#dingka
FIC: Wherein Sheila King is Trying Her Best, Y’all (MLB, Dingo File)
Rating: M / PG-16 / Older Teen
Characters/Pairings: Brielle Girard (OC), Dingo King (OC), Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Sheila King (OC); Luka Couffaine & Dingo King, Luka Couffaine/Dingo King (according to Sheila), Dingo King/Brielle Girard, Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Teenage Boys/Food
Summary: Sheila King is convinced her son is hiding his new boyfriend from her. There have just been too many Instances lately, no matter what either of the boys say. She doesn’t care that Perry is ‘in love’ with the artist or Luka is supposedly ‘dating’ that baker’s girl. There’s just no way hummus can be as good as her boys are claiming, dang it, and she’s determined to get to the bottom of things.
Author’s Notes/Warnings:There was this post on Tumblr, and I sent it to Mal saying “Convince me this isn’t a Dingo File”, and she very much did not convince me it wasn’t a Dingo File. (Even contributed, dare I say, by pointing out that Anarka would just pound on the door and remind them to use the condoms she bought him. And by reminding me of dessert hummus. And…you know what, this didn’t start out as a Dammit Mal, but somewhere along the way I lost complete control of Dingo’s mum and I feel like it kinda became a Dammit Mal, so dammit, Mal. )
“Wherein Sheila King is Trying Her Best, Y’all”
“N-nah, mate,” he coughed, gasping. “Too…too much.”
“I love it,” Luka answered, his voice low and sounding like he was lost in…ahem.
Six Sentence Sunday: Mayday 2022
I was hoping to get this up today, but I’m still tweaking stuff & that might not happen? Idek what this shitpost!fic is anymore.
“I wasn’t expecting you home, either, Perry,“ [Sheila said,] "with…your friends…”
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously at said ‘friends’, and she found herself questioning her son’s sexuality all over again. She knew he was sleeping with Luka, but both he and Luka claimed Luka was with Marinette, and Perry also claimed he was dating the Gir…Brielle. And they had all apparently thought they’d have the flat to themselves for the afternoon. Perry had been looking for a movie, but…
“…Mum, whatever you’re about to say…” Perry sighed, scrubbing at his face, “…I’m begging you. Don’t.”
WIP Wednesday: 4/27/22
Me, Sunday, high off Spring Break and a week away from work: “YEAH I’LL TOTALLY HAVE THIS SHITPOSTFIC READY TO GO UP WEDNESDAY!”
Me, Wednesday, crawling through the door and not even sure she’s spelling ‘Wednesday’ right anymore serious does that word look weird to anyone else: “…blegh here’s the rest of that scene fic’ll happen when it happens.”
“Oh my God, this is amazing.”
Sheila King froze outside her son’s bedroom door. Her son’s closed bedroom door. The laundry basket on her hip was completely forgotten as she heard said son moan. And then his best mate ask in a raspy voice: “…what if we tried it like this?”
She turned towards the door, eyes wide, as a moment of silence passed. She slowly approached the door, her hand reaching for the knob, and froze again when Perry started gagging.
“N-nah, mate,” he coughed, gasping. “Too…too much.”
“I love it,” Luka answered, his voice low and sounding like he was lost in…ahem.
Sheila’s hand returned to her laundry basket, her face burning as she realized what exactly was going on behind that door. She pivoted away from the door and continued on her way to her own bedroom, ready to put the folded washing away. And blast the first CD she could find. To give her son and his friend (boyfriend, boyfriend, they were finallyboyfriends!) the privacy they deserved.
She closed her door a little louder than she probably could have, if for no other reason than to (hopefully) bring their attention to the fact that they were no longer alone.
She was halfway through putting her basket away when she heard Perry’s door open and voices retreating down the hall. She pursed her lips as she considered the small stain on the breast of her husband’s tan cardigan that she could never seem to get out. As happy as she was for Perry and Luka – she had been expecting this day for years – that had seemed awfully…quick. Perhaps she had…ahem…ruined the mood by slamming the door? Maybe neither had been comfortable continuing with her just down the hall. Or maybe…oh, goodness. Had the condom broke? Had they run out?
…oh, dear. She knew they were both boys – young men – and didn’t have to worry about pregnancy, but just because Luka couldn’t get Perry pregnant (…or vice-versa, Luka might enjoy bottoming, she didn’t judge!) they should still be using condoms. They knew to use condoms, right?
It had just occurred to her that Peregrinehad had the sex talk with their son, not her, and he was so…what with how he was raised…well. She just wasn’t sure his sex talk had included the gay sex talk, is all. She had never thought to confirm that with him, even after Perry and Luka had started spending so much time together.
When she heard Perry coming back up the hall a few minutes later (alone, so she assumed Luka had gone home), she dropped the cardigan she was still fiddling with and rushed towards the door.
“Perry, sweetie, can we talk?” she asked, catching him right as he was about to go into his room. He paused, a hand on his knob…on the door, and blinked at her. He didn’t look embarrassed at all, thank goodness. Just confused.
“Sure, Mum,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and walking over to her. “What’s up?”
She took a breath and pressed her hands together. If she was a particularly religious woman, it would look like she was praying. She put her fingertips to her lips, her thumbs beneath her chin, and leveled her beloved son with a Look.
…Sheila King had never been the best at giving Looks, not like Anarka Couffaine – or even Juleka Couffaine – was, so she wasn’t terribly surprised when Perry’s expression remained…somewhat blank.
