Today is National Children’s day. Meeting Children in different countries might be one of my favorite parts of travel. You never have to speak the same language to play and have fun with children! So lucky to have so many little friends in China!
This past weekend was so much fun! I missed getting a box of books for $3 on Sunday because of work, but I was able to go on Friday for the buy one get one special. Lots of new books! Plus got to talk to some awesome people on the hunt for their favorites!
I don’t know how did it happen, but I am working on a summer language camp. And it is the most varied experience I have ever had. It all started last Sunday. We were sent to Brunel university for a couple of days and I had to go there straight after the mass at St Mary’s. It was not easy at all and I was crying the whole way from the church to Euston Square station, brokenhearted. My bag’s wheel…
Every action you take counts, no matter how small, and together, our actions add up to something much bigger. Check out the impact we’ve made with #MonthOfAction so far. And we’re not done yet! See how you can get involved here: http://bit.ly/_Month-Of-Action_
Just had a very good first date with someone I met on tumblr. He commented on and/or liked one of my posts, and I liked his username, so I went to his page. He indicates the general location, and his about me mentioned that he was a feminist. I was in a particularly social mood, so I went ahead and sent him an ask.
He responded and we talked for a bit. He sent me a link to his okcupid profile. I liked it, we’re a 99% match, and he’d already sent me a message (that mentioned Tamora Pierce!) I had on my list of messages I wanted to respond to, but just hadn’t yet. We messaged back and forth and decided to meet tonight.
We had a fun first date with delicious food, excellent (and comfortable/easy to have) conversation, walking while holding hands, and making out/hair pulling/light choking in front of a local tourist attraction. We’re getting together for more fun sometime soon. And none of this would be possible without you, tumblr. So, thank you!
PS. I’m still workshopping nicknames for him. I’m thinking “Good Guy Tumblr Dom”, since he’s a d-type from tumblr, but he’s not a “tumblr dom” in the usual sense. Also possible: a variation on that, like “Not-A-Tumblr Dom” (actually I like this one a lot).Or “The Programmer” (I used that for someone already, but that didn’t go anywhere, so I could reappropriate it). Thoughts?
Black Cherry Manhattans with Nilla. The waitress said the drinks were strong and boy, was she right.
Nilla and I talked a bunch. I told her about kink and taught her some terminology. She remembered the name of the book she’d read for her human sexuality class. She read Story of O. When she said that, I laughed and said, “I guess this isn’t all new to you, then.” We talked about submission, and why I enjoy it. She revealed a huge secret to me, in return for how upfront and open I was being with her.
I’m very happy I have a work friend I can be honest with, and who trusts me enough to tell me what Nilla told me.
I’m also very happy that I had one of these drinks at least an hour and a half ago and oof, I’m still feeling it.
We all moved to Reaction Junkie’s room when his roommate came home. Cunt Destroyer accidentally left her phone in the living room, and she and I made Reaction Junkie go fetch it, even though his ankles and hands were still cuffed, making it difficult. A little while later, Cunt Destroyer’s partner arrived, and we all talked and oohed and awww-ed over the kitten. At one point during the conversation, Cunt Destroyer’s partner pulled a knife out of his pocket and started playing with it a bit, really just turning it around in his hands. It turned me on in a big way and I had a very difficult time not staring at him. There aren’t many things much sexier than a guy playing with knife. I need to ask some partners to pull knives on me and threaten me with them sometime soon.
One of the things that is equally, or possibly more, sexy happened while I was on the bed with Reaction Junkie, my head resting on his legs. I said something sassy and he moved one leg to the other side of my neck and started squeezing, choking me with his legs. It was super effective and I got fuzzy and calm. And turned on, of course. He did it a couple of times, and I really enjoyed it. There’s another thing I want more of and will definitely need to ask for.
While we were all hanging out in the bedroom, I found myself amused/turned on by being a lil’ bit dommy towards Reaction Junkie. When he would say something I didn’t like, found annoying, or was pretending to dislike or find annoying, I’d give him a nice, firm hair grab. He makes a lovely little sound, like a combination of a sigh, a gasp and a whimper. In addition, when I flipped the script from what he’d been doing earlier in the weekend and told him, “Kiss me,” he started responding, “Yes, sir.” Although it might have been a bit of a joke initially, I’m pretty fucking into it.
