Hey guys, from one witch to another, can I ask for your thoughts/prayers and any feel-good or positive energy you want to send my way? Here’s the deal (I’ll try to keep this short): I have an anxiety disorder and was sent to the ER a few nights ago for a severe anxiety attack. My fiancé had been arrested for something he had no involvement in and the police didn’t even have any evidence against him. We live in a small town and the police here have nothing better to do. The stress got to me and pushed me into a severe anxiety attack which led to me needing to go to the ER. Any prayers you guys are willing to make for my fiancé’s innocence to be proven and for me to stay calm through this would be extremely appreciated. Thank you, my lovelies! Blessed be~ ❤️
***Again. Go away if you can’t appreciate gay romance, I’M GAY AND I WROTE THIS!!***
Genre: unpure angst[BIRTHDAY SPECIAL!]
Pairings:Jung Jaehyun x male!OC (his name is Kang Seo Min!)
WARNINGS: heavy cursing, anxiety, breakup & makeup, two very deep friendships almost end, prank gone VERY wrong, mentions of severe depression, in person ghosting, mentions of sex but no sex (WRITER IS A MINOR)
summary:Mark & Seomin pull a prank on Seomin’s unsuspecting boyfriend, Jaehyun. A harmless prank. Harmless.…Right?But the two boys don’t get the reaction they were hoping for– Jaehyun would laugh it off, knowing it was a prank. Or that’s what they hoped for…
DISCLAIMERS:All headers, story plot, story titles, dividers & everything else are MINE and COPYRIGHTED unless I EXPLICITLY state otherwise!
Before Min knew it, a sob of agony & suppressed rage ripped free of his chest. He slid down the wall & fell onto his knees, then his side, curling into fetal position & sobbing.
The next three weeks went by without a word, even a look, from Jaehyun. Min tried and tried and tried to get his attention, but he couldn’t. No matter what he did, Jaehyun was confident in his pursuition of rejection towards Min.
It broke Mark’s heart.
There was this little voice that resided nowadays in the back of Mark’s mind, constantly whispering self-insulting, degrading things to him. Some of these things were absurd, Mark knew those weren’t true, but some of them were starting to bug him.
It’s all your fault, Mark… they’re gonna break up now… it’s your fault! Mark screamed, dropping the empty pan he was holding — which fell to the counter & bounded onto the floor with two progressively louder crashes, prompting alarmed yells from what Taeil in the next room & what sounded like five or six of the other boys from other parts of the house — & sliding down the island wall onto the floor & sobbing into his knees, pulling himself closer to his chest.
Nevertheless, the voice in his head wouldn’t let up.
Seven years between Min & Jaehyun… seven years of unbroken, passionately requited love. And you ruined it. You ruined their whole lives.
This is your fault.
“Th-this- this- this isn’t m-my f-fault.. IT ISN’T MY FAULT!!” cried Mark. Doyoungran into the room, Johnny & three others hot on his tail.
“Mark!” yelled Johnny, “What’s — what happened?? Are you okay?” The last five words were said in unison, & raised panicking voices, by Haechan & Johnny. Mark shook his head best he could: his whole body was shaking with the racking sobs he’d been letting out for the past almost five minutes.
“T-The prank… It– it was my-my idea…” muttered Mark through sobs & whimpers, “A-And now — and now J-Jaehyun & Min are gonna- b-break up–”
To Mark’s added dismay, Jaehyun walked in right as he said it.
“No, Mark– No… You can’t blame yourself for this, you– wait…”
Jaehyun stopped, his brow furrowing.
“…the prank… was… your idea…??”
Mark nodded, heavily throwing his head back into his arms & groaning. Another sob fell from his chapped lips.
“So then… then… it wasn’t… his–fault…”
Mark hesitated before shaking his head. Jaehyun’s head fell toward his chest. He shook his head heavily before getting up & walking out of the kitchen.
He didn’t return to that room for weeks. Neither did Mark; he stayed in his & Yuta’s room, spending half the time crying into his friend’s chest. The other members of the other two groups Mark was in started getting closer in Mark’s absence, trying to make up for the emptiness that was whenever Mark wasn’t in the room to cheer them up. Taemin gradually began to hang out with the older Neo boys; Kai & Lucas got closer as well.
Jaehyun sobbed into the pillow he was hiding in; this was the beginning of the fifth week that he & Seomin had fallen apart. He was constantly in tears now, they both were, debating whether they should apologize while hoping against hope’s rivals that the other would come up first. But to the dismay of both boys, neither did.
Min stopped sleeping regularly, resorting instead to wine stolen from Taeil’s dorm to knock him out. That almost never worked though, and he was eventually dealing with fatigue & exhaustion on top of the stress, pain & loneliness. Min’s dancing skills slowly stopped showing; three weeks into the breakup he stopped coming in to practice at all.
The other boys couldn’t persuade nay of the three of them to come out of their rooms; Mark only came out once every few days and only when Yuta was with him. Jaehyun never left his room at all, & Seomin…
No one knew where Seomin was most of the time.
No one except Taeil… who wouldn’t tell anyone of the boy’s whereabouts.
Jaehyun curled into a ball under the blankets, whimpering & running his hand roughly & slowly down his face. He groaned & abruptly sat up in bed, grabbing the pillow from behind him & setting it in his lap, but not letting go. Instead, his grip on it became tighter, & he bit his lip violently, before initiating a kind of aggrivated slamming of his head into the pillow in an effort to make the memory of that mark on his lover’s chest go away.
But no matter how hard he tried, the effort came out flowing with vain.
He knew he would eventually have to stop being angry at Min; it wasn’t his fault after all. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t bring himself to walk onto the stage of forgiveness. Min hadn’t cheated though, it had all been a prank.
But Jaehyun was still hurt.
Min & Mark had pulled a trick on Jae that would never be forgiven, one that couldn’t be forgiven.
***Go away if you can’t appreciate gay romance, I’M GAY AND I WROTE THIS!!***
Genre: unpure angst[BIRTHDAY SPECIAL!]
Pairings:Jung Jaehyun x male!OC (his name is Kang Seo Min!)
WARNINGS: heavy cursing, anxiety, breakup & makeup, two very deep friendships almost end, prank gone VERY wrong, mentions of severe depression, in person ghosting, mentions of sex but no sex (WRITER IS A MINOR)
summary:Mark & Seomin pull a prank on Seomin’s unsuspecting boyfriend, Jaehyun. A harmless prank. Harmless. …Right? But the two boys don’t get the reaction they were hoping for– Jaehyun would laugh it off, knowing it was a prank. Or that’s what they hoped for…
DISCLAIMERS: ~~All headers, story plot, story titles, dividers & everything else are MINE and COPYRIGHTED unless I EXPLICITLY state otherwise! ~~I got the idea for this fic from a Taeyong x male reader fic that was thrown my way a few days ago where Haechan & reader pranked Taeyong with makeup-hickeys, but I can’t remember who wrote it, so if you, the author of that fic, are reading this, thank you for the inspiration! That story was amazing— …up until the unsuspecting smut that my half awake ass skipped past–
A/N: I’m sorry this was so depressing… Anyone who reads this, I hope you like it; it was difficult to write and made me cry like fifty fucking times… ***I TWEAKED A LINE OF HARRY POTTER & THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN THO!!! Try & find it~~
Turn the page & start the story~~
Jaehyun’s eyes went wide at the sight before him before settling on a dark, piercing glare. The mark on Min’s chest was visible enough that even Johnny, who was ten feet behind Jaehyun, stopped to look at it when Jaehyun was no longer paying attention to the game.
“…Is that a hickey? Did you make that?” said Johnny, walking up next to his best friend.
“No, I did not.” Jaehyun’s voice was laced & dripping with anger, confusion, suspicion, venom & a well-hidden hurt that still didn’t go unnoticed by Johnny.
Johnny took hold of Jaehyun’s shoulder, a soft massaging motion coming from his hand in an attempt to keep Jaehyun calm. After a while, Jaehyun broke out of his trance & took a deep breath before walking over to Seomin. Min had his phone in his hand; he was scrolling half-attentively through twitter, & Jaehyun took another deep breath before grabbing Min’s wrist, pulling the phone out of his view.
This motion broke Seomin, too, out of a trance, & he looked up at Jaehyun, blinking with an obvious confusion in his eyes. The glare that met his ice-blue irises, the venomous earth-brown daggers he’d seen given to others time and time again before, was piercing into his soul; Seomin melted under its power. He’d never felt so scared, so worried he’d done something wrong.
