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Something I never knew -even as a trans disabled person- is that there is a Disability Day of Mourning every year on March 1st. Much like with Trans Day of Remembrance keeping a list of the trans victims of murder, a list of names of the KNOWN disabled victims of filicide (killed by caregivers and family) is kept and published on disability-memorial.org . They ALSO publish a tool kit to help you do something about it.

This year there are over 60 ~recorded~ victims of filicide. For a list of names please visit disability-memorial.org (also in the QR code). Disabled Hikers(instagram&facebook) also has posts which feature the list of names.

I keep stressing “KNOWN” victims because obviously the deaths of disabled people are usually seen as something else, even if they were caused by the mistreatment or embedded ableism of their family or doctors. I know of an autistic child, for instance… who passed away in his sleep while under the temporary care of extended family… Quite likely an unintended effect of over-dosing him on meds they were unfamiliar with that day “just to make him easier” (its all been said before) but in truth we will never know for sure. There are many unseen stories just like that.

And this is to say nothing of the deaths invoked by systemic ableism in other ways - or the subtle but fervent genocide of millions of disabled people who have been sacrificed to covid…

We all spend a lot of time on the internet. Please take at least a few minutes today while online to read the names and check out the Tool Kit.

disableism:

#DisabilityDayOfMourning - Today we remember our disability kin killed by their parents/family/guardians because they’re seen as a “burden” or to “release them”. That’s murder & too often there’s no justice. But I would also like to ask people to be aware of caregiver-neglect. And yes, caregiver-neglect often means parents & loved ones too. This is what nearly killed me & I didn’t say anything because I felt trapped & didn’t see a way out. Until my sister gave me one. But if she hadn’t noticed I needed help, I never would have said anything. I thought living with my mom* was my only choice, that she was the only person willing to take care of me. & that I had to live with neglect & abuse as it slowly killed me because I had no resources to get out & didn’t know where to turn.

If you see a disabled person in a bad situation, talk to them, offer to help them find resources. (Please don’t just call protective services - that’s stepping on their autonomy & could make the situation worse. Only report it if the disabled person is unable to communicate their wishes to you through some form of communication) - Otherwise you can talk to us, ask us what we need, help us get it. Show us there are options, that we don’t have to live with an abuser & be neglected to death.

Because sometimes they kill us outright, but other times it’s slow & torturous - while we too often listen to people around us say what a saint our caregiver is for carrying the burden of us & it makes us feel like there is no one we can turn to, to say “I think I’m dying. I think they’re killing me.”

Remember us today, help us every day.

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*the fact that my mom was mentally & physically ill herself doesn’t change that I suffered & nearly died. It might not have been 100% her fault, but I still suffer the c-ptsd from it everyday.

Today we remember disabled people who were murdered by their families for being a burden. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s an act of kindness. It’s murder without justice. And in these past few years, where the refrain has been “…yeah, but only people with underlying health conditions, right?”, as disabled people have been the victims of this virus & the neglect of those unwilling to take the barest precautions to protect us, we have far heavier hearts to carry. Not to mention the abuse & neglect that far too many disabled, chronically ill & neurodiverse people suffer at the hands of their caregivers - & yes, that includes family & loved ones. I’m asking you to take the time to look through the #DisabilityDayOfMourning tag, to search it on the internet and read what people have to say. And to think about what you would do if someone you know was murdered by a loved one simply for being disabled. Today we mourn, tomorrow we fight on.

#DisabilityDayOfMourning Have you ever read a news story where a mother has killed her disabled or autistic child? Was it phrased as the mother being overwhelmed, at the end of her rope, out of options, didn’t know what else to do? Did you find yourself empathizing with her, feeling bad for her, hoping her life could find some peace? … You do know she’s a murderer, right? That the person you should feel bad for is the person she murdered? Yes, Murdered.

