#disgusting little feminist bitch

Reaction Junkie and I just got back from a pre-con happy hour (which was hella fun, by the way). It’s late, so he stripped and went right to bed. I told him that he needed to brush his teeth.

He whined, and I told him again that he needed to do it. I had to repeat my instruction several times until finally he told me to bring him a toothbrush.

My mind immediately went to something MLAM and I had done. I asked Reaction Junkie if he wanted to spit into my mouth. In a tone that was a mixture of pleased and surprised, he said, “Yes! Bring me a toothbrush and a glass of water.”

I grinned and trotted to the bathroom to comply with his instructions. When I returned, I knelt by the bed, head bent back, mouth open. Reaction Junkie told me, “Don’t spill any,” and began brushing. As he did, he told me to get a towel.

I rushed out, grabbed a towel, and got on my knees again, waiting with my mouth open. When he finished brushing, he put his closed mouth next to my open one, and spit. I felt the mixture of toothpaste and spit hit my tongue.

I got up and went to the bathroom. As I left, he told me, “I’m not done yet,” so when I spit the contents of my mouth into the sink, I hurried back to resume my position on my knees by the bed.

Reaction Junkie swirled some water around in his mouth and then repeated his earlier action. It was mostly water now, but there was more of it. I almost spilled some, but managed not do as I hopped up and went back to the sink.

I returned to the bedroom to take his toothbrush and put it away for him. As I left, turned on by the objectification and the fact that I had been so useful, Reaction Junkie looked at me and told me what a disgusting slut I am for enjoying that kind of treatment. That just turned me on even more.

After complying with instructions to wash my mouth, I went back in to get a good night kiss. Reaction Junkie praised me for being useful and for taking my proper place as a waste receptical, a spitoon. I smiled, happy to be used to make his life easier.

littlefeministbitch:

Note: Below the break there is a lot of discussion of piss play. 
It’s fairly gross.

Keep reading

Throwback Thursday!

Remember that time that MLAM made me drink two shots of piss every time I peed for four days?

Definitely click through if you want some a nice story detailing me being a disgusting little pisswhore.

Note: Below the break there is a lot of discussion of piss play. 
It’s fairly gross.

As I said in my earlier post, I was not able to follow MLAM’s instructions for my first date with Former President.  I was told that I was not to piss until I got home from my date, and I pissed well before that.

When I left Former President’s apartment, I texted MLAM and told him that I hadn’t kept to his instructions. I’d tried very hard, but failed.  I told him that I felt terrible for disappointing him and that I understood I’d need to be punished. To be honest, the instruction to drink water and then not piss until I got back from my date was pretty emotionally taxing within the context of the play.  I wanted so badly to do what he said and to not be a disappointment, but I also wanted to be able to enjoy my time with Former President and not to have to cut it short. 

MLAM did tell me that I was a good girl and had the perfect response, which made me feel slightly better.  I tried to accurately express how I felt, and to do so the best way possible, since I had already failed once. 

When we had a Skype date the Monday after my date, MLAM told me that he had been thinking of a punishment for me. (While he was giving a presentation. Because obviously. I envy that boy’s brain, I swear) He told me that I needed to find a shot glass, and asked if I had any double-sized ones. I said I might not and asked if I could just use a paper bathroom cup.  He said no, since he wanted there to be more violation than that. He didn’t give any more information than that. I said I’d get a shot glass from where they were packed away and let him know when I had one. 

MLAM also informed me that I am now to do the same thing on all future first dates, drink a bottle of water before I go, and to not piss until I get home.

I told Legal Lolita and Breastie about what he had said and guessed with them that this punishment was that it was going to be having to drink a shot of piss, or something like that.  I was ready and willing to do so.  Boy, did I underestimate MLAM.

On Wednesday, I found my shot glasses and brought them up to my room.  I texted MLAM to tell him, but noted that I was going to be staying in a hotel with my parents from Thursday through Sunday.  He responded, “I don’t mind where you are, pisswhore.” and told me that I needed to keep the shot glass with me and drink at least 5 bottles of water a day.  Each time I peed for two days, starting the next day, I was to drink a shot glass full of it.  He said, “This is to remind you that I have control over what goes in AND out of your body, cunt.”

I said “Yes, sir.  Of course.” and told him that I did not have a double shot glass. I asked if I should use an espresso cup or if a normal shot glass was acceptable. And I told him that I assumed I should pick a shot glass with emotional significance.

He told me that I could use a normal shot glass, but that I’d need to do two shots each time, and that yes, he wanted me to feel as violated as possible while doing the punishment.

