This series is to make it easier for you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that I’m not a therapist, and take my suggestions as you would from a friend.
Try achieving these goals every week. They’re short and doable, and it’s to increase your confidence, step by step.
To keep things simple, we only have 3 categories (external, mental and physical) which will have one goal each.
These are posted every Thursday.
External :
-Compliment someone today.
- It should be something that they can control, such as their shoes, how nice their hair looks, how they did a good job on X project.
- Refrain from talking about body shape, facial features (acne, etc), even if it’s positive. It could be a trigger point for them.
Mental :
- Sit cross legged on your bed as you face south east.
- Set a timer for 5 minutes.
- Close your eyes.
- Take deep inhalations and exhalations.
- Don’t respond to notifications and don’t get distracted for 5 minutes.
Physical :
- Do 10 minutes of light stretching.
- YouTube has a lot of options, choose something that adheres to your level of strength.
- Yoga with Adrienne, Satvic movement, Yoga with Bird are some good options.
if you were truly a bad person, you wouldn’t be so hung up on the morality of your mistakes. the fact that you want to go back and make it right means you’re growing from this and you’ll try to do better next time.
A while ago, I told I told My Boss, someone I’ve started playing with recently, that I don’t like pictures of my face, and that I don’t like my lips. Last week, he informed me that I would learn to love pictures of my face and lips. To aide with that, he gave me an assignment. I was to send him a picture of my lips twice a day for the rest of the week. The pictures would be pretty, flirty, funny, or pouty. He’d given me free range on what kind of pictures to send, but what was clear was that I was to send two each day. It was a simple, but daily, assignment, which is the sort of thing I really enjoy doing as part of a d/s dynamic. Even beyond that, one of the reasons he gave me this task (besides wanting pictures of my lips, of course) is to help me learn to like looking at pictures of myself.
So, the assignment I was given was easy, I have an expressed and known interest in assignments like this, the pictures would be pleasing to him, and completing the task would be good for my self-esteem and overall mental health. It should have been a simple matter of remembering to take pictures and send them. Even a silly little girl like me should have been able to do it. And I did. For the first three days, I dutifully sent him two pictures a day. It was tricky at first because I didn’t like any of the pictures I took, but as I did more, I got over it, and even started liking some of them. (The one I used for this post was one of my favorites, and My Boss liked it a lot, as well. He said I looked little, which made me squeak. He brings out my little side. :3)
Then one day I didn’t send the second picture. I thought about it at one point during the evening, but decided to do it right before bed. Of course, that was a mistake. I ended up falling asleep without completing my assignment for the day. When I realized what had happened the next morning, I sent My Boss a message apologizing, promising to send three pictures that day, and accepting any punishment he decided was appropriate. He said he likes my writing (Yay!), so my punishment would be a tumblr post about how I “can’t follow simple instructions and an explanation why.” This is that post.
I’ve been having difficulty following simple instructions lately. In addition to messing up this assignment from My Boss, I missed a few days sending nudes to The Violinist when he was out of town. Once or twice with the nudes it wasn’t even that I forgot or fell asleep. I just decided not to because I’d clearly forgotten that it’s not for me to decide not to what I’m told to do. Neither of those tasks was difficult, but I managed to fuck up on both of them. I didn’t manage to complete the quick and easy tasks I was given.They were as simple as taking a few pictures, but I couldn’t follow even such basic instructions.
I’m a silly little girl with a silly little girl brain. I get distracted easily, forget my place, and don’t plan things out well. I should prioritize doing the things my betters have told me to do above the things I feel like doing. I’ve been dumb lately, not recognizing that they know what’s best for me better than I do, so when they give me tasks to complete, even if I feel like going to sleep or doing something else, I should do what I’ve been told. It’s for my own good.
Back when MLAM owned me, I ended up with a lot of different rules and assignments. He trained me well to organize my life around them. For a number of reasons (more partners, work, busy schedule, mental well-being), I can’t put that same amount of energy into doing such tasks anymore, but I clearly need to be retrained, since I can’t even manage to keep up with a couple of quick and easy assignments. Having more rules and assignments, along with punishment and discipline when I don’t follow or complete them, would be helpful, so long as they aren’t time consuming (that will build up and get overwhelming with the way my life is right now) or difficult (I’m just little girl, so difficult tasks confuse me and having lots of them makes them hard to complete).