After all…
Kang Seomin had never pissed Jaehyun off before.
“Wh–What’s wrong, babe?” Min hadn’t meant it to come out shaky, Jaehyun knew he hadn’t– Min was the softest, sweetest of beans. But it did, and in any other situation Jaehyun would’ve crumbled under the haphazardly hidden terror in his eyes.
It took Jaehyun a minute to get his shit together enough to answer, but when he did…
The venom in his tone was unknown to the most deadly of creatures on the earth.
“What the fuck is that on your chest?”
When you didn’t answer, Jaehyun turned away briefly, trying to hide the twitching & convulsing of the muscles above the right side of his mouth & underneath his right eye.
When he turned back around to face his boyfriend, Min was gone. Jaehyun had a brief glimpse of Min’s form tearing towards the beach house as if he were being chased by a demon before his feet were taking him on a chase after his lover… as if he was the demon Min was running from.
A/N: Please read further at your own discretion: the fight that is about to happen made even me cry.
“That hickey isn’t mine, I know it’s not! WE HAVEN’T FUCKED IN WEEKS!!”
“Jae, please, l-let me explain–”
“NO, I don’t need to hear your explanation to know where that mark came from! Who gave it to you??”
Min’s eyes went wider than they already had been; his breath hitched in his chest & his heart began to pound in his throat.
“…M-Mark…” he whimpered, covering his face with his hands & turning away to hide the tears running down his face.
Jaehyun had been trying to control himself, he really had, but as soon as the name came out of the other man’s mouth, Jaehyun’s vision went red. Before he’d registered that his body was moving, he found himself with his palms flat against the wall of the beach house, his shaking boyfriend pinned to the wall with no escape if Jaehyun lost control.
“…Mark…”Jaehyun scoffed & tutted. “Are you cheating on me? Are you fucking my friend?” When Seomin bit his lip & squeezed his biceps with trembling hands instead of answering, Jaehyun grabbed his chin. Not in the good way either, not in that soft yet firm fashion he always did when they made love. No, this was different. There was a fire in Jaehyun’s eyes that burned tauntingly at Seomin, as if daring him to fight back.
But Min couldn’t do it.
All he could do was close his eyes tight, his heart sinking into his stomach, too weak to dare looking at his boyfriend.
“Answer me, Min. Are you cheating on me? With my best friend?”
“N-no, Jaehyun, please I swear that’s not what happened, I–”
Seomin wanted to throw himself into the other man’s chest, throw his arms around Jaehyun & cry into his chest; he knew that Jaehyun would always comfort him when he cried, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to move, not even a muscle. Under Jung Jaehyun’s terror-inducing, stabbing gaze… who would?
Jaehyun only just realized he was shaking madly, akin to a rabid dog ready to pounce. He took in multiple almost uncomfortably deep breaths, trying to calm himself before he said something to his boyfriend that he couldn’t fix. But a reckless rage had come over Jaehyun, something he couldn’t fight back. He aggressively pushed himself away from the wall, away from Min, & backed away.
“Tsh… I see how it is.”
And Jaehyun turned on his heel & swept up the stairs in a storm of rage, slamming his bedroom door shut so hard that a flock of birds could be heard fleeing, & the wall was still quivering seconds after it’d been closed.
Please excuse this rant, it’s been bottled up for a while….
It’s been a rough 24 hours…
My aunt’s got Covid
I’m being ignored by my best friend and my husband (which doesn’t make my anxiety feel good)
(I’m about to sound so selfish and IDGAF) my needs aren’t being met or the goals I thought my husband and I had set aren’t being met…
I’m tired, I haven’t slept in so long
………
I feel like Ezilion is the only one who cares which is saying something since y'all know how his attitude and general self is. I’ve been in my thoughts all morning being mad and depressed and he nudged me to light an incense and a tea light for him. Which I obliged.
The flame of his tea light is small and calm and I feel a warmth and it only makes me want to cry more, it’s almost like he’s wrapped his wings around me. My heart rate has slowed down from it’s panic and I feel a slow warmth. Again my anxiety tells me it’s a fever and I’ve got Covid…. Ezilion kind of flicks those thoughts away with his tail…. Hades had been on edge and almost yelling at me because I haven’t been taking care of myself because of my depression. Which of course only makes me feel like complete and utter shit….
I’m just at a loss…
I haven’t been able to travel because I can’t get in the ‘right’ mind set. I can feel Hades and Ezilion but feeling and seeing are of course 2 different things….
How I’m feeling makes me feel like I’m not good at my craft… Or I’m not strong enough to walk down the paths Hades wants me to…
a lil personal update copied from my patreon since i feel like even though i hate discussing feelings n stuff it’s probably important for me to be upfront with you all about things sending endless amounts of love to those who have shown me so much kindness and support here ❤❤❤
even if you started your journey of recovery and went through a time of better mental health, you are not broken for feeling not so great again. you are never meant to feel perfect all the time.
some people naturally struggle with excess anxiety or feelings of depression, and they may need help to tone it down and smooth the ups and downs of their life. but negative feelings in moderation are simply human, and you did not fail, you did not mess up, for feeling them again. all that it means is you are human.
however, if what you feel seems extreme and constant, it might be wise to seek help again, and that’s okay! there are periods of life where one solution works, but then maybe later it doesn’t work anymore and a new one is in store. trust yourself, because you know how you feel and you know yourself, and you can figure out what you need to feel better. take your time and be careful with your heart❤️
Night and Day- pt. 3 (Yandere!Chrollo x Autistic!Reader)
Part three for y'all. Remember, this is based off of my own experiences with Autism and living Nurodivergent with chronic illnesses (mental and physical). This may not be exact to the experiences others have had.
Warnings; Yandere and all that comes with it, Chrollo and all that comes with him (including but not limited to; stealing, murder, blood, narcissism, smart ass, casual indiscriminate slaughter), autistic reader, female bodied and pronouned reader, slight infantilism, any negative comments said have been said to or about me so it is as accurate as I can make it, word ‘retard’ is used against reader, reader clap-back, NSFW, anxiety for something new is rough, Chrollo can be very patient when it means he gets something, mention of pregnancy, slight breeding kink, slight corruption kink, praise kink,
~~~~~~~~
Nen was such an unusual and unique thing. So many different expressions of nen that a person can learn and so many that still have to be created. Something so fluid in motion that it can change as the wielder changes in their life. It is present in everyone but so few can use nen and even fewer have perfected the craft.
So it came as an honest surprise to Chrollo when he realized just what your Nen actually did. He discovered the abilities of your Nen the same time you did due to a completely random occurrence where your newly awoken nen actually showed itself and the sheer power it had. You hadn’t even tried to use an ability at the time, but that didn’t stop it from happening and it was surprising for everyone else around you as well.
It was at least a month after that initial rocky introduction to your soulmate and you felt more relaxed around him as each day passed. Not once had he tried to 'correct’ any of your subconscious behaviors or to shush you when you got a bit carried away while talking to him. He still had yet to find any true predictable pattern to your brain, but he was becoming more used to you and the general way you thought about the things around you.
Sometimes he would stop reading his book to ask you what things you could hear or what happened to be on your mind at any given time. The Troupe began to learn more than they thought possible from these random times Chrollo would have you list off the things that caught your attention. They began to realize the scope of your attention radius on the world around you, the little things you noticed and remarked on, things that they didn’t even realize they did that you would pick up on.
You were a spectator to almost everything that was around you yet you could also easily miss something near you due to so intensely listening to the world farther away from you. They even picked up on how much you would mirror them during conversations, matching certain behaviors and taking note of responses they typically gave. If pointed out, you immediately stop the behavior and close up mentally, retreating into the quiet social shell that you created and giving short responses until you opened back up.
It also became increasingly clear to the troupe that any time you would curl back into that shell, Chrollo would be irate with whoever caused it. They knew their beloved leader was trying to break you- his one and only soulmate- from that societal yoke and any negative progress was met with ire. The Troupe was significantly lacking in that learned obedient behavior due to growing up in Meteor City while having to fend for themselves, so they really hadn’t realized the way you internalized every response and planned yourself accordingly. You grew up with this social curve of action and response, not even on the same curve as your peers so you took many things quite seriously and personally in an attempt at playing catch up.
The Troupe knew how to act semi-normal in a typical setting, but they had the advantage of just knowing how to act. It became increasingly obvious that you did indeed have a specifically crafted mirror of a personality that you used to primarily avoid conflict or others. That crafted personality made them want to know what it was that lay beneath and what the true unshackled you would be capable of.
