Spiritual birth! Written by Maisey. A fictional depiction of my 4th birth based off things I enjoy about childbirth

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I hesitate to use the word “pain” in connection with birth, as I feel that it is a matter of how one accepts the sensations. What I was feeling could easily have been felt as “pain” by someone else. But because I knew that it was part of my body’s actions to get the baby born, and was therefore purposeful, it all seemed intense rather than painful. It took a bit of time to integrate this, as all my previous births were effortless. This was far from that, so it took me by surprise. I did do a bit of thinking now and then about how different this was, but tried not to focus on it. I knew that it was its own experience, unlike any other; comparing it to another would detract from what I was doing in that moment.

While kneeling there in the makeshift birthing nest (next to the fold out futon bed) I had prepared earlier, I began to feel a different force moving through me. I was feeling it on a physical level, but also envisioning the baby being pressed downward. What I was “seeing” was a cross-section of my birth canal, and a line drawing of the baby’s head moving down towards my vaginal opening, much like a progress bar of sorts. A bit strange; though it was an odd way to see it, it felt like very spiritual and connect to the sensations going on down between my nethers. This felt even more intense and I had to deliberately relax my back, letting the energy flow down and out to get through each expansion without fighting it. Knowing, from the vision, that the baby was descending gave me an added incentive to let it flow through me more easily.

A little after this, I decided to try out my birth nest since I hadn’t spent any time there at all. I remember thinking to myself that it felt way too soon to be in there, but that I could try it out for a little while and then go somewhere else. Once again, I noted the time–it was 6:35. I kneeled next to the nest and leaned against the bed.

The expansions were very strong, and I felt a strong need to clutch at the comforter, though I knew that having that much tension in my hands might not be a good idea. I felt as if I might be blown away by my body into another dimension if I didn’t. I also (on a more rational level) remembered that I had a lot of tension in my hands during Emma’s birth (my third baby, when I was holding on to the changing table), and this didn’t adversely affect the birth. But, I didn’t fight my body during her birth. This time, I undoubtedly did (much as I hate to admit it) to some extent. He says that there was no outward sign of this, but I did have a number of thoughts along the lines of: “This isn’t what my other births were like. This isn’t what I expected.” Not once did it cross my mind that there was something wrong with what was happening. I knew fully that all was well, but it was disconcerting.

During some of the expansions, I felt my breath go a bit shuddery, as it does when my body begins to push. My body felt as if it were being taken over and driven by an outside force.

While leaning against the bed, I began feeling immense pressure, and then a distinct pop deep inside me (the amniotic sac popping as his head pressed against/through it). I felt my whole body shuddering with the power of my baby’s descent. I wanted to feel my vagina to see if the baby was crowning, but was scared to because I thought that if I didn’t feel a head, I would not know what to do (not rational, as obviously, I wouldn’t do anything but wait). Also, the sensations were so overwhelming that I didn’t even feel capable of putting my hands near there, thinking that it would intensify what I was feeling. It seemed better to disengage a bit and let my body do what it needed to without interference.

I began feeling a need to push with the surges. They no longer felt like expansions, but one continuous downward force of pure, soul-splitting, Earth-shaking Power. I held back pushing a bit, as the pressure intensified when I pushed, but it then became impossible not to. As I was still right next to the bed leaning, facing on it with my weight. My body was forced into hands and knees, and I began pushing more, even though it frightened me a bit to feel this Immensity. I had a strong need to hold something for leverage, but I didn’t have anything, so I grabbed the sheets (highly unsatisfying when one wants leverage!). I could feel his head passing through my cervix, one millimeter at a time. Soon with a few more pushes his shoulders were sliding through my cervix. My body and soul felt as if they were being turned inside out, pulled downwards, pulled apart, shaken and taken to another place. I felt like I was envisioning it all in third person. How overwhelming, how wonderful, how frightening, how perfect!

I had begun vocalizing and heard (through the roar in my head and body) This lightened my spiritual load a bit, and made it easier to get out of the way of my body. Since it was clearly inevitable that the baby would emerge sooner or later, and tensing up against it wasn’t going to help, I was able to get fully upright and into a deep squat, no longer leaned on the bed. It felt like the right thing to do so I did.

Once I was all of the way upright in a squatting position, his head came down further, though I couldn’t feel it at first when I touched my vagina (thinking, “Surely I must be crowning now!”). But I wasn’t crowning just yet. A few more pushes later it came down a bit more and I could feel a little of that wonderful, wrinkly scalp. Slowly, slowly, it began emerging.

It felt such a tight squeeze (and what a surprise that was. It was pretty intense now!) that I began massaging my vagina all around, not really stretching my lips out but more like trying to push them past or around the head. The day before, I had read about one mom’s recount of her birth– in which she had a pretty hefty sized baby and to aid her crowning she pulled her vulva aside so forcefully that she tore herself a little.

I remembered this while birthing, and decided not to do the same so I wouldn’t suffer such injuries myself, though enticing as it was! I was saying to the baby, “Come on now baby”, “It’s OK”, “Come on out”, and, “Big head!” The head slipped a little further outside of my lips, and I said with joy, “Baby’s helping!” At one point, everything stopped, and I was stuck there in an endless moment with this enormous head stretching me. I still had my hand on my vagina and I tried to look down to see, but couldn’t see over my belly. Another push and more pressing down by my body, then that wild burn of a full crown. I bore down once more and kept saying, “Come on”, and “Giving birth”. More pressing down by my body, then that beautiful release as his head emerged fully, all the way out of me. Oh, what a lovely feeling–his warm wet head in my very hands! I exclaimed with a quiet breath, ”Oh it’s out, it’s out. The head is finally out".

