How different would band of brother be if even just ONE of them had a cute lil hoop earring or something? It would really add to the story telling I fink
The lovely @mercurygray organized the second Blind Dates OC Fest, y’all, and I came out of hibernation on this blog to gift you a little something for that! I plucked a name out of my brain for this one, gave her a little in the way of backstory, and put her with good ol’ Bill Guarnere and company… I do not write Wild Bill very often at all, hehe, and so it seemed like the right thing for this particular ‘assignment’. Hope you’ll enjoy!
the many-lettered words
Seven letters horizontal. The close of a day.
Well, that one’s easy enough. Pippa reaches for the pencil she tucked away in one of the braids mother had insisted she wear today. Lifts it out of her hair triumphantly, with only a small wispy curl becoming airborne at the motion, and puts it to the paper in front of her face.
E-V-E-N-thump!
She hisses between her teeth at the rude interruption of sound. Scowls at the paper, which now sports a rather shaky start of an I for the next letter in her puzzle.
Thump! Thump!
Thwack!
She groans out loud. “Not this malarkey again.”
Pippa is disappointed to find, upon tipping her head back, that it is exactlythis malarkey again. Or, well, better said, it’s the Americans again, and somehow that has felt like the same thing over the past month or two. In fact, she’s quite certain that the appearance of the Americans is wholly synonymous with any sort of malarkey that has ever occurred over the past fourteen years she’s been alive and quite possibly far longer than that.
Synonymous. She likes that word. It had been the 51 vertical in the puzzle three days ago, which had only taken her two tries to get right.
Thump! Thump! Pippa’s eyes narrow at the ball that somehow manages to be even noisier than the football the boys at school favor. It’s been plaguing this exact spot of pavement for weeks now, right across from the one spot that is great for climbing and thinking, and there are nights in bed when she thinks she can still hear the thump-thwack of what she’s certain is called a dribble-and-score.
Really annoying American game. Ten letters. B-A-S-K-E-T-B-A-L-L. Pippa sounds the letters out in her head alongside the thump-thwack of another loss dealt to the same guys that always seem to lose this game. She hardly knows why they bother to play, especially when one of the winners has a voice like a foghorn on the best of days. She thinks she would stuff his mouth full with the remnants of that stupid ball before she would tolerate hearing another “hehehe” from him.
“– slow like them tractors ya drive back in Kokomo, Tab!”
Oh, and every other word he toots into this world is unintelligible. She must not forget that.
Pippa sighs as she returns to her crossword and finishes spelling out evening. She doesn’t like the puzzle in this newspaper nearly as much as the one in the other newspaper, but it’s still good practice. Evening translates to nightfall translates to sunset translates to twilight translates to dusk, which is the opposite of dawn that is the dominion of Greek goddess Eos.
Eos had been the last clue Bobby had solved in the puzzle he had left unfinished on his bedside table before they’d made him go to Italy. She hadn’t dared finish that. Keeps it in her pocket, tucked away between a small pebble and a spare piece of gum, until Bobby gets home and steals the pencil out of her braid in a bid to solve the rest of it.
She shakes her head. Swings upright before she can contemplate the next clue in her puzzle. It’s bound to be another easy one again, like French word for snail that she had known full well was escargot, and she’s quite done with easy. Pippa’s nose wrinkles as she considers that the American soldiers behind her often proclaim they are part of Easy, too, as though that is a point of pride rather than something her mother would disapprove of.
They should have called their unit Echo, like the Greek nymph who’d lost her voice when she fell in love. Maybe then this one soldier would finally find it in himself to stop talking, though her hopes aren’t very high for him as she hops down to ground. Pippa tucks her pencil behind her ear. Neatly folds the paper until she can tuck it into the pocket opposite of the one she keeps her brother’s things in. The game behind her has started back up again, as though it’ll have a different result this time, and she suppresses a roll of her eyes as she turns around.
Only a lifetime of reflexes honed by virtue of an older brother saves her from being hit in the face with their ball.
“Oops!”
“Hey, kid, you all right?”
“–bout that, shoulda watched where that went!”
Pippa exhales the equivalent of a storm. “Really?” she asks, rather sharply, as she looks the offending parties up and down. Their ball has come to a halt against the tree. “How exactly does one lose control of a basketball?”
