One time I dreamt that I was going to the movies with my two partners, but then they wanted to bring their partners, and those wanted to bring theirs, etc. We were one giant group of polycule nerds and we took up almost the entire theater. The tickets were insanely expensive though. Afterwards, we went to McDonalds and I watched the workers all stare in utter terror as we poured in
I think one of the biggest reasons polyamorous relationships don’t always work out is because people seem to think being being polyamorous will magically cure jealousy and the presence of that emotion makes them Bad Partners. Jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion, and it’s something that can be worked through. Don’t be afraid to make your needs/wants/limits clear, but don’t completely disregard your partners needs/wants/limits either. Remember, it’s not healthy until you start communicating about it!
And it’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to change your mind, it’s okay if it’s just a phase. Don’t let anyone use that invalidate you. Phases are important in figuring out who you are. Have phases, do stupid things. It’s okay.
“That’s just getting permission to cheat.” The explanation here is easy, its not cheating if you have permission and comparing a person in happy healthy relationship to a cheating scumbag is cruel.
“That’s so greedy.” Greed implies that someone is hoarding something, however you’ll notice, in polyamory people are allowed to date others. All comments of the greedy variety, even as jokes, come off as mean spirited and insulting.
“You’re such a slut.” Even as a joke or a compliment, using slut shaming language about the way that someone experiences their own romantic and sexual attraction is mean. Even if you’re using it to be friendly, nobody else ever is, and the majority of people will not enjoy being called a slut.
“Why isn’t one good enough?” Polyamorous people do not feel devalued by having their partners take on more partners. We do not feel as through we are being treated as not good enough. That’s not what its about. And if you’re not dating us, why should we explain our romantic experience to you?
“Don’t get used to it, you can’t marry both.” Mean. This is mean. You’re not being brutally honest or preparing them for the future. You’re being mean.
“I’d never date a guy with two girlfriends.” Any variety of the “well Iwouldneverdo that” isn’t kind. First, if you’re monogamous, they know already. Second, they don’t want your opinion on their relationship.
“Do they know about each other?” If someone says they have two partners, this cannot be your first response. You are assuming right off the bat that they are cheating, a terrible thing to do. Assume their partners know. If they were cheating, they probably wouldn’t tell you.
“I’ve cheated before too, I get it.” Your experience in monogamous relationships is more similar to polyamory than cheating is. Don’t compare cheating to polyamory, ever.
“Well as long as they know about each other that’s okay.” First, they’re not looking for your approval or for you to tell them it’s okay. Second, this is another example of treating polyamory like its similar to cheating. Assuming that cheating is the baseline and polyamory is just “okay cheating” is both incorrect and mean.
Perks of dating ! One of you has to get the motivation to make the bed after the sheets are washed. You’re can’t all be unmotivated and end up sleeping on a mattress for a week, right ? Right ??
Date idea: Playing Mario Kart with your partners. Sitting on the couch together, playing a full tournament. Poking and prodding each other, or playing footsies to try and get each other to mess up is, of course, allowed.
The winner gets kisses [ hand, forehead, neck, lips, etc. ]
The loser [ won the least / no games ] gets to be in the middle of the cuddle pile afterwards.
Imagine coming home to your partner and your spouse cooking dinner in the kitchen together. Maybe they’re playfully arguing about how much spice to put in, maybe they’re singing along to music, maybe they’re having a serious discussion about jellyfish. Whatever the case, you can’t help but stop and stare as you realize just how much you adore them.
Chandler (hubby) and Ross (boyfriend, although I hate using that word for him, ) hung out tonight while Rachel wasn’t feeling well and I was out of town for work. That’s nothing really new, but I love when they have bro time together. Hubby texted me, “thanks for loaning me your boyfriend tonight.” I really do love my life and my people.
We practice hierarchal polyamory; we each have 20+ years with our spouses, kids, finances, homes, etc., so it’s only natural that our relationships are hierarchal.