“I heard Luka was here,” she finally said, slowly. Perry blinked at her, his expression still mostly blank. “With you.”
“…yeah?” Perry said, nodding. Sheila swallowed. Oh, dear. He was going to make her spell it out for him, wasn’t he?
“In your room,” she continued, inclining her head towards him. “Alone.”
“…er, yeah?” Perry said again, drawing the word out as he nodded. “We’re alone in my room all the time, Mum. You’ve never been weird about it before. It’s just Luka.”
“Well, yes, sweetie, I know it’s just Luka, but that’s the…not problem! It’s not a problem – not at all!” she said, waving her hands as Perry’s eyebrows rose and his mouth dropped open. Oh, thank goodness. He seemed to be getting it. “I’m very happy for you both – you know I adore Luka! It’s just…well…I don’t want to pry, Perry, but…he seemed to leave in a bit of a hurry.”
“Er, yeah,” he said, nodding. “Marinette texted him. Something about her dad getting a flat and not being able to pick her up. And it’s raining, so…you know he wouldn’t just leave her stranded.”
“I know, I know, he’s a good boy,” she said, nodding. “Man! A good man. A nice, good, proper, young man. Always there to help a friend.”
Perry snorted and muttered something she didn’t quite catch. She pushed out a breath and barreled on.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I know this is awkward, talking about such things with your mum, it’s just…I love you and want to make sure you’re being safe,” she said. He froze, his eyes bugging open as his jaw dropped.
“…aboutwhat?” he asked after a moment, shaking his head.
“AboutLuka, sweetie,” she said, taking the few steps down the hall to reach him. She grasped his hands and squeezed, smiling reassuringly at him. “I know. You two are young and in love – it’s natural. Normal. Expected. I don’t mind at all, Perry – sex is beautiful. Just promise me you’re being safe. You are using condoms, right?”
“…fuckingwhat?” Perry squawked, his eyes getting so large she was afraid they’d pop right out of his head. She pursed her lips and squeezed his hands.
“For the sex,” she said, nodding towards his door. “That you and Luka are having. You are being safe, right, Perry?”
“When…when were…Luka and I were…fucking what?” he spluttered, shaking his head. His eyes were still impossibly wide, his pupils so small all she could see was the beautiful brown he’d inherited from her.
“Oh, don’t be so shy, Perry – I told you I’m not mad! It’s normal!” she sighed, swinging their hands between them. “I heard you two just now, before he had to leave!”
She leaned in and smiled, giving him a conspiratorial wink.
“I think that Marinette girl owes you two a date night,” she said. She jumped as Perry ripped his hands away from her, shuddering.
“Mum, no! God, no! No, no, no!” he said, shaking his head. “We weren’t…Luka’s my mate! I love him to death, but not enough to fuck him!”
“Perry, language!” she scolded, and he groaned as he rubbed at his face. “And what do you mean you weren’t? I heard you! Talking about…things!”
“About the hummus, Mum!” Perry cried. She blinked, pausing as she processed what he’d said. Hummus…? “We were just noodling – not like that, Mum, it’s a music thing – and we got hungry, and Luka’s never had hummus before, so we were eating hummus! Not each other! I mean…shit!”
His face was turning as red as his shorts.
“But…you said he was too much…” she said, shaking her head. “And then you started coughing, like…”
His face was redder than his shorts now. He whirled around and stormed into his room, leaving the door wide open behind him. His bed certainly didn’t look like they’d been…up to anything…and a moment later he was storming back out, a container of hummus in one hand and a tin of diced chiles in the other.
“Because Lulu is fucking weird and likes to put actual fire in his mouth,” Perry grumped, waving the tin at her, “and I am apparently a wimp that can’t.”
“…oh, you actually were eating hummus…” she said, her face growing warm as he glared at her. She bit her lip and studied his face. He looked embarrassed, and maybe a little angry, but he didn’t look like he was lying to her… “Sweetie, are you sure that’s…all you were doing? You both sounded…”
“Oh my God, Mum, he has a girlfriend! Ihave a girlfriend!” he cried, throwing his hands above his head and dropping the containers he’d been holding. “Who has so far given me no reason to need condoms, but yes, when she does I’m sure we’ll use plenty! God!”
He whirled around and stalked back into his room, slamming the door behind him.
Sheila frowned and bent to pick up the hummus and chiles. She knew what Perry had said, and yet…
She just wasn’t fully convinced.
I was gonna save this for WIP Wednesday, but at the rate this fic is going I might actually be posting it Wednesday. So I guess Dingka is happening? Lingo? Lukgo? Blue Shades? Dumb & Dumber?
“Oh my God, this is amazing.”
Sheila King froze outside her son’s bedroom door. Her son’s closed bedroom door. The laundry basket on her hip was completely forgotten as she heard said son moan. And then his best mate ask in a raspy voice: “…what if we tried it like this?”
She turned towards the door, eyes wide, as a moment of silence passed. She slowly approached the door, her hand reaching for the knob, and froze again when Perry started gagging.
“N-nah, mate,” he coughed, gasping. “Too…too much.”
“I love it,” Luka answered, his voice low and sounding like he was lost in…ahem.
Sheila’s hand returned to her laundry basket, her face burning as she realized what exactly was going on behind that door. She pivoted away from the door and continued on her way to her own bedroom, ready to put the folded washing away. And blast the first CD she could find. To give her son and his friend (boyfriend, boyfriend, they were finallyboyfriends!) the privacy they deserved.
