#episode

I MET YOU ON LJ: A Fandom Podcast

Episode #054: We Finally Finished Orphan Black

Someone sat on us again! This week, after our unplanned mini-break, Maggie and V are back with four tales of New York City girls who are some stripe of American royalty and experience miracles to great soundtracks. V is bringing you The Princess Diaries book series and 1999’s Annie, while Maggie reps A Little Princess and the 1982 Annie. Plus, Paul Rudd is the sexiest man alive, Maggie’s love Jon Bernthal was lighthearted in King Richard, and V does not spoil Eternals or Venom: Let There Be Carnage.

This Episode Covers…

fandom • fanfiction • the princess diaries, meg cabot • the princess diaries (2001) • michael moscovitz <3333 • anne hathaway • julie andrews • annie (1982) • carole burnett • tim curry • albert finney • annie (1999) • victor garber • kathy bates • alan cumming • kristin chenoweth • lalaine • sarah hyland • a little princess (1995) • liesl matthews • vanessa chester • steven spielberg • jeff goldblum • paul rudd • marvel’s eternals (2021) • venom: let there be carnage (2021) • king richard (2021) • jon bernthal, of course.

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„Morning.“,  I said tired, placing myself on the chair next to Summer and Beth.

I had a look at my breakfast: toast, eggs, sausages and grape juice. Nothing special.

„You’re late.“, Jerrys wife exclaimed annoyed by me.

„Sorry, I was caught up in my work last night and overslept.“, I explained with a small smile on my lips, before biting into my toast.

Beth and I hadn’t the best relationship. Maybe it was because I had spend so much time with her kids or it was because I was still living at their house. I don’t exactly know why. But she now couldn’t kick me, since Rick started living here also. Although the alcoholic wasn’t the nicest man to be around, I was kind of grateful he suddenly appeared in our lives.

Suddenly something clattered. The reason was Morty. His head fell into his plate.

„Oh my god I’m gonna puke!“, Summer was overdramatic.

I sighed, the young boy was so tired lately. It was probably because Rick took him on some dangerous adventure again.

„Morty are you okay?“, his mother asked him: „Are you getting sick?“

The brunette didn’t react, so I called him loudly: „Morty.“

The boy moved up quickly: „U-Uh…W-What?“

„Your mother asked if you were alright.“, my brother explained.

„Oh- yeah. Just didn’t get much sleep tonight. Maybe my dreams are too loud or something.“, was his ridiculous excuse.

Summer snickered: „Or maybe you were out all night again with grandpa Rick.“

„Rick!“/„Dad?“, their oblivious parents shouted.

„W-What? Everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now?“, Rick looked over to Jerry: „You realize that time makes up half of the time?“

I suppressed my laughter. He definitely was funny, nonetheless this behavior wasn’t good for Morty. And also not good for the family, that was already falling apart.

Still I wasn’t in the mood for the familys usual drama: „Thanks for the breakfast Beth, I’m heading out.“ 

I tried to move, but my brother tried to drag me into his fights - like he always did: „No. Wait. Don’t you agree, that Ricks influence on Morty is bad? He should be focusing on school and not… space.“

„Oh here we go again!“, Beth was mad: „You realize that this is our child, right?“

„Come on, that’s family business.“, my brother tried to defend himself.

Rick interfered: „Jerry, I tell you how I feel about school. It’s a waste of time. Bunch of people running around, bumping into each other. Guy up in front says two plus two, people in the back say four. Then the bell rings and they give you a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump.“, the scientist looked pissed: „It’s not a place for smart people. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but it is what it is.“

The man in the lab coat took a bite off of his sausage and looked over to me: „Don’t say you disagree with me, Kathy?“

I was surprised he wanted to know what I thought about it. Obviously it wasn’t because my opinion mattered to him, rather it was because he enjoyed seeing Beth and Jerry fight.

„You may be right, Rick.“, I answered: „But Morty should definitely attend school.“, I stood up: „See you later guys.“

———

Immediately after work I headed home, only to see a big transporter infront of the house.

Did Beth finally kicked Jerry out of the house?

I looked around and saw the family in the garage.

I quickly joined them to get to know what was happening here.

„You shouldn’t touch that. Its beyond your reasoning.“, Rick said to Jerry.

