Chuuya, jokingly: How’s the cutest traitor doing today?

Dazai, without looking up: I don’t know how are you?

Chuuya:

Chuuya:Wh—

Dazai, snapping his head up:Join the agency Chuuya

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Dazai: Have my plans ever been wrong?

Chuuya, mimicking in a high pitched voice: Have my plans ever been wrong?

Dazai:

Chuuya:

Chuuya:*Traps a wasp under a cup*

Dazai:*Walks over and places two more cups*

Chuuya: Please no-

Dazai:*Starts shuffling the cups*

Waiter: Sorry sir, your card has been declined

Dazai: Just try again?

Waiter: I’ve already tried 3 times…

Chuuya: It’s fine, i’ll take care of it

Chuuya:*grabs the waiter by the collar*

Chuuya: He said TRY AGAIN

Chuuya:Reminder that I’m very sweet and endearing so be nice to me.

Dazai:Or what?

Chuuya:I’ll punch your lights out.

Dazai: Name one mean thing that I’ve ever done.

Chuuya: You tried to convince me that eggs weren’t real.

Dazai: I’m going to write a book

Chuuya: Cool, what’s it gonna be about? 

Dazai: How to be cute: a guide by Osamu Dazai.

1. Be Osamu Dazai

Chuuya: We’re done.

Dazai:K.

Chuuya: Don’t use K on me.

Dazai:Oay.

Chuuya: You look nice, I want to kiss you

Dazai: What?

Chuuya, panicking: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN’T MISS YOU!

Dazai: We can go to the cinema if i’m allowed.

Chuuya: If you’re allowed?

Dazai: You’re not usually allowed to bring snacks into the cinema-

Dazai: I may not have been completely honest about that…

Chuuya: You? Less than truthful? I’m shocked, Dazai. Shocked and horrified.

Dazai, stroking Chuuya’s hair: You’re so cute.

Chuuya, sleepily: I could beat the shit out of you.

Dazai, lovingly: I know.

Mori: let’s play fuck, marry, kill

Chuuya: kill dazai

Mori: it hasn’t even starte—

Chuuya: kill. dazai.

Dazai: How are you so calm all the time?

Chuuya: The trick is to be so stressed out that it becomes your default state of mind.

Dazai: don’t go into that room!

Chuuya:why?

Dazai: there’s a spider inside

Chuuya: well, did you kill it?

Dazai: d-dude no, it got like 8 legs, i only got 2. that’s n-not fair

Chuuya: you always do that thing when you say my name

Dazai: what is it?

Chuuya: say my name

Dazai:

Chuuya, breathing heavily:THAT

Dazai, on one knee: will you marry me, Chuuya?

Chuuya:ye—

Dazai: hahah april’s fools!

Chuuya, forcibly taking the ring from Dazai and slipping it on his finger: so i’m thinking a summer wedding—

Dazai:wait—

Chuuya: no? spring then?

Mori: damn, the power went out

Dazai: don’t worry i got this

Dazai: *shakes rapidly and starts to illuminate*

Chuuya:what-

Dazai: i swallowed a flashlight

Chuuya, on the verge of cardiac arrest: yOU DID WHAT

Chuuya: can i get a sip of that water?

Dazai: it’s not water

Chuuya: ooh vodka, i like your style

Dazai: it’s vinegar

Chuuya:wha-

Dazai: it’s vinegar, pussy

Chuuya: i wish i was a steak

Dazai:wha–

Chuuya, teary-eyed: so someone could look at me and say “well done”