#hurting
I literally cannot believe that so many people go through heartbreak it is such an awful feeling ???? Like i can’t stop feeling empty and crying and feeling like someone is stabbing me in the chest over and over again and i look around and think about how many other people went through this and I’m like damn , that’s so much to go through, especially if you’ve been through it multiple times. Basically i hope it hurts less and we figure things out even if it seems like the end of the world ( it feels like that for me right now ) but I’d like to think I’ll be okay and even happy again sometime . I’m so proud of everyone slowly slowly making it day by day.
“The sad thing is, nobody ever really knows how much anyone else is hurting. We could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken and we wouldn’t even know.”
run away with me now
Tonight I looked at my back and saw patches that looked like a rash so I asked my mother to look at my back to see if she saw it and how bad it was but instead all she could talk about was how many stretch marks I had and my back rolls. She has no idea how terrible she makes me feel sometimes. I’m just laying here thinking, how am I supposed to see myself as beautiful when all people see when they look at me is my fat. Some people like to say your weight doesn’t define you but it does define me,from the moment I wake up and eat breakfast, to the time I spend at school. It’s this constant cloud following me, showing me how worthless I am.
My toxic trait is I stifle my feelings and don’t say shit
There’s this girl I’ve been friends with from the time I was 11, for more than 6 years and I’m starting to feel as though I’m losing her. We see each other and talk but that it. I feel as though I’m bothersome and the way she answers me makes me feel like she doesn’t care. But still I won’t say anything. I feel like friendships don’t mater anymore, so many years of friendship just thrown away like it doesn’t matter. I could be blowing things out of proportion or exaggerating but it makes me feel so done with friendships sometimes. I just need to stop feeling so much.
It’s Sad
It’s so sad just knowing that I’ll never get what I truly want in life. A family, someone to love me for who I am. It’s like this sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach that surfaces at night time and drowns me in sorrow. And the tears come down and I can’t control them cause all I see is the life I’ll never get. And the worst part is all I can do is put a smile on my face and try to make others feel happy because I know what it’s like to hate yourself. To hate what you look like in the mirror. To wish you never existed. To wish that you could just disappear, not that anyone would care. It’s Sad.
Why I Want To Be Skinny
How wonderful it must feel to be skinny, to feel comfortable in your own skin. To wear short pants without your thighs rubbing, to wear crop tops and have a flat stomach, to be able to wear a bikini without worrying about back rolls, to be able to wear normal sized clothes like oversized sweaters. To be able to be with someone and not feel like they’re embarrassed. Being light enough to be carried.
I’m the family disappointment, the embarrassment. The ugly little sister. The fat friend. The one who wears a smile throughout the entire day only to cry myself to sleep every night.
Pathetic
I wonder why I believe trying to starve myself will fix my problems, I mean I am fat but starvation isn’t the answer. Tell that to my brain though