“Well, ya see,” perks up Foghorn, to her mounting horror, “ya would need ta move it like this right here, see?” His arms mimic something that is either a throw or a pantomime of a drowning man. “And if ya throw it a bit too enthused, it’s gonna have thoughts of its own about where ta go.”
She raises both eyebrows before she knows good and well that she would really like to argue about that. “That type of movement is called a trajectory,” she says, remembering last week’s crossword, “because inanimate objects like a ball don’t have a brain to think with.”
“I know what a trajectory is!”
“Congratulations,” she snaps out as her foot toes the ball. She nudges it away from the patch of grass she knows will house more dandelions and daisies in spring. “Now that we’ve established you messed with the ball’s trajectory in your enthusiasm and almost hit me in the face, I’m fairly certain you are going to ask if you can have it back so you can continue being all manner of obnoxious with it.”
Obnoxious, nine letter word, had tripped her up for three hours before she had figured out that sometimes a puzzle needs an xin the center of it all. She had stared at it as though it was a pirate’s map to treasure once filled out. X marks the spot, like in those stories about Captain Flint and the very clever Long John Silver who’d terrified her plenty when Bobby had read Treasure Island to her.
“Ya remind me of somebody,” says Foghorn, as though she has not just done her absolute best to insult him. The snap of his fingers is as loud as the rest of him. “Somebody from back – hey, Ralph, do ya remember Dot? Dottie, from five blocks down, who kept sayin’ youse gonna be in trouble ta them Petrelli boys?”
Pippa lets out a huff as one of the man’s companions – Ralph, it must be Ralph – seems to actually give serious thought to it. “Ya mean Dottie the professor?” comes the follow-up question, sure as anything, because apparently she has stumbled onto the exact group of Americans who’ve got the makings of a hivemind. “The one blind Annie decked in the face once on account of that issue with them handbags, or was that someone else?”
“Nah, hehe, that was Lou, ya don’t remember Lou?”
The rest of this Easy group of soldiers may be content to follow this like it’s got the makings of the best tennis match that will never make it to Wimbledon, but Pippa thinks she can make better use of her time being anywhere but here. She stuffs her hands down her pockets until her fingers lock around the pebble in one and the match she keeps on the other side. Saunters up to the Americans, purposefully leaving their ball in the patch of grass behind her, and fixes the most floppy-haired of them with a firm stare.
“When you lot from Kokomo are quite done,” she says archly, resisting the urge to spell the weird name by a hair, “you might want to apologize to Mrs Townsend for upsetting her cat.”
“Now hang on just a bit! We ain’t from there!”
“You’re not from where?”
“Kokomo! That’s just Tab, fer cryin’ out loud!”
Pippa winces as Foghorn’s voice actually increases in volume, despite the fact that she now stands closer to him than she’s ever been. “Wherever you’re from, then,” she indulges, leaning away from him ever so slightly. “The point about the cat stands. It’s hiding in the bushes, which it never used to before you lot came along.”
“That’s just a cat thing, like them kittens youse found in that hayloft last week,” nods Foghorn, indicating some stragglers in his company who seem to want to be anywhere but in the middle of this particular conversation. “Ralph and me, we’re from Philly. The rest of this sorry lot is from all over.”
“Philly?”
“Philadelphia,” interjects Ralph, mercifully cutting off the big gulp of breath that Foghorn was in the process of taking. “It’s a big city in Pennsylvania.”
“It doesn’t sound that big when you know everybody within a twenty mile radius from where you live,” she points out. “It’s a good name for a crossword, though. Might come up as a clue.”
“That what you were doing, solving crosswords?”
Pippa nods. “I need to practice.”
“Practice for what, kid?”
“I’m not a kid,” she glares at Tab-from-Kokomo, “I’m fourteen. It’s practice for later, when they let me join the war.”
“Oh, she’s fourteen,” mutters Tab, with all the air of a man either used to younger sisters or used to wildly misjudging a girl’s age. Given the fact that he does not quail under her stare any, she’s convinced it must be at least one sister. “What’re you going to do in the war, then?”
Pippa barely resists the urge to stomp her foot onto his boot. “Stuff,” she says archly. “Important things. You wouldn’t get it.”
