#cunt destroyer
We all moved to Reaction Junkie’s room when his roommate came home. Cunt Destroyer accidentally left her phone in the living room, and she and I made Reaction Junkie go fetch it, even though his ankles and hands were still cuffed, making it difficult. A little while later, Cunt Destroyer’s partner arrived, and we all talked and oohed and awww-ed over the kitten. At one point during the conversation, Cunt Destroyer’s partner pulled a knife out of his pocket and started playing with it a bit, really just turning it around in his hands. It turned me on in a big way and I had a very difficult time not staring at him. There aren’t many things much sexier than a guy playing with knife. I need to ask some partners to pull knives on me and threaten me with them sometime soon.
One of the things that is equally, or possibly more, sexy happened while I was on the bed with Reaction Junkie, my head resting on his legs. I said something sassy and he moved one leg to the other side of my neck and started squeezing, choking me with his legs. It was super effective and I got fuzzy and calm. And turned on, of course. He did it a couple of times, and I really enjoyed it. There’s another thing I want more of and will definitely need to ask for.
While we were all hanging out in the bedroom, I found myself amused/turned on by being a lil’ bit dommy towards Reaction Junkie. When he would say something I didn’t like, found annoying, or was pretending to dislike or find annoying, I’d give him a nice, firm hair grab. He makes a lovely little sound, like a combination of a sigh, a gasp and a whimper. In addition, when I flipped the script from what he’d been doing earlier in the weekend and told him, “Kiss me,” he started responding, “Yes, sir.” Although it might have been a bit of a joke initially, I’m pretty fucking into it.
The Unknown Quantity showed up partway through the afternoon, which I was excited about. He’s a lot of fun, and I was happy to get a chance to spend more time getting to know him. I’d been feeling pretty gross most of the day, so I told Reaction Junkie that I wanted to take a shower. He told me that I had to get undressed there in his room, with everyone around, not in the shower. It didn’t bother me, since half the people there had already seen most of my body, but it did turn me on a bit to be made to strip in front of everyone. Both because of the exhibitionism, but also because everyone saw Reaction Junkie order me to do something. I like when my d/s-y dynamics are on display for everyone to see, especially when I’m being a good little cunt and obeying. I got naked, causing The Unknown Quantity to comment that he hadn’t expected this within five minutes of showing up, but that he probably should have. I giggled and headed to the shower.
When I got out of the shower, I dried off and went back into the bedroom. I lounged naked on the bed with The Unknown Quantity for a while. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for a little more play that weekend. And, well, LFB gets what LFB wants. In fact, I got more than I bargained for, with a bit of co-toppiness from The Unknown Quantity and Reaction Junkie.
While I was just innocently lying in bed, The Unknown Quantity started hurting my thighs. I was still sensitive from the day before, so I started squirming around. Reaction Junkie came over and helped, both by holding me down so that I couldn’t try to push The Unknown Quantity off or cover myself, and by getting me to behave, since I’ve got extra motivation to follow his instructions, given that he’s my owner.
Reaction Junkie had a “”“fun”“” idea and grabbed some buckyballs. For some reason, I was really freaked out by the idea of having the magnets used on me, and I got really whiny and started struggling more earnestly. Reaction Junkie had to use a voice with me, which was controlling and hot. “Put your hands on top of your head.” When I didn’t comply, The Unknown Quantity grabbed my thigh and dug in hard with his nails. I yelped and, shaking, placed my hands where I’d been told to place them. Reaction Junkie leaned over and put the buckyballs on my ear. I was relieved, since I thought he’d been going for the nipple, and I realized they didn’t hurt anywhere as much as I thought they would.
I was just relaxing into the slight feeling of pressure when Reaction Junkie moved to do my nipple. I started making noise and moving around more, and he had to use a voice with me again. He said, “[LFB], shut up.” and I got quiet. And turned on. I like being told to shut up like that, with that tone. He put the magnets on me, and it hurt less than I thought it would. He added more, increasing the pressure and the pain until he finally took them off, which made me wince.
I wasn’t done yet, though. The Unknown Quantity grabbed the kitten and put her on my thigh. Her little kitten claws dug into my bruised skin and hurt, but I had to stay still so I wouldn’t scare her or hurt her. I’d been using one of those head scratcher massager things earlier, and The Unknown Quantity grabbed it. He played with the kitten with it for a little while, and then started running it along my inner thigh. I tried not to move too much, as the thing scratched and poked. Finally, the kitten ran off to do something else, and I thought I might escape. To the contrary, The Unknown Quantity turned the head scratcher around and dug the pointy tip of the handle into my sensitive bruises. It hurt like fuck. He pushed it in hard, and it was all I could do not to cry out. He continued hurting me until it was time to head out to dinner.
Sunday morning started slowly. Reaction Junkie and I had planned to have anal in the morning, but we’d gotten in very late, stayed up late to play with the kitten, and been woken up during the night by her antics, so there was no anal, sadly. We woke up and played with the kitten for a while. I was supposed to go to Boy Genius’ birthday party that day, and I’d originally planned to leave right after I got up so that I could go home, but I was having such a good time, especially once his friend, Cunt Destroyer (hey, that’s the name she put in my phone when I got her number) got there, that I decided to stay for a while longer before leaving.