It was partially what led to your Nen lashing out.
You hadn’t meant to, not really. But you were having a less than talkative moment, staring at nothing in particular and generally just existing in your own brain while your body remained idle when it happened.
You had been among Chrollo and the other Spiders when some group of thugs decided they wanted to ransack the place. Their hollering and shouts at the Troupe served as a less than gentle way to pull you back into reality, feeling your panic engulf you with every shout. Though the troupe wasn’t bothered in the slightest when the men drew their guns, your brain kicked you into both freezing up and lashing out.
Physically you did not move, but regarding your nen, the world morphed around you and bent to your anxieties. The decorative statues became animated and fiercely protective of you, the very building you sat in groaning to life in order to deal with the men that you felt so terrified of. Doors slammed shut and the men quickly became the ones who were trapped instead of the other way around.
Pillars moved, rooms changed, furniture came to life and sought only the deaths of the men responsible for your stress. The main downside was the fact that you unintentionally closed yourself off, the building itself hiding you away. It took Chrollo several hours to find you tucked away in the heart of the living building, cowering and trying to block out the unfamiliar sounds that thundered around you far too loudly.
He managed to calm you with his relaxed tone and steady heart-beat, letting you curl against his chest and hide from the chaos you unintentionally created. As you calmed the building returned to its former self, releasing those inside from the trap it had become. The Troupe wanted to know just how you did what you did, knowing the limitations of Nen and how a few of the oddities they encountered didn’t follow basic Nen laws. You were exhausted and unable to answer the questions they had, falling asleep in the comforting arms of Chrollo as he held you close.
That day, you learned many truths about not only yourself but about the fact that you had rather aggressive Nen. Your Nen quite literally changed the world around you. Chrollo believed it to be an illusion at first, but after searching the living building he began to realize the sheer effect your Nen had on the world around you. He wanted to test the capabilities of your Nen and see all it was able to do, but it became quickly apparent that your Nen was linked to your stress; the more stressed you were, the stronger you Nen became.
To Chrollo, learning the extent of your Nen was not worth the stress it would put you through, not to mention the amount of stress you had to be in for it to even manifest properly.
For now, Chrollo allowed your Nen to remain an enigma. He would work more on it with you later, but his primary goal at that moment was to gently extract you from your social shell, all without distressing you too much.
Now you sat on his lap, quietly tapping some unknown beat on his arm as he read his book. Chrollo figured you could use some time outside and so he brought you to a rather quiet park and settled on a bench with you. He was quite content to relax with you when an obnoxious voice drew his attention from his book.
“Hey there, handsome.”
He glanced up to see a woman who was adorned with gemstones and wore a lipstick shade that was obnoxiously bright for her complexion. She clearly didn’t care that he was obviously interested in his book and you were seated on his lap. In fact, she looked at you the way one would look at something detestable writhing on filth.
“How about you ditch the spaz and let me show you a real woman?”
You slightly flinched at the harsh words, the soft tapping of your fingers stopping almost immediately. It was clear you were uncomfortable, but you tried to ignore the woman and look anywhere except for at her.
“I have a real woman already.”
“Oh, please. It’s cute that you’re being so nice to a retard but-”
Chrollo had enough of the woman squawking and insulting you, moving to silence the annoyance before you spoke, your voice dripping with venom.
“And yet, he still wants this 'retard’ more than he wants you.”
“Ugh, why do you think you can even speak to me-?”
“I’m not speaking to you. I am speaking at you. To imply I am talking to you would mean you have any awareness of the world around you when it is obvious you can only see your own nose, despite how deeply buried in your ass it is.”
Even with the situation, Chrollo wanted to laugh. Here this random woman was with her mouth hanging open like a fish as if she couldn’t understand that you were capable of talking and had insulted her. He almost wanted to just let the scene play out, so pleased you could hiss out insults the way you did when you usually would close up.
“Wh-”
“Just stop talking.”
“You can’t say that to me!”
“But you can say it to me?”
“Of course I can! Retards don’t understand-”
“What I don’t understand in this situation is why you’re still here. Are you that desperate for approval that you think you can bother a couple who want not a damn thing to do with you? Or is it you’re so used to getting what you want your spoiled ass can’t comprehend the idea of someone telling you to fuck off?”
“I-”
As amusing as Chrollo found the exchange, he was already at the end of his patience with the woman. His movements were so fast neither you nor the woman realized he had done anything before she was falling to the ground dead, a ballpoint pen sticking out of her forehead. Naturally, seeing a person rather suddenly die made your anxieties raise, even though the perpetrator was the very same man who held you so carefully on his lap.
“Why did-?”
“I do appreciate you snapping at that woman for her actions, it is quite refreshing to see you not shy away from conflict like you typically do. However, I didn’t appreciate the way she spoke to you and the way she spoke about you.”
“But did she need to die?”
“Oh, my love, you are such a sweet person. You try so hard to be kind to others and to avoid arguing…” Chrollo chuckled softly as if he had told a joke, “I’ve killed more people over less.”
He hummed and kissed your temple gently, seeming to wrap himself around you as best he could. Everything about the two of you seemed so polar opposite, it was amusing to Chrollo to know just how similar yet different you were from one another.
“Be as gentle as you want, love. You may be hesitant to snap at them, but I will happily kill them for you.”
~~~~~~~~
“I don’t know, Chrollo… I’ve never- I haven’t-”
“I know. How fortunate I am in the perfect position to teach you.”
“I don’t want to mess up-”
“Let me lead you.”
You bit your lip hesitantly and drummed your fingers against your bouncing thigh, wondering just how much trust you were willing to give this man. He had proven time and time again that he was different from all others you’ve met, even when compared to the troupe he was different. Since the moment you two met, he had been trying to understand you and what makes your brain tick. Chrollo has done so much to work away at that mask of yours just to sneak a peak at the you beneath it all.
“I’m not taking any pills-”
“I know how to use a condom, (y/n), and there are many options to choose from. I would love to make you nice and round with my child, to see your soft breasts fill up with milk as your body creates a physical representation of my affections and my need for you, but I can just as easily live without. I also know you are terrified of what I may think of you during all of this, I will say every thought I have out loud if you truly want me to.”
He took a step closer to you, taking your hands in his and holding them to his warm chest so you could feel the steady thrum of his heart. You weren’t trying to be difficult, you were nervous and slightly afraid of anything potentially going wrong. Chrollo knew this and planned to help you build up such confidence your anxieties wouldn’t be able to touch you.
The first step was for Chrollo to get you to allow him to be intimate with you in the first place. Beyond that he planned to praise you constantly, to guide you in every step, as well as to provide distraction for you when you became stressed. He was determined to finally get you into his bed and to indulge in your body which had taunted him so from the moment he met you.
“(Y/n),” Chrollo pulled you close, body pressing against your own, “may I love you? Will you let me?”
You bit your lip, watching with almost wary eyes as Chrollo rolled his hips in a relaxed motion against your own. It was true, you wanted to say yes and give in to Chrollo with open arms and an equally open heart. The only thing making you hesitate was your nerves in the situation, so many ways to potentially make a mistake or embarrass yourself around Chrollo.
As if he could sense your hesitation, he gently grasped your hand and pulled it towards himself, guiding you to his unzipped pants. His hard length was obvious when pressed up against you, but it seemed so much more beneath your warm hand. The relaxed pulse of Chrollo’s heartbeat was clear in his stiff length as he pressed your hand onto the apparent bulge.
“Will you let me love you?”
Chrollo asked again, his voice a soft croon in your ear as you felt your body warm up intensely. The most you could manage was a nod as he pulled you to the bed, laying you back against the blankets.
He took his time pulling his coat off, tossing it to the side as he moved on top of you to kiss you ever so gently. His hands were warm against your skin and you felt your anxieties pushing back against your desire to let Chrollo have you fully. You did want to take this next step, but your anxieties always gnawed away at your mind and try to force you to reject him.
Chrollo gently trailed kisses down your neck, ensuring to leave several marks that would make his claim over you quite clear to anyone who saw them. It seemed like Chrollo was well versed in intimacy, each touch so delicate despite the fact you knew he could snap bones with a mere flex. When his warm hands reached your chest, you couldn’t stop the anxious whine that escaped you, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to keep yourself under control.