“Hate to break it to ya, kid,” starts Foghorn, so loud she’s certain half the kids from her school are going to hear, “but them war th–”
“Pippa!” she enunciates as she shouts him down and tries to stop her voice from doing the shrieking thing her brother always laughs at. “My name is Pippa. Pippa Kent.” She draws herself up to her full height, which is still at least a head shorter than any of them. “I’m not a kid and I certainly don’t need you to tell me about the war.”
She decides she hates the look that passes between them. Like she’s not all there, not in the same conversation they are, not worth acknowledging as someone who’s trying as hard as any of them to make this world make sense again. It’s like the look some of the girls in school get when they talk about these American soldiers like they are better than the English boys, as though it’s somehow better to get kissed by someone whose vowels all sound like a strangulation issue in progress. It’s something like the look her mother gives her, sometimes, when she keeps asking if Bobby has sent a letter from Italy and whether he’s coming home for Christmas at all this year.
“You’ve been here, what, two months now?” she asks as she pulls her hands out of her pockets and puts them on her hips. “Two whole months. We’ve been in this mess for years! Took you long enough, didn’t it?” The bitterness spills out before her mind can catch up with the barrage on her tongue. “Maybe, if yousestopped playing ball and started fighting, Bobby’d come home from Italy for Christmas and Mum wou–” She exhales a breath. Stops herself from uttering the Mum wouldn’t yell at me this much anymore. “What’s the point if you just stand here and play games? Honestly!”
Pippa doesn’t know the name for the look that they share now. It’s more solemn, though not without a hint of exasperation, and she would dearly like to know the term for it. She’s certain someday it will turn up in a code that only she can break, for this feels like a look shared between soldiers that she’s somehow made part of.
“We’re going to fight,” says Foghorn, then, quieter than she’s ever heard him be. “Scout’s honor, or my name ain’t Wild Bill.”
She rolls her eyes. “Lord, save me from well-meaning cowboys.”
“Yeah?” Wild Bill lets out a cackle that could rival that of the witch in that bloody story about Hansel and Gretel. “Ya wanna shoot some hoops against this cowboy now, little miss judgment?”
“Can’t,” she says, shaking her head. “Mum will have my hide if I’m not home by six. And you lot need to get going, too, unless you want to miss that debrief the posh man with the big eyebrows was talking about earlier.”
“What posh –”
“Eyebr– Pat, who do ya know who’s got them eyebr–”
“Gotta be Nixon, yeah?”
Pippa shrugs as their ball lies forgotten and the talking turns to shoving and a bit of panic before long. Honestly, and they’re supposed to win a war when they can’t even listen to their superior officers any?
Superior. Eight-letter word. Large lake in the United States.
Maybe she can ask tomorrow if they know anyone from there.
Doesn’t really get drunk, so you best believe this bitch is a lightweight. He takes like 3 shots in an hour and it’s all downhill from there. He’s pretty quiet when he’s drunk, and both @noneofurbusinez and i agree that he acts like Sobel but worse. Was once convinced by Luz that he couldn’t hear, and began shouting out orders.
- [ LEWIS NIXON ]
He’s literally an alcoholic, so it’s very hard to get him drunk at this point. He’s an absolute man-child when he’s drunk. All he does is whine and try to snuggle with you. Dick is his designated driver, hence why Dick usually doesn’t get drunk it’s because he’s a Quaker. When he gets drunk, he’s the blackout type of drunk. Don’t even bother mentioning what he did to him the night before, all he cares about is nursing his hangover.
- [ RONALD SPEIRS]
LITERAL INFANT. However, can definitely hold his liquor, so it’s takes a while to get him tipsy. He becomes so much more extroverted and fun when he’s drunk, so Luz tries to get him drunk at every single opportunity he has. Generally pretty sentimental, always hanging on to Lip and pressing sloppy pecks to his forehead when he’s drunk.
- [ CARWOOD LIPTON]
Sometimes Momma needs a little drink to wind down. Lip is pretty much the same when drunk, except he will swear at you in his Christian household.
- [ HARRY WELSH]
Blackout, messy bitch drunk. Enough said.
- [ GEORGE LUZ]
Literally the same except even more goofy??? SUPER CLINGY. Will not let go of Toye. Toye is his bodyguard when George gets drunk. Only person allowed to call Joe “Joey” when drunk. KING OF BODY SHOTS. Has to be carried home bridal style by Joe. Clumsy bitch.