The Unknown Quantity showed up partway through the afternoon, which I was excited about. He’s a lot of fun, and I was happy to get a chance to spend more time getting to know him. I’d been feeling pretty gross most of the day, so I told Reaction Junkie that I wanted to take a shower. He told me that I had to get undressed there in his room, with everyone around, not in the shower. It didn’t bother me, since half the people there had already seen most of my body, but it did turn me on a bit to be made to strip in front of everyone. Both because of the exhibitionism, but also because everyone saw Reaction Junkie order me to do something. I like when my d/s-y dynamics are on display for everyone to see, especially when I’m being a good little cunt and obeying. I got naked, causing The Unknown Quantity to comment that he hadn’t expected this within five minutes of showing up, but that he probably should have. I giggled and headed to the shower.
When I got out of the shower, I dried off and went back into the bedroom. I lounged naked on the bed with The Unknown Quantity for a while. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for a little more play that weekend. And, well, LFB gets what LFB wants. In fact, I got more than I bargained for, with a bit of co-toppiness from The Unknown Quantity and Reaction Junkie.
While I was just innocently lying in bed, The Unknown Quantity started hurting my thighs. I was still sensitive from the day before, so I started squirming around. Reaction Junkie came over and helped, both by holding me down so that I couldn’t try to push The Unknown Quantity off or cover myself, and by getting me to behave, since I’ve got extra motivation to follow his instructions, given that he’s my owner.
Reaction Junkie had a “”“fun”“” idea and grabbed some buckyballs. For some reason, I was really freaked out by the idea of having the magnets used on me, and I got really whiny and started struggling more earnestly. Reaction Junkie had to use a voice with me, which was controlling and hot. “Put your hands on top of your head.” When I didn’t comply, The Unknown Quantity grabbed my thigh and dug in hard with his nails. I yelped and, shaking, placed my hands where I’d been told to place them. Reaction Junkie leaned over and put the buckyballs on my ear. I was relieved, since I thought he’d been going for the nipple, and I realized they didn’t hurt anywhere as much as I thought they would.
I was just relaxing into the slight feeling of pressure when Reaction Junkie moved to do my nipple. I started making noise and moving around more, and he had to use a voice with me again. He said, “[LFB], shut up.” and I got quiet. And turned on. I like being told to shut up like that, with that tone. He put the magnets on me, and it hurt less than I thought it would. He added more, increasing the pressure and the pain until he finally took them off, which made me wince.
I wasn’t done yet, though. The Unknown Quantity grabbed the kitten and put her on my thigh. Her little kitten claws dug into my bruised skin and hurt, but I had to stay still so I wouldn’t scare her or hurt her. I’d been using one of those head scratcher massager things earlier, and The Unknown Quantity grabbed it. He played with the kitten with it for a little while, and then started running it along my inner thigh. I tried not to move too much, as the thing scratched and poked. Finally, the kitten ran off to do something else, and I thought I might escape. To the contrary, The Unknown Quantity turned the head scratcher around and dug the pointy tip of the handle into my sensitive bruises. It hurt like fuck. He pushed it in hard, and it was all I could do not to cry out. He continued hurting me until it was time to head out to dinner.
Sunday morning started slowly. Reaction Junkie and I had planned to have anal in the morning, but we’d gotten in very late, stayed up late to play with the kitten, and been woken up during the night by her antics, so there was no anal, sadly. We woke up and played with the kitten for a while. I was supposed to go to Boy Genius’ birthday party that day, and I’d originally planned to leave right after I got up so that I could go home, but I was having such a good time, especially once his friend, Cunt Destroyer (hey, that’s the name she put in my phone when I got her number) got there, that I decided to stay for a while longer before leaving.