“I told you, I will say every thought out loud if I need to. So, I want to tell you exactly what just having you here is doing to me…” He slowly cupped one breast, his arm next to your head holding up his weight as he murmured in your ear, “just the thought of us doing this gets me so hard. I had little interest in pleasure except when I needed to use it for information, now I’m so starved for your attention the mere thought makes me ache.”
He continued to hum those soft words like a sinner confessing every deep detail of their crimes. The full and plump lips brushing against your skin sent shivers through your body, feeling a persistent throb between your legs. Chrollo was still slowly caressing your body with his hand, hips pressing up so firmly against your throbbing core.
“The amount of wet dreams I’ve had of making you pass out from pleasure would make a degenerate blush. Your voice,” he kissed your ear gently, “your face twisted with pleasure,” his hand slowly lifted your shirt, seeming to slice through with not a scrap of resistance, “your exhausted body clenching down on me just right,” your bra joined the forming pile of clothes on the floor, “all the way down to how your soft holes taste. Just using my tongue to make you squirt for me, tasting your soft and warm insides.”
Chrollo moaned lowly against your body, taking one of your breasts in his mouth and toying with the other. He was intentionally being louder than he usually would, using his own pleasured sounds to get you riled up and help you feel more relaxed around him during this process. He switched breasts and moved his hand down to unbutton your pants, slowly pulling then off of you, stopping for a moment whenever you whined.
As he managed to successfully remove the obstructing clothes, you found the courage to open your eyes and look down your front at him. Chrollo was trailing kisses down your soft body and staring up at you, the intense eye contact making you yelp and look away. A low chuckle rumbled from his chest as he slid his hand beneath the last article of clothing you had, cupping your dripping heat with his hand.
“Mmm… You’re so wet for me, love. I need you so badly.”
Your underwear slid off of your hips and down your legs, leaving you completely bare to Chrollo’s intense gaze. Impulsively, you covered your eyes and tried to block out both the embarrassment and the anxiety of the situation. You heard Chrollo’s clothes dropping to the floor as well and jerked slightly when his hands returned to your hips.
“My beautiful (y/n)… Won’t you please look at me?”
It took a moment for you to work up the courage to look past your fingers and down at Chrollo, his stormy eyes seeming to glint at your attention. He held that eye contact as he settled between your legs, refusing to look away as his tongue dragged up your sensitive heat. You couldn’t help the way you gasped, eyes closing once more as you mewled with every following slow lick.
“Fuck,” he moaned, trying to dig his tongue deeper into you between words, “you taste so good..! I want all of you…”
Chrollo knew exactly how he was working you up gently, not just stuffing himself in you and fucking away his troubles. Two fingers joined his tongue, slowly sliding into you one at a time as he suckled on your clit passionately.
“(Y/n),” Chrollo prompted softly, “tell me what you’re feeling.”
“I- I’m feeling- so fucking good..!”
“Want me to keep going?”
“Yes!”
“Want me to stop?”
“N-no! Please- please, Chrollo, don’t stop!”
“Such a good girl…”
You whined and moaned quietly, anxious about being too loud and someone hearing your soft noises. Each slurp or prolonged moan from Chrollo had you gripping at his hair, holding onto those black locks while trying to keep yourself from tugging too hard on them. A faint pressure felt like it was building up inside of you, becoming more and more apparent as Chrollo continued to feast on your soft pussy. Eventually that pressure felt near unbearable and your body tensed, feeling that pressure break and flood your body with euphoria.
Your limbs were rigid and you couldn’t stop your eyes from closing as you physically shook from the feeling, panting and mewling as your legs shook and tightened, holding Chrollo in place. He could have easily pulled away, but instead chose to continue licking and slurping your warm clit with a deep moan and pumping his fingers into you. It almost seemed like he truly got pleasure from seeing you fall to pieces from his actions.
When you finally relaxed and let him pull away, you were still panting and whining as you tried to come down from your high. The faint sound clothes dropping and a wrapper tearing open drew your attention and you glanced down to see Chrollo sliding a condom down onto his firm length. Fear shot through you as you saw that thick and long length Chrollo planned on putting inside of you and your panic rose back up.
“It-it’s going to be too big..! It can’t- it won’t be able to fit in me!”
“It’s alright,” Chrollo soothed slowly climbing back on top of you, “I know it will be able to fit. I won’t lie to you, it will be uncomfortable at first, maybe even a bit painful, but it will feel so good as soon as you get used to it. I promise you that.”
You bit your lip and glanced away from those steel eyes, still feeling your heart racing and your body tense in anxiety.
“Here,” Chrollo said, pulling your arms up to wrap around his body, “Hold onto me, (y/n). Scratch me up as much as you need to.”
He lined up that large cock with your soft folds, slowly grinding his hips against your own and covering his cock with your juices as he leaned over you. You tried to relax but instinctively tensed as you felt the tip of his cock press into your folds. Chrollo softly hushed you and waited for you to relax before inching his way inside of you, pausing any time you whined or tensed. When he finally bottomed out inside of you, he let out a low groan from the feel of you wrapped around him.
“You feel so damn good, (y/n)… Tell me when you want me to move, until then- ngh- I am happy to stay as still as you need me to.”
Chrollo breathed deeply and his slow relaxed breaths helped calm you, feeling the odd sensation of his pulse thrumming inside of you. There was a slight burn from the stretch of your soft walls accommodating his large and heavy cock in your gentle body. Your nails bit down into his back as you slowly relaxed, loosening your grip on his body.
As you fully began to adjust to the feeling, you hummed and felt your muscles relax. For a moment you almost forgot he was inside of you before the slightest movement reminded you.
“O-okay… Okay. You can move…”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but I trust you.”
“If you were anyone else saying that, I would think it is a horrible idea to trust me. But, you, my love, can always trust me to do what is best for you, and what is best for us. I’m going to start moving, let me know if it hurts.”
He slowly slid back and out of you before shoving himself back inside of you. The movement made you whine as that burn returned in near full force, but you refused to stop him as he settled with a relaxed pace. Chrollo was so enamored with the way your body hugged him perfectly and massaged his stiff cock so comfortably, finding even the slow pace to be more pleasure than he received from any other he has taken to bed.
“Just so sweet and beautiful.”
He crooned into your ear, slowly picking up his pace as you once again relaxed, starting to feel the faint spark of pleasure in your body. It was similar to finally scratching an itch that had been bothering you for a while, building up into much more than a simple soothing motion. Chrollo angled his hips and you mewled loudly when the head of his cock dug into a particularly sensitive spot inside of you.
Taking note of your noise, Chrollo ensured to press into that bundle of nerves repeatedly, beginning to impulsively thrust harder and faster into you. One of his hands trailed down to rub at your clit, only making the pleasure in you skyrocket beyond what you already felt. The sensation making you moan so sweetly for him and cling to him.
“Fuck..! You look so good taking my cock like this…” Chrollo panted as he stared down at your expression, wanting to see every little grimace or deliriously pleasured face you made, “do this every night with you… Just keep going until you get nice and exhausted for me..!”
He paused for a moment, making you whine at the loss of friction before he pulled back, leaving you no longer able to dig your nails into his back. For a moment you thought you did something wrong and began to worry until he lifted your legs to his shoulders, leaning forward to press into you even deeper than he had been. The oddly scrunched position only seemed to make every move feel even stronger, forcing the air in and out of your lungs in time with his thrusts.
“I want you to cum for me… Soak me with your juices and just squeeze down on my cock.”
His words were debauched and only seemed to add more pleasure to your sparking and stimulated brain, feeling that pressure building back up inside of you at a faster rate than before. As the pressure built your voice raised in pitch and your moans became louder, unable to stop the cries whining from you despite the fact you knew you were getting too loud. It all seemed to not matter as much to you anymore, feeling that pressure become greater until it broke with a flooding wave of sensation far stronger than the first.
Your head impulsively tossed side to side as if you physically had to move to properly comprehend the tidal wave of bliss that burned inside of you. Chrollo’s continued movements making you wail from each shocking sensation that continued to burn inside of you. You could feel the way your walls constricted around him, forcing a deep moan from his throat at the snug embrace of your pussy around his achingly hard cock.
“That’s it… Good girl, taking all of me so well..!” Chrollo moaned, panting slightly as the bliss of your orgasm faded away, “once more… Cum for me just once more.”
Chrollo moaned, stuffing himself into you over and over again, imagining how it would feel to fill you up with his hot cum. For now he ignored that want and continued to rut into you, feeling the ridges of your warm walls through the condom. For now he allowed the lightweight cover to stand between the two of you, content with the squeeze of your tight walls as he drilled into you.