- [ JOE TOYE]
Doesn’t usually get drunk, is generally more preoccupied with making sure George doesn’t slip and die. Loosens up a lot more when drunk, and shows wayyyyy more PDA than normal. You can tell if he’s drunk by what he calls Luz. If he calls him Georgie, he’s not gonna remember tomorrow. Probably does something stupid with Gonnorhea that gets him kicked out of the bar, like breaking a pool table by jumping on it. Is the person George is doing body shots off of.
- [ BILL GUARNERE]
Dumbass drunk. Snores like a freight train after passing out. Is the person that gets penises drawn all over his face when he falls asleep. Can be an angry drunk if you piss him off. Usually gets in bar fights. Has probably peed himself before. Has eaten spaghetti in a plastic bag and cried while drunk before.
- [ JOE LIEBGOTT]
Bipolar drunk. The Jekyll and Hyde of the drunks, if you will. Is either clinging to Web and spilling all of his emotions out while crying, or is getting into a bar fight. There’s no in between. Thinks everyone is hitting on Web, which just makes him more mad. Is actually pretty ok at holding his liquor, depending on the day. Will remember everything that happened the next day and just pretend like he never got drunk in the first place. Gets one of his taxi friends to drive him and Web home.
- [ DAVID WEBSTER]
Pretty & flirty drunk. 2nd king of dancing but can only grind. CANNOT THROW IT BACK. Flirts with anything that breathes, also has a bunch of new contacts by the end of the night. Clings onto Joe’s arms, definitely wants to snuggle. Has done a full face of makeup while drunk. It actually looked good, so i’m bitter. Is the reason why Joe gets into so many fights.
- [ BUCK COMPTON]
Fun drunk. Still plays darts but with infinitely worse aim. Has probably almost killed someone with that shitty aim. Most likely to make a bet with some random man at the bar and lose all of his money in one night. Generally the dumbest when drunk.
- [ EUGENE ROE]
Loosens up even more than Speirs when drunk. Always somehow has like 20 new contacts when he wakes up in the morning??? Everyone loves him. Is known to throw it back on the dance floor. Can grind. King of drunk dancing and doing it w e l l.
- [ BABE HEFFRON]
Sad, dumb drunk. Is sad that everyone likes Gene because he wants his attention all to himself. Cries over how pretty Gene is. Won’t shut the fuck up about Gene. Tries to play darts with Buck to get over his sadness. Actually ends up having better aim when drunk. Most likely to wake up with more money in his wallet than he originally brought. Is easily influenced by Bill, so he’s probably gotten into several bar fights.
- [ SKIP MUCK]
FUN DRUNK TIMES 10. Never stops drinking. Thinks everything is funny. Has peed himself laughing. Bffs with Luz when drunk so goodbye Penkala. Does any dare you give him, regardless of drunk or sober, but it’s more funny to have him do them when he’s drunk. Stumbles every three seconds.
- [ DONALD MALARKEY]
Depressed bitch drunk. Actually thinks about his life choices and regrets everything. Has tried to change his college major several times to Minecraft while drunk. Was stopped by Penkala and Winters. Cries on Winters’ shoulder while drunk. Regrets everything in the morning. Has penises on his face in sharpie in the morning.
- [ ALEX PENKALA]
Same as skip but more reasonable and actually takes care of Don. Is bitter that Luz replaced him.
- [ FRANK PERCONTE]
Dumb bitch drunk. Tries to fight anything that moves, no matter how tall the opponent is. Was convinced that all his teeth fell out by George once. Has yet to recover. Tries to fight Johnny, lost within the first punch because he got knocked out.
- [ JOHNNY MARTIN]
Takes so much liquor to get him drunk. Periodically takes shots whenever someone does something stupid or he gets annoyed. Facepalms the entire time Bull is doing anything. Generally super chill when drunk.
- [ BULL RANDLEMAN]
Fun drunk. Accent gets infinitely thicker when he’s drunk, so barely anyone understands what he’s saying. Rode a bull while drunk once, it was the best thing anyone’s ever seen. Acts like a cowboy for fun and to piss of Johnny.
to fight or not to fight: band of brothers edition
just shitposting something from my drafts because I have no other content for you at the moment. Just to put this into perspective for you, I’ll let you know I’m a 5’2” 110 lb teenage girl. And yes, I will be fighting several of these men. I don’t care how attractive they are.
