#besexpositive

Bisexuality is not a phase whilst you figure out if you’re gay or straight. Nor is it being ‘greedy’. It’s a sexuality all by itself, and people should be able to identify as bisexual without others raising eyebrows.

For guys, if they’re bisexual, it’s often associated with them not yet admitting they are gay. And for some guys, it may be a way to ease news to family, or to come to terms with their homosexuality themselves, but for the vast majority of bisexual guys, they are just bisexual. Not ‘transitioning’. Just because bisexuality can be used as a way for someone to discover they are homosexual, that doesn’t mean that’s all bisexuality is.

Then for bisexual girls, it’s seen as a girl trying to get attention, or a phase, where she’ll later go back to ‘admitting’ she’s straight. For either stereotype, it’s wanting to be with men that seems to be the answer. Bisexuality is not having one toe dipped in each pool, deciding which you like better. It’s about liking who you like without having to worry about judgements.

You can also be bisexual without having dated as many guys as girls, or vice versa. If you’re a bisexual girl, but all of your serious relationships have been boyfriends, or you could not even have slept with a girl, this doesn’t mean you can’t be bisexual. It’s about how you identify and being honest with yourself.

#stopthestereotypes

JR

The Sex Education Forum’s recent report called for Sex and Relationships Education (SRE) to be placed on the national curriculum. Their survey found that young people were not getting enough information about these important topics, with it being found that some children did not fully understand what giving consent meant, and were unable to name parts of their body.

Sadly Nicky Morgan, the Education Secretary, has since said that statuary status for SRE “would do little to tackle the most pressing problems with the subject, which are to do with the variable quality of its provision.” But making SRE compulsory is an important way of giving children and YP all the information they need to keep them safe.

So why is SRE so important? It helps deal with a range of issues, including STIs, teenage pregnancy and cyberbullying. Curiosity about sex and sexuality is inevitable, and it’s not something we should be hiding from young people, nor something we should want to hide. It’s about giving YP the best foundation in helping them to lead happy and healthy lives.

When Finland re-introduced compulsory Sex Education in 2006, there was a decline in the number of teenage abortions. This compared to the rise following the decision to make sex education optional in 1994 (it had previously been compulsory since 1970). In Holland, sex education and information about sexual diversity is also mandatory in both primary and secondary school. And they have one of the lowest teenage pregnancy rates in the world.

Going through puberty is rough for all of us, so preparing children though SRE will also help them deal with these changes and let them know that it’s all normal. SRE is vital for dispelling myths, from people thinking that the withdrawal method means you definitely won’t get pregnant, to thinking you can’t pass on STIs through sharing sex toys.

It’s also important to adapt to the digital age, teaching YP about pornography, sexting and protecting yourself online. The Wireless Report in 2014 found that 24% of young people who have sent a naked photo of themselves have had it shared without their consent. Today, good quality and informative SRE is more important than ever. It’s not something we should be denying YP from having.

JR

Whoever said young people aren’t interested in politics really needed to be with SexPositive last Tuesday. Some of the SexPositive team were invited to the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Youth Affairs (though you really need a snappier name guys…) Sitting in the House of Commons, we were chatting all about mental health, with a panel of charity members and MPs. But the best bit was being in a room full of young people all passionate about mental health issues. Listening to people talk about mental health in such an open way was fantastic, as too often it’s a stigmatised conversation. And the personal stories, as well as statistics, people were sharing showed just how much mental health matters.

The funding problem in regards to mental health were highlighted with the closure of PACE, an LGBT+ mental health charity in London, which is shutting down after 31 years. And with two young people asking questions about mental health support for YP with concerns around gender identity and sexuality, it’s clear we need more of these charities, not less. Stats such as LGBT young people being twice as likely to have suicidal thoughts show just how intertwined sexuality and identity issues are with mental health.

And yet mental health is something that affects everyone in society, even people we might not expect. A young person from the farmer’s union raised how the isolation of being a farmer can trigger mental health issues – something I had never previously thought of. And that’s why speaking about these issues is vital. We need more of these events to encourage people to share stories and show the importance in asking for help; mental health issues can be responded to with kindness and support, rather than just prejudice and discrimination.

Using your voice is so important. Panellists spoke about how writing to your MP, counsellors and local press were vital in promoting mental health and protecting the support put in place for those suffering with mental health issues. Jonny Benjamin said to ‘make a noise about what you feel passionately about’, and we couldn’t agree more.

 JR

Game of Thrones star Maisie Williams has recently said that she doesn’t label her sexuality. Rather than identifying as gay or straight or bi, her attitude is much more about sexual fluidity. Speaking to Nylon magazine, she says she agrees with actress Shailene Woodley who says she falls ‘in love with personalities and not people or genders.’

Sexuality fluidity is not simply bisexuality, liking both guys and girls, it’s about being open to your sexuality changing. A man may have always fancied women, but doesn’t identify himself as straight as can see a future where he could end up with a man – this is an example of sexual fluidity. Dr. Chris Donaghue, who wrote ‘Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture’, spoke about how sexual fluidity is a more ‘inclusive term’ where you may ‘lean more heavily towards one gender while open to all genders.’ Your sexual orientation doesn’t have to be a fixed thing, and it can evolve as we get older.

I like the idea of sexual fluidity, as I’ve struggled with labelling myself in the past. I’ve only ever been with/dated guys, so naturally assume I’m straight. However I’ve also been attracted to girls, even if only a small amount; yet I feel anxious to label myself as bisexual as I’ve never felt an extremely strong attraction, or been with, a girl. Finding out about sexual fluidity therefore appealed to me as it meant I didn’t have to worry about defining myself, and could just like who I like when I like them. Simple.

But supporting sexual fluidity, as Maisie Williams points out, doesn’t mean being anti-labels. For some people, being able to label their sexuality is important in helping them identify with who there are. Particularly as homosexuality is often discriminated again, it’s vital that people can be exactly who they are and be able to embrace their sexuality. Those who want to label themselves are absolutely free to, in the same way that those who prefer not to, can also do their own thing. As Maisie Williams says, “Do what you want”. Is there any better life philosophy than that?

JR