Oh to be the only daughter of the rich scholarly couple from 50’s India, driving a Morris Oxford to University, speaking fluent Hindi, Urdu, Bangla, English and French, lounging in my summer cottage in Shimla, going shopping with Anglo-Indian friends in the local market, either being the subject of envy or disdain of other women, smoking a cigg from my pearl studded gold case that was a gift to daddy from some royalty with one of my many flings, flying off to Paris for vacations, attending meetings with the top leaders and not giving a fuck about getting married because daddy’s rich enough to buy me a trophy husband. All this while clad in elegant yet sexy chiffon saree.
i wish i could hold my mom and cry i wish i could tell her how hard it is i wish she’d look at me and say that she’ll be there no matter what I wish she’d just ask me to take a break and not study for a while i wish my mom would hug me i wish could say how much i feel alone all the time i wish she’d say she’s with me i wish i could tell her everything seems hard i wish i could tell her i skipped dinner i wish i could tell her i feel sick all the time i wish she’d just look at me i wish she’d just hold me i wish i desperately want her to say that it’ll be okay i wish i wish
whenever i google a few people, the results instantly come up with their LinkedIn accounts and it makes me so.. insecure like ? if somebody ever ever googled me by the name my mom gave me there’ll be atleast 7 porn sites under my full name and 2600+ LinkedIn profiles and more than 1000 pictures of girls and they don’t even look like me remotely
i had goals and now i am a useless brain fucked anxious kid who sob, cry, weep, shed tears, wail, bawl, snivel, grieve, mourn, tear up every hour of the day
Hua hai aaj pehli baar jo aise muskuraya hoon Tumhe dekha toh jaana ye ke kyun duniya mein aaya hoon
Ye jaan lekar ke jaa meri tumhe jeene main aaya hoon Main tumse ishq karne ki ijaazat rab se laaya hoon
Maybe its been a thousand years since I fell in love with you. Maybe it’s been an era since I bound my lines of fate with yours. Maybe we never existed in flesh and blood. Maybe we are lines and dots of the world’s most beautiful poem. Forever etched on some parchments, fading at the same time. Who is God? What is God? God is us, our heartbeats, our mingled breaths, our falling tears, our confessions of love. Each passing day the universe burns in our passion and we fall deeper and deeper in this haze. You are me and I am you. Where do we begin and end? We are time embodied, eternity is our collective destiny.
रजनीगंधा फूल तुम्हारे , मेहेके यूँ ही जीवन में यूँ ही मेहेके प्रीत पिया की मेरे अनुरागी मन में
Your tuberose flowers for no reason emit aroma in my existence. And for no reason effuse my mate’s love in my devoted consciousness.
Hi. I am writing this in the middle of the night, more as a sort of remembrance for myself than as something for you. Chances are you might never see this letter, even though it is addressed to you. Today when I was waiting near the railway station for you, I made a sudden observation. I was restless. I was pushing my two thumbs together, slightly shaking my knee and glancing left and right. Then suddenly, when I was staring at the small chai stall near the station for a long time, it suddenly hit me that I was restless. Restless looking for you, if you had come, if you were coming, from which direction you were coming, what kind of expression were you carrying on your face and many other such questions. It struck me as a bit odd, at first. I am not used to feeling like this. I live an ordinary life, an ordinary home, an ordinary existence. People like us have very less to feel restless about. But, it’s nice, feels very…human. I smile more these days too. Do not mistake my smiles as frivolous, they are every bit as sincere as yours. Today this realization has made my heart feel full, like I do after a good meal made by my mother. Today’s meal for my heart has been your gift. Thank you.
ये गलियाँ ये चौबारा, यहाँ आना न दोबारा अब हम तो भए परदेसी के तेरा यहाँ कोई नहीं |
कल भी सूरज निकलेगा, कल भी पंछी गाएंगे सब तुझको दिखाई देंगे, पर हम न नज़र आएंगे |
आँचल में संजो लेना हमको, सपनों में बुला लेना हमको; अब हम तो भए परदेसी के तेरा यहाँ कोई नहीं |
ye galiya ye chaubara, yaha aana na dobara ab ham to bhaye pardesi ke tera yaha koi nahi
kal bhi suraj nikalega, kal bhi panchi gayenge sab tujhko dikhayi denge par ham na nazar aayenge
aanchal me sanjo lena hamko, sapno me bula lena humko; ab ham to bhaye pardesi ke tera yaha koi nahi
Tum ne jo ab apni khudgarzi me mujhko kho diya, ab duhaiyaan na dena. Toofan sare jo ab khatm ho chuke hai, aansuon ko apne sambhal kar kharch karna. Humari mohabbat ka sila jo judaai likh diya hai, humari dosti ko apne dil me humesha ke liye panah dena.
my being did, from love’s domain, the joy of life procure
obtained such cure for life’s travails, which itself had no cure
“Time was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be on. I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you.”
If only you knew how much of my day I spent thinking, wondering about you….every second seems to pass with an utterance of your name. Is it funny? Playing with my heart, knowing this idiot loves you more than she ever believed she could. Would this be funnier if you were able to read all the words in my diary? Don’t smile like that, the way you do when you play your tricks and then look at me to see if I witnessed them. My heart shatters across the curve of your lips. I love you. I want to scream it out loud. Will you listen?
(Quote From Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer)
किसकी दुनिया यहाँ तबाह नहीं, कौन है जिस के लब पे आह नहीं,
हुस्न पर दिल ज़रूर आयेगा, ज़िन्दगी आज नज़र मिलते ही लूट जाएगी
Whose world here isn’t left destroyed, Whose lips here doesn’t have a sigh.
Where there is beauty, the heart shall come, As these eyes shall meet life shall be finished.
Bhootnath had two women in his life, Chotti Bahu and Jabba. He loved them both, for both represented parts of himself he could never acknowledge in public. Jabba representing the fiery passion who went against all conventions to wait for him, and Chotti Bahu being the quiet yet fiesty woman who desired to not quietly accept her fate and work against it to achieve her love. They were similar yet different. Love works in many ways and Bhootnath knew that his heart lay where these women intersected. Isn’t this how we are? Intersecting and twisting our lines of fate to follow the people who we wish to follow to death in our love for them.
Made a playlist which basically (and hopefully) has Semi Classical songs that’ll make you feelgood and also have some element of vastness in them (coz these are the songs I would listen to while gazing at some beautiful monument)
Mentioned only Agra, Mathura and Rajasthan coz that’s the places I have been to most recently (in terms of places with beautiful historical monuments)
Also, I LOVE “A suitable boy” ’s cinematography, background music, aesthetics and of course TANYA MANIKTALA❤