Dick Winters: I would not want to fight him. Like, at all. He’s a dad. But if I had to fight him, he would lay my ass out. Would definitely sicko god mode curb stomp you and then ask you “Are you okay, son? What’s going on? You can always talk to your dear old dad.”
Lewis Nixon: Oh, I would absolutely fight him solely for the fact that I’d fucking WIN. He would probably be drunk, and he’s not much of a fighter anyways. We would look back on it and laugh.
Carwood Lipton: ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That would be like punching my mom. Besides, we know that Momma Lip will give you an ass-whooping if necessary, he’s got kids.
Ron Speirs: ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY N OT. He would practically smell me getting ready for a fight, and I would lose the little dignity I have left when he knocks me out with one punch. He is scary, I would not fight in a million years. I would forfeit.
Captain Sobel: BITCH IT IS ON SIGHT AND I COULD PROBABLY BEAT HIM TF UP-
Harry Welsh: No, I wouldn’t fight him, but it would be funny if I tried. Actually, now that I think about it, I would win, but I wouldn’t have the heart to fight him in the first place.
Buck Compton: Absolutely not. He would punch me so hard without mercy. I would die.
Norman Dike: ABSOLUTELY, AND I WOULDN’T EVEN NEED TO PUNCH HIM MORE THAN ONCE-
Joe Liebgott: YOU KNOW THAT WHEN THIS MOTHERFUCKER AND I LOCK EYES IT’S ON SIGHT. Not that Joe and I would hate each other, we would just have that relationship were sometimes we just gotta deck the fuck out of the other person’s halls. Would fight 100%, and I actually might win because we are both skinny legends.
David Webster: I’d fight him because I’d win and it would be easy. If he thinks Shakespeare is good, we are automatically fighting. END OF STORY.
Don Malarkey: I’d never fight him, I love him too much. I’d be messing up a wonderful human being. Also, I would lose, and he wouldn’t even intentionally be trying to win.
Floyd Talbert: I could definitely have a fair fight against this man, but I wouldn’t fight him solely on the grounds that I fear he would get an adrenaline boner.
Chuck Grant: I- No. Absolutely not. He would definitely win.
Bill Guarnere: I would try to fight him for no reason and lose miserably. RIP me.
Johnny Martin: Absolutely not. Could literally incinerate me with one look. I’d be dead before the fight even started. Could roast my ass afterwards. Also, he’s got Bull on his side. No thank you, I will be minding my goddamn business.
Shifty Powers: I would never want to fight him in the first place. I would also lose. He also, like Malarkey, wouldn’t even be trying to win. I feel like he would apologize for the rest of his life if I so much as got a bruise from it. So, no.
Joe Toye: I would do it for shits and giggles and he would not be messing around. I would lose 100%. He does not think it was funny. I think it’s fuckin hilarious.
Skip Muck: I would fight him, and I stand a fair chance at either losing or winning. Idk guys, tell me who you think would win.
Bull Randleman: Are you kidding me. The man is like half a body taller than me. I would rather just die. Also, he could just like pick me up by the back of the neck and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it??? I would not fight, and if I had to, I would lose.
Skinny Sisk: I wouldn’t wanna fight him, but I could definitely win.
George Luz: I would fight a hoe. Solely for the fact that it would be funny. Still don’t know if I would win or lose.
Frank Perconte: Would fight this little gremlin. Could probably win.
Eugene Roe: I wouldn’t fight him because JESUS DOES HE NEED ANYMORE TRAUMA??? Also, he could beat me up in like 2 minutes. He’s a friggin medic he can literally carry wounded soldiers.
Babe Heffron: No, who the hell would fight an infant. Also, he could probably beat me up. He’s got Guarnere,Toye, Roe, and all of Easy Co hey, that rhymes. I’m not taking that chance.
Alex Penkala: Yeah, I would fight him, but for fun. I would win. Don’t even ask me how I know, I just do.
Albert Blithe: What, are we trying to give the poor man MORE PTSD???? Absolutely not. I would win if I had to, though.
Roy Cobb: I WOULD MILLY ROCK THIS BITCH INTO THE NEXT MILLENIA WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT.