Slowly the shoulders came through on the next push and another birthed the rest of the torso, with a warm flood of fluid, right into my hands. As I was sitting back against the bed, I felt something soft next to his bottom, and thought, “Oh, it’s a penis. I had a boy!“ Through most of my pregnancy, I had felt strongly, nay, known completely, that this was a girl. Despite this, all I felt was complete and total satisfaction. I was utterly thrilled to have my little boy in my arms. (That morning, I had the quiet realization, “This is a boy,” so it wasn’t as much of a surprise as it might have been.) He began crying immediately, and was a bit purple but turned pink not shortly with time.

A couple of minutes later, I felt warm fluid (that I presumed to be blood) flow out. I said, “I have to have the placenta now,” and got onto my knees to give a little push. The placenta came right out in a splash of blood. It was not painful or difficult but I did have to pull a bit on the cord to help get the placenta out. (Interesting note about his placenta; it was slightly bigger than the others I had birthed and was more puffed up.

After having four kids prior to this one I knew instinctively, a crying baby automatically means, “Offer breast!” He finally quieted down and latched on. He did well and nursed for a bit. My partner said that the baby looked bigger than the others, and I said, “His head sure felt like it.” I could not believe I had such a big baby. It was quite surreal.

That night was pretty uneventful–a few meconium diapers to change, beautiful baby to smell, cuddle, stare at, and ooh over. He was very content, not crying, and spent time quietly looking around. By a day or so later, he had discovered the joys of nursing and is now extremely good at getting on the boob. He can even do it in the dark on his own.

The next day we weighed and measured him, for the sole purpose of showing that I do indeed produce only 6 to 7 pound babies (all three of the others were that weighed, were between 18 and 20 inches long, and had roughly 12 ½ inch heads). Well, I broke my track record. Baby weighs 9 pounds, 5 ounces and is 20 ¼ inches long, and has a 14 ½ inch head.

Perhaps there was a reason that his emergence was on a different level of intensity than his siblings had been! It explains why his face was a bit puffy when he was born and why he was a bit purple right after birth, yet he had no head molding (he came down so fast!). It also explains why my tail bone was sore and felt out of place. My partner said, “You got out of his way.” Glad I am to have done it!

My body fared very well, considering how shaken apart I felt when birthing. My vagina had no damage at all. Though the whole area felt a bit swollen, it was a little visible but there was no stinging when I peed. It did feel a little numb for a couple of days, and I had to be careful to hold myself together there when I coughed (which I did a lot, since I was sick) or a bit of pee would come out–another new experience for me! (I guess that’s what big babies do to you!)

I had afterpains that were more intense than my last child, and lasted for three days. Motherwort and Motrin once again helped out. I bled more than after Emma’s birth, but it was still pretty minimal. It was like a medium flow period that lasted for about four days, then began lessening. My milk came in the same night as my birth. My breasts were quite engorged in the following days. Cabbage leaves didn’t help quite as much this time, so I encouraged a more than willing Emma to nurse a lot, which helped lessen the swelling and discomfort.

I feel so blessed to have this big little person in my life. Although it hurts and sometimes is overwhelming, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. It’s incredible giving birth and each one is so distinctly different.

birth-fics:

sisimbirthing-deactivated202106:

Great size head

I love the huge bulge imagine her screaming so loud and trying to push but its stuck.

childbirth/ crowning

crowningqween:

You know I was originally planning on freebirthing, not because of the cost associated with homebirth or because I was reckless but because I fully trust my body and didn’t feel like I could put enough trust into someone else to listen to what I actually wanted or that I could find someone who believed in me and my capability.

A traumatic birth in a hospital with staff who disregard your concerns or wishes, do things without your consent, create latrogenic emergencies and bully you into doing things you don’t want to do. It’s why most people Freebirth that and they want the most primal experience possible.

However by absolute fate I was sent the most amazing mother centred and hands off midwife possible. The exact person I had hoped for all along but never thought I could find Someone who normally books out quite easily just happened to have a spot at nearly 22 weeks pregnant. I will admit I was still scared to trust her at first due to past experiences but she quickly showed how much she believed in me and my capabilities. For the first time in any of my pregnancies I had someone who listened to what i wanted during my pregnancies/ birth, took a single No as an answer and held space for the past experiences. I never thought I’d be excited to have a midwife appointment each week just so we could sit on the couch and talk about anything I needed, it’s not just someone who looks after you, you create a friend and someone that I cannot wait to walk by again.

I’m so happy I got the dream birth I had wanted, couldn’t ask for a better birth

Feeling so pushy tonight, wishing I was pregnant again!

n2birth:

Teen birth on floor!

This is how I want to give birth. Naked and vulnerable on the street with strangers watching my pussy spread for your baby. Give me more birth videos like this!

bellyreupload:

Crownjob anyone?!

Mmm…I just had an idea….have you do a crown job. It’s when you are fully crowned, you rub the crown against a cock, getting it to cum. You rub your clit as you do. Eventually cumming together all over baby?!