I picked this shot glass:

It’s one of my first shot glasses, I’m pretty sure I bought it while with close friends from undergrad, I used it throughout undergrad, and it’s definitely my favorite.  And of course, the idea of using a glass that praises vaginas while being punished and treated like a filthy pisswhore.

I woke up groggy the next morning and completely fucked up my very first chance to follow the punishment.  I texted MLAM and told him, apologizing and saying that I intended to do four shots the next time, unless he had something else he wanted me to do.  He did.  Now the punishment would be four days, not just two. That’s the whole time I was going to be in New York with family, which is always stressful.  I felt bad for being a dumb bitch and forgetting, but also was happy to have the punishment extended, as a distraction.  I thanked him for extending it and told him I both deserved it and appreciated the distraction. MLAM noted that the point was to have me drinking piss while with my parents, since “if we’re going to make you into a little fuck toy, might as well take away the sanctity of everything.”

The first time I actually abided by the punishment was when my dad and I stopped to get food on the way to New York. Luckily the bathroom was an individual one, because it was supa gross. I did the first shot quickly, without thinking, because I was worried about doing all four before I was done pissing.  The temperature and the taste threw me, but I did the second one without too much difficulty.  The third and the fourth ones were hard, though. I felt nauseated and spit up after the fourth one. Unsurprisingly, hot, bad tasting, salty liquids aren’t pleasant to do shots of. I noticed afterwards that I had spilled piss on myself and on my clothes, which made me feel even more disgusting. After that, I made sure to take off at least my shirt, or my entire dress. Doing four shots instead of two was definitely a good punishment for fucking up the first time I pissed, because it was almost too much.

I started drinking even more water after that, since it had been so disgusting that I was worried about vomiting. I talked with Legal Lolita and Breastie about how gross it was, and Legal Lolita suggested I think of it as broth. That actually did help, in a way, since I put it in a different mental category, which made the temperature less disconcerting. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat/drink broth again, though. Breastie thought I’d adjust to it, and actually, I did.  Fun fact: When you drink water almost constantly, your urine gets super dilute and almost tasteless. I don’t think I’ve ever been as hydrated as I was the four days of the punishment.

At the end of the first day of punishment, MLAM and I Skyped for a little while, which turned incredibly hot when I said that I wouldn’t be so slutty on first dates anymore, because of the punishment for pissing on them. He responded by doing this mean/derisive/dismissive laugh and saying this really fucking sexy thing about me being a slut with giving up all three holes to Former President and how I pretend to think that I have value, that women are equal, that I use the word heteronormativity without giggling, etc. but just get me near a guy and I spread my legs and undo everything other bitches have tried to accomplish. I was sitting in a public area in the hotel and I was so incredibly turned on and hot and hoooo does he know how to turn on this little feminist bitch. Skyping was also nice and reassuring, because I was feeling a bit uncomfortable and unsettled after a day of the punishment.

I didn’t fuck up again during the four days, and ended up drinking my own piss in my aunt’s bathroom, the hotel bathroom I shared with my parents, a bathroom at the DMV, at a restaurant I was at with my Aunt, a couple other restaurants, and once in a crowded rest stop bathroom. I did the best I could to make sure the shots were large enough, and if I noticed that the first one hadn’t been, I’d do an additional half a shot or more to make up for it.

At one point during the four days, MLAM asked me how I was enjoying drinking my own piss. I told him that that was a strong word for how I felt about drinking it. What I did enjoy, however, was the extreme invasiveness of the punishment.  I was worried about pissing long enough to do both shots and about the taste, so I stayed ultra hydrated the entire time. That meant that I carried my water bottle everywhere, and pissed every few hours (or even more often than that). I even woke up once or twice per night. I wasn’t able to forget for even a moment that I’m a disgusting pisswhore, or that I brought the punishment on myself because I didn’t follow simple instructions and pissed on my date.

Now that it’s basically over, I’m glad I didn’t balk and that I accepted a fitting and well-deserved punishment. This isn’t something I’d do with most partners, or maybe even any other partners, but pushing myself that far for MLAM makes me feel like a good little bitch. I’ve learned my lesson, and I will be changing my behavior on first dates/first-date-like situations. They might be shorter, and they will definitely be less sexual. Although I don’t know if he originally had that result in mind when he gave me that order, this kind of behavior change is a pretty major instance of me altering my life for and giving up control to MLAM. I’m willing to have my interactions with other potential partners be different than they otherwise would be. In deference to an instruction he’s given me. Because of the control that I’ve given up to him. Out of respect for the power he has over me. In order to please him. To be good for him.

It makes me feel owned and possessed. It’s a wonderful feeling.