Alton More: Homeboi had the balls to talk back to Speirs. I don’t wanna find out what type of punch he packs. I’m good.
Pat Christenson: I don’t care that the man has limbs like Slenderman, we are fighting, and it is on sight. Little gossip bitch boy. I would so win.
Antonio Garcia: No, I wouldn’t fight him cause he’s baby. But I could probably win.
hahahaha this made me snort in the sitting room, my dad’s got his concerned face on again.
has heard of tiktok but doesn’t have it: lewis nixon, frank perconte, carwood lipton, bull randleman
has no idea what tiktok is: dick winters, harry welsh, don malarkey
is secretly (or not so secretly) tiktok famous: shifty powers, RONALD SPEIRS, joe liebgott, babe heffron, george luz, floyd talbert, buck compton, doc roe
will kill anyone that mentions tiktok: joe liebgott, david webster, bill guarnere, joe toye, johnny martin,RONALD SPEIRS, sobel
ok i’m bored so here’s a garbage take… feel free to debate me on this and share ur hot takes as well :)
ron’s the type to change the side of tiktok he’s every time he sees one of the guys getting close to the side he’s currently on
is the entire reason you both got in trouble as kids
all he ever did was prank you when you were younger, but somehow you forgave him after every single time???
he has a scar right before his hairline with a story behind it. when you two were younger, you both decided that racing down a hill in a wooden wagon would be a good idea… needless to say, it didn’t work out too well for him. he cried the whole time he got stitches, so you held his hand so he’d be less scared.
you guys joke about hating each other all the time
but let it be known, if anyone else makes a cheap shot about the other to your faces, they better hide their face till the rest of their life
you guys don’t fight very often, but when you do…. holy shit
both you and Buck are very stubborn, so these fights can last up to WEEKS
you both make up in the end (partially because of your parents), but like all siblings, you both bring up how the other has wronged you all the time
always wants you to make food for him
bothers you all the time for no reason
you still love your big bro tho
- [ CHUCK GRANT]
oh dear oh no… chaos awakens
slaps you upside the head whenever you say something stupid
he’s that type of brother that everyone would expect to be super nice to you because he’s pretty chill, but NOPE
he’s basically another version of Joe but he pranks you more
convinced you once when you were 6 that you were adopted and you cried to your mom about it (he got in so much trouble)
mocks you when he has no comebacks
says one word that refers to something dumb you did in the past ALL THE TIME
many inside jokes together
you guys like to sit around and judge people around you when you go out in public together
you two are like “ew why would i hug my sibling” but you secretly love each other
calls you snitch and gives you the middle finger when you tell your mom that he hit you
don’t go in his room… just don’t
- [ BILL GUARNERE]
oh boy
you guys have… so many siblings
he’s lowkey jealous because he’s the second youngest (you’re the youngest) and he wants more attention
of course, he gets attention, but he’s such a baby
barges into your room for no reason (constantly scream-ranting about stuff when he comes in too)
tries to help you with your homework (key word: tries)
if you look at LITERALLY ANYTHING for more than three seconds while you both are out shopping, he’ll buy it for you
hates anyone you’ve ever dated… he always aggressively crosses his arms and glares at them when they come over for dinner
teaches you to make a bunch of your mom’s traditional dishes
eats all of your leftovers (often gets beaten with your hairbrush by you because of it)
gives you affectionate nicknames like “ugly”, “dumbass”, “stupid”, etc.
