Dazai: Let’s do ‘get help’.

Chuuya:No.

Dazai: C’mon, you love it.

Chuuya: I hate it. It’s humiliating!

Dazai: We’re doing it.

Chuuya: We are NOT doing ‘get help’.

*5 min later*

Dazai, carrying Chuuya:Get help! My friend is dying! Help him!

*flings Chuuya at the enemy*

Chuuya:*chokes on his food*

Kouyou: Drink up Chuuya-kun

Dazai: Don’t let her tell you what to do

Kouyou: Excuse me?

*Kouyou and Dazai starts arguing*

Chuuya, smacking his chest:So who’s gonna give me a heimlich maneuver

15 SKK

Dazai: Have my plans ever been wrong?

Chuuya, mimicking in a high pitched voice: Have my plans ever been wrong?

Dazai:

Chuuya:

Chuuya:*Traps a wasp under a cup*

Dazai:*Walks over and places two more cups*

Chuuya: Please no-

Dazai:*Starts shuffling the cups*

Waiter: Sorry sir, your card has been declined

Dazai: Just try again?

Waiter: I’ve already tried 3 times…

Chuuya: It’s fine, i’ll take care of it

Chuuya:*grabs the waiter by the collar*

Chuuya: He said TRY AGAIN

Dazai: I’m going to write a book

Chuuya: Cool, what’s it gonna be about? 

Dazai: How to be cute: a guide by Osamu Dazai.

1. Be Osamu Dazai

Dazai: I’m tired.

Chuuya: Where are you?

Dazai: In my apartment.

Chuuya: Go to your window.

Dazai: I’m here.

Chuuya:Jump.

Chuuya: We’re done.

Dazai:K.

Chuuya: Don’t use K on me.

Dazai:Oay.

Chuuya: You look nice, I want to kiss you

Dazai: What?

Chuuya, panicking: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN’T MISS YOU!

Dazai: We can go to the cinema if i’m allowed.

Chuuya: If you’re allowed?

Dazai: You’re not usually allowed to bring snacks into the cinema-

Dazai: I may not have been completely honest about that…

Chuuya: You? Less than truthful? I’m shocked, Dazai. Shocked and horrified.

Dazai, stroking Chuuya’s hair: You’re so cute.

Chuuya, sleepily: I could beat the shit out of you.

Dazai, lovingly: I know.

Dazai:It’s really muggy outside, isn’t it?

Chuuya: If I look out the window and see all the mugs on the lawn, I will murder you.

Dazai, sipping coffee from a bowl: …

Chuuya: i wanted to kiss you today

Dazai, leaning closer: why didn’t you?

Chuuya, pouting: i couldn’t reach your face

Dazai: *trips and falls*

Dazai: fuck i wasn’t ready!!

Chuuya: neither was i when you left the port mafia the night odasaku died with no words at all. but go off i guess-

Mori: damn, the power went out

Dazai: don’t worry i got this

Dazai: *shakes rapidly and starts to illuminate*

Chuuya:what-

Dazai: i swallowed a flashlight

Chuuya, on the verge of cardiac arrest: yOU DID WHAT

Chuuya: im sad. nobody loves me

Dazai: bold words from someone within my hugging range

Chuuya: can i get a sip of that water?

Dazai: it’s not water

Chuuya: ooh vodka, i like your style

Dazai: it’s vinegar

Chuuya:wha-

Dazai: it’s vinegar, pussy

Chuuya: i wish i was a steak

Dazai:wha–

Chuuya, teary-eyed: so someone could look at me and say “well done”

Chuuya, shoving a bouquet of red camellias into Dazai’s arms: I hate you so much

Dazai, accepting them with a soft smile: I can’t stand you either