“Darling, I knew you were lying. I’m the most powerful person in the city.“ The villain said matter-of-factly. “No one dates me without trying for a taste of it.”
“Why- why would you….” Their lover stumbled over their words before adding quietly, “Why didn’t you break up with me?
The villain gave a sad smile and glanced down. “I hoped that your love for me trumped your lust for power.”
“Hello!” The civilian said with a jaunty wave. “I’m here to flirt with you.”
The villain shovelled more money into the bag with a frown. Was this another crime-control tactic? The bank’s hostages looked as confused as they felt. “This is a robbery. Get out of my way.”
“A robbery!” The civilian exclaimed in delight. They pulled out an index card with multiple lines of text. “I have just the pickup line.” They read off the card. “Are you a thief? Cause you just stole my heart.”
The villain could see a large stack of index cards in the idiot’s back pocket.
“Ah, Scientist! How’s experiment number 387 doing?” - the villain asked, strolling into the lab. Said scientist jumped in surprise before turning to their boss.
“V-Villain, sir! Uh- Everything’s going smoothly so far.” - Scientist replied, checking something on their tablet as Villain walked over to the giant tube in the middle of the room.
The criminal ran their hand down the glass, admiring the creature growing inside it. “Marvelous~. Once this beauty is finished, we’ll be unstoppable.”
There was a long pause as the villain basked. It was a good bask. They were having fun. Until the scientist cleared their throat nervously.
The villain sighed. “What?”
Their scientist wrung their hands nervously. “Well, uh. I know it might be above my pay grade but uh…”
“Spit it out, Scientist!” Villain pulled a potato chip from their jacket pocket and bit in. “I pay you to think, let’s hear those thoughts.”
“You, uh,” the scientist stammered, staring at the villain’s snack, “technically don’t pay me. But that’s not the point! You do keep saying things like we’ll be unstoppable and all shall bow before me, and I would remiss not to point out we have no idea what kind of traits or personality we’re going to get when our chimera decants.”
“An excellent point!” The villain crammed in another potato chip, chewed thoughtfully for a moment. “Two questions then. One, what do you know about animal handling? And two, what do you mean I’m not paying you?”
“You, uh, technically kidnapped me?” the scientist said with a nervous laugh, hugging their tablet to their chest. “But I have been doing some reading in zoology and aquarium journals-”
“Great initiative. Now shut up,” interrupted the villain, looking less amused, more confused. “I kidnapped you?”
“Well, yeah.” The scientist looked a little hurt. “The International Biochem conference in Berlin? I was presenting a paper, it wasn’t going well. But then you - you suddenly stormed the stage yelling that I was a genius and my talents were wasted on them and then you, um,” the scientist blushed bright red, “you sorta tossed me over your shoulder and you had these kinda rocket powered skates-”
“Mm.” The villain nodded thoughtfully. “The Jet Set Rockets, yes. This is ringing a bell. Go on.”
“And then you brought me here. But no big deal!” the scientist hurriedly said. “Everyone just sort of forgot I was a prisoner after a few days. I was able to go home, pack my stuff, let the landlord know I was breaking my lease because I’d been kidnapped. But to get back to Beastica -”
"Beastica?”
“Oh, sorry! I mean…” The scientist ducked their head, running a hand gently along the glass. “That’s just what I’ve been calling her in my head. I didn’t mean to presume.”
“Beastica,” the villain hummed. They placed their hand next to the scientist’s on the glass. “I dig it.”
“Oh wow,” the scientist breathed. “But, uh, I am short on cash and some of that zoology literature is behind paywall, so can I get that expensed? Subscription to the Annual Review of Animal Biosciences and the Journal of Experimental Biology should do it.”
“Sure, sure! Tell Accounting Deirdre I authorized it and she’ll order it for you. Now.” The villain grabbed the tablet out of the scientist’s hand and flung it away.
“Hey!” the scientist yelped - and then shut up as the villain advanced on them, eyes glinting with intent.
“We need to sort this out,” the criminal purred, backing the scientist across the lab. “You can’t be ‘kinda’ kidnapped. That effects things, like your PTO accrual and whether you get invited to the holiday party.“ The scientist gasped as they hit the wall. The villain was there in a flash, hands bracketing them against the cement. "So what’ll it be, genius?” they grinned, running a finger down the scientist’s lab coat lapel. “Are you kidnapped, or do you maybe kinda wanna be here?”
“Oh, um…” the scientist stammered, eyes perfectly round aa they watched villain’s hand trace across their chest. “I mean, maybe… I don’t know! Can’t we do something in the middle?”
“Independent contractor! Got it!” The villain abruptly stepped back and started tapping things into their phone. “Go tell HR Deirdre you need a W9. That’s a good choice,” the villain went on, with a sly glass up through their lashes. “I have a strict no fraternization policy with my employees, but I don’t see any reason I can’t throw a contractor over my shoulder every now and again. If they ask nicely.”
“Okay,” whispered the scientist again, melting slowly into a puddle.
The criminal gave them a wink and handed them a pretzel stick from their shirt pocket. “I wanna see that behavioral plan by Thursday! Keep up the good work and you shall be rewarded in my day of victory!”
“Will do, sir,” the scientist whispered and hurried back to building their villain the world’s most beautiful marauding monster.
“You’re obviously here to get some dirt on us.” Villain walked around the Reporter being pinned to the floor by his henchmen, curious.
“You have my wallet. You can see I have like- what- five dollars? Someone gave me a job and a lead and I came here to follow up. When I saw it was you…” Reporter trailed off.
“So cute, you got scared.” Villain chuckled.
“Oh yeah, self preservation in the middle of a crime riddled city. Cute. You’re gonna love half of the police force.”
Villain couldn’t help the laughter, waving a hand.
This is so perfect. This villain is suave and creepy and such a damn good antagonist. I really hope you continue this, and if you do, please add me to the tag list!