Recurring instructions would be especially helpful. They would serve as a frequent reminder of the fact that the people who give me instructions to follow are much better equipped to decide how I spend my time than I am. They would give me a chance to work on organizing my time better, so that I do what I need to do (what I’ve been told to do) before I do what I want to do. They would provide structure for me, which I need because I’m a silly girl who needs guidance from people who are wiser, smarter, and stronger than I am. Such instructions would offer the opportunity to practice entering and being in the proper obedient and subby headspace that helps me complete tasks and follow rules. The headspace I should be in as often as possible. The subby, fuzzy, warm, and happy headspace that makes my pussy wet.
I’m sorry, Boss. I hope this writing is good enough. I want to be better for you. I will be better for you.
When I woke up from my nap, I felt less tired, but still kind of down. I looked around the room and saw Reaction Junkie. I decided I should go join the group he was talking to and cuddle up to him, thinking that was likely to make me feel better. I walked up and leaned into him. We greeted each other and he returned to what he had been saying while I sleepily cuddled him. As I listened to the conversation, I started to feel better.
When there was a break in the conversation, I told Reaction Junkie about my scene, which he’d already heard about from The Unknown Quantity. I also shared how I’d started to feel super tired and kind of down afterwards. He seemed concerned and asked if I needed to leave. I definitely didn’t, but it was nice to feel cared for like that. I was feeling a bit better after I talked about it, and I started to get more involved with the conversation.
While we were talking, Reaction Junkie grabbed me somewhere, and I saucily told him, “That’s not where it hurts.” The Unknown Quantity had clearly told him about the intense thigh slapping and how sensitive I was, because he grabbed my left inner thigh. I yelped and he picked up my leg, throwing me off balance. I grabbed onto him with both hands to avoid falling. He pulled my left leg up far enough that the position forced me to stand on tiptoe on my left foot. The pain and the control he was exerting over me started bringing me out of my low mood, and as we continued to play, I came out of it completely.
As we played and he hurt me, we talked. I brought up something I’d been thinking about for a few days. I’d had some feelings (read: twinges of jealousy) when I watched him playing with Legal Lolita on Wednesday. Part of the reason was that I wasn’t doing my normal logic-based countering of those feelings, but when I thought about them some more, I realized I had felt the most bothered when they were kissing. I’m not big on kissing with the majority of people, for a number of reasons, but I very much like kissing Reaction Junkie. For example, the other weekend, just as I got out of my car to head to his vanilla friends’ party, he pushed me up against the side of the car and kissed me enthusiastically. It was dominant and passionate and I just about melted.
I’d realized most of what had made me uncomfortable about watching the scene he had with Legal Lolita was the kissing part, and that those feelings stemmed from the fact that I feel like he and I don’t kiss enough. Instead of bottling it up or trying to subtly encourage him to kiss me more, like I might have once done, I decided to just tell him I wanted to kiss more. So, while he was grabbing my bruised inner thigh, I said, “I like kissing you and we should do it more.” I was nervous when I said that, so when he responded that he also like kissing me and that “we don’t kiss enough,” I was relieved. “Kiss me,” he ordered. I smiled at him and obeyed. He repeated this command throughout the night, which was incredibly sexy for multiple reasons, and made me feel warm and fuzzy in all the best ways.
The group decided to sit down and Reaction Junkie chose a high chair. He pulled me to him so that I was between his legs and continued squeezing my thigh and hurting me. Eventually he said, “Get a coil of rope out of my bag.” I did as I was told and handed it to him. He tied it tight around my upper left thigh and pulled it taught around the arm of the chair. I enjoyed the pain this caused, but what I didn’t realize was that he had more than one reason for doing it. Not only did it make it easy for him to hurt me, it left him with his hands more free to do other things.