While we waited for Cunt Destroyer to get there, Reaction Junkie and I sat in the living room and played with the kitten. Cunt Destroyer arrived and we got introduced to each other. Someone mentioned Starbucks, and I got a craving. There’s a Starbucks right across the way from Reaction Junkie’s apartment building, so I said I was going to get some. Reaction Junkie asked me to get him something, as well, and of course I said I would. I grabbed the keys and headed out the door. Before I left, Reaction Junkie told me, “When you get back, I’m going to be tied up!” I grinned and headed out.
Reaction Junkie had asked me to get him a baked good, and I decided that I deserved one as well. I walked around the grocery store and decided to check the Oreos, hoping, but not expecting, that they would have Mega Stuf Oreos. Much to my surprise and delight, they did! I bought them and headed back to the apartment. When I walked in, Cunt Destroyer had Reaction Junkie in cuffs, of course. I enjoyed getting a chance to watch someone being casually toppy towards him, since that was something I’d been wanting. It was helpful to see how she handled complaints of things being too hard or too painful.
I especially enjoyed it because she’s fucking awesome. She’s into consensual misogyny/has a misogyny kink, and I always like meeting people who share that kink. Also, she’s Jewish, so she has a Nazi fetish, obviously. In addition, she works two interesting jobs: stripper and EMT. We definitely share a sense of humor, and like similar things, kink-wise. For instance, when Reaction Junkie told her about the play I’m not allowed to talk about, she was totally into it and proclaimed it “sweet” of him. Which I totally agree with, despite the fact that other people would call it “disturbing” or “fucked up.”
After a little while, another one of Reaction Junkie’s friends came by. We all talked and played with the kitten, and the three of us were kinda toppy/dommy towards him. At one point, Reaction Junkie was laying on the floor with his hands cuffed in front of him. He commented to me, “You could cuff my arms behind my back.” I gave him a look and said, “You’re right. I could.” I sighed at him in faux-annoyance and told him he should probably ask for things he wants instead of being coy. Then I obviously grabbed a key and cuffed his hands behind his back. When I went to sit back down, I stepped on him and heard him make a little noise, which made me smile. I sat down and put my feet on him, using him as a footstool. I enjoyed that. He’s a comfortable person.
By this point, it was a little past when I would have needed to leave to go to Boy Genius’ birthday. I was having such a good time, didn’t really feel up to driving or being with a big group, and wanted to get to know these people better. I’m a bit sad I missed it, especially because there was laser tag and I would have gotten to see The Violinist, but I’m even more happy that I stayed because I had a fantastic day with Reaction Junkie and everyone else.
At dinner on Sunday night, I was out with Reaction Junkie, The Unknown Quantity, Cunt Destroyer, and some other new friends. I slid my phone over to Reaction Junkie so he could read the post I’d written about the Saturday night party. He started to read it out loud, but when I whined at him, embarrassed, he stopped and read it to himself. I explained to everyone what he was reading, and talked a little about my tumblr. Reaction Junkie must have decided to keep exploring once he’d read the post I’d intended for him to read, because the next thing I knew he was saying, “I’m at a play party and I just had an unexpectedly excellent scene with someone I hadn’t played with before, The Unknown Quantity…”
“Stop!” I said, feeling my face getting hot. I grabbed the phone and checked what I’d written. I knew I hadn’t said anything mean, and nothing super embarrassing, but I’m not confident about my writing. I gave it back to him, kind of okay with him reading it aloud, but didn’t leave tumblr open for him because I wasn’t that enthusiastic about the idea. He went online, found the post that way, and continued reading. I immediately got incredibly embarrassed again and changed my mind about letting him read it.
“No! Don’t! Please stop?” I said in a pathetic little tone. He kept going. “Please don’t. I don’t want you to read it out loud. Stop!” Nothing I said was making him stop reading. Of course, nothing I said was a safeword. I don’t often safeword for psychological things, but I was super uncomfortable and I’d been being a bit toppy (emphasis on “a bit”) earlier in the day. “Red!” I said, expecting him to comply immediately. He didn’t stop. I tried again. He let me know I couldn’t stop him, that I was powerless. I felt a little flicker of panic. “Safeword!” I said. Surely he’d stop. He just kept reading. I could feel myself getting hotter, and now it wasn’t just from embarrassment.
He finally did stop when I hopped up and grabbed the phone. Cunt Destroyer turned to Reaction Junkie and said “That’s not cool,” about his ignoring my safewords. He responded, “I know how far I can push her.”
That made me feel exposed, vulnerable, embarrassed, and it made my cunt twitch. It was also accurate. The whole thing was ridiculously hot. The feelings of being helpless, controlled, and having my wants disregarded combined with the twin embarrassments of having my tumblr read aloud and having my safeword ignored in public to create a recipe for arousal. He wouldn’t ignore a safeword in a situation with actually serious potential negative outcomes, but the reminder that he could do so, that he could decide to continue and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, that when he stops, it’s not because of something I’ve said or done, but because he’s choosing to stop…Just writing about it has me incredibly turned on.