„Youre beyond our reasoning.“, my brother cockily answered.

If my brother hasn’t been kicked out by his wife, what was happening here?

„Whats going on here?“, I asked confused.

„My son missed an entire semester of school!“, Beth responded in rage. 

I still was confused about the educational methods their used on Beths dad. „So you guys are taking away Ricks stuff?“, I questioned: „You realize that he’s a grown man?“

„NO. We are moving him to a nursing home.“, the brown haired man claimed angrily.

„What?“, both Rick and I exclaimed in desbelieve.

„A nursing home? Are you guys nuts? I build robots just for fun! I am a fucking genius and not an delusional old man!“, the scientist argued.

„Now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies on VHS and…“, I stopped my older brother by laying a hand on his shoulder: „Jerry calm down. Come on, I think there is a reason for this mess. You can’t just make him leave his family. Thats not fair.“

„Yeah. Rick just needed my help, that’s all!“, Morty agreed.

Jerry looked pissed: „Morty stay out of this. You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own.“

I let go of my brother: „Are you saying he is stupid?“

„Don’t highroad us, Kathlin.“. Beth spoke for her husband: „You know quite well, that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing school.“

I rolled my eyes. This woman.

„Could you be a little more specific?“, Rick asked with his arms crossed.

„Oh for crying out!“, Jerry shouted: „Hes got some kind of disability. Is that what you want us to say?“

I glanced over to Morty who obviously was heartbroken: „I do?

„No, Morty.“, I walked over to him: „Youre perfectly fine.“

As I tried to hug him, Jerry took him from me: „Look son, I love you. But don’t we both know you’re not as fast as the other kids?“

„That doesn’t mean he’s retarded, Jerry!“, I called him out.

„Ah jeez.“, Morty looked sad.

„Morty tell them the square root of pi.“, Rick randomly wanted to know.

„Come on, I can’t.“, the kid claimed devastated.

The man pushed harder: „The square root of pi.“

„1,77245383“, he suddenly spit out.

I couldn’t believe my eyes and so seemed Beth: „What the hell?“

„Holy crap. He’s right!“, Jerry expressed astonished after using the calculator.

„Tell them the first l*blech*aw of thermodynamics.“, Rick demanded next.

The kid in the yellow shirt instantly replied with a smile.

In shock I smiled at Rick.

„I told you school was stupid. Its not how you learn stuff.“, the scientist pointed out and then hugged the smaller one: „Hes a gifted child with a special mind, that’s why he’s my helper. He’s just like me! Too smart for school!“

I laughed. This sounded nothing like Morty. He really did need school. And although his parents were fooled, I knew this must have been some kind of trick.

„Jerry I don’t want this to stop.“, Beth said.

„No, I know. Maybe we overeacted, but… he has to keep going to school.“, her husband demanded.

„Yeah. Sure. Okay.“, Rick agreed: „How could I say no? You have the pants on, Jerry.“

He definitely knew how to handle Jerry.

Giggling, my brother and his wife went away, talking about gross bedroom stuff they were about to do.

„Wow Morty, I cannot believe how smart you are!“, I leaned against a counter and crossed my arms, eyeing Rick: „Such a genius.“

„Well, you know. He has the best trades from his grandpa.“, Rick smiled akwardly.

„I can’t believe it!“, Morty was amazed.

„YEah, me neither.“, I grinned: „So unbelievable.“

„D-Dont you’ve got stuff to do or something?“, the older guy starred at me.

„Do you want to get rid of me?“, I asked, knowing the answer.

„UH- Rick. I feel weird.“, Morty suddenly said, looking sick.

„Oh shit.“, his grandpa cursed.

I was worried: „Whats going on?“

„Full desclosure.“, Rick said: „Temporary super intelligence is a side effect of the mega seeds dissolving in Morty rectum.“

I was shocked: „What?? Wait- you…you put some fucking seeds in my nephews ass?“

„Yes. And once those seeds wear off, he’s going to lose his motor skills for 48 hours.“, he went casually on.

The little one started to panic.

I starred at Rick. Not knowing if I should call the cops or whatever. „What the fuck? Are you out of your freaking mind?“, I asked him. Suddenly the boy collapsed and those side effects took over his body.