He started punching and slapping my tits, focusing on the right one. I’d told The Unknown Quantity that I didn’t want him to punch my tits, but Reaction Junkie owns me, so he obviously has no restrictions on what he does to me. My body and mind belong to him, so he can do whatever he likes to me. He punched and punched, and I winced and yelped, fighting the urge to pull away. I lost that fight a couple of times, and because my left leg was still in the air, as I leaned back, I almost fell over. Reaction Junkie saved me each time, although it wasn’t entirely out of concern for me, since he grabbed my tit to pull me back towards him. At the same time he was pummeling my tit, he was pulling the leg rope tight, hurting me multiple ways at once. As he watched my pained and pleasured reaction to the treatment, he grinned at me and said, “Oh, I like you.”
Eventually, as the breath was knocked out of me with a punch, I felt like I was getting close to a limit of what I could take from being punched. I asked him if he would please switch to only slapping. He opened his hand and brought it down super hard on my tit. “Like this?” he asked. I said yes, because, although it hurt, the pain was much less concentrated than with the fist, and I felt like I could handle much more of it. Reaction Junkie slapped and grabbed and squeezed and pulled my breast tissue away from by body, and I trembled with the effort it took to handle the pain, and because my cunt was soaking. I was happy and smiling and, at the same time, grimacing, moaning, and groaning at the suffering Reaction Junkie was causing.
When I felt my tits, the right one (the one he was hitting) felt full of blood. I thought it was pretty likely that I would get a nice big bruise, à la MLAM. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Next time, I’ll have to be a brave little cunt and be better at handling more. I want to be black and blue and red all over from Reaction Junkie. I love the reminders of who my body belongs to and what it’s for.
The party ended and a group of us, including Reaction Junkie, The Unknown Quantity, and me, left the play space and headed to get food at a diner. There were actually some decent vegan options, and I ate my mac ‘n cheese and chicken fried seitan while chatting with people. We were all happy and laughing, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Reaction Junkie and I got dropped off back at his place, and we headed inside. We had to play with the kitten for a while (poor us, tossed right in that briar patch), since she was full of energy and needed to be tired out. Eventually he and I both fell asleep. I woke up several times in the night with the kitten running around the bed or climbing on me, her little claws digging into sensitive skin, including my tits. Finally she tired out and fell asleep, purring, in the crook of my arm. I finished a lovely day by cuddling up and sleeping with two adorable, wonderful creatures.
I like this idea. I have a problem with talking back and sometimes even with hitting back. I think it’s at least partially a symptom of my switching roles with Reaction Junkie fairly frequently and often without explicitly discussing it. ‘course, we all know who’s actually in charge there, since I’m only getting to do anything to him because he wants it, or, sometimes, because he’s indulging my desires. He can easily put me back in my place as his property whenever he chooses.
I love our switching and especially enjoy our switch fights, but sometimes I’m not switching. And then my talking and hitting back can get me into trouble. It also can be tricky when I’m playing with other people. I haven’t let anything slip out yet, but I have to stifle the urge to talk back or respond in kind or with struggling when I’m getting hurt.
I think that washing my mouth out with soap would be an effective deterrent to future talking back. As for writing lines, I’ve never had to do it before, but I think it would work well. It would be boring, so it definitely wouldn’t be funishment. Being made to write lines saying “I will not talk/hit/fight back” would also have the benefit of focusing my mind on what I did wrong at the same time as my punishment was being carried out. Making such an explicit connection between action and consequence would help me better internalize the lesson I ought to be learning. It would help me be a good girl, which is what I should always work towards.
I’m not always immediately obedient or eager to please when Reaction Junkie tells me to do something. Sometimes I’m sassy. Sometimes I whine. Sometimes I’m bratty. Sometimes I pout. Sometimes I hesitate. Sometimes I refuse. Sometimes I argue.
Sometimes I even get Reaction Junkie to let me off the hook, if he’s feeling generous or if he can tell I’m getting overwhelmed. But at the end of the day, if Reaction Junkie gives me an instruction, and my attempts to change his mind are unsuccessful, or he’s decided to be particularly firm, I must obey him.
If we get into a battle of wills because I really really don’t want to do something, but he still wants me to, I should concede and submit to his will. If I don’t have a good reason why I shouldn’t have to something (not feeling like it doesn’t count), I shouldn’t try to change his mind. Even if I do have a good reason, once I’ve plead my case, I should happily accept whatever Reaction Junkie decides, especially if he still wants me to follow the original instructions.
