The moment Nie Mingjue acted like a true Chinese parent in canon
What 别人家的孩子 means
How it was used on Nie Huaisang in this instance
Even Wei Wuxian noticed it!
Let’s go!
Ok so! This all takes place in Chapter 48, when Lan Xichen arrived at Hejian in the middle of the Sunshot Campaign. This is a flashback, in which Wei Wuxian is looking at the scene from behind Nie Mingjue’s eyes during his investigation at Jinlintai.
Here, Nie Mingjue asked Lan Xichen, “Your brother is (in Jiangling)?”
He then promptly followed it up with “Your brother’s cultivation level is very high, he can handle it alone well enough, why do you need to go?” (translation by me)
Taken on its own, it sounds like a respectful exchange between two clan leaders on roughly the same footing. Nie Mingjue appears to be commending Lan Wangji’s skills because:
Lan Wangji was objectively outstanding
It was an indirect way of expressing courtesy to Lan Xichen, who was his guest and close friend
It was in line with Nie Mingjue’s straightforward personality, where he expressed both praise and criticism in the plainest, most direct manner
But let’s look at this other exchange later in the same chapter. Here, Nie Mingjue retrieved his brother’s saber and handed it to Lan Xichen.
He said, “Although it can be said that (Nie Huaisang) is safe with you, he cannot fall behind on his studies. Tell whoever is free to supervise him. The next time we meet, I want to test his saber technique, and his knowledge of the scriptures.” (translation by me)
Why was this significant?
Though Nie Huaisang and Lan Wangji were contemporaries, Nie Mingjue described his brother very differently, compared to Lan Wangji. In Nie Mingjue’s eyes, Nie Huaisang was behaving like an unruly child in need of discipline.
There was a subtle comparison going on here that would probably resonate with a lot of people who have grown up in Chinese households — the concept of “别人家的孩子”.
What does 别人家的孩子 mean, and why are Chinese parents so fond of doing it?
别人家的孩子 literally means “another person’s child”. More abstractly, it refers to your cousin who is a music prodigy, the neighbor’s child who is better behaved (i.e. more filial) than you, or your classmate who consistently achieves top exam results.
In sum, 别人家的孩子 represents a high standard set by your parents for the sake of comparing you to others. This is usually with the end in mind of pushing you to do better, so that you would be ultimately successful in life.
From the parent’s perspective (in this case, Nie Mingjue’s, seeing that he was responsible for overseeing Nie Huaisang’s education), there is a certain measure of self-deprecation and reflection in 别人家的孩子 as well. In other words, “where did I fall short as a parent/instructor, that my child is not currently able to measure up to their peers of the same generation?”
We have a saying 望子成龙, which is a wish for one’s children to be “dragons” — i.e. successful in their studies and professions, to the extent of surpassing their own parents. The feminine equivalent for daughters is 望女成凤, i.e. to be “phoenixes”.
This was exactly what Nie Mingjue was hoping for here! Nie Mingjue felt that his ultimate responsibility was to oversee his brother’s studies, which would in turn ensure that Qinghe would never appear weak in the future, or worse, fall.
At this point, Nie Mingjue would already have sensed that he was affected by his saber cultivation, and he absolutely needed Nie Huaisang to be strong enough to step into his position in the future. And on a more personal level, Nie Mingjue also hoped that Nie Huaisang would quickly improve and become someone that he would be able to be proud of — on his own terms, and for his own sake.
Most importantly of all, it would have been his greatest gift to Nie Huaisang: in imparting the Nie family legacy, and in expressing just how much Nie Huaisang meant to him, both as a younger brother and a future clan leader.
Finally, it is worth noting that Nie Mingjue deprecated Nie Huaisang (and by extension, himself) before Lan Xichen, while simultaneously uplifting Lan Wangji. His informality and familiarity hints at their closeness, and the deep trust between them.
This is translated as “Head Shaker” in the official English version, but it means more than that
I’ve previously covered this in the cql subs critique, but here’s a more detailed explanation
Ok so! We first see Nie Huaisang referred to as 一问三不知 in Ch 21 of the novel. In this scene, Wei Wuxian is talking to a man who claims to know a lot about the happenings in Qinghe.
This same conversation takes place in cql ep 34.
Quite literally, 一问三不知 means “ask once (一问), and hear three ‘I don’t knows’ (三不知)”.
According to modern writer Deng Tuo 邓拓, the three unknowns refer to three different stages for any situation in a person’s life:
始: the beginning, or the origin of the event. In other words, the background and history of the event, and what caused it to happen in the first place
中: the middle, or the process. In other words, what is currently happening, how and whether the event is developing or devolving, and other factors and the reasons behind them
终: the end or conclusion. In other words, how the event was eventually resolved, the impact, and what is supposed to happen next
Deng Tuo covered this in his piece 《变三不知为三知》, or “Turning three unknowns into three knowns”.
