#crack starters
DEADPOOL SENTENCE STARTERS
From both movies starring Ryan Reynolds.
He is as dishonourable as he is attractive.
Shit… Did I leave the stove on?
House blowing up builds character.
I only have twelve bullets so you’re going to have to share.
I’m touching myself tonight.
What the shit-biscuit?!
Really? Rolling up the sleeves?
I may be super, but I’m not a hero.
Some of the best love stories begin with a murder.
I will shoot your fucking cat!
Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
I’m just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up even worse guys.
Motherfucker, you’re the world’s worst friend.
Hakuna his tatas, he’s sorry.
It’s time to put balls in holes.
What if I just held on and never let you go?
Jesus Christ, it’s like I made you in a computer.
I think we can all just agree that shit just went wrong in the most colossal way possible.
I had a Liam Neeson nightmare. I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter and he wasn’t having it.
That guy was already up there when I got here.
Rock, meet bottom.
Please don’t make the supersuit green, or animated.
This place seems sanitary.
One thing that never survives in this place is humor.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
You look like an avocado who had sex with an older, way uglier avocado.
This shit’s gonna have nuts in it.
Today was as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
Motherfucker should’ve worn his brown pants.
It sounds even stupider when you say it.
Fuck Wolverine!
Every good family film starts with a great murder.
Oh, I shit my pants.
Kiss me like you missed me.
You’re a lot smarter than I look.
You can’t really live until you’ve died a little.
You are not judge, jury or executioner.
You’ve let me down for the last time.
What did I do to piss off a grumpy old sucker with a Winter Soldier arm?
Dubstep is for pussies.
You sure you’re not from the DC universe?
You shut your trashmouth!
Luck isn’t a superpower.
I guess dubstep never dies.
Why couldn’t god take my hearing?
It’s a goddamn fannypack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch.
I have no idea what’s happening.
I will bathe in the blood of your enemies.
You’re just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
Let’s fuck some shit up is my legal middle name.
My body and hands are so soft.
Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand.
Only best buddies execute pedofiles together.
And they say millennials are the hardest to reach.
Damn, it feels good to be a gangster!
He even runs like a fucking pervert.
You sacrificed yourself for me.
Is that a knife in my dick?
There’s a knife in your dick.
All of these lines are from the Youtube web series Most Popular Girls In School (channel is linked in title).
Warning may contains lots of sexual, crude, and all around inappropriate language.
“Stop trying to force your Full House references on us.”
“You are not going to suck any of our dicks today, and you’re not going to play with any of our butt holes either.”
“Are you trying to infer that because you’re willing to do stuff to our butts, it proves that you’re more of a man than us?”
“Don’t be a dick, bro.”
“Ah oui, I will take a toasted baguette with a selection of foie grais and a Perrier please.’
“Hey [ name ], still giving people diarrhea for a living?”
“Jesus Christ, is a that a fucking gremlin?”
“Um excuse me, I will cut a bitch if there is lice somewhere in my chili.”
“Is this going to go on much longer? Because I have a basket of jalapeno poppers that are getting cold.”
“You are totes creep.”
“I had to break up with my boyfriend today. Because he likes fucking Gossip Girl more than Glee.”
“What the fuck is that suppose to mean?”
“You cursed me out in the bathroom earlier today.”
“We talked, you pooped, I thought we had a connection.”
“Well, if we ever have a special on meat salad, I’ll let you know.”