I will do a better job of remembering my place, even when given a command I really dislike. I’ve submitted to Reaction Junkie, and I need to remember that. I need to live up to the promise of that submission and to everything I’ve said and written. And I will.
Last night, while I was cooking, I noticed Reaction Junkie was on the phone. I asked him who it was and he said, “[M].” The events of Sunday evening popped into my head, and I felt my pussy twitch. Not gonna lie, I even got some nervcited flutters in my tummy. I didn’t say anything, though, figuring things like that can’t possibly happen every time he talks to M.
When I started to use the blender, Reaction Junkie went into the bedroom to continue his call. I finished cooking, cleaned up, and sat on the couch with my laptop, ready to do some writing for tumblr. Just as I was about to start, Reaction Junkie came out of our room and said, “Come here.” I had a brief flash of annoyance and sighed, but then obeyed. I’m doing better and being obedient even when I’ve been interrupted.
He had me follow him into the bathroom. Anticipating his intentions, I rushed ahead of him to lift the toilet lid and seat, and then knelt on the rug Reaction Junkie has told me to wait on while he pisses. He continued his conversation as he peed, and when he finished pissing, he turned to me and stuck his cock in my mouth. He didn’t just have me lick the tip this time. No, this time he started fucking my face.
After about ten minutes of this, during which Reaction Junkie told M what he was doing, but otherwise continued his conversation as normal, my jaw started to hurt. I let Reaction Junkie know, and instead of telling me I could stop, he pushed my head back down and asked M, “What would you say to a woman whose jaw is getting tired?” M apparently responded, “I’m not a dentist.” I was embarrassed, and even felt a little humiliated, degraded, and objectified to have them talk about women in general, and, more specifically, me, like that. Like I’m a hole for their cocks, nothing but an object whose discomfort doesn’t matter. Which, in this case, was true.
Eventually, Reaction Junkie pulled his cock out of my mouth and told me, “Get on the bed.” I stripped and hopped on the bed, lay back, and looked at him. He straddled my chest and fucked my face like that for a while before laying down himself and telling me to lay between his legs. I continued sucking his cock, and at some point “phone call blowjobs” came up in the conversation again. Reaction Junkie laughed and told M, “I’m training her to get on her knees and suck my cock whenever I’m on the phone with you.”
My cunt clenched at the feelings of degradation and objectification.In fact, it felt like a kind of fucking with my feminism, for him to be talking to someone not in the scene about treating a woman like that, training me, like a pet or a slave. Like what I am. To be talking to another man about me like I’m just a fucktoy, not really even there. It was super fucking hot.
Then Reaction Junkie told M, “[LFB] thinks your voice is hot, by the way.” Lips still wrapped around his cock, I slapped his leg, mortified that he’d told M that. M thanked me for the compliment, and Reaction Junkie said, “Sit up. I’m going to slap you in the face for that.” He told M that he was slapping me because I’d hit his leg. Again, I had that feeling of being humiliated and degraded that he’d told M I was being treated that way.
Reaction Junkie continued using my mouth for another fifteen or twenty minutes, before having me lay next to him and cuddle as he continued talking. Towards the end of the conversation, he told M, “You know, next time you come to visit, you have full use of all my possessions. Including [LFB].” and told M he could fuck me. As soon as he started talking, I groaned and buried my face in his side out of sheer embarrassment. And arousal.
I’m starting to really enjoy Reaction Junkie’s calls with M. And I can’t wait to see what will happen when he visits.
dumbbigtittedslut wrote something that really made me think a lot about my consensual misogyny play/misogyny kink. Before I go into my navel-gazing, I wanted to make sure to say that this is super well-written and, if I was in a different place with my kinks, would have turned me on like whoa. DBTS, you’re an excellent writer.
As I wrote in an earlier post, I haven’t been doing much consensual misogyny lately. I’m not entirely sure why, but I think a large part of it is that the person I did the most intense play of that kind with was MLAM, and we basically stopped playing together. The Super Sadist and I also played with consensual misogyny, but in a very different way than I did with MLAM, with a different focus, and we’ve both gotten busy. The Marxist poked at that button, and did so well, but we don’t play anymore. Legolas and I are both into it, and we still use it, but, again, in a different way than I engaged with it with MLAM. It’s definitely not an all-consuming context that seeps into most things I do.