“Ch-Chrollo..! Ngh! I can’t-! It’s too much..!”
He shushed you gently, locking his lips with your own as he continued to wildly thrust into you like a beast in heat.
“I know you can take more, Love. I told you, I plan on burning off that night-time energy of yours.”
He could feel the way your warm walls squeezed him so well, the perfect fit of his large cock in your soft insides, your sweet voice cracking and whining in elation. There wasn’t a particular number of times he wanted you to cum around his drilling cock, but he certainly knew he wanted far more than just two orgasms from you. Chrollo had been honest when he suggested burning off as much energy as possible so you would sleep through the whole night without any disturbance.
He certainly planned to cum more than once, vaguely frustrated he was only spurting into the condom and not your soft body, but he quickly got over it. After all, you two were soulmates and he would have plenty more chances to fill you up with his cum.
~~~~~~~~
Chrollo slowly woke to a quiet sound and the slight bit of light through his eyelids. You lay next to him, back pressed against his chest as you remained secure in his arms. For a moment, he thought you were just talking in your sleep again before he realized the light was from your phone and you were staring intently at it.
“Darling, it’s three in the morning. What are you doing?”
“… Watching cat videos.”
“Do I need to fuck you even more than I assume to keep you asleep through the night?”
Night and Day pt 2 (yandere!Chrollo x autistic!Reader)
Warnings; autistic reader, female pronouned reader (let me know if y'all want other pronoun versions), yandere behavior, it’s based around my autism so it may not be exact to the experience of others, soulmate au, protective yandere, slight infantilism from outside sources, petty people will be petty, dehumanization from others (anything negative said has been said to or about me), mention of NSFW,
~~~~~~~~
You had built quite the nest out of the hotel bed, sleeping soundly in the center now that you had a chance to relax.
Chrollo was simply fascinated by you in every respect. He knows you are his soul mate, having seen glimpses of you so many times in the few dreams he has and the way your Nen resonated with his was just confirmation of what he already knew. He did not fully believe he would find you, it had been five years of searching after all, and he had almost given up completely when he caught a glimpse of you.
All it took was a glance and he was following you, abandoning his conversation mid-sentence in favor of learning more about you. He hadn’t even explained himself to the troupe, simply walking away to pursue you. There was no way he would lose you, not after he had finally found you when he spent years searching.
Naturally, the troupe was confused as they had never seen their leader act in such a way before. Chrollo is calm, collected, calculating, overbearing, but he is NOT the type to just up and leave a conversation. This told them that whatever grabbed his attention was extremely important to him, and so it became important to them.
You were so ‘normal’ at first, it made Chrollo wonder just what lay beneath the surface as he watched you mirror others. True, you were good at hiding and concealing your true nature, but Chrollo is the master of hiding in plain sight, he could see right through you. He ordered for the troupe to collect you and not harm you, which is when that delicately crafted mask crumbled.
When you had been calm, your Nen was barely a whisper of energy, but when you became distressed, that whisper turned into a siren and became overwhelming. The sheer strength of your Nen alone was impressive, and the fact that it had become so unruly the moment your act dropped intrigued him. It shifted and changed to mimic others when calm, but quickly became smothering and raw when you became upset.
Now, you were semi-calm and in a deep sleep, leaving Chrollo to think about what he would do now. He finally had you in his grasp, but he had no idea what to do with you now that he had you. Perhaps he went into this far too quickly…
Pakunoda allowed Chrollo to borrow her Nen so he could take observations on your thoughts and mental processes allowing himself into your thinking, revealing a mind that had near constant overlapping chatter. A chaotic display that took him a good few hours to make order out of. When he found some record of order, he was stunned to see how quickly your brain moved from thought to thought, the continuous processing of stimuli he wouldn’t even pay mind to.
It was as if his mind was a flashlight beam; focusing solely on one area or idea at a time, despite how quickly he managed to do it. Your mind was a lantern; illuminating and processing all the things in a certain radius around you. You noticed so much all at once and had another thought process that was solving any immediate stimuli paired with one that faintly buzzed in the background, becoming louder with your stress until it blocks out the others with a cacophonous hum.
It was… Exhilarating. Your brain was absolutely exhilarating to Chrollo. How does a person have that much activity in their brain and still function in such a ramshackle society?
He understood your mirroring now. Not meant to manipulate like he used it for, but to survive by blending in among those who don’t have that constant thrum. He understood why being touched and grabbed had bothered you so much especially when you were already stressed.
Chrollo sat by the bed, one hand resting ever so gently against your back, trying to make heads or tails of your unique mind. But beyond his curiosity, he was marveling at being so close to you after so many years of rarely seeing you in fleeting dreams. He had severe insomnia and had few actual moments of sleep or rest, trying to catch a glimpse of you as often as he could.
You have been the epicenter of his thoughts for quite some time now, the heart of his thinking and affections. It infuriated him whenever his vague dreams were interrupted and he had to relent to awareness instead of pursuing you. Finally, you were here beside him now and everything truly seemed right with the world.
How unusual it was for someone to be so unassuming yet so amazingly impactful on his life. Chrollo felt as if he were seeing color for the first time after living in a world of nothing but black and white. Your presence so close to him fixed problems he didn’t even know he had.
No doubt your true self would be hidden behind that normal mask until he can truly free you from feeling like you need to hide. He wanted to remove that mask and let you be who you are and not who you trained yourself to be. Do you even know who you are under that mask, or have you convinced yourself the mask is you?
Chrollo was very good at quickly figuring people out, but you were quite the complex puzzle to solve. Eventually, he tired of trying to make sense of your mind as it was difficult to direct it while you slept, choosing to lay next to you instead. He may not sleep often, but he had to know the sensation that was getting to hold you securely in his arms.
How often had he imagined this exact scenario?
Comfortable with you laying in his arms in a content and peaceful slumber. Chrollo slept very little and his insomnia kept him awake most of the time even when he wanted to sleep, but your presence soothed him immensely and calmed him more than he would ever admit. But that wasn’t the only change in Chrollo your presence caused.
Chrollo is not usually interested in carnal pleasure unless it is to get information from others, but now… Now he could feel his own desire lurking and pressing against his mind, wanting to physically connect with you. He knew you would be against the idea, especially so soon after meeting him and the not so very polite way you were introduced to him.
But the warmth of your body called to him. A siren’s song to his senses as it called to him oh so sweetly. The softness of your flesh beneath his fingers made a soft moan slip through his lips, one hand coming up to smother a breast as the other made itself useful between your plush thighs. He knew you could wake at any time and you would not react positively to knowing what he was doing to you while he slept, but for Chrollo, that only added to the experience.
Chrollo steals what he wants and removes anyone who stands in his way, he knows when something is 'right’ or 'wrong’ and he doesn’t care. All Chrollo truly wants right now is to indulge in the presence of someone he had waited his whole life to meet. He didn’t even think he had a soulmate for a while.
Normal people don’t often meet their soulmates because normal people can’t perceive Nen. Nen users are the only ones who can see their Nen and the nen of others, meaning they can see the way their Nen responds to others.
When a person has not met their soulmate, their Nen is faint and almost lethargic in movement. Usually normal people will dream of their soul mates and try to go off of their idea of who their soulmate will be, this is also true for Nen users. The difference is when a Nen user meets their soulmate and their Nen reacts together.
Chrollo knew you when he saw you because his Nen reached out to you in a desperate manner, as if it were trying to reach out and grab you. The moment he finally got close enough to you, your Nen began to respond as well. Your Nen had not been 'awakened’ yet but it quite easily and readily did in response to Chrollo’s Nen. Usually random exposure to Nen causes mortal wounds or cripples the person, but the Nen of a soulmate can easily and gently awaken the Nen of their other-half. Your Nen awoke and rushed to meet his nen, both of them clashing and mixing until they became harmonious, burning with an intensity that could have rivaled the sun.
Having a soulmate can be tricky though. If one of the pair dies, it can cause a near cataclysmic reaction from their partner and their Nen. It also means that when one half is upset or afraid, their partner knows and has equally unruly Nen.
Chrollo figured he wasn’t the type of guy to have a significant other, sleeping so rarely he didn’t register you were the one his soul called out to. He had searched for you, yes, but he didn’t even know what or who he was searching for and eventually he only kept searching because he wasn’t the kind to give up once started. Upon catching a glimpse of you as he and the rest of the troupe got off of the train, he saw the way his Nen willed him to follow you and so he obeyed. Leaving the troupe mid sentence as he had been explaining their target, following you with resolute determination to catch up and finally meet you.