how sweet ☺️
- [ BABE HEFFRON]
THE ONLY 100% NICE BROTHER
occasionally covers for you when you sneak out
loves to do sunday spa night with you (the face masks are his favorite)
as much as i love him, he can be so friggin dumb
like when you ask him to ask your parents for something, he does that thing where he mentions your name when he asks (it’s so annoying but he means well)
goes into your room to steal your shit for no reason
he actually gives it back though
gives you the bigger piece of food when your mom forces you to split it
will murder you if you don’t let him control the radio
you get told that your brother is cute a LOT and you’re always like sis i don’t see it
- [ JOE LIEBGOTT]
THIS MOTHERFUCKER
OMG HE WOULD BE THE WORST SOMETIMES
you get in trouble for some of the things he does AND HE JUST LETS IT HAPPEN INSTEAD OF CONFESSING
always is like “come here” and then just fuckin slaps you for no reason
never says sorry but he buys you food as a silent apology so take what you can get
eats off your plate but won’t let you do it back
sometimes he just comes into your room and picks up stuff because he wants to hang out with you but he doesn’t know how to say that he wants to hang out
will fight people for you, but he also talks shit about you
no one else is allowed to do that though
if you wanna get under his skin, you go into his room
if you want to die, you take one of his Dick Tracey comics
he doesn’t care if you steal his shirts, just don’t touch the comics
- [ GEORGE LUZ]
jesus christ the DUO YOU TWO WOULD BE
trouble… make it double
catapults food at you with his spoon from across the dinner table
always says “i’m not touching you” even though his finger is like 3 inches away from your face
always spoils movies that you’ve never seen (he talks all the time during them too)
you two have inside jokes that NO ONE ELSE understands
you guys sit in the corner during every family gathering and mock people it’s what they deserve
puts another dish in the sink when you’re almost done with the dishes
kinda feels bad about it tho
actually apologizes to you…. but in like “hey, do you want food?” type of way instead of actually saying “i’m sorry”
comforted you when your ex cheated on you
he then convinced Joe to help him beat the kid senseless
- [ DONALD MALARKEY]
ANOTHER SWEET BROTHER
needs help with his homework…. please help him
doesn’t get super mad at you when he catches you using his stuff
will RKO you to get the passenger seat…. seriously, you have physical scars because of the fights over the front seat
if you tell him to shut your door on his way out of your room, he doesn’t do it
he almost shuts it, then slams the door open and suddenly turns into fucking sonic while running to his room
he doesn’t beat you up, he’s the one getting beat up
always tries to race you, even when you’re both adults
wakes up later than you but somehow always gets to the bathroom before you????
shares his food with you
brings you towels when you realize you forgot to bring one into the bathroom
older than you but acts so much younger than you
- [ LEWIS NIXON]
oh wow
daddy issues galore with both of y’all
will kill you if you touch his vat 69
not because he doesn’t want to share, but because he doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes he has also because he doesn’t want to share
honestly an unproblematic sibling
maybe just ruthlessly teases you, but that’s about it
helps you make every family dinner uncomfortable
your parents got sick of the tension, so both of you just eat dinner with each other in Lew’s room
hums beethoven while you’re trying to study to make you mad, you’re getting real sick of this shit
flirts with your friends… Lewis, you have a BOYFRIEND-
everyone tells you how hot your brother is and you’re just like wtf no
steals the good chair when you go to the bathroom
- [ FRANK PERCONTE ]
oh no
will NOT share his food with you like sis don’t even think about it
always trying to throw hands with you for no reason
his shirts fit properly though because he’s so short (just steal them all)
doesn’t curse you out in front of your mother but he does flip you off when she turns around
if he finds out a secret that you don’t want him to tell your parents HE BLACKMAILS YOU LIKE CRAZY
you will be waiting on him hand and foot for the next week
such a control freak for no reason
whines on road trips and always asks “are we there yet?”
says such dumb shit you genuinely don’t know how you’re related
helps convince your mom to get fast food
passive-aggressively cares for you
- [ EUGENE ROE ]
speaks to you only in french so you better start learning that shit real quick
you guys don’t fight much, but when you do, it’s just aggressive french noises
gives you lots of chocolate
you get told your brother is pretty ALL THE TIME and you are tired of it
he’s a passive aggressive caring type of person
so basically he’ll yell at you while feeding you because he’s worried that you didn’t eat enough
always put bandaids on you as a kid whenever you scraped your knees
you’re always asking him to cook you food because he’s the better cook
if you tell him a joke, don’t be surprised if it turns into a lecture
acts like a 3rd parent instead of a sibling tbh
he means well
you both stay up to ungodly hours of the morning in total silence
- [ RONALD SPEIRS ]
the sibling that you like??? never see???
he’s like the sibling that lives in the same house as you but is nothing like you
his door is always shut and he NEVER wants you in his room unless he invites you in
is also the type of brother that wants to hang out with you but has no idea how to tell you so he just goes into your room and touches things
always stealing your stuff, even if he can’t use it???