I’ve been realizing (and this post really drove the point home) that in addition to not doing very much of it, I also haven’t been getting turned on by it or masturbating to it, which, of course, plays back in to not doing it as often with others. I’m sure one reason is the simple fact that I haven’t been playing that way, and have been engaging lots of other kinks that draw my focus, like the death threats, violence, pregnancy risk/forced pregnancy, weapons, gaslighting, being owned, abuse fantasies/abusive relationship kink, etc. Some of those do draw from consensual misogyny and have threads of it running through, especially the pregnancy risk/forced pregnancy, ownership, and mentally/emotionally/physically abusive relationship kinks, but they aren’t quite the same.
Another part of it is that there were aspects of misogyny kink that always made me a little uncomfortable (especially people I don’t “know”/follow reblogging my stuff and adding their own comments, and even more so when they have no disclaimers in their info), and without people helping me to push past that, or use it against me, the discomfort has increased, and not in a sexy way. I always saw playing with misogyny as something I did as part of my feminism, taking the fucked up parts of society and turning them to my purposes, taking away their power. When I’m not actively participating by writing things myself, having a partner encourage me to write/think/speak about it or within the context of it, having a partner, or someone I know or at least whose tumblr I enjoy say and do things to me, or having someone give me a misogyny kink context to consume things from, it feels much more like I’m just seeing trying to be edgy, run of the mill sexists writing things. That’s not hot; it’s icky and kinda boring.
Like I said, the context MLAM created was a heady thing, and I feel the urge to see if I can recapture some of those intoxicating feelings. If it works, great, if not, that’s cool, too. I’ll talk to some partners about it, of course, ask if they’ll use more misogynistic language when they talk to me, see if they’re interested in having me be polite to men who say stupid shit to me or, at least, ask their permission before flaming them, and/or do other things that create more of a context outside of just playtime. I’m not expecting, and don’t necessarily even want, it to be like it was with MLAM, but having a consensual misogyny headspace I can slip into and use to contextualize other kinks is a useful thing. It’s not urgent, and before/as I’m doing that, I’ll do some of my own work making misogyny hot again.
There are a number of things I can do myself. I’m going to try to write more captions and have more fantasies that draw from my misogyny kink. I’ll especially try to use the language that used to really get me going. Fucktoy, cunt, bitch, fuckhole. Talk about the fact that what I’m for is to be used by men, that all women are for that, some just are smart enough to know that fact. Remind myself that I should be grateful for anything a man is willing to do to me, whether it’s fuck my cunt or as, use my mouth, cum all over my face, or even just use me as a urinal. Keep in mind that I’m a fucktoy for the pleasure and entertainment for all men, and especially for the men who own me or use me on a regular basis. Admit that I deserve all the pain and punishment and suffering those men generously inflict upon me.
Hell, it’s already working a bit. Writing this last bit did indeed make my fuckhole clench.
Every day I should strive to be the best owned little feminist bitch I can be. That means putting forth extra effort to look good. That means dressing in ways he likes. That means obeying without whining when he gives me orders. That means accepting punishment readily and gratefully. That means being proactive in my submission. That means anticipating what he wants before he says a word.
I’m proud to call him my owner. I want him to be proud to call me his.
Practice it for around two weeks. Create consistency.
Remember, the most important part about achieving goals isn’t necessarily achieving the goal itself- it’s being consistent enough to achieve it.
Once you get the habit of setting 3 tasks a day, accomplishing them, and you feel that it’s getting too easy now, THAT is when you step out of your comfort zone and push boundaries.
Thenraise that number to 4 or 5 but don’t skip to an unnecessarily large number like 7 or 8 immediately.
Personal growth involves lots of baby steps. Kind of like accelerating a car - don’t go 0 to 100 immediately, go 0-10, 10-20, and then so on.
This series is to make it easier for you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that I’m not a therapist, and take my suggestions as you would from a friend.
Try achieving these goals every week. They’re short and doable, and it’s to increase your confidence, step by step.
