#alter lucille
One last post that probably seems to have less context to the last ones since Lucille didn’t post his ramble, but the reason our system is choosing to probably do final fusion is not because we don’t like our parts or don’t see ourselves as complete individuals on our own, but because we love, respect, and trust each other. It’s like having a long term partner and getting married and melding your lives together. It isn’t because you aren’t real separate or that you don’t value alone time or don’t want either to have freedom, it’s because you really respect, trust, love, and enjoy spending time with this person, because being around the other person makes you feel like your best self. We’re probably going towards final fusion because generally speaking, we are better people with one another than alone.
So I was going to make a post to our blog about final fusion and some thoughts / assumptions about us that have come from our system being directed towards final fusion and I got most way through the post before I realized that it would actually be a really good post to workshop into a formal writing assignment for one of our classes, albeit it would be considerably abstract and off the beaten path for the assignment, but from the sounds of the professor, they might really like that?
So we might actually be workshopping a conversation discussing a very specific DID experience in a very general specific class, arguably workshopping it as being written by me - a specific part - to the intended audience of people who have DID and if our professor gets back with the confirmation that it is an acceptable one, this might be an actually really fun essay project to work on because we might actually care about making it good and editting it to serve the best intent
I came out here and was explicitly telling myself that I shouldn’t worry about the draft that is due today since Riku has a vague idea that it has to be personally charged, and then was just out here trying to relax and reflect on things and I might have - in true academic protector fashion - accidentally written the draft.
-Lucille (Protector)
Also, open to answering any asks about our experiences with fusion, thoughts and experiences being a system that does plan (with like 95% likeliness) to eventually reach final fusion, or just anything in our healing journey really. We’d love to talk about it and do know there is very little chatter on the topic.
I am honestly glad to maybe - and I feel finally - have our brain reaching a place where we can probably work to get Aderis and I back onto the main team. Ever since COVID hit, our system has been running around with makeshift fronting teams, usually consisting of Riku and various combinations of other not-protector-built parts co-hosting, but we really really have not been having a proper protector near the front for almost two years and while the system has made leaps and bounds in recovery, it has been very very apparent that the lack of experience in keeping everything together has been missing.
I do have to say that the work Riku and XIV specifically have done the past half year or so though was absolutely phenomenal for creating a great base and foundation for us to restructure the system on and to rebuild a healthier dynamic that can best enable more parts. I had brought it up in our journal this new structure we are going to work on, and I have been both very proud and excited to implement it because I think it - by far - has the potential to not only solve a lot of our chronic issues seen in several parts, but also be a good scaffolding stage to possible final fusion, and at the very least, be an extremely more balanced method of functioning.
I’m very bad at thinking about things for myself and for my needs, but more than anything, it will actually allow me to be involved and engaged in the world and not be constantly cut off from it because I really really really hate not being front / not near the front for periods of time. I really absolutely do not like it.
-Lucille (Protector)
