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impalalord:

We abducted humans.

To be fair, we abducted members of every new race. Abduct a small percentage of the population, expose them to some galactic prisoners, and we get a good idea of what germs, diseases, and viruses will make the jump between races. Do this over the course of a [roughly equivalent to a century], and you get a good idea of what there is, how quickly it mutates, etc. You also have the time to develop vaccines for any races that might be affected by the new race (including itself- we’re not heartless).

But we underestimated humans.

It was [roughly equivalent to four decades] into our testing of humanity. We picked up a human from his transport and placed him in a containment cell. He had some nutrients with him, and we picked that up too: less we had to feed him later.

But we underestimated the resourcefulness of humans.

Something went wrong- we think it was a door malfunction- and he escaped the cell. He disabled the guards easily (we suspect they were less alert than they should have been) and took their weapons. We locked all hatches, hoping to seal him in the laboratory wing. Unfortunately, he hacked the shipboard computer, gaining control of all systems. He made his way to the bridge, where he took the captain hostage. We offered him riches, technologies beyond human understanding.

But we underestimated the stubbornness of humans.

He was paid us no mind as he wrestled with the controls, as if on some quest. He punched numbers and figures into the console, and mumbled something about ‘being lit on fire’ by a superior. He set the ship down on the other side of the city from where he was picked up and opened the doors. We braced ourselves for a military confrontation, but it seemed like we were outside another human’s abode. He jumped out, carrying the nutrients with him.

We underestimated Domino’s 30-minute or free guarantee.

Twisted Pepperoni Doughballs

Twisted Pepperoni Doughballs


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Pepperoni Pizza

Pepperoni Pizza


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Think ima go home next week just becauseWanna have fun for free? Check out >>>

Think ima go home next week just becauseWanna have fun for free? Check out >>>


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This week marks a special landmark! Not only is it our 5th episode, it is the first one Bland completely did not remember recording!

This week’s episode focuses on the Olympics, Serena Williams' controversial victory dance, and the new Domino’s Pizza.

Also, is it okay to punch kids if they are trying to kill you? The answer depends on if they know the Daughter-lock. Apparently, it's equivalent to Octopus throwing. Yeah, this episode is wacky!

Oh and Bland has to pee! Thanks for listening!

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @one_is_done

@jaffemike

@iambland

Tried redesigning The Noid.But like nothing could beat the original horrible horrible mug.

Tried redesigning The Noid.

But like nothing could beat the original horrible horrible mug.


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