To keep things simple, we only have 3 categories (external, mental and physical) which will have one goal each.
External :
- Try making small talk with someone.
- Something as small as asking the cashier how their day is going, or telling your waiter that you like their hairstyle.
- Some topics: their day, the weather, their outfit, movies, the venue you’re at, travel, their local favourites, etc.
Mental :
- Continuing with the confidence practice.
- Last time we made a list of your good qualities and qualities you need to work on.
- Let’s take one of your qualities that you need to work on, and set a small goal that’s achievable.
- For example, if your quality is not being able to wake up on time, download an app called Alarmy. Set a goal that this week, you’ll wake up at least 5 days out of 7 on time.
This series is to make it easier for you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that I’m not a therapist, and take my suggestions as you would from a friend.
Try achieving these goals every week. They’re short and doable, and it’s to increase your confidence, step by step.
To keep things simple, we only have 3 categories (external, mental and physical) which will have one goal each.
External :
Check up on a friend or family member.
Just asking, “how are you? Have you been doing okay?” shows that you care about them.
Relationships are TWO WAYS! You can’t complain about someone not putting in effort if YOU don’t.
Mental :
Let’s practice confidencetoday.
To do this, we first must outline the kind of person you’d like to be.
You’ll need a book / diary for this - in this series, you’ll write pretty often.
Why? Having a game plan makes it easy to visualise and therefore carry out activities to help reach that goal.
Create two lists, 1) qualities and attributes you think you have (honesty, integrity, etc) and 2) qualities of the person you want to be.
Don’t be harsh on yourself. Write it down for yourself, no one will judge you. You’re allowed to write good things about yourself.
Physical :
A HIIT workout, 15 minutes.
Something to keep your heart pumping and blood flowing!
Setting boundaries can be difficult. It’s easier said than done, and often, when the situation changes, our boundaries seem to change too.
That guy who you can’t get out of your mind ghosted you for two weeks, so you decided to forget about him - now he’s texting you again. And your boundaries? Forgotten.
Someone who you don’t particularly like keeps asking you for dinner. What do you do? Reluctantly go against your will.
You’re placed in a position where you either have to betray your actual self for the validation or fear of upsetting someone else.
Boundary setting wasn’t easy for me, either. I used to be a very shy child - saying no was impossible.
Here’s how I’ve grown from that mindset:
1. Tell yourself saying no is cool.
I don’t know why repeating this to myself had a positive effect, but it did.
“Saying no makes you cool.”
Practice with small situations to be able to cope with larger ones.
- saying no for a second/ third helping at dinner
- saying no if you’re not in the mood to drink or smoke
- saying no if you don’t like what the salesperson is showing you
Unfortunately we live in a world where saying no is very slowly being accepted as “polite.” Had this been taught to us as children, it would’ve been easier to handle as adults.
2. Tell yourself this is a simulation.
Sometimes it’s very difficult to say certain things that you want to say. I like to tell myself that I’m in a video game or a tv show and that this is just what I’m supposed to say. “No.”
3. Anticipate the future responses.
A lot of people think that saying no is an opportunity to convince you to say yes.
“Would you like to drink?”
“No, thank you - I’d rather be sober tonight.”
“What! Why? It’s a party! Have you tried this wine? It’s seriously so good, have a couple of sips!”
I think this mentality comes from toxic hustle culture - “never accept no!” “Keep grinding!” “Try again and again even if you fail!” - so you need to anticipate this.
For this reason, keep your guard up. Nine out of ten times, the person who’s asking you is going to persist. Be prepared for it.
Here’s a couple of tips:
- Make a slight face and say “no thanks.” If you look hesitant, they WILL convince you further.
- Be very confident. Keep your posture straight. Shoulders broad. Have a neutral expression when they try to convince you.
-thank them at the end. In my experience, I’ve noticed that if I thank them for “being understanding”, they immediately drop it. Why? Because you’ve given them the validation they need.
“What! Why? It’s a party! Have you tried this wine? It’s seriously so good, have a couple of sips!”
“Oh, no thanks. I’m really not in the mood to drink tonight, thank you for looking out though!”