While we waited for Cunt Destroyer to get there, Reaction Junkie and I sat in the living room and played with the kitten. Cunt Destroyer arrived and we got introduced to each other. Someone mentioned Starbucks, and I got a craving. There’s a Starbucks right across the way from Reaction Junkie’s apartment building, so I said I was going to get some. Reaction Junkie asked me to get him something, as well, and of course I said I would. I grabbed the keys and headed out the door. Before I left, Reaction Junkie told me, “When you get back, I’m going to be tied up!” I grinned and headed out.
Reaction Junkie had asked me to get him a baked good, and I decided that I deserved one as well. I walked around the grocery store and decided to check the Oreos, hoping, but not expecting, that they would have Mega Stuf Oreos. Much to my surprise and delight, they did! I bought them and headed back to the apartment. When I walked in, Cunt Destroyer had Reaction Junkie in cuffs, of course. I enjoyed getting a chance to watch someone being casually toppy towards him, since that was something I’d been wanting. It was helpful to see how she handled complaints of things being too hard or too painful.
I especially enjoyed it because she’s fucking awesome. She’s into consensual misogyny/has a misogyny kink, and I always like meeting people who share that kink. Also, she’s Jewish, so she has a Nazi fetish, obviously. In addition, she works two interesting jobs: stripper and EMT. We definitely share a sense of humor, and like similar things, kink-wise. For instance, when Reaction Junkie told her about the play I’m not allowed to talk about, she was totally into it and proclaimed it “sweet” of him. Which I totally agree with, despite the fact that other people would call it “disturbing” or “fucked up.”
After a little while, another one of Reaction Junkie’s friends came by. We all talked and played with the kitten, and the three of us were kinda toppy/dommy towards him. At one point, Reaction Junkie was laying on the floor with his hands cuffed in front of him. He commented to me, “You could cuff my arms behind my back.” I gave him a look and said, “You’re right. I could.” I sighed at him in faux-annoyance and told him he should probably ask for things he wants instead of being coy. Then I obviously grabbed a key and cuffed his hands behind his back. When I went to sit back down, I stepped on him and heard him make a little noise, which made me smile. I sat down and put my feet on him, using him as a footstool. I enjoyed that. He’s a comfortable person.
By this point, it was a little past when I would have needed to leave to go to Boy Genius’ birthday. I was having such a good time, didn’t really feel up to driving or being with a big group, and wanted to get to know these people better. I’m a bit sad I missed it, especially because there was laser tag and I would have gotten to see The Violinist, but I’m even more happy that I stayed because I had a fantastic day with Reaction Junkie and everyone else.
When I woke up from my nap, I felt less tired, but still kind of down. I looked around the room and saw Reaction Junkie. I decided I should go join the group he was talking to and cuddle up to him, thinking that was likely to make me feel better. I walked up and leaned into him. We greeted each other and he returned to what he had been saying while I sleepily cuddled him. As I listened to the conversation, I started to feel better.
When there was a break in the conversation, I told Reaction Junkie about my scene, which he’d already heard about from The Unknown Quantity. I also shared how I’d started to feel super tired and kind of down afterwards. He seemed concerned and asked if I needed to leave. I definitely didn’t, but it was nice to feel cared for like that. I was feeling a bit better after I talked about it, and I started to get more involved with the conversation.
While we were talking, Reaction Junkie grabbed me somewhere, and I saucily told him, “That’s not where it hurts.” The Unknown Quantity had clearly told him about the intense thigh slapping and how sensitive I was, because he grabbed my left inner thigh. I yelped and he picked up my leg, throwing me off balance. I grabbed onto him with both hands to avoid falling. He pulled my left leg up far enough that the position forced me to stand on tiptoe on my left foot. The pain and the control he was exerting over me started bringing me out of my low mood, and as we continued to play, I came out of it completely.
As we played and he hurt me, we talked. I brought up something I’d been thinking about for a few days. I’d had some feelings (read: twinges of jealousy) when I watched him playing with Legal Lolita on Wednesday. Part of the reason was that I wasn’t doing my normal logic-based countering of those feelings, but when I thought about them some more, I realized I had felt the most bothered when they were kissing. I’m not big on kissing with the majority of people, for a number of reasons, but I very much like kissing Reaction Junkie. For example, the other weekend, just as I got out of my car to head to his vanilla friends’ party, he pushed me up against the side of the car and kissed me enthusiastically. It was dominant and passionate and I just about melted.
