#bad little feminist bitch

A while ago, I told I told My Boss, someone I’ve started playing with recently, that I don’t like pictures of my face, and that I don’t like my lips. Last week, he informed me that I would learn to love pictures of my face and lips. To aide with that, he gave me an assignment. I was to send him a picture of my lips twice a day for the rest of the week. The pictures would be pretty, flirty, funny, or pouty. He’d given me free range on what kind of pictures to send, but what was clear was that I was to send two each day. It was a simple, but daily, assignment, which is the sort of thing I really enjoy doing as part of a d/s dynamic. Even beyond that, one of the reasons he gave me this task (besides wanting pictures of my lips, of course) is to help me learn to like looking at pictures of myself.

So, the assignment I was given was easy, I have an expressed and known interest in assignments like this, the pictures would be pleasing to him, and completing the task would be good for my self-esteem and overall mental health. It should have been a simple matter of remembering to take pictures and send them. Even a silly little girl like me should have been able to do it. And I did. For the first three days, I dutifully sent him two pictures a day. It was tricky at first because I didn’t like any of the pictures I took, but as I did more, I got over it, and even started liking some of them. (The one I used for this post was one of my favorites, and My Boss liked it a lot, as well. He said I looked little, which made me squeak. He brings out my little side. :3)

Then one day I didn’t send the second picture. I thought about it at one point during the evening, but decided to do it right before bed. Of course, that was a mistake. I ended up falling asleep without completing my assignment for the day. When I realized what had happened the next morning, I sent My Boss a message apologizing, promising to send three pictures that day, and accepting any punishment he decided was appropriate. He said he likes my writing (Yay!), so my punishment would be a tumblr post about how I “can’t follow simple instructions and an explanation why.” This is that post.

I’ve been having difficulty following simple instructions lately. In addition to messing up this assignment from My Boss, I missed a few days sending nudes to The Violinist when he was out of town. Once or twice with the nudes it wasn’t even that I forgot or fell asleep. I just decided not to because I’d clearly forgotten that it’s not for me to decide not to what I’m told to do. Neither of those tasks was difficult, but I managed to fuck up on both of them. I didn’t manage to complete the quick and easy tasks I was given.They were as simple as taking a few pictures, but I couldn’t follow even such basic instructions.

I’m a silly little girl with a silly little girl brain. I get distracted easily, forget my place, and don’t plan things out well. I should prioritize doing the things my betters have told me to do above the things I feel like doing. I’ve been dumb lately, not recognizing that they know what’s best for me better than I do, so when they give me tasks to complete, even if I feel like going to sleep or doing something else, I should do what I’ve been told. It’s for my own good.

Back when MLAM owned me, I ended up with a lot of different rules and assignments. He trained me well to organize my life around them. For a number of reasons (more partners, work, busy schedule, mental well-being), I can’t put that same amount of energy into doing such tasks anymore, but I clearly need to be retrained, since I can’t even manage to keep up with a couple of quick and easy assignments. Having more rules and assignments, along with punishment and discipline when I don’t follow or complete them, would be helpful, so long as they aren’t time consuming (that will build up and get overwhelming with the way my life is right now) or difficult (I’m just little girl, so difficult tasks confuse me and having lots of them makes them hard to complete).

Recurring instructions would be especially helpful. They would serve as a frequent reminder of the fact that the people who give me instructions to follow are much better equipped to decide how I spend my time than I am. They would give me a chance to work on organizing my time better, so that I do what I need to do (what I’ve been told to do) before I do what I want to do. They would provide structure for me, which I need because I’m a silly girl who needs guidance from people who are wiser, smarter, and stronger than I am. Such instructions would offer the opportunity to practice entering and being in the proper obedient and subby headspace that helps me complete tasks and follow rules. The headspace I should be in as often as possible. The subby, fuzzy, warm, and happy headspace that makes my pussy wet.

I’m sorry, Boss. I hope this writing is good enough. I want to be better for you. I will be better for you.