#knowing my place
Reaction Junkie and I just got back from a pre-con happy hour (which was hella fun, by the way). It’s late, so he stripped and went right to bed. I told him that he needed to brush his teeth.
He whined, and I told him again that he needed to do it. I had to repeat my instruction several times until finally he told me to bring him a toothbrush.
My mind immediately went to something MLAM and I had done. I asked Reaction Junkie if he wanted to spit into my mouth. In a tone that was a mixture of pleased and surprised, he said, “Yes! Bring me a toothbrush and a glass of water.”
I grinned and trotted to the bathroom to comply with his instructions. When I returned, I knelt by the bed, head bent back, mouth open. Reaction Junkie told me, “Don’t spill any,” and began brushing. As he did, he told me to get a towel.
I rushed out, grabbed a towel, and got on my knees again, waiting with my mouth open. When he finished brushing, he put his closed mouth next to my open one, and spit. I felt the mixture of toothpaste and spit hit my tongue.
I got up and went to the bathroom. As I left, he told me, “I’m not done yet,” so when I spit the contents of my mouth into the sink, I hurried back to resume my position on my knees by the bed.
Reaction Junkie swirled some water around in his mouth and then repeated his earlier action. It was mostly water now, but there was more of it. I almost spilled some, but managed not do as I hopped up and went back to the sink.
I returned to the bedroom to take his toothbrush and put it away for him. As I left, turned on by the objectification and the fact that I had been so useful, Reaction Junkie looked at me and told me what a disgusting slut I am for enjoying that kind of treatment. That just turned me on even more.
After complying with instructions to wash my mouth, I went back in to get a good night kiss. Reaction Junkie praised me for being useful and for taking my proper place as a waste receptical, a spitoon. I smiled, happy to be used to make his life easier.
Daily Picture Assignment #92
My nicely bruised butt after the con this weekend..
I’m exhausted and dropping from the con this weekend. Overall, I’m really glad I went. There were some bad times, including some really low points, but on balance it was a lot of fun. I played with a lot of different people, and went to some useful classes.
I actually barely played with Reaction Junkie, which was disappointing, but did eventually lead to him resolving to play with me more at home, to take advantage of the amazing resource he has living with him.
I hope we’re able to follow through on that resolve. I miss being used by and useful to him. Not only does it make me feel needed and wanted, it makes me more cognizant of my place and my role.
I’m going to help him remember to take advantage of me, in all possible meanings of that phrase. He can use me as a fucktoy, three holes and a heartbeat. He can use me as a shoe remover. He can use me as a punching bag to get out frustrations. He can use me as a housekeeper, have me cook and clean and do laundry. He can use me as a friend and lover, someone to talk to and share with. He can use me as a practice bottom to hone his rope skills on. He can use me as decoration, truss me up and keep me at his feet while he works or games or watches shows.
He can use me for all of these things and more. I’m going to remind him of the ways I can be useful to him everyday, especially when he seems to have forgotten. I’ll not only thank him for it, I’ll beg him to do it again and again and again.
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Daily Picture Assignment #76
I belong to Reaction Junkie. He’s my owner and I’m his property.
My purpose is to please and entertain him. My purpose whatever he says it is. It’s whatever he wants me to do in that moment. If he wants to use my holes (or gives me to other to use) and treat me like a fucktoy, then my purpose is to be a fucktoy. If he wants me to focus at work and do a good job, then my purpose is to be a productive professional. If he wants me to bring him water and do his laundry and cook him dinner and clean the apartment, then my purpose is to do service.
I am whatever he wants, no matter if he’s directly using me or if it’s something that turns me on. The very fact that Reaction Junkie wants me to behave in a certain way or do certain things should be motivation enough, a turn on in and of itself, regardless of the particular behavior or activity at hand.
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![Daily Picture Assignment #6[1.19.2015] A picture from this winter. I spent the evening wearing these](https://64.media.tumblr.com/99a36fbaf55b5c48d95b28e613cab82a/tumblr_npmtc9MN1Z1s8bp28o1_1280.jpg "Daily Picture Assignment #6[1.19.2015] A picture from this winter. I spent the evening wearing these")
Daily Picture Assignment #6
[1.19.2015]
A picture from this winter. I spent the evening wearing these shackles and cooking for Reaction Junkie. Out of all of the things he tells me to do, service-type tasks are the ones I push back on and whine about most. There are two main reasons for this.