These news stories too often lean towards “that poor, poor mother” (or father, other family member or caregiver). They never seem to lean towards empathizing with the disabled person who was murdered. Why is that? Because disabled people are too often seen as “less than”, while the put-upon caregiver is not. Do I feel for the overwhelmed parent? Hell yes. Is the solution murder? Hell no. Does the disabled person ever get justice? Very, very rarely. Do we as a society learn from these events & start offering more services, money & help to both caregivers *and* disabled people? Very, very rarely. Should we do better? Yes. Can we do better? Yes.

In the name of all the disabled people who have been murdered by the very people who were meant to care for them…we can do better. And we should. #JusticeForTheDisabled

disableism:

#DisabilityDayOfMourning - Today we remember our disability kin killed by their parents/family/guardians because they’re seen as a “burden” or to “release them”. That’s murder & too often there’s no justice. But I would also like to ask people to be aware of caregiver-neglect. And yes, caregiver-neglect often means parents & loved ones too. This is what nearly killed me & I didn’t say anything because I felt trapped & didn’t see a way out. Until my sister gave me one. But if she hadn’t noticed I needed help, I never would have said anything. I thought living with my mom* was my only choice, that she was the only person willing to take care of me. & that I had to live with neglect & abuse as it slowly killed me because I had no resources to get out & didn’t know where to turn.

If you see a disabled person in a bad situation, talk to them, offer to help them find resources. (Please don’t just call protective services - that’s stepping on their autonomy & could make the situation worse. Only report it if the disabled person is unable to communicate their wishes to you through some form of communication) - Otherwise you can talk to us, ask us what we need, help us get it. Show us there are options, that we don’t have to live with an abuser & be neglected to death.

Because sometimes they kill us outright, but other times it’s slow & torturous - while we too often listen to people around us say what a saint our caregiver is for carrying the burden of us & it makes us feel like there is no one we can turn to, to say “I think I’m dying. I think they’re killing me.”

Remember us today, help us every day.

-

*the fact that my mom was mentally & physically ill herself doesn’t change that I suffered & nearly died. It might not have been 100% her fault, but I still suffer the c-ptsd from it everyday.

thatgirlwithadhd:

Today (March 1st) is the annual Disability Day of Mourning.

This is the day on which the disabled community remembers disabled people killed by their family/caregivers.

Here is the memorial site with information about victims. It’s very depressing so be warned, do not look if you’re not in an emotional place to handle it. But I think it’s good for everyone to know this site exists. These people deserve to be remembered.

Tumblr has a habit of posting my drafts/queued posts before they’re ready. This should’ve been for today, not yesterday.

Anyway. Today’s the day, but if I’m honest, I think about this website almost every day.

neurowonderful:

The following is a transcript of a speech written and presented by me, on March 1, 2018, at the Disability Day Of Mourning vigil that was hosted by Canadian Autistics United in New Westminster, BC. TW for filicide, murder, violent ableism.

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So, as Sam introduced, my name is Amythest. It’s my honour to be here today.

I am autistic, and I am chronically ill, and I am disabled. And every year I find it more difficult to speak on disability and filicide.

The challenge is this: How many ways can I come up with to say, “Please stop killing us”?

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This is a day of remembrance. This is a day of mourning. This is a day where we gather as a community and say, through our presence and our vigil, that we will not forget those who were lost, who were taken from us. We will not look away from this horror. We will witness, and we will grieve the loss of life, and we will not accept this.

Because this is also a day of judgment. This is a day of accountability. This is a day on which we lift our voices and call for justice; on which we affirm with our strength, our numbers, and our fire that this is not okay. That we are watching. That we demand better, and we won’t be silenced, and we stand together to demand protection under the law and full rights for every disabled person.

But how does this happen? It’s a question that’s asked a lot. How does this happen?

This happens because disabled lives are considered less valuable, less valid, and because disability is thought of as worse than death. Because disabled people are considered burdens, objects of pity or inspiration, as incomplete or extra or subhuman.

Ableism has been around a long time, but disabled people have been around longer. It’s been this way for a while, but it hasn’t always been so, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

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Tens of thousands of years ago— stay with me— there was a Neanderthal man who lived, who loved and was loved. We know from his skeleton that he was disabled at a young age and later incurred serious injuries and developed a joint disease that would have made daily life difficult and painful.