4. If you’re going to go to an event, or you’re going to have a difficult conversation with someone- plan it out.
Let’s say I have to confront a cheating boyfriend. Here’s what I’d write down in my Notes app:
‘He’s cheated on me with X on X date, at X venue.
He’s going to deny it at first. I need to stay calm and persistent, and not back down.
He’s going to try to convince me that I’m crazy. This is the phase I know I’m getting through to him, because he’s changing his tactics. Again, I need to be as blank faced as possible and refuse to give in.
He’s going to then try to emotionally manipulate me. He may blackmail or bring up the past. He may tell me that I don’t trust him. He’ll try to push the blame on ME.
I have to be aware of how he’s going to react. I need to be calm, absolutely calm until he breaks and confesses everything.
My goal of this conversation is to get him to confess and break up with him.”
Planning it like this helps, because now you have something secure. Here’s a guideline for the same :
1.Describe the situation briefly. (What happened exactly? What do you know? What have other people told you? Do you have evidence?)
2. Note down how you think they’ll react. Would they get defensive or angry? Would they lie? What would YOU do if you were in their place? (Come up with all possible scenarios).
3. Write down solutions for every situation.
“If X starts lying, I’ll say this : “____”.”
“If X denies it, I’ll bring up this screenshot.”
“If X starts to blame someone else, I’ll wait until they’re done speaking and then tell them I already spoke to that person.”
Advice for today: treat yourself as if you’re your friend.
We treat our friends better than we treat ourselves.
We listen to them, comfort them, provide them solace; we engage with them, and be their support.
Yet when it comes to ourselves, we can’t seem to provide the same.
What are some steps to treating yourself better and being comfortable in who you are?
Create a personal SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats).
What are your good qualities (integrity, good listener, loyal friend, etc.)?
What are your weaknesses (lazy, bad temper, reckless, etc.)?
Whatopportunities do you have coming up where you can shine (exams, job interview, meeting with someone important)?
And what are your threats (i.e., what’s stopping you from being better?)
Without acknowledging the good AND the bad about yourself, you won’t be able to accept yourself. 

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If you’re new to being committed to yourself, don’t be harsh on yourself. Being honest with yourself is a process, and the process includes messing up.
Setone personal commitment a day. ONE. It could something as easy as putting on a mask. It could be cooking a meal. It could be going for a walk. It has to be only for you.
Whatdoes not include as personal commitment? Homework, work, priorities that are directly related to your career and home, etc.
Here’s how you should plan it : the commitment you pick shouldn’t be dependent on any other factor apart from you. Putting on a clay mask doesn’t affect your grades. Doing deep breathing for 5 minutes doesn’t clean your room - both activities involve 100% YOU.
Tough pill to swallow:
You are responsible for your happiness, regardless of the situation you’re in.
You are responsible for your health and well being, regardless of the money you have.
A permanent victim mindset does not fix problems.
It only makes you vulnerable, irresponsible and a dependent human being.
- Get in bed by 11:30 pm, even if you’re not tired.
- Try to finish all your work.
- Set your phone away from you.
- Download the PDF tracker.
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Day 1
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with 10 minute stretch. Do this before you eat.
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 6 minute, deep breathing meditation. Sit cross legged as you face south east, close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply.
- choose a healthy option for lunch. Salads, soups, healthy wraps, a light rice bowl - eat something with lots of nutrients.
-Compliment someone at work/ school today!
-Clean your room.
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Day 3
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day by telling yourself any 3 affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror and speak out loud. This could be something like …”Today is going to be a good day. I’m capable of accomplishing and handling everything sent my way. I am a positive, healthy person and I genuinely love the person I am, or I am becoming.”
- Drink 2 litres of water today. Add a piece of lemon or mint if that helps!
- Read 5 pages of any book of your choice. If you don’t like reading, then listen to this podcast (start at 1 minute to skip the intro) :
- write down a listofqualities you think you need to work on. It could be things like being on time, working on your anger, etc.
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Day 4
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a lymphatic drainage massage! This is a 10 minute video.
- Change your bedsheetsandcovers. If you have some lavender mist lying around, spray it under your pillow for a good night’s rest.
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Day 5
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 6 minute, deep breathing meditation. Sit cross legged as you face south east, close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply.