The troupe- as they are Nen users as well- could see Chrollo’s nen so aggressively reaching out to you and they knew then you were their beloved Boss’ soulmate. It was a no-brainer to them to agree to put their heist on hold so they could get you to Chrollo instead. Your distress as you were pulled inside by Uvogin, panic gripping your heart as you struggled, resulted in Chrollo’s Nen forcing him to feel your fear as acutely as you did.
Your Nen was thrilled to be back with his own nen, but you were terrified. People you didn’t know just kidnapped you, shoved you into a car, brought you to some run down abandoned hotel on the other side of the city, and tried to force you to enter the building willingly before pulling you in roughly. He wanted little more than to pick you up and hold you despite how you would cry and struggle, but he knew he needed to calm you before he lost control. Now you were laying in his arms- where you belonged- and he couldn’t be happier about it.
You were so soft under his fingers even as you sleep, finally content and fed even though you were quite the picky eater. Your calm Nen was soothing and Chrollo found himself beginning to doze off with his hands still in that compromising position. Choosing to move his hands to merely wrap around and hold you was ideal for such a situation. He was unusually comfortable and as he drifted to sleep, he wondered if your presence had anything to do with it.
~~~~~~~~
You slowly woke with a soft hum, the warmth wrapping around you was so wonderfully comfortable and familiar. The light pressure of a loose embrace giving you an unusual sense of protection, so much so that you turned and cuddled into the loving grasp with a sigh of relaxation. Each slow breath you took in seemed to try and pull you back into sleep, the immense comfort you felt only adding to the desire of continued rest.
Sleep began to win the battle as you pressed close to the warm figure that held you so sweetly. A nagging thought was all that remained standing between you and your dreams, trying to be heard despite your desire to not listen.
Just who was it that was holding you? You didn’t have a significant other who would be in your bed, right? Weren’t you somewhere other than home too?
Those questions fought against your want to sleep, coming to the surface of your mind with an almost painful clarity. That’s right, you had been kidnapped and taken to some run-down abandoned hotel where your supposed soulmate introduced himself. Despite your protests and desire to be returned to the comfort of your residence, your soulmate insisted on you staying with him. You didn’t exactly want to agree to stay, but you also didn’t really have a choice.
Your eyes slowly opened and flicked up to look at your bedfellow, vaguely comforted by the fact that he seemed to be in a deep sleep. It indeed was the strange man who ordered you to be kidnapped and brought to him, but even the realization of who you shared your bed with did little to rile you. There was such a feeling of serenity inside of you that you found it hard to actually feel upset about much.
It felt as if you were safe at home and not in the arms of a man that you just met who was clearly obsessed with you. Perhaps there was some validity to his belief that the two of you were soulmates. After all, it wasn’t like you were the kind to just readily trust others without extensive temper testing of their personality.
When it came to picking people apart emotionally, you relied on natural human tells that gave you a better indication of what emotional state a person was in. The man who claimed you as his own was nothing like others you had encountered in the past and his responses to things were so muted you wondered if he schooled his emotions at all times. He was next to impossible to mirror beyond the confident quick-witted responses.
He claimed to want to force you to be yourself truly without society influencing you, to some degree the idea of it made you distressed. You had gotten this far in life by pretending to be a 'normal’ person, so you weren’t about to just drop every learned habit or taught behavior. If anything, you would fight him every step of the way before allowing any of your selected and cultivated 'normal habits’ to be manipulated or removed.
“Enjoying watching me sleep?”
The amused tone of Chrollo made your face burn with shame as you tried to pull away, finding the arms around you much harder to escape than you expected. The resistance he gave in allowing you to get up made panic bubble in your chest, beginning to fight more aggressively. In one motion, he pulled you into his chest and pinned your arms so you couldn’t move, his voice barely a whisper in your ears.
“Shh… Take a moment and breathe. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Liar.”
“Have I hurt you yet?”
“You’ve taken my comfort away from me. Yes, you have hurt me.”
“And I will have plenty of time to make it up to you. You were so comfortable and relaxed when you thought I was sleeping, you can have that comfort with me when I am awake.”
He did have somewhat of a point, but that didn’t mean you agreed with him by any stretch of the imagination.
“Let me show you how easy life with me can be.”
~~~~~~~~
“Explain it to me again?”
“It’s the texturethat I have a problem with and the taste reminds me of the texture. I can’t stand it.”
“So the crunch bothers you if it isn’t supposed to be crunchy and you can’t eat something it has touched because the taste lingers and reminds you of the crunch?”
“Exactly.”
“Is it the same with fabric texture?”
“I don’t taste fabric.”
“No, I know. I mean in terms of positive textures and negative textures, the same for fabric and sound?”
“Yes!”
Chrollo chuckled slightly at your small outburst, not bothering to hush you when you became a bit too loud while talking, enjoying the odd glances people in the small diner gave. He had been picking apart every behavior he could by simple observation, but he had finally caved and asked you when he couldn’t come to a answer that made sense to him. The question of food textures being one of the many different questions he had stored away.
Every time Chrollo felt like he was finding a pattern in your trailing and fragmented thoughts, you would throw him a curve-ball and leave him back at square one. He was just a cat chasing a laser-pointer and he was getting nowhere fast by trying to find any pattern in your rapid thoughts. It was frustrating to him to not have you figured out yet, but that made it more fun for him overall. Truly, it wasn’t every day Chrollo was able to find someone who could race circles around him mentally.
Yet here you were, in all of your odd and fragmented glory.
“But, yeah, that’s also why I have to pace randomly.”
Ah. So you were back to the night disturbances topic.
Chrollo had learned how easily you picked up and dropped conversations, sometimes ending one thought with the middle of another thought from several topics prior. You actually seemed happier now that he managed to get you talking, many of your mannerisms and ticks beginning to show past that mask of normalcy. It surprised him that you were so agile in topic switching and that you could chatter so easily if he let you, having been less talkative than him early on in the odd relationship.
“Does she have a mute button?”
The snide comment from several tables away seemed to snap through your rolling mind and made everything come to a halt. Clearly, you heard the comment as your voice died in your throat and you seemed to shrink in on yourself. Much like an ammonite or an armadillo, Chrollo could practically see you re-enter your social shell all from the needless comment of some stranger.
“Honestly, he should be embarrassed to be in public with her. Muzzle her or put the damn thing out of her misery. I get the whole 'they’re people too’ but do they really have to go in public with everyone else?”
Your change was extreme and Chrollo saw your immediate regression back into your comfortable mask society forced you to hide behind. The once animated and lively movements became muted and restrained. Your amused smile turning into a dejected frown. Eyes remained downcast towards the table as your Nen also died down to only a whisper of energy.
This is what society did to you. Your quirks and excited behavior being shunned and treated like a burden by those around you. The unique flame that is you was being stifled and strangled to only a fraction of yourself. They gained nothing from hurting you in such a way, and yet they seemed to revel in it all the same. To put another down for having emotion beyond what is 'socially acceptable’ in a mere ploy to distract from their own perceived shortcomings.
Truly, Chrollo found their behavior pathetic.
“Shalnark,” Chrollo spoke lightly but knew the fellow spider could hear him, seven other troupe members seated around the diner if only to ensure your safety, “deal with that squawking woman.”
Not even a moment after Chrollo finished speaking, the same woman who had been criticizing you suddenly jerked. The movement didn’t even draw your eyes up from the table in front of you.
What did draw your attention was when the woman let out a sharp squealing noise and face-planted into her steaming hot food, not reacting even as those around her panicked. Chrollo didn’t react and simply sat with a calm smile on his lips, letting you drum your fingers idly on his hand as you watched the scene unfold.
“… But, why?”
“Why not?”
“She didn’t do anything… People talk about me all the time like that…”
“They shouldn’t. But, if they do, I will deal with them permanently.”
~~~~~~~~
Why couldn’t he read you?
It was driving Chrollo mad to know that your brain had been able to avoid any clear pattern despite your adherence to a somewhat fragmented schedule. Every time he thinks he understands, it all falls to pieces, leaving him grasping at empty air and meaningless ideas.
If he didn’t understand you in every way, how would he be able to manipulate you to his whims?
Everyone Chrollo had met up until that point had been fairly easy for Chrollo to understand and control as needed. All others following an unsaid list of rules that simply made up society, doing their parts as pieces of the whole. Everyone except for you.