I’d realized most of what had made me uncomfortable about watching the scene he had with Legal Lolita was the kissing part, and that those feelings stemmed from the fact that I feel like he and I don’t kiss enough. Instead of bottling it up or trying to subtly encourage him to kiss me more, like I might have once done, I decided to just tell him I wanted to kiss more. So, while he was grabbing my bruised inner thigh, I said, “I like kissing you and we should do it more.” I was nervous when I said that, so when he responded that he also like kissing me and that “we don’t kiss enough,” I was relieved. “Kiss me,” he ordered. I smiled at him and obeyed. He repeated this command throughout the night, which was incredibly sexy for multiple reasons, and made me feel warm and fuzzy in all the best ways.
The group decided to sit down and Reaction Junkie chose a high chair. He pulled me to him so that I was between his legs and continued squeezing my thigh and hurting me. Eventually he said, “Get a coil of rope out of my bag.” I did as I was told and handed it to him. He tied it tight around my upper left thigh and pulled it taught around the arm of the chair. I enjoyed the pain this caused, but what I didn’t realize was that he had more than one reason for doing it. Not only did it make it easy for him to hurt me, it left him with his hands more free to do other things.
He started punching and slapping my tits, focusing on the right one. I’d told The Unknown Quantity that I didn’t want him to punch my tits, but Reaction Junkie owns me, so he obviously has no restrictions on what he does to me. My body and mind belong to him, so he can do whatever he likes to me. He punched and punched, and I winced and yelped, fighting the urge to pull away. I lost that fight a couple of times, and because my left leg was still in the air, as I leaned back, I almost fell over. Reaction Junkie saved me each time, although it wasn’t entirely out of concern for me, since he grabbed my tit to pull me back towards him. At the same time he was pummeling my tit, he was pulling the leg rope tight, hurting me multiple ways at once. As he watched my pained and pleasured reaction to the treatment, he grinned at me and said, “Oh, I like you.”
Eventually, as the breath was knocked out of me with a punch, I felt like I was getting close to a limit of what I could take from being punched. I asked him if he would please switch to only slapping. He opened his hand and brought it down super hard on my tit. “Like this?” he asked. I said yes, because, although it hurt, the pain was much less concentrated than with the fist, and I felt like I could handle much more of it. Reaction Junkie slapped and grabbed and squeezed and pulled my breast tissue away from by body, and I trembled with the effort it took to handle the pain, and because my cunt was soaking. I was happy and smiling and, at the same time, grimacing, moaning, and groaning at the suffering Reaction Junkie was causing.
When I felt my tits, the right one (the one he was hitting) felt full of blood. I thought it was pretty likely that I would get a nice big bruise, à la MLAM. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Next time, I’ll have to be a brave little cunt and be better at handling more. I want to be black and blue and red all over from Reaction Junkie. I love the reminders of who my body belongs to and what it’s for.
The party ended and a group of us, including Reaction Junkie, The Unknown Quantity, and me, left the play space and headed to get food at a diner. There were actually some decent vegan options, and I ate my mac ‘n cheese and chicken fried seitan while chatting with people. We were all happy and laughing, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Reaction Junkie and I got dropped off back at his place, and we headed inside. We had to play with the kitten for a while (poor us, tossed right in that briar patch), since she was full of energy and needed to be tired out. Eventually he and I both fell asleep. I woke up several times in the night with the kitten running around the bed or climbing on me, her little claws digging into sensitive skin, including my tits. Finally she tired out and fell asleep, purring, in the crook of my arm. I finished a lovely day by cuddling up and sleeping with two adorable, wonderful creatures.
Earlier today, I was hanging out with a group of awesome kinky folks. When we walked past this alley, one of the guys said, “That is a spectacular alley!”
We all looked and proceeded to comment on the features of the alley and make references to rape fantasies.
I’m at a play party and I just had an unexpectedly excellent scene with someone I hadn’t played with before, The Unknown Quantity. I’d seen him around happy hour, and he’d seen me. I’d observed that he’d been improving with his rope. He’d been observing with others. And it showed.