After everyone put their clothes back on, we started our journey to the restaurant for dinner. As we walked, we were having a bunch of different conversations, ranging from serious to sexy to hilarious, and I was having a great time. I was holding hands with Reaction Junkie and walking along, thinking about my life and how I’d missed having a group of friends (as in, a group of people who know each other, not just a bunch of friends from disparate sources) and about how I was feeling about the fact that I have multiple partners who I see regularly. The Unknown Quantity was walking next to Reaction Junkie and me and I took his hand, as well. It was partially because I was feeling affectionate, and, to be honest, partially because I liked the mental image of me walking along with someone on each arm. As we arrived at the restaurant, I enjoyed the reminder that my life is now filled to bursting with friends, partners, laughter, sex, play, conversation, and caring.
We arrived at the restaurant and made the correct life choice and sat outside. We started talking and I decided to show Reaction Junkie the post I’d written the night before. I slid my phone over to him and he started reading it. I told people a bit about my tumblr. Meanwhile, Reaction Junkie found the post about my first scene with The Unknown Quantity. Then one of my favorite experiences of the weekend happened. Gods, I like this kid.
After I grabbed my phone back from Reaction Junkie, I actually ended up handing it to the Unknown Quantity and letting him read the post. When he finished, I was feeling less embarrassed about my writing, so I gave the phone back to Reaction Junkie, kinda hoping he’d read something else. He scrolled through, looking at posts, and came across the one about the bladder control from the previous weekend. He read that one out loud to the table while I squirmed in discomfort and delight. I then shared my tumblr with people, including showing Cunt Destroyer the face hitting/gender traitor post that the kink shaming rad fems hate most. She very much enjoyed it, which I felt good about. It’s always nice to meet people who share your fucked up kinks.
The rest of dinner was fantastic. I got to feeling really comfortable with these folks and there was plenty of good conversation, teasing, flirting, cuddling, and laughter. It was chilly out, and The Unknown Quantity was cold, so I offered him my hoodie. He demurred, saying that I probably needed it more. Reaction Junkie told me I couldn’t wear it, and after a few more offers, The Unknown Quantity finally accepted it. Eventually I got cold, and we cuddled together for warmth. The Unknown Quantity had a dish with crispy noodles on it, and I asked if I could take some. He said that I could, and I grabbed some. Before I could eat them, however, he told me, “I said you could take them. Not that you could eat them.” I pouted, but put them down on my plate.
Not gonna lie, even though it can be annoying, I like when d-types get literal with requests. MLAM used to do this thing where I would ask if I could go to the bathroom when we were doing bladder control, and he would happily grant that request. Then, before I would leave, he would grin evilly at me and say, “But you can’t piss.” It was a nice little prod at me, getting my hopes up and dashing them, and it was controlling and made me more attentive to what I was asking from him, since I had to be more careful with my language. Throughout the meal, I asked if I could eat the noodles, and he repeatedly said no. I liked getting little denials of my wants every so often.
At one point, conversation turned to politics and, more specifically, elections and voting. I told Reaction Junkie about Breastie’s question about if I would have voted Republican had MLAM ordered me to, and about my response that yes, I would have. Reaction Junkie seemed to like the suggestion and said that he was going to make me vote Libertarian. I don’t think he was serious, but I hope he will force me to vote a certain way. I really like the idea of being made to do something like that. It’s against most things I stand for, it’s something I can’t take back, but it’s mostly symbolic, so the negative externalities are basically negligible.
After we all finished dinner, we paid and headed back to Reaction Junkie’s place. I grabbed the Mega Stuf Oreos and offered them around to people. There were only a few left, and once they were almost all gone, I went to grab the last one, saying, “I’m going to have this last one.” Both The Unknown Quantity and Reaction Junkie asked, “Are you?” I just looked at them and said, “Yes.” They tried to give me dommy looks and I just laughed and said, “I haven’t ceded control over my diet to either of you.” and ate the Oreo. I probably deserve funishment for my cheekiness, but they weren’t even mad.
I ended up talking with Reaction Junkie, one of Reaction Junkie’s other partners, and The Unknown Quantity for quite a while. When it was time to leave, The Unknown Quantity walked me to my car. As we walked, the topic turned to sex (of course). He said he wouldn’t object to having sex with me, and I said I’d have sex with him. he’s a great guy, and a legitimately interesting person.
The weekend was like a shock to my system, and my depressive episode, already weakened by that Monday night with Legolas, couldn’t fight back against all of the pain, pleasure, and feelings of connectedness and belonging that I had over those three days. I’m back to a more even keel, and my sex drive and ability to get off have definitely rebounded. I even hate work less! A giant thank you to the friends and partners (and also the medication refill) who helped me push through those depressed and isolated feelings to come out even happier and better off than I was before.
