#chaos chaos
So there was a sale on untitled goose game which I bought especially seeing as they added multiplayer (remote control) and looking for people to play with as long as ya have steam… So if you’re interested feel free to send me a message!
Post link
run away with me now
Working on:
+ Lesson plans for school, self-studying methods
+ Planning and some pre-cleaning for The Big Purge (getting rid of a bunch of stuff in April and May)
+ Deleting bad old habits (excessive procrastination and the feelings associated, over-eating, screen time before bed)
Listening to:
+ Chaos Chaos (formerly Smoosh) - very danceable but also makes me want to make songs! I think I want a keyboard.
Watching:
+ ASMR videos to release anxiety
Trying to:
+ rise above my emotions in order to focus on the task at hand
+ forgive myself but still make and effort at being better
Feeling:
+ anxious but excited to be better
+ caffeinated. that’s why i’m here
For 2018, my theme is to Break Free! aka:
F R E E E E E E E E E E E E D O O O O O M : Unshackle and Shed
I want to:
♦replace eating as my anxiety coping mechanism (paint, knit, crochet, Minecraft lol)
♦ speak my mind in a kind but free manner
♦ free my belongings, free my room of unnecessary belongings, also as a way to psychologically break free from the weight of the past
♦ 50% fluency in French, to unshackle a bit my geographical limits when it comes to work opportunities, in case we really do move to France :o
♦ Dance and stretch more, move more freely and lightly
♦ Get legal: Emmy and I are going to start planning our civil marriage soon. Now I know, the typical assumption towards marriage is that it’s the opposite of unshackling and freedom, but in our case, it allows us to move freely around the world, to stay here and visit anywhere with less problems. A lot of the other goals I have this year are centered around getting my brain ready. I feel very much like a child a lot of the time, and it doesn’t help that I have so much junk from the past lying around, that I don’t need. And it doesn’t help when I feel physically, socially weak. When we do the thing, I want to feel ready and willing and not like we HAVE to do it because the system is forcing us to it.
♦ Have an organized, free-flowing, easy to use, not frivolous system of note-taking. I want to easily access my own thoughts, plans, etc. to build continuity within myself. I fail to make long term change when I solely rely on my upfront memory!
That’s it, really. (I say that, but that’s a lot already!)
At the end of the year, I just want to feel like I can try things and make things freely, without the typical things that hold me back crossing my mind (Oh, I wouldn’t finish it, I don’t have the energy, I’d feel bad after, I’m too anxious to do that, I can’t leave my room, I need to sort stuff out etc) I just want to feel the flow of creativity freely be conducted in all of the ease of my being. I want to sleep well and feel like I can do things! Let’s do this!! 2018!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, Jevil.
EDIT: just in case the source I posted wasn’t appearing in the notes/comments , I’m slapping it on here too. my bad y'all, I’m still getting used to tumblr lol https://youtu.be/uCSm8cbwk0w