He tied me up with my arms harshly pulled behind my back, my hands pulled in front of me and rope tied between a crotchrope, and rope tight around my legs. It left me unable to take deep breaths without causing myself some pretty excellent discomfort.
He picked me up by the crotchrope, pushed me around, tied my legs in a crossed position and put his weight on them, grabbed me and squeezed hard, dug his nails into me, and then the tickling started. He made me tell him how pretty I am and complimented my smile as he held me down with his weight and made me squirm. His fingers ran along my sides, around my hips, to my feet. I actually felt ticklish with him, which doesn’t always happen. He took a letter opener and dug the tip into my side, the sharp spring surprising and frightening me.
The pain, fear and uncertainty, and the restrictions on my movement put me in a pretty decent subspace and made me lightheaded. It was entirely unexpected, since I don’t normally enter subspace at events, and haven’t been going into it that much in general, lately. Fantastic! I’m really happy with how that scene went, and he was, too. My squirming, whimpers, gasps, and struggling made him smile and pleased him.
Time to head back in, hopefully for some more fun!
My favorite kind of OkCupid message is the kind that makes me say “Hello new friend!” out loud. Like when someone says they work with labor organizations, social justice advocates, feminist organizations, and immigrant advocates.
I’m planning to write more details about yesterday sometime this weekend, but for now, here’s a very happy-making list.
I got a reasonable amount of sleep.
Reaction Junkie told me a story in the car on the way to work while I got myself off in the passenger seat.
I had a nice lunch with My Boss.
My Boss drove me to the top of a parking garage and spanked my ass with a paddle until I was whimpering and writhing.
Reaction Junkie texted me during the day, telling me dirty thing he wanted to do to me.
I had a good conversation with Nickname TBD and we planned getting together at the con coming up the weekend after this.
I I had good time at happy hour D talking with friends, old and new.
I made a new friend, Radical Girl.
I got to see The Unknown Quantity, who I haven’t seen much of lately.
While we were waiting for the train, Reaction Junkie was all dommy and made a friend of his, B, directly ask me if he could grab my ass and tits, and, when I said yes, B did so.
Reaction Junkie then got me incredibly turned on by making me whisper lewd things to B on the train, despite my protests.
Reaction Junkie used all the things he had done to me during the day (the orgasm in the morning, the texts during the day, the things he made B do to me and me do to B) against me, teasing me on on off for the rest of the night, and this morning.
Holy crap. I’m actually excited about something! One of the major ways my depression manifests is that I just don’t get enthusiastic or excited about anything. Maybe a bit of enthusiasm over small things, but no matching level of excitement for bigger events.
I’ve been trying to get together with a new friend, Nickname TBD (I seriously need to come up with an actual nickname), for a little while now. We were messaging on Fet, and we didn’t end up making plans. He hadn’t responded to my last message, but in a rare moment of social bravery, I sent him one asking if he wanted to hang out and (I was nervous about asking this, but I did it anyway.) maybe cuddle or play at the con coming up in a couple weeks.
He got back to me a day or so ago, and today I finally actually read the message. He said that he has has a room in the con hotel, and he definitely wants to get together, including for cuddling and playing! He even added that, if I was interested, he likes to “pleasure [his] partners sexually.”
I’m really really happy that he responded to my tentative hang out request so positively! And I’m even more delighted at my excitement. That excitement about this planned play is starting to bleed over intense I feel about other play I have planned, and the con in general. I’m starting to feel less afraid and anxious about the con about the con, and less fear and anxiety. And jeez. Feeling excited about anything at all is a major achievement, even outside of how I’m feeling about this specific event.
I’ve had things that I knew I should have been excited about, but besides maybe one or two exceptions, I didn’t feel it. I tried to reverse engineer that enthusiastic, giddy, optimistic feeling, but my brain was having none of it. I had a little bit of positive emotion around some events, and I could just manage to say the things that excited people say, put on the expressions that excited people have, and make the motions excited people make. That’s not a real reaction, though. I didn’t have the enthusiasm, the eager anticipation.
