#captain america fandom
Kaleidoscope
Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader
Request: AU request where Steve lied about his age when he got into the army and now that he’s lived in the modern world, he starts doubting himself. The world isn’t as he remembered when he went into the ice, and he can’t really figure out the rules. So, when Tony makes a comment, it really hits home.
A/N The request is a summary of two very long requests. One of them mentioned Steve and the reader being teenagers, but I really don’t feel comfortable writing from the perspective of a teenager, so I’ve tried to incorporate it in a different way ✨
Tagging:@bitchwhytho@music-of-melody@shadowhuntyi@avada-kedavra-bitch-187
Sometimes, Steve’s hands still feel ice-cold despite the fact that he’s been out of the ice for almost 5 years now. Sometimes, Steve still shudders when you forget to turn on the radiator, even though his body temperature is probably hotter than the radiator. Sometimes, Steve imagines things that aren’t real, and you know this about him. Not because he’s told you, but because you like to watch him when he thinks no one watches him. It’s little things like always wanting a blanket when you’re sitting on the couch, or how he’ll bring his hands up to his mouth and blow warm air onto them even in the summertime. Steve Rogers is struggling. And you have no idea how to help him.
“Should we watch a movie?” you ask, entering your room where Steve is currently hiding under your duvet. He didn’t even get up for his morning run, which (despite how it sounds) worries you. Sam texted you asking if he was alright, and the truth is that you don’t have an answer for him. When there’s a mission, Steve is great. He takes on the persona of Captain America, and he can ignore his own mind while he fights, but it’s periods like this one where everything falls apart. In the silence, Steve can’t ignore his own doubts, and you know exactly how that feels.
“I’ll be right down,” he mutters, but make no effort to move.
“Come on. No time to be moping around,” you say, hoping you sound somewhat optimistic. You reach out a hand and grab the duvet to pull it back.
“There’s that pretty face of yours,” you tease, cupping his cheek.
“Hey,” he whispers, looking at you with clear adoration in his eyes. You hope your eyes don’t betray you and show your worry. You want to help him, but it’s hard when he won’t open up to you.
“Do you want to come downstairs?” Slowly, he gets up and follows you out into the hallway. His fingers intertwine with yours, and you’re happy to offer any kind of support you can. The rest of the team are already in the much too big living area that obviously has been designed by Tony.
“I was beginning to think you might have gotten lost somewhere in this high-tec building of mine. Don’t worry, big guy. Technology can be confusing.” Tony laughs, unaware of the feelings of doubt he’s creating in Steve by making that comment. You give his hand a gentle squeeze, remembering the many late nights when you stayed up to teach him about the world he woke up in. Technology, the historical events he missed, and even some pop culture - though he didn’t care much about the last one.
“Tony?”
“Yes, my dear,” he says, looking over at you with a glint in his eye.
“Shut up.” Everyone laughs and for a minute, things seem good. But one too many of those comments and you can just tell that Steve is regretting coming downstairs.
“Tony,” you warn but he just won’t stop today. Once again he’s on a roll and a little too self-centered to realize that Steve is not finding this funny at all.
“Do you ever stop talking? You think you’re so funny but all you know how to do is make people at the expense of someone else. For once, just shut up!” Everyone is quiet. It’s the first time Steve has ever had an outburst like this, and none of you know what to do.
“Rogers…” Tony doesn’t have time to formulate any kind of apology before Steve gets up and leaves the room.
“Thanks, Tony. Just what I needed,” you say before following Steve. When you find him sitting on the bed in your room, his chest is heaving as he struggles to control his breathing.
“I’m sorry,” he gasps. You keep quiet as you inch closer, giving him the chance to ask for space. But he hugs you tightly, allowing you to be the anchor he needs to calm down.
“I’m right here,” you say, stroking his back gently.
“It just got too much. I know I’m new to all of these things, but I’m trying to learn.”
“Steve, you’re not stupid. You came out of the ice as a 23-year-old guy after having missed crucial years of development within technology. Obviously, you have to learn a thing or two.” You kiss his forehead, feeling your heart crack for the boy who wanted to help save the world.
“You knew?”
“That you lied about your age when you signed up for the experiment? It’s my job to know those things.” You kiss him again - this time on his lips. You don’t comment on the salty taste or the fact that his cheeks are wet. You just stay right next to him and try to make him feel as loved as you know he is. Not just by you, but by everyone on the team.
You know Tony will find a way to apologize without ever saying the words “I’m sorry”, but you also know that he’ll never make another joke like that again. This is what family is. Sometimes, you cross a line without knowing it, and then you spend the rest of your life making sure it doesn’t happen again for the simple reason that you care.
“A lot of people care about you. Including me.”