For one, unlike the impact we do, or the more specific d/s-focused play we sometimes do, these things aren’t, except for cooking, very fun. The instructions and the tasks usually aren’t sexy or kinky in and of themselves. They’re straightforward orders to do things that just need to be done. Quotidian domestic tasks.
The other reason, which is just as, if not more, important, is the fact that, in contrast to the planned scenes we do at happy hours or parties, and the spontaneous “because we’re both in the mood” fun we have, these orders are often given at inopportune times. I might be grumpy from work, or tired, or having a rough time with depression or jealousy. I might even be mad at Reaction Junkie himself.
So, I resist and complain about these kinds of instructions because they aren’t fun or entertaining, and because I’m not always in the mood when they’re given.
Neither of those things should matter. I shouldn’t be doing what he tells me because it’s fun or sexy. I should be doing what he tells me simply because he’s telling me to do it. The instruction or the task needn’t be enjoyable or pleasurable. I should get pleasure knowing that I’m doing what my owner wants me to do.
As for not being in the mood, that should be irrelevant. I belong to Reaction Junkie. When he gives me an instruction, how I feel is immaterial. Even (especially) if the reason I’m not in the mood is that I’m upset with Reaction Junkie, I need to push past that and remember that he owns me. Possessions don’t get to decide if they “feel” like serving their purpose. I owe him my obedience no matter what.
Submissive and barefoot in the kitchen may not be every woman’s place, but it’s certainly mine.
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A few days after Reaction Junkie and I had our conversation about d/s, we stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work. In the car, he had taken a dominant tone with me, and he didn’t let a little thing like being in public prevent him from continuing. As we walked through the store, he kept grabbing me and whispering comments into my ear, reminding me of my place.
I was getting turned on by what he was doing and saying and Reaction Junkie could tell. He laughed at me a little, and asked if my cunt was clenching. He didn’t need to wait for my response to know the answer. Of course it was. I always get turned on when he exerts his dominance over me and reminds me that no matter what we do, at the end of the day, he owns me.
At one point, I knelt down to look at something on a bottom shelf. Reaction Junkie came over to stand next to me. He made some comment about me being on my knees, which obviously made me think about sucking his cock. Just as I was thinking that, he said, “Suck my cock.” I thought he meant over his clothes, and when I started to stand up to continue shopping, he said, “Suck my cock.”
At first I thought he meant for me to put my mouth on his crotch over his clothes. The idea of doing that made me a little nervous, and more than a little excited. Being seen doing that probably wouldn’t land him, or even me, in any trouble, but I would probably be too mortified to go back. I was about to ask if that’s what he meant for me to do, thinking I would definitely do it, despite my worries about doing so in public.
Before I could say anything, however, Reaction Junkie added to his command, “Take it out.” That threw me, since I didn’t know whether or not he meant it. Actually having his cock out in public could potentially negatively affect him, not just me. If I hadn’t been concerned about what consequences he might face, I would have immediately grabbed his cock and started sucking. As it was, however, I started to stand, deciding that he wasn’t serious. The look on his face made me uncertain again.
I returned to my knees, then tried to get up again. I went back and forth between kneeling and standing multiple times, not knowing what the right thing to do was. I tried to figure out from his expression what he wanted, even tried to ask a question, but Reaction Junkie just looked entertained, and I couldn’t figure out what to ask. He even added to the mindfuck, instructing me to stand and then ordering me to suck his cock in quick succession.
Being ordered around and being fucked with had me turned on and subby. I wanted so badly to obey, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Reaction Junkie had broken my brain.
He laughed and made fun of me for being unable to decide if I should get up or stay down, telling me how I looked, confused and stuck half-way between standing and kneeling. Finally, he told me I should stand. We finished grocery shopping, and the whole time he kept whispering to me about what had just happned. My desire to do what he’d commanded, my uncertainty, and my vascillation between standing and kneeling.
The fact that I would have sucked his cock in the aisle of the grocery store proved that I will follow his orders even if it would make life difficult for me. And fucking with my mind demonstrated that it isn’t just my body he owns. My mind is also his to do with as he will. He’d given me a perfect reminder of where I really stand (or, in this case, kneel) in our relationship.
