May the fourth be with you

Ben Solo writes….

Sometimes…

Sometimes i feel sad for what i have done,

Sometimes i question myself and ask what have i become.

Sometimes i wonder how my mom is feeling,

Sometimes i hope my scars start healing.

Sometimes i want to go back to my mom and dad,

Tell them i love them and ask them if they accept me for what i now am.

Sometimes i think how chewie is doing,

How much he misses the times we spent together,

And how much pain he is going through after losing he co-pilot forever…

I realize how sad everyone is because of me,

I hope everyone can forgive me for my deeds…

Ben Solo’s diary on the day he killed Han

I saw my mom and dad after so long on Takodana. They were in alot of pain. I could feel it.

I wish i could shout out “MOM DAD I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY HELP ME PLEASE..”.

Chewie was also there he is getting old. I remember how much he helped me maintain my hairstyle and the stories he told me when i wasn’t able to sleep.

I met a girl. Her name was Rey. I saw a little bit of myself in her. Lost, looking for love and happiness. She defeated me the scar she gave me isn’t half as painful as killing dad.

I feel like i am suffering. I told my dad his son was dead. But actually he is miserable. I feel so guilty. I wanted to prove my dad i was good enough but instead i proved otherwise.

Save me please…

(tear drops on the page)

Reblog if you want Ben to smile in the next sw….

Also tell me how bad this is