Butternut Queen

I’ve had this moniker on here since the inception of our blog and while it holds a special place in my heart, it doesn’t fit me anymore. Like a well loved coat that’s worn threadbare, I’ll always appreciate the ways it fit me when it did.

As I lean into exploring my own gender feelings and embrace a more non binary role for myself I still enjoy feeling like a Queen now and then, but I find myself drawn to more masculine terms of endearment.

I’m still a chubby little butternut, though! And the squash patch will always be my kingdom <3

(Butternut)

Farm Girl and I recently went for a hike and stumbled upon a tree covered in artist conk mushrooms! Being the sweetheart she is, FG crawled down a wooded hill to pluck the largest one for me to carve into pretty art. She makes my life so beautiful and full or art and joy and happiness. I just can’t even!

(Butternut)

We haven’t been blogging much lately. There’s just been SO MUCH going on: in our lives, in the lives of people we love, in the world. We are still here, though. And somedays our existence feels radical in and of itself-at least to me.

In all the turmoil and anxiety the world provides we exist and we are in love. We sit by the woodstove, we wander the woods, we hold hands and make love and hold each other while making quiet, gentle progress on the things that eat away at us.

I love my Farm Girl and while our quiet lives don’t always make for tantalizing tumblr porn, I want this place to be one where we share the truth of who we are and what’s going on. This blog started as a fun experiment in exploring our mutual exhibitionism and kink and it’s changed over time, our relationship has changed over time. We are still kinky cuties but we are also bourgeoning queers, transitioning humans, and constantly, eagerly exploring. We appreciate the people who see us and love our blog for what it is.

While FG is adapting to hormones and dealing with some personal things I want to keep posting: the fun kinky stuff and the quiet, gentle moments. I think it’s what we can offer this community-a view into our beautiful, real connection.

(Butternut)

This weekend didn’t go the way we planned. It was raining so camping wasn’t an option. We couldn’t find the crab for our crab cakes. We were too tired to get to all the things out list. We felt tender and emotional and raw.

But we were together. And we took care of each other. And we were in love.

Farm Girl is feeling down about a lot of very real things. Transitioning is bringing along with it a lot of anxieties about herself and her place in her community. My heart breaks hearing her fears about standing out, not passing and being isolated in her rural community. I feel so much for her I’m teary eyed just writing this. I want to hold her and protect her and make everything better, but I can’t. I feel like my hands are tied and the hopelessness slips in now and then.

But then I hold her and kiss her and fall asleep with her in my arms and the world is still there the next morning. We snatch happiness with hands eager to cling to hope and goodness. This weekend was full of tender moments and teary parking lot talks, but it was also full of laughter, touch, farm family time, snacking on salmon and cheese, massages, adventures, and so, so much love.

I wouldn’t miss a second of this life with my darling Farm Girl.

(Butternut)

I’m traveling without my Farm Girl and I admit its taking a toll. It’s been a really big week for Farm Girl and I’m so proud of the things she’s doing and accomplishing but I also wish very much I was at home to snuggle and love on her and show her just how very proud I am of her bravery and self-empowerment.

Colorado isn’t bad. I love to travel. This trip is just particularly hard. And that’s the price of polyamory at times, not being able to be in two places at once.

I’m looking forward to getting back home with little old Wisconsin and my farmer girl.