„Oh my god.“, I kneeled next to him: „What should we do know?“

„Well, now we have to get more.“, the man answered.

„What?“, I was pissed: „I meant about Morty!“

„Obviously we cannot let Beth and Jerry know, cause then Im out of here real quick. So…hide it or *blech* something.“, he demanded me to take over his work.

„What the hell? Why should I help you? What fucking scientist puts some dangerous seeds up his grandsons butt?“, I asked outraged.

„D-Don’t be such a fu*blech*cking bitch. I can help Morty with his dumb school stuff, if that’s what you want. Also, I think you will benefit from it too. If they kick me out, who do you think is next?“, he snapped, taking a sip out of his flask.

„Fuck. I didn’t know you were such an asshole.“, I sighed: „Poor Morty… OKay, come on. I’ll help you.“

„Thanks.“, he said not even smiling: „Help me bring him upstair.“

I took Morty by his shoulder: „How could you do this to him?“

„He got himself into this mess. I told him to turn on his goddamn shoes.“, Rick scolded his grandson, taking his feet.

What the hell was he even talking about?

——

Up in Morty’s room we laid him into his bed and I tucked him in.

I looked over to the drooling guy: „Drunk again?“

„Not at all.“, he smiled: „So lets go?“

I asked confused: „What? Where?“

„The seeds. I need them.“, he explained.

I was disgusted by this mad scientist: „I won’t be putting some seeds up my butt, Rick.“

„Yeah, you don’t have to.“, his cold hand took mine. 

My hand was so much smaller than his, even though he was so skinny.

He held some device in his other hand: „This baby is full on. You don’t have to worry about your ass.“

Rick must have read my confused look: „Its a portal gun.“

He pushed some buttons and a green glowing portal appeared in front of us: „Come on.“

„W-What? R-Rick!“, he ignored my struggles and dragged me along. I closed my eyes afraid of what was going to happen next.

Some seconds later he let go of my hand and told me to open my eyes.

I hesitantly did what he said and was baffled, amazed, suprised, shocked: „Where…are we?“

„Dimension 35C.“, he proudly announced.

There were colors Ive never seen before. Plants I couldn’t even imagine. Animals running around in every shape and form possible.

Everything was so different. It was beautiful.

„Rick.“; I smiled at him: „This is so beautiful.“

He giggled: „This is nothing. Planet 327-Z is almost twice as amazing. If you like it here, you will love it there. A lot of waterfalls and shit. Don’t you love cute animals or someting? There are a lot of them.“

I was stun, that he knew anything about me. This dimension was beautiful, but now I couldn’t take off my eyes of him. Yeah he was old, strange, crazy, an asshole… but he kinda looked cute though. Like really handsome. Maybe it was because I liked intelligent guys and he was the smartest person I’ve ever met.

„Sounds fantastic.“, I followed him.

„I could take you there.“, Ricks drunk-self claimed. I probably couldn’t trust a drunk mens words, but I really would like to.

My eyes widened: „For real?“

He didn’t answer, instead he stopped infant of a strange looking colorful tree: „These are Megatrees.“

„Oh my god. Are up there the seeds? They are enourmous! And these were in Mortys butt?“; I asked curious.

„Still dissolving.“, he agreed.

„Must have hurt to have them inside you.“, I thought out loud, as I did what Rick did. Getting those seeds.

„You can’t imagine how much, but you get used to it.“, the older men indicated, he also had them insides of him at some point.

„Well.“, he seemed satisfied after collecting some: „Thats enough.“

Rick smiled at me: „That was a lot easier with you, then with Morty.“

I smiled back at him: „ I won’t doubt it. I also would make a fuss, if you made me stick this gigantic seeds in my body.“

He shrugged: „Maybe.“, and opened a portal: „Lets go home.“

I followed him, my hands full with his seeds.

„Just lay them down there.“, the man in the lab coat pointed in the corner and I dumped them there.

„So about Morty…“, I began to speak, but he stopped me: „He’ll be alright, just tell them h-hes sick or something.“

„Okay.“, I looked over his shoulder as he was assembling something.

He immediately stopped, smiled and pushed me towards the door: „ehm…Thanks. So, see you tomorrow?“

I obviously was disturbing him, so I played along. „Yes, goodnight Rick.“

„Night.“, he smiled.