Researchers call him Shanidar-1, after the location where he was found. He died elderly and well cared for, at an age impressive even for non-disabled Neanderthals to reach. What that means that, disabled as he was, his life was considered valuable.

Although he could not contribute to group welfare in the same way was as his non-disabled peers could, he was still an important member. Shanidar-1 was cared for by his community for decades, and he is not alone. There are many other examples of early humans and pre-humans caring and providing for disabled individuals.

There is nothing natural, just, or fair about the way we treat disabled people today.

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Colonialism is not natural. Capitalism is not natural. Ableism is not natural, it is created and cultivated. They appeal to “nature” to justify their bigotry. They defend their position as oppressors with lies.

They say, “Survival of the fittest.”

They say, “Burdens on society.”

They say, “Unnatural, abnormal, to be corrected.”

And they are wrong. We are as natural as the Western Red Cedar. We have every right to be here. But oh, how they hate us and fear us, all the more when they can’t control us.

We are not burdens. We are not black holes. We are not broken, or bad luck, or better off dead. There is nothing true in their hatred. Their fear is not sacred. And their ignorance is not untouchable.

We will change the world, and they will change with it or be left behind.

I can’t speak to hate anymore.

Let me speak on love.

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Love moves mountains. Love is hard work. Love is labour, love is sacrifice. Love is giving, is healing, is changing. Love implements policy. Love demands justice.

Love listens and follows. Love is allyship, is uplifting, is empowering. Love must motivate what we do, always. Love should be our highest goal.

It is love that brings us here today. Love, and her sister Hope, and those beautiful daughters Anger and Courage.

It is love that illuminates fear and reveals it for what it is. It is love that combats hate, that calls for progress, that demands we do better.

It is love that drives us, because it has to be.

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And now I speak to every disabled person who is listening: You deserve the world. You deserve to experience its daily majesties and mundane miracles. What you can do matters. What you want is important. Your life has worth and value.

Together, here today, we affirm that we deserve to live. We are better alive than dead. We are just as human as they are. We are not alone, and together we are mighty. We have done and will do incredible things.

And to those we have lost to the violence of ableism, those named and unknown, those relative few accounted for and the countless lost to indifference and time: I am so sorry. You were wronged. You deserved so much better. We remember.

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What will they say about us? I know what I’d want the children of the future to hear from their teachers, to read from their books.

“The early 21st century was marked by the resurgence and new growth of the disability rights movement. At that time filicide was a systemic and frequently occurring horror, and yearly vigils were held to mourn the dead and call for justice from a biased system and a seemingly uncaring society. Though we find it difficult to imagine now, disabled people were forced to defend their humanity in the face of violent ableism and to beg for their very lives. We owe much of society’s advancement in human rights to the work of these disabled activists.”

I know that’s what I’d like to hear.

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We have a long way to go. This is uphill every way and we are opposed on all sides. But I look at the work of past and present activists, and I look at how far we’ve come, since Woodlands, and I believe. I believe we can achieve a future in which these vigils are a part of our history. In which the lives of disabled people are just as valued, cherished, and defended as non-disabled lives.

I believe that because I have to. Because we’re not alone. Because hope is kept alive by each one of us.

So when I want to hide, I show up. When I feel hopeless, I find reasons to hope in my community. And I challenge myself:

How many ways can I come up with to say, “Please stop killing us”?

Thank you.

CN: mentions of the murder of disabled people, filicide

March 1st is the Disability Day of Mourning. From March 1st 2021 to March 1st 2022 at least 56 disabled people between the ages of 10 months and 94 years were victims of filicide. Today we mourn the loss of those murdered by family and/or caregivers solely due to them being disabled.

The lives of disabled people aren’t viewed nearly with the same value as those who aren’t disabled. This needs to change. The human rights of disabled people need to be fought for. The value of a human life shouldn’t be measured by what they can and cannot do, but by the fact that they are human.