How different would band of brother be if even just ONE of them had a cute lil hoop earring or something? It would really add to the story telling I fink
I’ve decided to combine @rubinecorvus Wartober 2021 and @raincoffeeandfandoms Kisstober 2021 prompt challenges for double the fun and double the headache. :3
Day 4 - Navigate + Slow Kisses
WARNING: POETIC AND OVERLY METAPHORED ALLUSIONS TO SEX AHEAD
Dick has always loved maps.
As a boy he’d been obsessed with charting the world, one latitude at a time. He could see the peaks of the Himalayas on every globe. The jungles of Madagascar in every atlas. The sea currents. The depths of the Pacific Ocean in every naval chart.
He’d trailed bony boy hands over the lines of longitude, zigzagging past the equator and up to each pole in turn, imagining the far off lands detailed in perfect topography beneath his fingertips and what adventures they may hold. Wild animals perhaps. Inland seas the color of blue only dreamt of, brimming over with dolphins bearing their backs of gold. Rubies deep in the planet’s crust the size of a fist, too glamorous even for the most queenly neck. Anything beyond the tidy suburban monotony of Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
Doesn’t really get drunk, so you best believe this bitch is a lightweight. He takes like 3 shots in an hour and it’s all downhill from there. He’s pretty quiet when he’s drunk, and both @noneofurbusinez and i agree that he acts like Sobel but worse. Was once convinced by Luz that he couldn’t hear, and began shouting out orders.
- [ LEWIS NIXON ]
He’s literally an alcoholic, so it’s very hard to get him drunk at this point. He’s an absolute man-child when he’s drunk. All he does is whine and try to snuggle with you. Dick is his designated driver, hence why Dick usually doesn’t get drunk it’s because he’s a Quaker. When he gets drunk, he’s the blackout type of drunk. Don’t even bother mentioning what he did to him the night before, all he cares about is nursing his hangover.
- [ RONALD SPEIRS]
LITERAL INFANT. However, can definitely hold his liquor, so it’s takes a while to get him tipsy. He becomes so much more extroverted and fun when he’s drunk, so Luz tries to get him drunk at every single opportunity he has. Generally pretty sentimental, always hanging on to Lip and pressing sloppy pecks to his forehead when he’s drunk.
- [ CARWOOD LIPTON]
Sometimes Momma needs a little drink to wind down. Lip is pretty much the same when drunk, except he will swear at you in his Christian household.
- [ HARRY WELSH]
Blackout, messy bitch drunk. Enough said.
- [ GEORGE LUZ]
Literally the same except even more goofy??? SUPER CLINGY. Will not let go of Toye. Toye is his bodyguard when George gets drunk. Only person allowed to call Joe “Joey” when drunk. KING OF BODY SHOTS. Has to be carried home bridal style by Joe. Clumsy bitch.
- [ JOE TOYE]
Doesn’t usually get drunk, is generally more preoccupied with making sure George doesn’t slip and die. Loosens up a lot more when drunk, and shows wayyyyy more PDA than normal. You can tell if he’s drunk by what he calls Luz. If he calls him Georgie, he’s not gonna remember tomorrow. Probably does something stupid with Gonnorhea that gets him kicked out of the bar, like breaking a pool table by jumping on it. Is the person George is doing body shots off of.
- [ BILL GUARNERE]
Dumbass drunk. Snores like a freight train after passing out. Is the person that gets penises drawn all over his face when he falls asleep. Can be an angry drunk if you piss him off. Usually gets in bar fights. Has probably peed himself before. Has eaten spaghetti in a plastic bag and cried while drunk before.
- [ JOE LIEBGOTT]
Bipolar drunk. The Jekyll and Hyde of the drunks, if you will. Is either clinging to Web and spilling all of his emotions out while crying, or is getting into a bar fight. There’s no in between. Thinks everyone is hitting on Web, which just makes him more mad. Is actually pretty ok at holding his liquor, depending on the day. Will remember everything that happened the next day and just pretend like he never got drunk in the first place. Gets one of his taxi friends to drive him and Web home.