You seem to have mostly prefected your mask of 'proper behavior’ but the thoughts beneath churned and leaped in ways Chrollo was unfamiliar with. The things you did and the way you interacted with the world was so foreign to him. Due to your ever moving mind, he had believed you wouldn’t like animals due to their behavior, yet animals seemed to flock to you in abundance.
It was the middle of the night but you were up and pacing with a tired expression, as if you had no choice but to pace. You had explained it as being similar to how one would rock a child back to sleep paired with a hamster running on a wheel, needing to be in motion to properly return to sleep. No matter how tired you seemed at that moment, you were still pacing with your fingertips ghosting over the surfaces around you.
Chrollo was still adjusting to having his other half and he found himself actually able to sleep more soundly than he had ever been able to before. On nights you had nocturnal disturbances, he would sit up and wait for you to return to bed no matter how long it was likely to take. He had insomnia- which your presence seemed to actually help alleviate- but he needed you in his arms for that to happen.
So now you both were awake and you had yet to stop pacing despite looking as if you would fall asleep standing.
“Do I need to help you burn off energy?”
“I don’t think there’s a way to do that. Not one that my brain will agree with, at least.”
“There’s always intense sex.”
You came to a complete halt mid-step, Chrollo watching the gears in your head turning as you processed what he had said. He hadn’t been so forward with the topic before despite his previous innuendos or light teasing, the suddenness catching you off guard. Chrollo could see the way your Nen responded versus your lack of movement or response as your Nen flared and flicked with indecision.
“Don’t be silly, Chrollo. No one wants that with me. No one wants to put up with me and I haven’t before, so I really doubt it will turn out well.”
“Why do you always assume I will react like others? I want you. Not your mask, just you. I know it makes you nervous and stressed, because you worry it will be like every other time you’ve tried something. You try and then get mocked for your honest attempt. I have no intention of mocking you. Making you delirious with pleasure, maybe, but never to mock you.”
“… Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying. You are a fascinating person, (y/n), why would I ever want to hurt you or mock you?”
“Because that is all everyone wants.”
“I’m not everyone. Hopefully one day you will let me show that to you.”
i finally got a prescription for a medication that actually helps my anxiety and insomnia and it makes a world of a difference i’m over the moon!!! i’m feeling inspired to start making content again as well as do so many other things!!! like i feel way more able to answer people and make art, pursue other hobbies like raising butterflies etc, i’m playing piano right now for the first time in years reteaching myself the songs i used to play n having so much fun i’m so happy :’) 
Tw: Death of a character, Blood, Stabbing, Explicit Language, Abandonment, Anxiety, Manipulation, Captivity.
× × ×
Whumpee sat with their back to the cold brick wall behind them.
They couldn’t remember the time of day it would be right now, or even what time it was by the hour anymore.
The dreary, musty basement only ever saw the light of two dimly lit oil lamps that sat in the corners of the room opposite of each other, as the room was remodelled to have the windows bricked over, sealing Whumpee in there with little to no means of escaping their new forever home.
The flames steadily sat atop the cloth wick, Whumpee’s trembling breaths were the only thing to disturb the steady flame, occasionally causing it to flicker in the soft breeze.
There were no windows, only a single metal framed bed that a thin, worn-down mattress rested upon.
Whumpee let out a sigh while a softer feeling of abandonment crept into their heart, causing their expression to fall weary as their minds started to wander.
Why hadn’t Whumper returned to them yet? Had they done something wrong to displease Whumper? Has Whumper found themselves a new companion to keep them company?
These thoughts plagued Whumpee’s thoughts, unconsciously causing a few small tears to bead in the corner of their eyes as they sniffled softly.
“W-Whumper..” Whumpee whispered to themselves softly, pitifully craning their neck towards the door.
“Wh-whumper.. a-are you.. there?"
There was still silence in the room as Whumpee turned their body around so they were on their hands and knees, slowly pulling themselves towards the door.
a soft rattle of the chain that was wrapped around their ankle and anchored to the wall just by the bed echoed quietly in the room as Whumpee felt their body suddenly come to halt, only feet from the door.
"Whumper.. I-im still here.. did you forget about me..?” Whumpee’s voice was dry, their big water eyes gazed at the door, their arms reached out towards it, but they could only just faintly scratch the wooden door with their nails, just out of their reach.
“W-Whumper!?"
Whumpee’s voice grew a bit louder as it echoed against the walls, hearing the desperate tone in their own voice.
"Whumper!!"
"Whumper, I’m here! I’m still here!!"
"WHUMPER!!!”
Their screams rang hallow throughout the room and halls now.
Whumpee’s voice cracked as they let out a incoherent wail, their eyes now flooded with hot tears, burning their now puffy reddened eyes.
They hunched forward, wrapping their arms tightly around themselves, trying to give themselves any feelings of comfort and affection they could to calm themselves as their panic and feelings of loneliness grew deeper.
“I’m here, I’m here, I’m here..” Whumpee repeatedly whispered to themselves, their lips trembling as their teeth chattered from their anxious state.
But they soon found themselves laying on their side, knees tightly pulled to their chest as the only sounds that escaped were those of muffled sobbing and the occasional choked wail in hopes that Whumper would hear them.
Whumpee bit the inside of their lip hard.
After a few moments, they could taste a soft metallic blood on their tongue, though they couldn’t tell because their senses had become numb to anything but the craved need for Whumper.
It’s all Whumpee wanted, was Whumper to hold them, praise them, and caress their hair softly while whispering in reassurance that everything would be okay.
They understood that Whumper’s punishments weren’t meant to hurt them, but only to teach them to be better.
But somehow, Whumpee had somehow ruined it. They didn’t understand how or why, but they had upset Whumper so greatly now that they had abandoned them.
Whumpee opened their eyes while sniffling. Though they didn’t move from the floor, they simply laid there, motionless, and broken.
×××
Upstairs Whumper sat at their desk, idly smirking while watching Whumpee desperately plead for them.
In a way, Whumper thought it was pathetic how needy they were despite their ‘tough’ demeanor.
'I suppose I should go comfort the little thing before it completely snaps.. We truly would not want that again.'
Whumper lightly tapped the × at the top right of the screen while turning their monitor off, steadily arising from their seat as they walked calmly towards the hallway.
×××
After a few minutes, Whumpee heard a soft click come from the door, as if on cue, causing their body to suddenly jerk up, so they were sitting upright on their knees, wide-eyed, staring in an almost dog-like manner towards the entrance, impatiently waiting.
Whumper slowly pushed the door open while sliding the keys back into his pocket, looking down towards Whumpee with a more solemn expression, though it was not genuine.
“Whumpee..” They spoke softly while kneeling down, keeping their hand up to signal Whumpee to stay put, though their excitement almost made it nearly impossible. They did not want to do anything that could cause Whumper to leave them again.
“I apologise for being away longer than expected.. I truly am sorry.” They lowered their hands while extending their arms towards Whumpee.
Without hesitating, Whumpee sprung into Whumper’s arms, nuzzling their body as closely as they could against Whumper’s, resting their head under their chin while smiling ear to ear.
“I-i though you left me, forgot about me.. I did something bad.. I’m sorry, so sorry..” Whumpee spoke quickly, with faint hints of happiness, fear, and anxiety coating their words as they could barely form a coherent sentence.
“Shh, sh” Whumper hushed them softly while wrapping their arms securely around the smaller framed Whumpee while cuddling them closely, lightly resting their lips against the top of their head.
“I could never forget about you, Whumpee.. How foolish of you to think."
"M'sorry..”
“Tch, I suppose I can understand why someone so naive could think that. But that’s why you have me to take care of you, and teach you how to be good."
"Mhm~” Whumpee hummed softly in agreement, while wrapping their arms around Whumper’s neck. “M'thankful for Whumper.."
Whumper smirked to themselves while lowering their arm around Whumpee’s waist, pulling them closer.
"Of course you are.."
Whumpee let out a softer breath while opening their eyes, feeling a faint wave of relief.
"Whumper.."
"Yes, Whumpee..?"
Whumper shifted lightly, but stopped as they let out a short gasp, feeling a sudden sharp, pain in the back of their neck.
A warm liquid slowly trickled down their back as Whumpee pushed a rod they had broken off the bed frame and sharpened deeper into Whumper’s neck, twisting it lightly before pulling it out, hearing Whumper let out a pained scream before their grip loosened enough on Whumpee that they could push themselves free of their grip.
But they didn’t run, oh no.
Whumpee quickly knocked Whumper to the floor while climbing onto their lap, raising their hand to weild the rod high in the air before plunging it deep into Whumper’s chest, over and over, and over.