I love both Chandler and Ross like crazy (Rachel, too, of course) and they’re both so important to me. I don’t like having to rank them as husband vs boyfriend. Husband gets these privileges, boyfriend only gets these. On the flip side, I’m sometimes envious of Rachel, wishing I could have some of the wife privileges she gets.
The glass ceiling that our type of polyamory brings is the one downside for me. There’s only so far we can go. It’s so ingrained in me that you meet someone, fall in love, and follow a certain progression in the relationship. That happens to an extent in poly, but then there’s a hard stop where there’s no further you can really go. Speaking for myself, my feelings don’t hit the hard stop, though, so it’s tough. You want more, but there is no more.
If that’s my biggest complaint, then I’m pretty lucky, though. I take what I can get, and, overall, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.
Reason #zillion that polyamory is pretty fucking awesome: Ross plays softball. Rachel hates going to softball games. I fucking love it. Plus it’s kinda fun to show up and let Ross’ coworkers wonder who the hell I am.
Alright, so uh. Something crazy happened yesterday. For the people tuning in from my cookie fostering acc, this is why I wasn’t able to post yesterday.
Basically, I discovered I was polyam, got a second partner, and found out my first partner was also polyam and had another partner they were nervous to tell me about.
I’ll start from the beginning here:
I was talking to one of my close friends on Discord last night…well, not really “talking,” more like exchanging memes with each other. For their privacy, I’ll call them Walker. Most of the memes we sent were just memes from the fandoms we were in (and most of that was Alan Walker stuff), but we sprinkled in some wholesome memes every now and then.
Then, out of nowhere, they sent a wholesome meme that went something along the lines of “the person who sent you this has feelings for you!!!”
I was pretty shocked at first, but I took it as a welcome one. I discovered some held back feelings I had for Walker, but at the same time, there was a problem. As I told you earlier, I had a partner before their confession, who I’ll call Bee for their privacy. Now, if I had known I was polyam earlier, this wouldn’t be a problem, BUUUUUT lookie here!
I sent a simple “:O!!!” as a response, which I thought would be better than saying nothing at the time. Then, I whipped out my phone and started texting Bee about it:
I told Bee nearly everything that happened, leaving out the undiscovered feelings and discovering I was polyam. I asked for advice on how to tell Walker I couldn’t be their partner without hurting their feelings, at least not by much. After they gave me advice, I had to wait until I could access messages with Walker again, since my time visiting my mom for the weekend was up and I had to go back to my internet-hating grandparents.
About 5 mins or so later, Bee tells me that they had to tell me something.
Then, lo and behold, they said they are polyam!!!
I was sort or surprised since holy shit what a coincidence, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure if then was the appropriate time to tell the whole truth. All I said was that I was completely ok with it and I wouldn’t mind if they got another partner.
Then, lo and behold, THEY HAD ANOTHER PARTNER!
They told me all about them, and I thought they sounded like a chill person. Then, Bee told me that they wouldn’t mind if I got another partner, either. At that point, I decided to tell them the entire truth about how Walker confessed to me, and, like Bee said, they were totally chill with it.
I shot a message up to Walker on another platform they use telling them that I did indeed love them back and there was something else I have to tell them, but I have yet to recieve a message back. Hoping for the best rn, will update y'all when I get a message back :]
One of my favorite things about being poly is sharing in a community of love and giving. Yesterday and today were spent making homemade stock out of chickens and veggies from FG’s farm. I have a gallon of stock for her, a gallon of soup and a gallon of soup for my new cutie who…I guess I’ll call Hockey Girl for now? Sure.
Being poly has introduced me to a world of true abundance. Love that doesn’t need to be horded and squirreled away. There’s always food, care, support, love and kindness enough for everyone among farm family, my household and the queer community HG has introduced me too just recently.
I’m swooning hard and Walter is cheesing it even harder (so I had to share!)