- [ DAVID WEBSTER]
Pretty & flirty drunk. 2nd king of dancing but can only grind. CANNOT THROW IT BACK. Flirts with anything that breathes, also has a bunch of new contacts by the end of the night. Clings onto Joe’s arms, definitely wants to snuggle. Has done a full face of makeup while drunk. It actually looked good, so i’m bitter. Is the reason why Joe gets into so many fights.
- [ BUCK COMPTON]
Fun drunk. Still plays darts but with infinitely worse aim. Has probably almost killed someone with that shitty aim. Most likely to make a bet with some random man at the bar and lose all of his money in one night. Generally the dumbest when drunk.
- [ EUGENE ROE]
Loosens up even more than Speirs when drunk. Always somehow has like 20 new contacts when he wakes up in the morning??? Everyone loves him. Is known to throw it back on the dance floor. Can grind. King of drunk dancing and doing it w e l l.
- [ BABE HEFFRON]
Sad, dumb drunk. Is sad that everyone likes Gene because he wants his attention all to himself. Cries over how pretty Gene is. Won’t shut the fuck up about Gene. Tries to play darts with Buck to get over his sadness. Actually ends up having better aim when drunk. Most likely to wake up with more money in his wallet than he originally brought. Is easily influenced by Bill, so he’s probably gotten into several bar fights.
- [ SKIP MUCK]
FUN DRUNK TIMES 10. Never stops drinking. Thinks everything is funny. Has peed himself laughing. Bffs with Luz when drunk so goodbye Penkala. Does any dare you give him, regardless of drunk or sober, but it’s more funny to have him do them when he’s drunk. Stumbles every three seconds.
- [ DONALD MALARKEY]
Depressed bitch drunk. Actually thinks about his life choices and regrets everything. Has tried to change his college major several times to Minecraft while drunk. Was stopped by Penkala and Winters. Cries on Winters’ shoulder while drunk. Regrets everything in the morning. Has penises on his face in sharpie in the morning.
- [ ALEX PENKALA]
Same as skip but more reasonable and actually takes care of Don. Is bitter that Luz replaced him.
- [ FRANK PERCONTE]
Dumb bitch drunk. Tries to fight anything that moves, no matter how tall the opponent is. Was convinced that all his teeth fell out by George once. Has yet to recover. Tries to fight Johnny, lost within the first punch because he got knocked out.
- [ JOHNNY MARTIN]
Takes so much liquor to get him drunk. Periodically takes shots whenever someone does something stupid or he gets annoyed. Facepalms the entire time Bull is doing anything. Generally super chill when drunk.
- [ BULL RANDLEMAN]
Fun drunk. Accent gets infinitely thicker when he’s drunk, so barely anyone understands what he’s saying. Rode a bull while drunk once, it was the best thing anyone’s ever seen. Acts like a cowboy for fun and to piss of Johnny.
to fight or not to fight: band of brothers edition
just shitposting something from my drafts because I have no other content for you at the moment. Just to put this into perspective for you, I’ll let you know I’m a 5’2” 110 lb teenage girl. And yes, I will be fighting several of these men. I don’t care how attractive they are.
Dick Winters: I would not want to fight him. Like, at all. He’s a dad. But if I had to fight him, he would lay my ass out. Would definitely sicko god mode curb stomp you and then ask you “Are you okay, son? What’s going on? You can always talk to your dear old dad.”
Lewis Nixon: Oh, I would absolutely fight him solely for the fact that I’d fucking WIN. He would probably be drunk, and he’s not much of a fighter anyways. We would look back on it and laugh.
Carwood Lipton: ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That would be like punching my mom. Besides, we know that Momma Lip will give you an ass-whooping if necessary, he’s got kids.