Whumper let out a blood curdling scream as they didn’t even have a chance to try and fight back to protect themselves as Whumpee continued to stab them relentlessly without hesitation.
Their blood splattered over the walls and pooled around Whumpers trembling, bloodied body as Whumpee panted heavily, now also coated in splatters of blood and small bits of flesh.
They took a moment to stare at the bloodied mess in front of them before a sudden wave of nausea hit them.
Whumpee quickly got up from the body only to collapse on their knees, hunching over while emptying the little contents of their stomach that were there, heaving heavily while trembling.
It wasn’t that Whumpee was having regrets, no.
Whumper deserved nothing more than a painfully slow death, and that’s exactly what they were getting.
Whumpee could still hear the shallow, gurgled breaths of Whumper as they desperately tried to cling onto what little time they had left while Whumpee slowly moved back over, bit only to quickly retrieve the keys from his pocket, and for a bonus, their wallet.
"Whumper..” Whumpee looked down at them in the same condescending way that Whumper would.
“Burn in hell.. I’ll see you again when I get there too, I promise."
There was a coldness to Whumpee’s voice as they leaned down, unlocking the chain from their ankle, and the collar from their neck, dropping it to the ground while feeling a faint chill from their skin being so exposed.
Whumpee turned as they walked slowly towards the door, opening it while looking back at Whumper’s motionless body.
'Rot here, piece of shit..'
Whumpee angrily slammed the door closed while locking it, breaking the key off as they turned it, making sure that there was no way Whumper could escape this long needed fate.
As they made their way up the basement stairs to the main floor, Whumpee felt a mix of emotions, though the only one they wanted to focus on, was the feeling of freedom.
(Please DNI if Drugs/Forced Drug Use will trigger you.)
Heavy Tw: Forced High, Forced Drug Use, Marijuana/Weed Mention, Physical Bondage, Drool, Anxiety, Cheek Grab, Explicit Language, Duo Whumpers.
× × ×
“Have you ever smoked before, Whumpee?”
Whumpee’s eyes grew as they looked up from their kneeled position on the floor to Whumper’s friends.
They stood there, arms crossed, looking down at them inquisitively, pinched between their index and middle finger was a thinly rolled marijuana cigarette.
The smell was off-putting to Whumpee’s frail senses, a strong pungent smell of soured flora filled the air around them. It almost reminded Whumpee of a mild skunk smell, causing their face to twist in mild disgust, though Whumper’s friend took quick notice.
“What’s the matter? Don’t like marijuana?” Whumpers friend scoffed.
“Not.. particularly, no, sir..” Whumpee spoke carefully so as to not agitate or provoke Whumper’s friend.
“You ever try it.”
“No Sir..”
“Well then how can you even say you don’t like it.”
“I uhm..” Whumpee bit their tongue, softly hearing a light tone of annoyance in Whumper’s friend as they kneeled down to Whumpee’s level.
“You uhm? What, c'mon speak."
"I uh, I just.. never really had the desire to try it.."
"Pft.. what a crock."
"Everything alright out here?” Whumper curiously watched the two as they made their way outside.
“Mh”
Whumper’s friend looked towards them, “Dumb thing here’s acting all self righteous since they’ve never gotten High before."
They scoffed while rolling their eyes.
"Wait! I-I wasn’t being self righteous! I-I just s-said–"
"Shut up.”
Whumpers words cut sharply through Whumpee’s broken plea’s.
Whumper shook their head lightly while watching Whumpee’s eyes grow with a soft fear, making them smile lightly.
“Hm.. Well, I’ve heard that old expression goes, ‘You can’t knock it till you’ve tried it’” Whumpee gazed towards their friend, watching their lips curl into a faint smirk.
“Mhm, I believe that’s how it goes.. I’m sure I have enough left for another Joint too so."
Whumper shook their head a bit, "No I think if they want a true experience, they should use the pipe.”
“You know what? That’s even better."
Whumpers friend stood up while walking back to the table by the door, They took out a small glass object, holding it carefully in their fingers while pinching a bit of ground marijuana buds off a tray, placing them into a dip in the glass, which almost resembled a tiny bowl, but with a short stem at the end with another hole.
Whumpee watched carefully while feeling a sting of anxiety hit them suddenly, their heart racing against their chest as Whumper’s friend started walking back to them.
"Well, go on then.. You light this end, and suck through this mouth piece here. Simple."
Whumpee stared at the small glass object in confusion while shifting away from it shaking their head.
"I-i.. don’t want it.."
"Oh you don’t?” Whumpee’s friend stares at them curiously while clicking their tongue in a soft yet condescending manner. “That’s a shame.."
Whumper silently stepped behind Whumpee, kneeling down while they leaned forward, reaching their arm around Whumpee’s neck, tightly pulling them back against their chest, hearing a sudden gasp escape their lips.
"Ple-please! I don’t want it!” Whumpee choked while reaching their hands to Whumper’s arms, only for Whumper to quickly move their free arm around Whumpee, constricting them.
Whumpee squirmed uncontrollably in Whumper’s boa like grip while choked sobs escaped their lips, Hot tears stung the corners of their eyes as Whumper’s friend forced the mouth piece against Whumpee’s lips.
Whumper shifted the arm around Whumpee’s neck so they could grip their cheek tightly, forcing them to part their lips, Whumper’s friend smirked maliciously while flicking the flint on his Bic lighter, holding it closer to the bowl area of the pipe.
“Here’s something you’re probably used to hearing, Suck."
Whumpee grimaced at the implication, They hesitated for as long as they could before feeling Whumper’s fingers dig deeper into the soft flesh of their cheeks, causing a deep stinging sensation to form.
They closed their eyes while deeply inhaling a lung full of smoke. It burned worse than
Whumpee imagined.
It almost resembled the time when Whumper had forced them to take a shot of some amber-colored liquor, but it burned deeper.
It felt as if they had swallowed a handful of hot embers, and it was no better as they let out a series of choked coughs, each one burning and stinging deeper than the last.
Whumpee leaned forward in Whumper’s arms, wheezing heavily as thin trails of drool seeped from their partially opened mouth.
Their thoughts were gradually becoming hazy, but their heart raced in their chest, and their fingers tingled in an almost static-like manner as their eyes slowly lidded.They felt faintly nauseous, and the burning sensation still held tightly in their chest.
"Tch, what a fucking baby, you barley inhaled and you’re acting like that?” Whumper’s friend shook their head disapprovingly though letting out a weaker dry laugh. “Almost a waste if you ask me.”
Whumper Nodded at their friends comment while letting Whumpee go watching them drop to their side almost instantly as they laid their wheezing and gasping.
“Truly pathetic if you ask me.” Whumper rolled their eyes while stepping over Whumpee towards their friend.
“I don’t see why we should waste anymore, besides.. I don’t want to put them in a coma."
There was a soft, lower chuckle shared between the two as they took a seat at the table to enjoy the rest of their evening.
Leaving Whumpee on the cold floor, staring motionlessly towards the sky, their head empty though filled to the brim with thoughts they couldn’t decipher.
Their eyelids felt like weights, as their breathing started to finally regulate again though their breaths still softly stung in their chest.
The only things Whumpee could seem to pull from their thoughts were, At least they could be outside.. and they would never touch this stuff again, maybe.
i had goals and now i am a useless brain fucked anxious kid who sob, cry, weep, shed tears, wail, bawl, snivel, grieve, mourn, tear up every hour of the day
I’ve tried to draw here how I feel on a daily basis, but I still feel kinda awful. I don’t like talking about it, but I don’t know how to recover exactly. I feel like maybe I should talk about more due to the nature of it (fear of ppl/talking lol).
When I stay silent, the entirety of me stays silent. I’ve had an anxiety spike that was so bad in the beginning of june, I just dropped out of the internet. Then about a month later I tried coming back, again and again. I’ve been scared to talk to people close to me. Been scared of getting hurt, while hurting myself. My anxiety is kind of terrifying. It sent me into a dark void where I feel like I’m constantly being torn apart. A lot of people don’t get it. I look pretty normal, but my feelings and phobias are so vacuum packed and concentrated inside me. I’m at my lowest point right now, so I’m making this post to check back on it someday. It’s a new month, my favourite month, and I don’t want this asshole (anxiety/depression) ruin things for me anymore. It’s scary, and I can’t cure it, but I need to make some changes. This year sucks, and life will throw some curveballs. I’m just gonna march forward and try, see how it goes.
