first time, now that he’s no longer writhing in pain, this man is beautiful. He bears in passing–almost a resemblance, if it can be said–to Evandrin.”
Zerxus:His name just falls out of my mouth. “Evandrin?”
Asmodeus:“I…I don’t look the same to everybody. They said…before it all went wrong, they said I was the most beautiful of them all.”
Zerxus:“You were.”
Asmodeus:“But as well you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So I sometimes look like the most beautiful face that mortals have seen.”
Asmodeus:He looks at you and says, “Evandrin. That’s the name you just said. That was your love, yes?”
Zerxus: “It was. Why do you remind me of him?”
Asmodeus:“Only you can answer that. I never know what I’m going to look like to people…People often know I’m tricking them and I don’t know what to say to that. What you can say to people when they always think you’re going to trick them? I promise–no–I don’t know Evandrin, but he must have been a very good man, because he’s not in my realm.”
Zerxus:“Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Asmodeus:“I…I’ve known only darkness for so long. And even before that, no one has shown me kindness.
Zerxus:“That’s gonna change. And that’s a damn shame. This is your home, don’t you forget that. You belong here.”
so i spent that entire scene between zerxus and mr. lord of the hells screaming at our pally there to stop literally making a deal with the devil but honestly the thing that really gets me is that it’s completely in line with what we know of zerxus’ character for him to act as he did??
like i think someone’s already written a very good meta on this but it makes sense that in this time, gods aren’t seen as the powers we know them to be in exandria. i mean we talk of hubris (and don’t get me wrong, there IS terrible hubris) but the fact of the matter is that the ascension to godhood has been shown to be possible. why wouldn’t people then draw the conclusion that godhood is just another attainable level in the cosmic hierarchy? it’s a logical conclusion, just like how atheism is very much a logical conclusion to draw from the science in our world
and for zerxus, who already has zero reverence for the gods, who knows how to tap into divinity by being a champion of the people he’s sworn to protect, who is overall a kind person, an empathetic person… what else could he do when confronted by this broken, broken being in front of him (who has the incredible pain and genuine gentleness that brennan injects into his voice) but to reach out?
and god, that’s a STRENGTH of his! to be so compassionate and earnest that he can’t even bring himself to be intimidating to get what he wants and instead reaches out with sincerity, to extend understanding to a paladin of a goddess that he and all his peers scorn, and it’s going to be his downfall. and it may be everyone’s downfall. and i’m still screaming
If you look down and see the stars, what will you see when you look up?
[ID: digital fanart of Zerxus Ilerez from Exandria Unlimited: Calamity. He stands in the palm of a giant, clawed, bloodstained red hand. Beneath him is a plaza; its tiles form the rays of a sun, but where the centre should be is a void in which a dark, stary sky can be seen. End ID]