like he’ll go into your room and be like ya maybe i do need an unused tampon lemme take that
hovers around whenever you bring new friends over to the house
you opened his room door once, and let’s just say NEVER AGAIN
takes you to get fast food at like 3 am… he doesn’t know why
if you own literally anything he’s just like “it’s free real estate”
he never lets you drive his car, and often threatens to leave you on the side of the road and drive away if you keep messing with the radio
he would never do that
- [ FLOYD TALBERT ]
all of your pets like him more than you i’m sorry
he always has his friends over at the house… you think they’re cute & some of them hit on you
he’s literally stopped talking to some of his old friends because they liked you
petty as hell in a fight
he’s always in the bathroom, you can almost never go in there because he’s usually fixing his hair 24/7
always begs you to make him food because he doesn’t know how to do it himself
constantly tries to prove that he’s right by saying, “well, i’m older soooo”
he’s always trying to steal the remote while you’re watching TV so that he can change the channel (literally so rude)
he’s so petty when you guys play board games
if he doesn’t win he’ll probably get so upset that he’ll almost burn the house down
what a sore loser
he’s the type of sibling to snitch on you because he’s getting yelled at
- [ JOE TOYE]
oml he’s that type of brother to be so aggressive for no reason
you always ask him if it’s his time of the month and he looks like he’s ready to murder you every time
he’s that type of brother to be like “i barely touched you!” and there’s like this BIGASS red handprint on you
actually respects your space, so don’t ever take shit outta his room because he WILL find out and you WILL die
doesn’t know how to comfort you when you’re crying so he awkwardly pats your head while you sob into his shoulder
goes through phases of hating and loving you
like one moment you will be throwing stuff at each other and the next minute you’ll be singing disney duets
does petty things to get back at you
like he’ll put minced onions in your shoes and cut all the bristles off your toothbrush
always complains that he would never be able to get away with the stuff that you get away with now
lies about who won fights between the two of you (we all know he gets his ass beat)
in conclusion, he has a classic case of older sibling syndrome
- [ DAVID WEBSTER]
WOW SOMEONE ELSE WITH SOME EXTREME PARENTAL TRAUMA
he’s actually a very good brother ngl
even though he doesn’t understand some of your interest, he tries very hard to be supportive and turn up for all of your extracurricular events
i love him, but he can be a know-it-all dickhead, so don’t try and get into any arguments with him
the type of person to talk to you even though you clearly have headphones in and aren’t taking them out anytime soon
and then he’ll get mad at you for forgetting to do whatever he told you to do while you had your headphones in
is always convinced you’re going to die when you get sick because he looked up your symptoms online, and according to google you have stage 4 brain cancer now
helps you with your homework when you don’t understand it
willingly shares his food with you (rare sight to see)
judges you if you don’t read classic literature 24/7 (it’s fine you can bully him for being a nerd)
he feels bad because he knows your parents put pressure on you to be more like him
but he tells you that you don’t have to change and it’s good to be yourself
- [ DICK WINTERS]
a wholesome brother
lowkey another nagging parent though
wakes you up at the asscrack of dawn for no reason other than him wanting to have a morning swim for SiBLinG BoNDinG TiME
like sis chill out that can wait until at least 9
looks out for you all the time, even though you can take care of yourself
hardcore judges you if you do anything remotely scandalous
but he doesn’t tattle to your parents so at least be grateful for that
he’s like an old man, he doesn’t understand memes
helps you study for important exams
every teacher you have expects you to act just like him and be perfect so good luck
lowkey barges into your room but you get used to it
hey guys! should i do a part 2 with some people that i missed? i’m sorry i haven’t posted in a while, but i’m trying to get better about it…. this is lowkey inspired by an idea @noneofurbusinez gave me. have a fantastic week, you deserve it
Any time I listen to Lana Del Rey I imagine David Webster smoking a cigarette in the passenger seat of Liebgotts convertible driving down the streets of California
Band Of Brothers characters as quotes from The Office™️
Luz: “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.”
Speirs: “Would you rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
Muck: “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”
Nixon: “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”
Sobel: “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
Babe: “And I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.”
Guarnere: “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
OK so I always thought that Frank John Hughes really suits the rough and tough Wild Bill, but I saw this picture and immediately in my head he radiates that soft literature boy from uni who likes to write poems and recite shakespeare or byron??? idk if this makes sense… but BRUH