Ron Speirs: ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY N OT. He would practically smell me getting ready for a fight, and I would lose the little dignity I have left when he knocks me out with one punch. He is scary, I would not fight in a million years. I would forfeit.
Captain Sobel: BITCH IT IS ON SIGHT AND I COULD PROBABLY BEAT HIM TF UP-
Harry Welsh: No, I wouldn’t fight him, but it would be funny if I tried. Actually, now that I think about it, I would win, but I wouldn’t have the heart to fight him in the first place.
Buck Compton: Absolutely not. He would punch me so hard without mercy. I would die.
Norman Dike: ABSOLUTELY, AND I WOULDN’T EVEN NEED TO PUNCH HIM MORE THAN ONCE-
Joe Liebgott: YOU KNOW THAT WHEN THIS MOTHERFUCKER AND I LOCK EYES IT’S ON SIGHT. Not that Joe and I would hate each other, we would just have that relationship were sometimes we just gotta deck the fuck out of the other person’s halls. Would fight 100%, and I actually might win because we are both skinny legends.
David Webster: I’d fight him because I’d win and it would be easy. If he thinks Shakespeare is good, we are automatically fighting. END OF STORY.
Don Malarkey: I’d never fight him, I love him too much. I’d be messing up a wonderful human being. Also, I would lose, and he wouldn’t even intentionally be trying to win.
Floyd Talbert: I could definitely have a fair fight against this man, but I wouldn’t fight him solely on the grounds that I fear he would get an adrenaline boner.
Chuck Grant: I- No. Absolutely not. He would definitely win.
Bill Guarnere: I would try to fight him for no reason and lose miserably. RIP me.
Johnny Martin: Absolutely not. Could literally incinerate me with one look. I’d be dead before the fight even started. Could roast my ass afterwards. Also, he’s got Bull on his side. No thank you, I will be minding my goddamn business.
Shifty Powers: I would never want to fight him in the first place. I would also lose. He also, like Malarkey, wouldn’t even be trying to win. I feel like he would apologize for the rest of his life if I so much as got a bruise from it. So, no.
Joe Toye: I would do it for shits and giggles and he would not be messing around. I would lose 100%. He does not think it was funny. I think it’s fuckin hilarious.
Skip Muck: I would fight him, and I stand a fair chance at either losing or winning. Idk guys, tell me who you think would win.
Bull Randleman: Are you kidding me. The man is like half a body taller than me. I would rather just die. Also, he could just like pick me up by the back of the neck and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it??? I would not fight, and if I had to, I would lose.
Skinny Sisk: I wouldn’t wanna fight him, but I could definitely win.
George Luz: I would fight a hoe. Solely for the fact that it would be funny. Still don’t know if I would win or lose.
Frank Perconte: Would fight this little gremlin. Could probably win.
Eugene Roe: I wouldn’t fight him because JESUS DOES HE NEED ANYMORE TRAUMA??? Also, he could beat me up in like 2 minutes. He’s a friggin medic he can literally carry wounded soldiers.
Babe Heffron: No, who the hell would fight an infant. Also, he could probably beat me up. He’s got Guarnere,Toye, Roe, and all of Easy Co hey, that rhymes. I’m not taking that chance.
Alex Penkala: Yeah, I would fight him, but for fun. I would win. Don’t even ask me how I know, I just do.
Albert Blithe: What, are we trying to give the poor man MORE PTSD???? Absolutely not. I would win if I had to, though.
Roy Cobb: I WOULD MILLY ROCK THIS BITCH INTO THE NEXT MILLENIA WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT.
Alton More: Homeboi had the balls to talk back to Speirs. I don’t wanna find out what type of punch he packs. I’m good.
Pat Christenson: I don’t care that the man has limbs like Slenderman, we are fighting, and it is on sight. Little gossip bitch boy. I would so win.
Antonio Garcia: No, I wouldn’t fight him cause he’s baby. But I could probably win.
hahahaha this made me snort in the sitting room, my dad’s got his concerned face on again.
