#anxiety vent
Last night, I was so fucking excited for the Loki finale. When I watched it, I loved it. I was prepared to give my thoughts to my friends, only to fine that most were negative or critical. Now I get that people are allowed to have their opinions and it’s okay that some of different from mine, but my anxiety makes me struggle with differing views. And I felt like I couldn’t get my opinion in. I respect my friends, but my mind made me feel very alone.
I talked with another friend who also liked the finale and gave me words of encouragement that helped make my day better.
“Think about how excited Tom and the Loki crew would be to hear how much you liked it!”
For anyone who liked the series, there’s something to make you feel better.
It’s been a long, emotional day over of the opinions I stumble upon and I’m very tired. My mind has been pudding for a majority of the day. I’m working on accepting differing opinions and although I think I’m improving, there are still things to work on.
In conclusion: Loki season one was fucking fantastic and no one can take that away from me, it’s just hard sometimes to see people that don’t agree with that.
TW: racism & death
Ok so I know that this is supposed to be a safe space for my fellow black people bc in my eyes we are going through so much pain rn and just need to be reminded how fucking phenomenal we are. But I really don’t know where else to share this experience.
I live in central Europe in one of the most racist countries here. Today during work I saw a message from one of my friends that a black man he knew was found dead in the river after being attacked by a group of white men at an event his new girlfriend invited him to. He died in a city at 3-4pm during the day. Of course the police and media are not covering this death for the soul reason of him being black.
The soulcrushing heartbreak and fear of knowing that it’s more than just weird looks from people you don’t know and passive aggressive insults masked as jokes, but real actual life threatening things is truly horrible. Nothing can compare to the pain of being called a slur in public and no one caring or finding out that people are being killed in your city and the police is doing nothing about it. The anxiety of “what if I’m next?” “What if my friends are next?”. I had a huge anxiety attack but continued my day because I didn’t know what else to do.
So just to anyone reading this, if anyone will read this. Have some compassion because we are going through so much pain rn. Simply not being racist isnt enough, be active bc this is not a trivial issue.
And to any black people who have a similar experience, pls know that you are precious and a gift to this earth and stronger than any hate that’s here. And I feel you and it’s ok to teak a break from the news and social media bc it can lead to ptsd, so pls take care of your mental health.
-LL