But now I actually feel it. I’m like, “Ohhh. That’s what this human emotion called ‘excitement’ feels like. I like it! Let’s have more of this!”
Boy Genius just invited me to hang out with him and one of his primary partners tomorrow! I can’t go cuz I’ll be busy getting beaten and pissed on and dying one million deaths. But the invitation is a good sign about possibly doing private play! And it reminds me that I’ve actually succeeded in making new friends. Ppl like me for some reason. Probably because when they hurt me, I thank them and keep coming back for more.
Happy hour was great tonight. I spent lots of time talking to The Violinist, met and bonded with new people, negotiated beating up/domming Vegan Boy at the con that’s coming up, and then went upstairs with Reaction Junkie and got off while straddling his lap.
Reaction Junkie and I arrived at the party and socialized separately for a while. Or, rather, he socialized and I half socialized, half felt socially anxious in a corner. Eventually, I wandered up to him talking to a couple people and joined in the conversation. I’d recently written a post about objectification in which I’d talked about my enjoyment of being used as an object in terms of being a demo bottom, and about having my limits regarding feeling replaceable and/or ignored pushed (by particular people). So, when someone asked him about his handcuffs, Reaction Junkie grabbed me and used me to show them off, not speaking to me, but about me. It was exactly the kind of objectification I enjoy.
After he was done showing the last pair of cuffs, Reaction Junkie didn’t remove them. He left them on me and, with me facing away from him and the rest of the conversation, put his arm around me and talked to the other people, completely ignoring me. A few times, he put his arm around my neck and squeezed, choking me, but continued to ignore me. I wasn’t bored, since I was facing out into the party, so I had plenty to look at. When I looked back to see that he was using his free hand to play with someone else’s tits while continuing to ignore me, I felt somewhat uncomfortable, maybe a little jealous, but it wasn’t unbearable.
Eventually, he let me go, and I started talking to Mort, one of the girls he’d been showing off his cuffs to. We were having a good conversation, enough that, when I noticed Reaction Junkie kissing someone else, I was able to focus in on Mort and get through the jealousy pings without much difficulty. I was so focused on our conversation, that I didn’t even watch where Reaction Junkie went when he left to go play. Mort and I talked for a good while, about all sorts of things, from death, to being submissive, to her time in the BDSM scene in Germany, to wanting to try being dommier and toppier, and more.
During our conversation, I did look around a few times to see where Reaction Junkie had gone, but I couldn’t find him. I laughed and told Mort that he was probably right behind me. I looked over my shoulder, but didn’t see him. Later I learned that yes, that’s exactly where he was. Mort and I continued talking for what felt like an hour or more. She eventually went off to find someone and I sat alone for a little while, thinking about the conversation and considering whether or not to go hunt down Reaction Junkie.
I didn’t have to consider for too long, because he walked up to me shortly after Mort left. We talked for a couple minutes, and then he sat behind me with his arm around my throat. I wondered if we were going to start playing. I’d asked him to make me cry, but requested that he not take the easy way out by slapping me in the face or something like that. What I’d meant was that stingy pain brings me to tears pretty quickly and without too much effort, so I wanted him to make me cry with thuddier, deeper pain, like punching and elbowing and kicking. Reaction Junkie interpreted what I’d said differently. He decided to use his words.
[Note: This is about the previous happy hour, on Tuesday, August 19 2014]
When we got to the fast food place, Reaction Junkie and Anderson Cooper ordered their food. Before we walked up the stairs to grab a table, Reaction Junkie handed me his bag to carry while he went to the bathroom. When Anderson Cooper came over, I decided to see if he would do something for me and, in an adorable little voice, I told him the bag was too heavy and asked him to carry it. He obviously did. Later on, Reaction Junkie told me he probably liked that. Hee hee hee. We all sat down and talked for a while. They both have appealing politics and I enjoy watching their friendship dynamic.
