#desi aesthetic

Adhoora hoon main afsana, Jo yaad aaoon chale aana Mera jo haal hai tujh bin, Woh aakar dekhte jaana

Yeh laakhon gham yeh tanhaayi, Mohabbat ki yeh ruswaayi Kati aisi kai raatein, Na tum aaye na maut aayi

Dekhte hain tan mera, mann mein chubhti hain nazar. Honth sil jaate unke, narm honthon se magar. Ginti rehtii huun main apni karvaton ke silasile. Kya karun, Kaise kahun. Raat kab kaise dhale. Jiya jale jaan jale, nainon tale dhuaan chale. Raat bhar dhuaan chale.

They say when love befall on a woman, she turns mad and her eyes turn red. Lies and yet they aren’t untrue. I lie here, pricking at the helm of my skirt, glancing at the lamp, counting the time waiting for your return. Waiting and thinking about how you might set light afire on the edges of my skin again, how your lips sealed against mine will feel different tonight, how you fingertips will trace again the edges of my mehndi today which I have reapplied for your visual pleasure, even the mehndi on my feet will br crushed as the familiar pain arises. My heart burns and yet I cannot scream for this pain of passion must remain private lest people talk. My thousand confessions stand still at the tip of my tongue. My glances of forlorn are reserved for you and you only. So come soon, so we must be lighted unto each other.

(I watched Dil Se the other day, and realized this song was a masterpiece depicton of female passion and sexuality which isn’t talked about in our society much. So I needed to make a tribute ofc)

Happy Bihu folks (Assamese New Year)

Sitting in PG, with jetuka (henna) on my hands, missing my home as bihu approaches. You never realize the beauty of homeland until the separation hits.

Joi Aai Axom

Uthhti Nahi Hai Aankh Kisi Aur Ki Taraf, Paband Kar Gayi Hai Kisi Ki Najar Mujhe. Imaan Ki Toh Ye Hai Ke Imaan Ab Kahan, Kafir Banaa Gayi Teri Kafir Nazar Mujhe.

The eyes of a woman. A thousand secrets and a thousand tales. Do not get lost for dangers alike love lie in the lanes of their twine beads.

The eyes, Chico. They never lie.

Duniyaa Ne Ham Ko Diya Kya, Duniyaa Se Ham Ne Liyaa Kya. Ham Sab Ki Paravaah Karen Kyun, Sab Ne Hamara Kiya Kya

I remember watching Haré Rama Haré Krishna (1971) when I was a little over 10. And Janice played by Zeenat Aman was my most favorite character in the whole film. A young girl torn apart from her beloved brother, her only support system in a household riff with domestic violence and extra marital affairs and feuds between the elders who were her parents, Janice for me was my relatable character at a time when I was witnessing feuds in my own home and did not even have the mental capacity to understand it. I understood her, I did not even know what being a Hippie even meant, and yet I understood her. The desire to run away, not just from your torn household but also yourself still haunts me sometimes even though my situation has improved by a 180° degree these past years. She wasn’t able to find her self and by the time she realized the true identity of her brother Prashant, knowing he had witnessed her rock bottom, her most shameless yet shameful self, her complete inability to empathise with the “normal world” her brother belonged to, her depression, it was late. Too late. I understood her. Even though I am now doing better now than I ever thought I would, I sometimes wonder what would I have done if I were her. Would I have been able to bear through it all? Am I strong enough? To all the Janice girls out there, it does get better, have hope. I wish you all the best.

इतिहास के पन्नो में युद्ध भी है बुद्ध भी है. राग भी है द्वेष भी है. यह आपके व्यक्तिगत सोच पर निर्भर करता है कि आप अपने इतिहास से क्या सीखते है?

I went to Humanyun’s tomb.

Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours.

Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

My life lies at the tips of your fingers. A single kiss of skin and my world divine.