- Drink 2 litres of water today. Add a piece of lemon or mint if that helps!
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Day 6
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 10 minute stretch. Do this before you eat.
- Tell yourself any 3 affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror and speak out loud. This could be something like …”today is going to be a good day. I’m capable of accomplishing and handling everything sent my way. I am a positive, healthy person and I genuinely love the person I am, or I am becoming.”
-Call up your mum, family member, friends and have a chat with them. Find out how they’re doing.
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Day 7
-Sleep in till 9 am today if you like! But if you have work or school, get up at 7 am / 2.5 hours before you have to go.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Put on a face mask of your choice.
- Eat a healthy, filling breakfast. If you can’t eat in the mornings, then have a glass or two of water.
- If you can step outside, go for a 30 minute walk. If you’re unable to, then do some stretching at home.
At some point of time, we all know that it’s not motivation that helps us achieve goals, but discipline.
Being disciplined can be exhausting. It can feel like everyday is the same day, and it can be scary for some people.
Self help books can often be annoying because they all repeat the same content more or less, just packaged differently.
So here are some easy steps to actually being disciplined.
1.Understand that discipline comes from accomplishing small tasks.
Here’s a simple formula:
Doing a task consistently = executing that task properly = experience in that task grows = results in confidence in doing that particular task
What’s something that you can do in practically your sleep? It could be something as small as making your bed (because you have practice!), baking a certain dessert that all your friends love (practice!), being able to understand how mitosis works (biology homework- practice!).
Everything comes from practice.
You can read as many books as you like, attend as many self-help conferences, but if you don’t put in the work, it’s money wasted.
2.So what kind of small tasks am I talking about to increase your discipline?
Here are some examples:
You really want to nap for 20 minutes. So you set your alarm, and you sleep. 20 minutes later, the alarm goes off.
Do you wake up? Or do you snooze for another 20?
Waking up after the first alarm goes off requires discipline. Sheer willpower.
Nail this step first.
By nailing just the art of waking of waking up at the time you were supposed to, you may be grumpy for a minute but you’ve done it! You battled the feelings of being lazy and sleeping in - and now you’re going to probably have a better day.
3.Outline 3-5 tasks that you think you need to do every single day in order to achieve what you want.
Here’s an example of mine:
My Goals:
To have the mornings to do my tasks, as opposed to sleeping in
To be able to learn something new everyday
To keep my brain and body active
To be aware of what’s going on in the world
This translates to my 5 tasks:
Waking up at 7 am
Working out
Reading the news
Playing brain games on my phone that help increase your thinking, creativity and intelligence (I use Elevate)
Reading 3 pages of a book
For me, I’m someone who loves seeing progress being measured. So I maintain a habit tracker.
This method may not work for everyone, but I get happy when I can tick those 5 boxes of my list every night.
4.Here’s how you set the correct goals:
How exactly do you come with those 3-5 tasks?
Make sure they’re relatively easy.
Reading 3 pages of a book, for example, is quite easy. It takes me around 5 minutes to do that.
Surely I can spend 5 minutes of my day to read just 3 pages?
Make sure that they’re attainable and you have a choice in that task.
If you don’t exercise, but you want to start, don’t start heavy. Especially if you’re working out by yourself.
“I’ll do a 90 minute workout today!” Turns to “God, I hate this, I hate working out, I’m never doing it again.”
So keep it attainable, even if you feel like you can do more.
Aim for working out 30 minutes a day for 2 weeks.
30 minutes a day, your choice of work out. Human beings love choice. We love choosing what to do. So give yourself the freedom to choose what you want to do.
Then increase that to 45 minutes for 3 weeks.
Then increase that again, if you want to, and if you feel comfortable.
Make sure it’s something you can do everyday for some time.
For example, reading the news is a daily ritual. I need to know what’s happening in the world. My work requires me to.
I can’t read the news weekly or monthly - it’s something that has to be done everyday.
So regardless of the type of day I’m having, this is something I need to do and is doable.
I can read the news on the train. On the bus. On the toilet. While I eat something.
It’s doable everywhere.
Obviously, it doesn’t apply to all your goals - you can’t workout on a train or in the classroom - but try to keep majority of your goals somewhat portable.