A little while later, another group of people from happy hour joined us, and we moved to a bigger table. Several of them were women who were, from what I could tell, toppy or top-leaning. I was really digging the energy at the table and the way people were interacting. I’m ridiculously into the idea of having a friend group, where I have lots of friends and they all know each other, as opposed to just having a bunch of friends. It’s about that community feel. It makes me feel like I have a home, a bit like having a chosen family. Maybe not quite that intense, although I also crave that family feeling, so I would welcome having a group of friends/a community develop into a chosen family.
The toppy ladies were talking about underwear and one of them said “Looking cute is important in the dungeon. You look cute and then you hurt people.” Role models! That’s exactly how I want to be when I’m topping/domming. Also, at one point I said something about having to play dumb or being submissive to men, or something. One of the women responded in a sardonic tone, “Oh, yes. Because women are inferior to men and should be submissive to them at all times.” She waited a beat and then continued, “Because the guys at this table definitely believe that.” It’s funny cuz subby boys. Later on, one of the women was talking about CBT and offering to give lessons to the other. I said I would be interested. She gave me her card and said she would definitely teach me some time. Heh heh heh heh.
I really liked these women, but they intimidated me. Not only because they were toppy, but also because they were women. Women are always more intimidating than men. Partially because I care a lot about what women think and find them harder to impress, which makes for a nervous little feminist bitch. Not to mention the fact that men are, well, easy. No offense, guys. Y'all are still superior and all that, but I know what to do with you. Reaction Junkie has promised to help me make some female friends, which I’m super excited about.
Before we left the restaurant, Reaction Junkie asked if I was in a toppy space. I’d been hitting someone pretty hard not too long before, but also I really like subbing for him, so I said I could be. It seemed like he wanted me to, so I resolved to try to keep my headspace. We headed out to take the train, and, as we left, Anderson Cooper called after us, “Have fun, you two!”, making me blush and smile. I like it when someone knows exactly what dirty dirty things I’m about to go get up to.
While we were waiting for the train, he started saying things to me, holding my hair, and generally being dommy. He started referencing the edgeplay I’m not allowed to tell anyone about, and I finally stopped him and ask him if he wanted me to top. I knew that if he kept doing what he was doing, it would render me unable to do so. He said he could go either way, I said that I could top, but then he just…kept doing those things and pushed me into a subby headspace. When we got on the train, we cuddled up and he started whispering terrible things in my ear about hurting me, killing me, raping me. About how nobody would even try to stop him if he just started beating me then and there. I was incredibly turned on and it was all I could do not to moan too loudly.
When we finally made it back to his place, he went into the kitchen while I took off my shoes. He asked me if I wanted water, and I said I did. He called me into the kitchen, telling me to come get it. I sighed to myself and thought, “He’s doing a thing.” When I walked into the kitchen, I found that I had been absolutely correct. He had a bowl filled with water and told me I was going to drink my water out of it, on the floor, no hands. Like an animal. That is my place, after all. I whined for a while, but I was always going to do it. It was new for me, and I tend to whine before doing new things, but when someone, especially someone with that level of control over me, tells me to do a thing, I do a thing.
He told me to drink it like a kitty, by lapping it up. I was thirsty and being a bit pert, so I asked if I could do it like a horse instead, since horses gulp. He agreed, although he did make me drink some of it “like a kitty” because he wanted to see it. When I’d drank most, but not all, of the water, I stopped. “Are you done?” he asked. I didn’t want more and I didn’t want to keep drinking off the floor, so I said, “Yes.” He repeated the question,“Are you done?” I whined that I couldn’t tell what question he was asking, if I was finished and didn’t want more, or if I had drank all of it. His tone changed when he asked the next time.“Are. You. Done?” I took a risk and said, “Yes.”
He picked up the bowl and grabbed a towel. “You know how we can check if you’re done?” he asked. I cringed, knowing I’d answered wrong. He dumped the rest of the water on my head, and I whimpered. Next time I’ll actually finish my water.
Now that I’d been properly put in my place, we went into his room. I stripped and went to the bathroom. He told me that when I was done pissing, I should spread my legs. I did as instructed, and he came in and pissed into the bowl through my legs. Some got on me, of course, and when he was done, he told me, in a disgusted tone, to clean myself off. I sighed, washed off, and brushed my teeth.
When I went back into the bedroom, he was already in bed. He motioned for me to kneel next to him and I complied. “I’ve reconsidered you letting me sleep in my bed. You can sleep at the foot of the bed.” he told me, noting that I was gross from being on the train and being pissed on. I felt a bit sad and let out a little noise. “Can you say there all night? he asked. I told him I didn’t know, and he seemed to pick up on the fact that not being allowed to cuddle up and sleep with him would have made me bad, and not in a good way, because he told me we could do it another time, he wanted a big spoon.
We cuddled up. I was super exhausted from all the fun I’ve been having, especially with him. He reached back and started playing with my cunt. I fell asleep with him touching me.
I like this kid. I slip into subspace ridiculously easily with him, and I love the rush of being afraid that I get when he tops me. It’s also fun to get to explore my dom side, even if I cede control to him at the slightest hint he’ll take it. Besides the kink stuff, he’s a genuinely interesting person and I really enjoy both having conversations with him and just listening to him talk. I’m excited to spend more time with him.
It’s been almost 2 years since I made a poston a whim that got way more traction than I could have everanticipated. I just wanted to find people closer to my own age who love books as much as I do.
Guess what? I found them. And the last 2 years have literally been life-changing thanks to their support, encouragement, and, of course, book recommendations.
If you’re over 18 years old and looking for a safe space to discuss books, cats, booze, or just life in general, swing by @adultbooklr or join our group chat via this link. We’re basically always around. Who doesn’t need a few more pocket friends?
note: if you are under18 years old and looking for a similar community, send me a message & I’ll point you in the right direction!
ps - aren’t you obsessed with this gorgeous illustration? <3
I made some super cool new friends recently! Their names are Skip and Zorah, after the last bite/dog attack incident I am not open to most dogs for exploring and play so Human tries to find me matches so I can still enjoy other dogs, and Skip and Zorah are absolutely great friends! Cant wait to see them again!
For those that are still unaware, Ice Castle Hasetsu does not exist in Karatsu. There is actually no rink in Karatsu. Instead, the building below the castle is Waseda Junior & Senior High School.
See?
But I digress. Let’s get a closer look at the Karatsu Castle grounds.
Now can I just take a moment to say that yes, I get he’s a professional athlete, so he’s already in superb shape. But after walking these stairs? Damn, Yuuri. Running up steps in general sucks. But duuuuude. These steps are all over the place.
There are gaps, they’re at slightly different heights. There were multiple times I almost face planted because I stopped looking down…and I was slowly walking! I’d kill myself if I tried to run up these steps. So my most sincere kudos to best boi for doing his exercises without tripping and dying.
Aaaand look who I found!
Did I totally take my selfie with the castle on the wrong side and the wrong hand in the shot?? You betcha I did!!!
┬┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴
┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴
┬┴┬┴┤ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴
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Please forgive me for that super fail…
…
…
INTO THE CASTLE WE GO!!
And once you get near the top, you see some familiar faces.
And!
AND!!
AND!!!
TWINSIES!!
*cough* ehem
Moving all the way to the top
Unfortunately, unlike the artwork, the roof extends out past the red railing, so I was not able to get a picture of the shachihoko, even with my selfie stick.
So I cheated and took a picture of the ones on the lower roofs.
Then, when you finally make your way downstairs, you see some more familiar faces, and a whole corner where you can blow even MOREmoney!
bank account cries
ALSO!
I MADE FRIENDS!!!
There were 3 other girls (one from Sweden, one from Portugal, and one from Switzerland…all in Yokohama for school) that were also there for YOI adventures. It was the second trip for 2 of them, and the first trip for the 3rd. We banded together.
Apparently they saw me first, but weren’t sure if they should talk to me. Then I saw them around the corner at the top of Karatsu Castle, but I wasn’t sure if I should approach them. So I continued to walk around the top level. And they hadn’t moved, so I ran into them. So I forced myself to be a social human being and say hello. It was a very, VERY wise decision.
We bonded over YOI. They spoke Japanese. I was saved from many awkward situations where I would’ve been otherwise lost with my essentially non-existent Japanese speaking skills.
